Hot Men In Speedos - Tumblr Posts

Chris was certain he was messing up the shoot. Being perfect was putting him under a lot of stress. So died that make him more than perfect or less? Whatever. There was something going with his hair.

Chris was on overload. First, florals for men’s winter swimwear. That could take two years to unwind. Second, no one was at the beach. Like no one. Vacancy always problematic. Third.....well, he couldn’t remember. That’s when Brad interjected & said Chris should consider auditioning 4 headache commercials.

Gustavio seemed a little full of himself. Neither Brad or Chris ever wore a watch. They didn’t have a tv nor felt it necessary to make weather people feel insecure about their jobs more than they already were. They did haute coture runway just as well if not better. So what if they were from America.

While Brad and Chris gallented in greener pastures, Gustavio furiously ran every red light. Admittedly, a feat in itself on an island without a single traffic signal. Now why did we start talking about this goon?

Oh yeah. He’s like REALLY HOT. Allegedly also a person just like us, Brad and Chris. Don't worry. We hold our doubts about us too. Namely who’s who. We can't tell ourselves. That’s how we know somethings real. Whut exactly is real TBD. TBA or just the T. Sometimes Y.

Whatev. Just horny right now. HEY. Who's THIS GUY?!?! He is... UGGHHH! Gustavio.

How the hell do eyes have corners anyway? Can we just NOT?!

There were so many things Brad wanted to say. Chris remained patient. Maybe Brad wanted to play doctor. That was always really fun.

Ok. It was official. The party was a bust. Chris was on his way back down 2 Brad still on the back patio 2 break the news:

1) No free drinks on the house, 2) the roof wasn't on fire, 3) nor was it made of tin OR rusted.

NONE of the claims true. WTF?! Who lies about THAT stuff? Whatever...

Just as Chris cleared the roof, disaster struck again. Chris’ package popped out of the $68 Andrew Christian Slim Swimmer Super Support Thong underneath his speedo. His bulge flooded outta control.

Oh great… U know, the LAST thing Chris needed was to give himself a black eye.

Brad and Chris couldn’t agree. UPS or USPS?!? Either way, Gustavio delivered a nice package. Hmmmmm. Yeah. Real nice.

“$$$ did grow on treez bcuz Chris waz $$$$”

Not 8 seconds later, Ethan Hawk flew out of nowhere to snag Chris’ left Birkenstock.

Come on people. This is funny stuff. We’re telling you now. This of course can change. Let’s see how long this moody trend lasts.

Gustavio! What was he doing standing in late summer corn in the middle of May??!

Brad thought he might be going for the half and half campaign. Chris assumed Gustavio was promoting Rachael Harmony.

Turns out Gustavio was the new spokesperson for a poorly circulated newspaper for the illiterate. Apparently, they paid in cigarettes.

Hmmmm. Chris thought it still seemed pretty shady, especially 4 Southern California. What did Brad think about Tumblr and their treatment of the bots over the gays?!

With each having profiles on grindr and active travel schedules, Brad and Chris knew it was only a matter of time before Gustavio and Luke hooked up.

Soooooo Luke showed up for a swim and apparently Charlie Cornered the notion of clever pockets on spendy exotic gay menswear. That put a damper on Brad and Chris’ Hot Pockets line. Well, it was cute for a minute. Luke’s ass just plain hot.

What? That’s not Luke but Brad? Well then which one am I? I’m guessing Chris or Luke. I’m not good with cameras tho so I must be Brad. Does that even make sense? My god. What is wrong with us?! One fine ass with a hot pocket and it’s over. It is mighty fine tho. You have to admit that.

🤍

Now why did Chris stand up? Something was off….

Just then, Brad tapped Chris on the shoulder from behind causing him to burst into an uncontrollable scream lasting a full 45 excruciating seconds. The tap simply wasn’t expected, and such things tripped Chris into overload since he could remember.

Luckily, Chris’ banging body bought enough brownie points for a gloss over by the immediate crowd, but things still felt tense.

Brad and Chris each took turns switching into thongs under the guise of a cheap and very thin towel for insurance. Smack dab in the middle of the gay beach, it did the trick. Helping diverge the unwanted attention was the location of the taco truck. What was it doing in the boys section?

Chris noted to Brad the taco truck would not always be there to help in such situations. It wasn’t exactly the type of help they wanted anyway. What would happen to them when they got old?

With that Brad grabbed the suntan lotion and offered to slather it all over Chris. They’d gotten this far didn’t they? They’d figure it out along with everyone else. Maybe that’s what Just The Fashion Tip was all about? They could always point to their good work when they got wrinkly.

Chris then suggested they could also move to South America. Ugly old men still flooded the airwaves there next to gorgeous women.

“See?” Said Brad. “Options exist, but I am telling you now all that make up is expensive and the last thing you want to do at 88 is wear an uncomfortable bra.”

Chris wasn’t sure exactly what happened but he knew is left cheek was sore. Or was it the right? Why wouldn’t this pain just go away?!

Ohhh Ouch. There it was again.

Well, that ruled out ‘left.’

Brad and Chris wore coordinated red and green swimmers for the 4th of December in Hot Christmas.

Better buds

Brad and Chris each suffered from a massive case of prune hands waiting for the lava flow to cool. Big Island. Big doozy. The Front Desk would hear about this after they got a local recommendation for Hawaiian BBQ. Now where were their flip flops?

Brad still didn't see the bathroom. Where was he supposed to pee? Climate change didn't move that quickly did it? Chris JUST pointed this way.

Chris stood in his pank speedos a bit shellshocked in the wake of Brad’s story. That NOT everything was better with BACON a real blow to the system. Then again, it was a reality check and confirmation modeling school at Barbizon proved a far better investment for himself than acquiring debt and parking tickets for four years. Not only did Chris work as model, he looked like one too. Chris then circled back to the BACON BIT. What were his six degrees in? It seemed like a lot but for whatever reason also relatable.

Wow. Chris never heard of Frank Sinatra before skimming across TIME Magazine’s 100 Skankiest People at the dentist’s office. Who knew there was a Kevin Spacey for the ladies? Well, Frank Sinatra was dead. Lol. Dead.

Oh. That could make for a good single. Chris could call the song ‘Not Kevin Spacey’ or maybe ‘Dead lol’. What about ‘No One Here Is Madonna (Still Mix)’ or ‘Point But Do & Do Not (The Sequel Mash-Up Part 4 & 9 But This Time 2 The Second Power Feat Annie Dope) Who wouldn’t buy that last track? Annie Dope didn’t even exist. Chris was THAT good at coining underground dance anthems.

Anyway, the track required itself to be something obviously super mainstream that lived underground adjacent but specifically not to the left. That area was already covered, remixed and put to bed by Ecnoyeb and her band The Living Mirror. Their album ‘Back At Me’ turned out to be about dirty penguins and therefore groundbreaking.

Chris was admittedly only vaguely familiar with the space. In reality, he and Brad existed in a gay bubble within a gay bubble with a foot in high fashion and a little known annex in Chelsea despite everything else being in LA. That was totally different. Still, it needed to be spelled out as most people were drunk or high when these things were referenced. The degree of difficulty in giving directions was exactly why their stomping grounds became so obscure.

BTW, it didn’t matter which foot was high just so long it was one. The person could also be high in totality as a foot would be included. Despite sounding exclusionary, the entire notion was actually cooperative as the last thing anyone needed was for some unassured queen to offend the neighbors in the bubble, bubblehood. Chris always liked to clarify these kinds of things to ensure the nuances of the underground culture didn’t get in the way of a good time.

Hmmmm. You know what? Chris would float this song idea past his friend Miss Kitten. It sounded like her.

Chris then caught himself changing in the dentist lobby as if he went to the gym. ‘Ugh.’ Automation really was overrated. It inherently left people out, and this time it was him.

Now putting his clothes back on, Chris would credit the save to the mindfulness of the receptionist lady. She had an eye for Chris and wore a finicky retro pin-up cone bra. She was hot in her own light and definitely not Madonna. Nobody there was.

You know, Portugal was lasting longer than most expected. Chris would talk to Brad that night about a possible annex, annex across the pond. It might be a good investment. It was not difficult to imagine Madonna’s kids were not dying to get out of that house and had $$. Oscar de PayRenta may just serve everyone.

That’s when the receptionist informed Chris his appt was for the next day. She tried to tell him earlier when he was talking to himself in his undies and didn’t get thru. The underwear VURRRY cute and nothing incriminating said, so Chris need not to insert any worry there. The two others in the waiting area were fine. She saw they were half intimidated by his body and half shocked so came out to tap Chris on the shoulder.

‘Well, hello.’