Brad Was Coy About His New Gig As KTLAs Mid-day Weatherman. True, It Was Somewhat Edgy. He Was The First

Brad was coy about his new gig as KTLA’s mid-day weatherman. True, it was somewhat edgy. He was the first new hire in decades without big boobs and a chihuahua but Brad drew the line at trailblazing. Los Angeles had seen this before. It just finally presented the weather.

The package deal Brad fronted arguably presented itself. It also got the badly needed UPS weather segment sponsorship as well as an in with the makers of Viagra and the Bowflex.

The producers at KTLA were most pumped up at the prospect of a POV cam for live weather reports from Coachella, Stage Coach and White Party. They did tho express concern for those Brad would be ‘interviewing’ given the inexplicable increase in risk for third arm induced black eye.

Brad was largely unfazed by all of it as he was already going to be at the festivals, and the new job simply meant he was getting paid as a host in addition to being a gogo dancer. He also had years of maneuvering experience under his belt which quelched much of the producers initial worry regarding the size of his whoo-ha.

That’s not to say the new gig didn’t throw Brad a few curve balls. For one, he was surprised to learn the local forecast got super gimmicky because there was essentially no weather to report in Southern California. He also had no idea ‘quelched’ and ‘whoo-ha’’ weren’t words.

What really threw Brad for a loop was the use of quotes with the word ‘interviewing’ by his new co-workers. The practice also confounded his boyfriend Chris. Interviewing was a real word!

As a burgeoning male model and exotic dancer, Brad needed every in.

No one could touch Luke’s shadow or his prized striped socks. The rest was fair game.

Chris wasn’t so keen on his boyfriend Brad’s ‘soccer mom’ comment. His breasts were perky without the need for a bra.

What did his neighbor Luke mean? Chris tried his best at everything. How could that possibly go wrong?

Luke put down his phone and let out a sigh. He then informed Chris ‘trying’ was exactly the problem. “Chris you were born adorable. You don’t need to be anything. Just be.”

Chris was still confused. “How come Brad didn’t get a lecture?”

Luke then informed Chris his boyfriend Brad wasn’t any more subtle or less offensive, just out of frame.

Brad text the photo of him in full costume over to his agent. Was the wardrobe 20th century ironic overkill or post-post-post modern Madonna blatancy?!

For Brad to really WERQ this Dollar Store photo shoot, he needed to know the backstory behind the costume and it’s designer, as well a passable fabricated construct of the social media campaign.

Who was the creator? What drove he/her/them? Influenced he/her/them? Inspired he/her/them? Made he/her/them who they are?

After wondering briefly if he left out too many pronouns, Brad then text the words “storytelling” “impact” and “authenticity” exactly five seconds apart. While he found intention rarely mattered in life, he knew buzz words always got you places.

Sooooo… Where was that exactly?

Brad would learn from AI that afternoon it was a public pool in the Valley about 20 min from Kim K's mansion in regular heavy traffic.

Five minutes later, his agent would call to commend him for 'the richness in texture of his texts.' Apparently, contrast was everything when it came to... well, everything.

Wowsers! Being all over the place was finally paying off.

Brad would gleefully repeat the phrase ‘texture of texts’ until just before dinner when his boyfriend Chris told him to ‘cut it out’ Full House style. Brad had just enough time to research the gesture on the internet before sitting down but couldn't decipher if it was offensive until he pushed his kale salad around the plate long enough to feel full himself. Then it just clicked.