Hurt - Tumblr Posts - Page 2
Taking Over Me | Aizawa Shota x Reader
Part One | Part Two | Part Three |
Tags/Warnings ~ Fem!Guardian Angel!Reader, canon typical violence, character injury, angst, hurt, comfort, fluff, medium-slow burn because Shota is bad at feelings, more tags to come as the story develops..
Note ~ Hi, Lovelies! Here's the next part of the story, I hope that you all enjoy! And if y'all could, please send some motivational vibes my way because I am sorely lacking! Anyway, I love and appreciate you all, My Lovelies! <3
You sit at the end of Shota’s hospital bed watching him sleep. It wasn’t long after arriving at the hospital that his translucent figure flickered harshly, then vanished. Much to your relief, his ghostly apparition’s disappearance only meant that his soul firmly planted itself back into his body. But sitting cross-legged at his feet, your eyes tracing the bandages covering his face, you still feel such a strong sense of failure. Along with the failure is a new, unfamiliar feeling.. loneliness.
The day passed with Shota stuck in a deep, medication-induced slumber. Doctors and nurses came in and out of the room to check on him. At one point, Hizashi came by to sit at Shota’s bedside and quietly cry for a bit. You had spoken some with his Protector, the being feeling it necessary to commend you on all of your efforts to keep Shota safe during the attack. Despite your feelings on the matter, you thanked the other Protector for their kind words. When Hizashi was told that he had to leave for the night, his Protector bid you farewell and you nodded your head to them as they left.
The hours tick by slower than you’ve ever felt before, but soon enough light from the full moon outside casts a wondrous glow in the room. You marvel at it as you sometimes do since beings such as yourself don’t require sleep. After a while, the feeling of being watched pulls your attention from the window. You look first toward the door, wondering if a nurse and their Protector had somehow sneaked into the room. Seeing no other being, you slowly turn your gaze to Shota’s face, eyes widening as they meet his partially opened ones.
“Do you sit at my feet like a cat every night?” He asks, his voice barely above a whisper as he continues looking at you with lidded eyes. A cross between a scoff and a bewildered laugh leaves your mouth. You choose to ignore your confusion, obviously something about this lifetime is different, even if you don’t know what or why.
“I do not… Oftentimes, I stand at a window and observe the night… I can move if you are uncomfortable with my current position…” You offer, already preparing to stand.
“No… The static feeling of your presence is.. nice.” He whispers as his eyes slip shut, his breathing deepening to the usual cadence it takes when he’s asleep.
‘He.. he can feel my presence..?’ You ask yourself as you sit in silent shock. You shift back into your original position and wish that there was someone or some other being you could hurl all of your questions at.
~~~~~~~~~~
Both you and Hizashi’s Protector stand near the window as the two humans talk. Hizashi had arrived earlier this morning just before Shota woke up, so you didn’t have the chance to test if he could truly still see and talk to you. You now find the test unnecessary with Shota’s eyes occasionally drifting in your direction every now and then. By the nth time Shota’s dark eyes meet yours, you’ve had enough of your fellow Protector’s questioning looks.
“I am just as confused as you are…” You tell them, pulling your eyes from Shota’s to look at the Protector you’ve known for a good fifteen years by now.
“So, he can see you…” Akari states rather than asks, and you nod your head.
“When he.. when he was dying yesterday.. his soul separated from his body and we were able to talk to one another… I do not understand why.. and when he was brought here, and his soul re-bound itself to his body, he was still able to see and talk to me… The whole situation has left me truly.. puzzled…” You explain, finding it a struggle to get the words “he was dying” out of your mouth. The guilt and shame that you’ve had to repeatedly shove down worming their way back to the surface along with your confusion.
“That is quite peculiar… Is.. is this your first pairing with his soul?…” Akari’s hesitant question catches you off guard, and you look at them with a stunned expression.
“N-no, but.. have you had repeats as well?…” You whisper, desperate to know if this sort of thing has happened to any other Protector. It’s Akari’s turn to look stunned, and a look of relief washes over their features.
They cast a glance over at Hizashi before looking back to you with a small smile, “Only with Hizashi’s soul… This is my third lifetime as his Protector…”
Akari’s admission draws a gasp from your mouth, and you can’t help but feel relieved that another one of your kind knows some of what you’re going through. Feeling Shota’s eyes on you, you turn to meet his questioning gaze. You shake your head slightly, silently telling him that you’ll talk with him later. He stares at you for another moment before looking back toward Hizashi.
“This is my fourth lifetime as Shota’s Protector… I was beginning to think I was the only one experiencing this.. and I never felt the need to ask any other Protector about it… I simply figured that it was just part of the job…” Akari nods their head in relation to your words and casts another glance at Hizashi.
“What do you think is the reasoning for it?…” They quietly ask, as if voicing their question any louder would make everything fall away and send them off to another pairing.
Your own gaze wanders to Shota, a small smile pulling at your lips at his feigned annoyance over whatever Hizashi said, “I am not quite sure.. but whatever the reason may be.. I am just happy to be Shota’s Protector…”
~~~~~~~~~~
It’s early evening when Hizashi takes his leave, promising to come back tomorrow morning to pick up Shota when he’s discharged. You gaze out the window as a nurse comes into Shota’s room and feeds him dinner. With his arms in casts, the nurse has to actually feed him and now that he can see you, you figure that you won’t hurt his dignity more by watching him be fed. It’s only when you hear the door close behind the nurse that you make your way back to his bedside.
Shota eyes you for a moment before carefully leaning his head back on the pillow and closing his eyes with a tired sigh, “You can sit down if you’d like.”
Wordlessly, you accept the invitation and sit cross-legged on the spot where he had made space for you at the end of his bed. Absentmindedly, your eyes trace the paths of his bandages like you’ve done a hundred times over since he’s been in the hospital. Sensing your eyes on him, Shota opens his and studies you for a moment or two.
“Stop it.” He demands in a firm yet gentle tone, and your gaze pulls from his bandages to meet his stern one.
“What?…” You question, slightly confused, and he lets out another sigh.
“Stop beating yourself up.” He clarifies before continuing, “You did more than enough to protect me back at the USJ. I put myself in this bed. Not you. Me.”
Biting your lip, you search Shota’s eyes for the blame you feel you deserve, but all you find is the firm resolve that was in his tone, “If.. if you insist…” You relent quietly, a bit of doubt still laced in your tone. Taking what he can get, Shota lets the matter go for now and chooses to move the conversation along.
“Earlier, when Hizashi was here, I assume you were talking to his..” Shota pauses to think about what to call you and your kind.
“The term ‘Protector’ works just fine, Shota… Most of us refer to each other as such, anyway…” You provide with a small smile, appreciating his effort to call your kind by the “correct” name.
“Okay, then.. You were talking to his Protector? I couldn’t see or hear them like I can with you, but I figured you weren’t just talking to yourself.” Shota’s voice holds the same tired, stoic tone you’ve come to know over the last thirty years, but you can see the curiosity in his eyes.
“And, if I was talking to myself?… What then, human?…” You tease with a playful smile, and you can tell by the small, amused huff that Shota lets through his nose that he’s hiding a small smirk underneath his bandages.
“Then I would assume that we both have brain damage,” he jokes, albeit dryly, but you’ve always found humor in his brand of comedy.
Your giggle gives an ethereal echo and you shake your head at him, “Their name is Akari… I suppose they could be considered a friend… At the very least, they are somewhat of a coworker to me by human standards… I have interacted with them quite a bit since you became friends with Hizashi… They informed me earlier today that they seem to be in almost the same situation as I…”
Shota gives a slightly surprised and intrigued look before an almost dismayed sigh leaves his mouth, “I can’t believe I haven’t thought to ask until now… What’s your name?”
A small, amused laugh passes through your lips, “Considering that you were not even supposed to know of my existence, it is quite alright… Most of us do not have names and some will choose a different name for themselves with every new pairing… The name I have chosen for myself is Y/N…” You inform him before giving your name with a warm smile on your face.
Shota repeats your name quietly to himself as if testing it on his tongue, and something about hearing him say it makes you feel warm inside. Your mind doesn’t have time to question the feeling when he speaks again, “So, what is this ‘situation’ that you mentioned?”
You find yourself hesitating for a moment, trying to figure out how to explain the whole thing to a man who lives almost religiously by logic and rationality. You suppose that since he took to finding out about your existence so well maybe your next words won’t sound completely.. insane.
“Let us start with how long I have been protecting souls…” You begin gently, hoping that he can manage to put aside whatever his beliefs or disbeliefs are about concepts beyond the human plane of existence.
Once you’ve finished explaining your entire confusing and strange situation, a long silence follows. The look in Shota’s eyes is hard for you to read as he stares down at his lap, so you’re not sure what he could possibly be thinking. Feeling like you’ve finally pushed him over the edge of thinking he has truly lost it, you silently stand and move toward the window. You watch the sun slowly dip below the horizon as the silence continues. You hear movement behind you and your intuition spikes causing you to whip around to see Shota slowly standing up from the bed.
“What are you doing?… You should be resting still, Shota…” Your confused and concerned words do nothing to stop Shota from shuffling his way to your side. When he gets to the window sill, he leans lightly against the wall and gazes outside for a few moments before looking at you.
“Let me get the facts straight,” he starts, quietly. “You’ve been protecting people for thousands of years, without the need for reason. In all that time, you never protected the same person more than once until me. You also believed that you were the only one experiencing this until your talk with Hizashi’s Protector. Even so, you still don’t know why this is happening. Does that about sum everything up?”
‘He doesn’t sound like someone who believes they should be locked in the psych ward…’ You think with a hesitant smile before speaking, “I believe so… Listen, Shota.. I know how all of this may sound to a human… You are probably still wrapping your head around my very existence and being able to see me… But I.. I feel just as confused and disbelieving as you do…” Your smile falls as you speak, your expression and tone something of uncertainty as you turn to gaze back out the window.
Shota sighs as he steps away from the wall and comes to stand right up against your ethereally glowing body, your shoulder phasing slightly through his as he follows your gaze out the window, “It is a lot to try to understand, but living in a world where humans are born with superpowers.. it wouldn’t be too far of a stretch to believe in other forces at work out there in the universe.”
You turn your head to look at him in shock before a small huff of a laugh slips past your lips, “I have gotten to know your soul pretty well over the last five hundred years, Shota.. gotten to know that no matter the lifetime, who you are does not change like your name or appearance does… So, I am surprised that you are being so open-minded about this… You never were one for ideals like religion or higher powers or unseen beings… So, where has the real Shota gone?…”
Shota lets out a small, quiet chuckle at your slightly teasing tone, and turns his head slightly to meet your eyes, “I’m actually pretty open-minded when it comes to a lot of subjects. I just find that my time is better well spent focusing on what’s tangible in this world rather than what hasn’t even been proven to exist, that’s all.” He retorts in a tired tone that doesn’t match the teasing glint in his eye.
You playfully roll your eyes with a soft giggle before giving a small shake of your head, “Ah, I see… Well, all teasing aside, our situation may be odd but at least now I can warn you of danger easier… Though, I will try not to be a nuisance…”
Shota lets out a quiet huff as he turns to start walking back to the bed, “Don’t worry about being a nuisance. Between being Class 1-A’s teacher and being a Pro, seeing and hearing you will be significantly more helpful in tough situations.” He says as he carefully gets onto the bed, a quiet groan leaving him as he lays back.
You let out a quiet and affirmative hum as you follow behind him, then take a seat at the end of the bed by his feet when he makes space for you. You watch as he gets as comfortable as anyone could get with injuries like his when his eyes meet yours. You silently question the embarrassed scowl he’s shooting you until the realization hits you. You mumble an apology before quickly shifting your gaze to the window. Among the many little habits you’ll have to break now that he can see and hear you, just watching him for the sake of observing him is going to be the first.. and the hardest.
~~~~~~~~~~
The next day, Hizashi bursts into Shota’s room sputtering apologies for being twenty minutes late picking him up. Shota just brushes him off with a grumble of feigned annoyance while you and Akari giggle quietly to yourselves. A nurse comes in shortly after Hizashi’s arrival, pushing a wheelchair up to the side of Shota’s bed. Shota immediately begins protesting having to be wheeled out to Hizashi’s car, insisting that he can walk just fine.
“I know I said I would not be a nuisance, but listen to the nurse, please Shota…” You say a bit firmly as the timid nurse tries explaining to Shota the hospital’s policies.
With an irritated huff, Shota reluctantly moves from the bed to the wheelchair, grumbling slightly under his breath. You smother a giggle as you take in Hizashi’s shocked expression, the blonde clearing having expected more of a fight from Shota. However, the giggle slips free some when you catch the brief glare thrown your way from Shota as the nurse pushes him out of the room.
Hizashi stopped by UA so that Shota could talk to Nezu and go by Recovery Girl’s office. Despite the insistence from Nezu, Hizashi, and yourself to take off a few more days, Shota firmly stated that he would be returning to work the next day when classes resumed. During the walk to the infirmary, you couldn’t help the displeased feeling that had settled over you from Shota’s stubbornness. As a Protector, it’s normal to disagree with decisions that could impact the well-being of the human one is paired with, but this felt like.. more than that. Sighing to yourself, you choose to not overthink your feelings so as to not add more confusion to your already puzzling situation.
You and Akari stood by the window of the patient room while Recovery Girl examined Shota’s injuries. Luckily, she determined it safe enough to use her Quirk on Shota, even if it didn’t heal Shota as much as he may have wanted it to. By the time it was said and done, he was still bandaged up like a mummy, but at least his casts were able to be redone so that he could use his fingers. As you and Akari silently followed your humans to Hizashi’s car, you still hadn’t been able to shake your displeasure.
Finally getting back to Shota’s apartment, you stood behind him as he deflected every one of Hizashi’s attempts to stay and help. A bit dejectedly, Hizashi bid Shota goodbye, while you just silently nodded at Akari, still mostly lost in your thoughts. Once Shota shut the door with a tired sigh, you wordlessly made your way to the dining room window. It’s one of your favorite spots in the apartment with its view overlooking the city.
“Are you going to be silent and brooding for the rest of the day?” Shota asks, his tone is tired and slightly irritated as you hear his socked feet shuffle toward the kitchen. You feel a mixture of emotions as you tamper down a spike of irritation, your confusion over your situation only increasing.
“You should eat, then get some more rest since you insist on returning to work tomorrow…” You say in an even tone as you continue gazing out the window. You realize that your wording most likely comes across as petty, and maybe you want it to since he ignored you back in Nezu’s office. You hear Shota open the refrigerator and let out an irritated sigh, rummaging around for a moment before letting the door close a bit harder than necessary. You turn around to face him at the sound of condiments and jars inside the refrigerator knocking around.
“My students need to see that I’m okay. What they went through was terrifying, even for Pros like myself. None of them deserved to experience a villain attack like that before their careers have even started to begin. It’s my responsibility to be their face of strength-” Shota angrily defends his decision, most likely easily riled up from pain and exhaustion, but it only serves to irritate you more and cut him off.
“I understand that, but it is my responsibility to make sure no harm comes to you, even if the threat to your well-being comes from you… You need more time to recover, Shota… You are not ready to return to work in your condi-” You say firmly trying to maintain an aura of calm until he cuts you off.
“But in the end, it’s my decision! Your job is to silently protect me when it is necessary. I’ve made it through the last thirty years of decision-making based on my own judgment just fine, Y/N. Me being able to see and hear you now doesn’t change that.” Shota snaps, and you can’t help but feel taken aback and.. hurt. There are a couple moments of tense silence broken only by the sound of Shota taking a few deep breaths.
Your mind is once again reeling from how deeply you feel your emotions, but outwardly you straighten up and slip into emotionless professionalism, “You are correct… I apologize for overstepping, it will not happen again…” You state before turning back toward the window, ignoring the pain in your chest. You can feel Shota’s eyes on you, but neither of you says anything more, not even when the ethereal glow of your body flickers and dims a bit.
Divider Credit ~ @cafekitsune
First language in love, second but more fluent in anger: on planet Venus
Today, I’ve settled into anger’s company. I gesture it to sit across from me at breakfast. I don’t shout it. But I can tell you sense it in my tight fists and clenched jaw. And you? Your silence reverberates down the hall. I can tell you’re angry with every move you do, in the way you sidestep in the doorway and in the glare you give me that you don’t think I notice.
Like two balls of flames and rage thrown into a ring, constantly colliding despite our efforts to avoid each other. And when we do crash, it’s a cataclysmic explosion worse than either of us could imagine.
That moment when two burning stars finally crash, but it’s expected, scientists saw it coming after years of study. They gave us a decade, said we’ll be okay for a while, but expected our implosion after all the tension. It’s been a long time coming but it hurts more when it finally happens.
Your rage burns and leaves marks onto my skin, next to the ones where you used to love me, and they look the same and I can’t distinguish them. But you have the same marks as me so what are we now? We gained nothing from this, no new star or planet born from this, so what now?
We’re just two crashed cars, obviously on flames, waiting for someone to come to our rescue. But is that all we are? Are we just wreckage waiting for rescue? The car may be salvageable, but what about us? Will we come out from this unscathed? Will we be okay? Will you still love me, even if you couldn’t do this anymore?
I've gotten so used to seeing your back, your black hair tied up messily as you tirelessly work day and night. I sit on the staircase, not doing much, while you rush past, paying me no mind. This house feels warm, and I have no reason to go outside, nowhere else to be. No one to become. I watch you leave from my window, and I wave goodbye when I know you’ll come back. But I didn’t think of what I would do when you didn’t come back one day, and then the flames consume the house, the walls closing in. I have to find you. I run through the house, I see my reflection in the mirror and I find you in me. I find you in the moon and me in the stars. I find you in the withering flowers and me as the seeds you plant. I stumble outside, knees scraping against concrete. The rain pours, but I barely feel it. My heart aches, it’s bleeding into the raindrops. You’re gone, and I’m alone, but you taught me love and pain. You’ll keep staying a memory, fixed in place, while I move forward without you. I gather myself and return home, but you’re still not there when I get back. But instead I see you in everything I do. I tell myself, “I’ll eventually become just like you one day, so I guess I’ll have to start now” all while I still have you, so that you can help me through all of this.
One Lonely Spider
It’s the end of the line for me.
I’m a husk
Empty
Shattered
One lonely spider dangling on a string.
What happens when the legs break and silk crumbles?
Hang on, it cries to itself,
But not courage, not will, can stop that broken little spider from falling.
And fall it does
Down
Down
Down the drain broken legs and all
Not a sad fate though
For the spider simply was too small
Too small and the world too big
Its fate was set from the very first breath
The moment its young legs touched the ground.
I can only feel bad for the spider that tried
To exist in a world built for the grand.
Farewell child
Farewell and good luck
Pray you don’t leave behind hate and pain and hurt
That they will forgive you when you go
For your broken legs could only hold you so long
No more pain, is that so wrong?
I think I-
I think I-
No,
I can’t say how I feel.
It will hurt more if I do.
My heart races every time I think of you.
My face lights up whenever I see you.
Tangled up in the sheets.
I feel content.
Your arms wrapped around me
I feel safe.
I think I-
You make me feel light.
As if I don’t have any worry or fear.
Like I was never hurt in the past.
Like I had never had my heart broken.
“I really, really like you.”
You said.
“I really, really like you too.”
I said
And I meant it.
Except, I didn’t realize
I think I-
How much I was going to like you.
Now we’ve drifted apart.
I’m left alone with my feelings.
I wish I could tell you how I feel
I think I-
I’m afraid to say the words.
Afraid of what will happen if I do.
I think I-
But I feel so suffocated holding it in.
I think I-
I must hide how I feel.
I think I-
It’s getting harder to hold it in.
I don’t want to slip up and say it.
I think I-
I can’t.
If I admit it
Then it will hurt more.
Won’t it?
I think I-
I think-
I-
I think I’ve been falling in love with you.
"How dare you. How dare you leave me when I am at my worst. You hold a blank stare as you shatter me with your words. Can't you see I'm bleeding out? You storm away and shut the door, and the only thing I can possibly think of is how I just lost you. And how much I'm going to miss you. But you don't care, and now I realize, you never did."
- Dreaming of Wolves//Vent
"She's Gone"
This bad boy was started on the third of November, and finished on the seventh. In total, there are thirty panels (all of which were drawn separately).
A good chunk of N's dialogue near the end came to me after I did some improv to figure out what he should say. I have since dubbed it "N's Failure Monologue."