Misinterpretation - Tumblr Posts
Chris told Brad he was pulling his leg. Brad knew Chris was joking because clearly he had two.
Brad and Chris knew exactly nothing about what they didn't know they were staring at indirectly.
Brad’s tummy kept making noise. Maybe it was trying to do the laundry. Chris hoped so. His mind was dirty. Sex obviously got in the way of any further intelligible conversation.
That was the last time Brad would go to a Pier 1. There was nothing there... Unlike his swimsuit. The full back coverage was really throwing him for a loop.
Brad and Chris. One of them speaks emoji.
The public beach just didn’t click with Brad. How was it his feet could wear thongs but his butt couldn’t? Brad saw nothing wrong with his body. No one could. He was living proof it was the train of thought was offensive. Just one more reason outside of perfection, people scared Brad more than anything. He was glad he wasn’t online. He’d have at least ten thongs on his credit card by now.
Brad’s speedo was once again money. Wasn’t there something he was supposed to loathe about that? Recycled fashion was redundant. Or was it reductive? Damn that Lady Gaga. Her relevance antics kept throwing Brad off. Tea sounded nice. “Yes. Raspberry beret. Thank u.”
In a random recall of the roof fiasco 2 days prior, Chris wondered if it was possible to lie while singing.
Chris felt fat. Maybe he was on organic overload. Until he was sure, eggs were officially back in the ‘bad’ court along with all the other flip flop foods.
Chris then wondered if eggs were included in the ban on thongs at the beach. Eggs were not explicitly mentioned on the sign. Then again, in this time and age ANYTHING could b explicit. U can’t even sneeze!
..Wait! Was THAT Y Chris felt fat?!? Looking back, Chris hadn’t sneezed once during the whole pandemic. He wasn’t like Brad who snotted every time he laughed really hard.
Ok. He’d def text Brad to c if FTD delivered. First, he needed 2 ask Siri if there were still enough bees 2 make flowers.
That. That right there Brad. What do u call it? An under the armpit thingy? It’s gotta have a name.
Brad was one of those flappy things from the Atlanta Olympics that you see now at a car dealership or a bank, but as a raver club kid at a pool party at the Millennium.
Like anyone, it was difficult for Brad to imagine anything more than a decade old as not happening @ the same time.
With their blog still market explicit, Brad and Chris’ rub a dub dub photo mix stunt seemed to only highlight their dirty minds not clean them.
Two weeks later, It would dawn on Brad brains were like cats. Neither could handle water. If only he could lick his brain. Then he could imagine clean exotic Tumblr-friendly things like crisp linens and liquid origami.
To his credit, Brad did sport liquid shorts… and who doesn’t secretly loathe linen?!?
Brad and Chris were SOOOO over the reflective lighting. 8 PA’s holding those silvery things seemed excessive.
Chris said even Slim Shady didn’t stand a chance here. Brad had two M&M’s melt in his hand. That’s when Brad asked Chris if M&M’s came in black and white.
The director, Shirley, cut in immediately. “Brad. They DON’T. Why don’t u go wash your hands OK?”
(Talking to herself) GOOD LORD.
“Ok. Take five people. Brad’s washing his hands…. With soap. You hear me Brad?!? One solid minute WITH SOAP. Will someone ensure he gets Siri on the timer…. Please.”
Shirley would ask for a raise that afternoon.
“There’s a party in the USA right now Y’ALL!!!”
Brad and Chis’ neighbor Luke met Molly Cyrus backstage not 20 minutes prior.
That 1st part somehow made sense, but how there’s a backstage at a cooperative yard sale on Brad and Chris’ driveway no one knew.
Brad and Chris’ 3rd runway show 2gether by far the most bizarre. Hecklers kept shouting “Bris” every time they hit the runway. As if.
They were two individual people who couldn’t tell eachother apart, thank u very much. Not some fancy shmancy side 4 a French combo meal.
Now what was up w/these tiny fly swatters? Perhaps they were meant for gnats.
Their new neighbor Becky didn’t get how Chris was suddenly Calvin Klein. Was she supposed to play along? Becky never could tell when Brad and Chris were serious. Did they know that’s who she assisted 4? She saw her boss enough @ work thank u.
Turns out Brad and Chris already knew of Becky’s connection. They met Calvin on that legendary flight to Geneva. Unfortunately, the airplane toilet room only fit 3 so the cabin boy had to kick Calvin out. That or he was straight. Neither Brad or Chris could remember. There was a lot going down and covering every base as to sexuality with any shred of efficiency at the very same second the term cis became a thing without any briefs just wasn’t happening.
That’s when Becky asked Brad and Chris if they wore anything other than Speedos and skimpy underwear. Two months now living next door and their matching square cut Prada swimmers at the cooperative garage sale were the closest thing to full coverage she’s seen.
Brad said that wasn’t true. He wore a neoprene harness last week to chop a kale salad he or Chris never ate. That was practically a shirt and the the food perfectly fine but as an American, it ended up in the garbage as it does.
Chris agreed but then stated he needed to backtrack as there was a Geneva correction. It wasn’t Calvin Klein that was in the toilet room prior but Janet Jackson. Chris always mixed those two up. Brad had yet to get that far. Years later, he was still coming down from the baby news. It really shocked Brad.
Chris then mentioned to Becky, by happenstance Brad had two bothers and two gay dads and went to an all boys school. All cards in the deck of life do play out. Most of us forget that. We must consider ourselves lucky when we run across a rare hand.
Looking at her phone, Becky excused herself citing an urgent need to purchase lottery tickets and to throw away the pot roast in the oven. She didn’t want people to think she was Canadian or something else horrific like French Canadian.
What the difference was beyond her, but she knew enough to not get involved with people who think ice is something to stand on. There weren’t that many Canadians and well, duh. Becky then mentioned Palm Springs was a way better Dry as who on Earth would ever build a respectable resort on tundra?
Grabbing her red knit shawl Becky nodded farewell to each of the boys and headed for the front door. Just before she closed it behind her, Becky spun around to answer her own question.
“No one. That’s who.”
Then in an instant she was gone.
You know, Becky was not anything Brad or Chris expected.
Brad wondered what life was like in his parallel universe. Was it exactly the same? Like EXACTLY? Or was it like Australia where everyone was left handed and the alphabet started with the letter ‘z’?
One thing for sure, unwinding the design concept for these men’s winter 2022 Caribbean Resort Floral Swim Briefs would be a lot easier if came from the Spring or Summer Collection.
Who grows roses in the tropics anyway?!? UGH.
Brad pounded his hand on the mirror in frustration. Mirror Brad did the exact same thing. Growing roses in the tropics didn’t make sense to him either. For once, Brad felt validated without needing to exit a car park. That felt nice.
That’s when Chris yelled from the bedroom, “Maybe they meant Rose from The Golden Girls? She grew old in Miami.”
Later when Chris was in the shower, Brad would ask Mirror Brad if they might take up sign language. Obviously, privacy was becoming an issue.
Chris stood in his pank speedos a bit shellshocked in the wake of Brad’s story. That NOT everything was better with BACON a real blow to the system. Then again, it was a reality check and confirmation modeling school at Barbizon proved a far better investment for himself than acquiring debt and parking tickets for four years. Not only did Chris work as model, he looked like one too. Chris then circled back to the BACON BIT. What were his six degrees in? It seemed like a lot but for whatever reason also relatable.
Brad had it. The new model intern, Jose was officially not fine and couldn’t see by any light at any time of day. Something needed to be done.
Chris suggested Jose.
Brad forgot to put on a shirt and pants. Brad did knot.