Im Sad Now - Tumblr Posts

He looked like a lost child.

Tonight I saw the most handsome man I’ve ever laid eyes on in my life, he noticed me first, we locked gazes until he really had to look in front of him, I went around all town during a festival and I DIDN’T SPOT HIM AGAIN I’M SO DEVASTATED

this wasn’t a signal to keep hoping but to stop because I’m done.

I had been trying to fall asleep for a few hours, but my mind was just running and I was overthinking and getting worked up. I must have fallen asleep at some point, because I was being comforted by someone, leaning on their chest sobbing while they ran their fingers through my hair, telling me it would be alright, that I had time to make everything ok. And when I tried to look at their face and ask how, I woke up alone. And now I'm mourning the faceless being who comforted me better than anyone else ever has, and they never existed to begin with.

So... the interaction with my dad is a good example of difficulties for conversation I think? I should add a disclaimer here that I’m not diagnosed with ADHD or autism, but I believe I may have one or both of these. I also believe that potentially both of my parents may have one or both of these things, but like I said, I haven’t been diagnosed and neither have they. Nevertheless, here is a post about struggling with communication stuff.

Basically, my dad went to the store to get things for a family lunch for tomorrow. I haven’t been feeling well all day (pretty sure it was something I ate), so I set a timer for about half an hour, figuring that if his text notifications woke me, I’d be ready to get up and help him move things in, and if he weren’t back within that time, he’d probably get back soonish, and took a nap.

Oh, boy, that is not what happened.

Yeah, no, for some reason, despite my ringer being on, neither his texts nor my alarm, which I set to a very loud song to make sure I would wake up, woke me. So I woke to the vibration of my alarm about two minutes after it was set to go off to less than pleased text messages about helping him to move stuff, which obviously I had missed by a good twenty minutes. I apologized for it, telling him that I hadn’t realized, and waited a bit. He didn’t respond, and I ended up drifting back to sleep. I know that was irresponsible of me, but I was just so exhausted.

This isn’t the first time something like this has happened, and I’ve always expressed my regret. I really don’t mean to sleep through things. Other times I’ve missed notifications because I was really busy. Regardless, I never just purposefully ignore my parents, and I really do try to be ready to help with unloading groceries from the car or whatever it is they need.

Anyway, this is the part about where taking notes for conversation takes place.

See, my dad has told me multiple times when I was younger not to give him any excuses, just to apologize and move on. So that’s what I’ve been doing. And it’s been hard because despite trying to catalogue what how he says he wants an apology or future interactions or whatever, clearly it doesn’t work that way. In my apology to him this time, I had just texted that I was sorry and hadn’t seen the messages. Later, when he had yelled at me to come downstairs, he demanded to know why I hadn’t elaborated, and I told him: because he said before that he didn’t want excuses.

To which he said he didn’t want excuses (I was correct), but that he wanted an explanation.

...yeah.

So I tried to give him the explanation, which was that I had been laying down because I wasn’t feeling well, etc. etc. that I already wrote. And he was less than understanding. Obviously, I don’t want to lie to him, but he doesn’t understand that when I say, “I don’t feel well,” it doesn’t mean, “oh, no, I stubbed my toe, time for me to be melodramatic.” Usually, it means, “I have felt like I am one belly jolt away from throwing up my entire guts, and I may or may not be getting a migraine.” Unfortunately, I don’t feel well often, and I suppose he thinks that I don’t feel well a little too often. Rest is really the best way for me to feel better, but he disagrees. So I told him the truth, and it only made him more upset. (I always wonder what he would want me to have been doing instead??? Like willfully ignoring him???)

Anyway, point of this is, that even when you think you have taken enough notes on interaction with someone, it’s best to take a few more. I don’t know what would have made it up in this scenario. Obviously, it would have been best if I hadn’t fallen asleep, so that’s on me, but it doesn’t change the fact that his reaction really hurts, scares me, and makes me anxious about sleeping in general, which is something I have issues with. Additionally, it hurts because it means that despite my explanations over the years that I’m not purposefully ignoring him or my mother, that he still thinks I’m just seeing his messages and going, “haha fuck you,” and ignoring him. Which is not the case.

Interacting with people is hard. And sometimes... they just don’t interact well. I’m still trying to figure out a way to explain everything to him, not just for this time but for the future, and I hope I can.

I don’t know what would have made this interaction better other than the not being asleep parts. I tried to do everything he has said to do when I get in trouble in the past (apologize, no excuses, short and to the point, etc.), but apparently, I’m not going to the family lunch tomorrow. Not my choice.

So, to my neurodivergent folk or anyone who struggles with conversations in general, I write this partially to prepare you about how your note taking won’t always work but also because... honestly? Sometimes there’s only so much you can do. Yes, in this case as with other instances, I’ve made a lot of mistakes. There were things I could have done better, as I’ve said. I’m not denying that I am in the wrong for that. And even though I don’t believe it’s wrong to have a monotone voice, I know that it didn’t help my situation that when my parents get mad at me, I can’t seem to get out of it, which I guess makes me sound disinterested or insincere in my apology.

But it doesn’t mean I’m the only one who could have done better. My father’s refusal to acknowledge that I’m not intentionally trying to piss him off, that I really am feeling sick today (and every time I tell him I am), and that I actually do try to be helpful, especially with this task, doesn’t just hurt me. It also hurts him.

And I know that plenty of kids fake sick or exaggerate illness, but you know what? You know whether your kid is like that. My dad has known me for almost 19 years, and even though there have been times that I have felt worse than others, it doesn’t take away from the fact that if I say I don’t feel well, I mean it. It’s not the difference between a scratch and a big illness, it’s the difference between if-I-don’t-rest-now-this-is-going-to-be-a-migraine and I-would-stand-up-if-I-could-but-I-can’t paired with goodbye-breakfast-have-fun-in-the-sewers and goodness knows what else. You know your kid, so please don’t project your own behaviors at that age or currently on them.

So if you are like me, or if you are like my father, please take this to heart. With every argument, there’s hurt on both sides, sometimes for different reasons, but in my experience, there are ways to address most of the issues so long as both parties are willing to.

And if there were any doubt, I actually did throw up. I threw up after laying on the bathroom floor desperately trying not to. So I guess in the end, it’s probably better that I’m not going to see any family members tomorrow in case I’m actually sick with illness and not food poisoning.

It's nice to think that

If I went to Hogwarts I'd be a seventh year Ravenclaw watching Albus and Scorpius be sorted.

I'd be sad that this would be my last Sorting Feast ever, but I'd also be happy to be with my friends after the long summer.

I'd go to my dorm room and unpack my bags, pet my cat and wish him a good last year at Hogwarts. I'd stay up with my roommates until ungodly hours to talk about our adventures in the summer.

We'd go to class, tomorrow morning, exhausted because of the lack of sleep, but it would be okay because Professor Longbottom would understand. He'd think that he never got a shot at celebrating his seventh year like we did, but he would be happy for us anyways.

If frisk meet star and this is probs the hangout lol

goddamnit WHY did we get robbed of our last road so far ever

Going to sleep now (or at least trying)

bro the ending of the Williams send off shattered my lobalore heart as well as the finale

Someone like you by Adele is literally icemavs relationship in tgm I don’t make the rules

From both of Mavs and Ices pov

Okay, I'm going to be honest, this is the first Sun and Moon episode I actually cried. There's a lot of episodes where I almost cried, but this one hit me hard on the heart. God damn it.

When Dazzle started singing "Twinkle twinkle little star", I remembered that some people have the belief that when someone dies, they turn into a star in the sky. And this makes everything even sadder for me.

I honestly didn't think his death would be so sad.

Dark Sun when I catch you! Your now in my "punch in the face as hard as i can, even if it breaks my hand" list!

Now excuse me, I'm going to cry in the corner of my room.

Sometimes I think about how people rank Jason as their least favorite because he’s “such a bland character with no personality”, but was he even allowed to have one in the first place?

He’s two years old when Lupa guides him to Camp Jupiter. He’s brought up to be the perfect soldier, the perfect Roman, the perfect hero. He doesn’t know life outside the legion. He’s the son of Jupiter, he has to be great. If he’s not, he’s a failure and a disgrace. If he is then he’s still not the best because there so many other heroes who did it better than him so he has to keep trying harder and harder even though no matter what he’s never going to be good enough because the moment he slips up he’s no longer the perfect hero.

The few times he actually tries to do something he wants, he’s only cut down. Changing the 12th legion to the 1st legion? No, you can’t do that. It’s tradition. You’re wrong. That’s stupid. Joining the 5th cohort? Why would you join those losers? You’re only hurting yourself. You could be great if you join the 1st cohort instead like a good Roman boy.

So why would he try to do anything that cultivates his identity? Why would he try to do anything that brings him joy if everyone around him is just going to suck it right out?

He has no best friends at Camp Jupiter. He has acquaintances. He has people he’s friendly with. Say what you want but Reyna was a coworker. Dakota was cool, Gwen was nice. But none of them make Jason want to stay at Camp Jupiter instead of Camp Half-Blood. He thinks of Reyna but only in terms of he doesn’t want to saddle her with the responsibility of picking a new praetor. He thinks about duty. When he is picking between the camps he’s weighing his options between doing his duty as he’s done his whole life or picking himself for the very first time ever and he picks himself.

And it’s honestly so fucking depressing that the first time Jason picks himself and is actually supported in his decision happens when he is sixteen years old. And most of the people supporting him have only known him for a month.

But then he saddles himself with duty and responsibilities because that’s all he’s ever known and Percy is dying and Jason is a good Roman and a good hero and his job is to sacrifice his life for everyone else because of course it is. So he takes on Pontifex Maximus to build shrines and temples to minor gods and goddesses (not that they shouldn’t be honored but… once again he’s sacrificing his identity for the good of everyone around him).

And then, just as he’s finally discovering an identity for himself—he likes physics, he’s learning about the mortal world and living in it, he’s becoming more than just Jupiters son and Juno’s perfect hero—he’s killed.

Jason never got to be Jason. He only got to be Jason Grace, son of Jupiter, Praetor of the 12th Legion, slayer of Krios, one of the Seven, Juno’s Champion, Pontifex Maximus. He always belonged to someone else and never himself.

All this to say, Jason is my favorite of the Seven and although he’s not the eldest nor a daughter, as an eldest daughter I relate so hard and feel very seen in him.

op I'm gonna fucking cry. I'm gonna.im gonna cry. The number of times I needed to put my head down and breathe before continuing is not countable what the FUCK whyyyyyyyyyy😭😭😭😭

The line 'as warm as his father promised with an agony he'd never mentioned' i legit gasped. Oh gosh, the gods truly believed that they were incapable of changing, but Zeus and Apollo's relationship begs to differ

What’s better Christmas present than a bit of angst huh?

When Apollo was young, not yet a year old, he was banished from Olympus due to his crime of murder. Gaea called for his head, but Zeus shielded him.

“I will not rule as my father did,” he said “The boy can learn, he can be better.”

Apollo was sentenced to exile. Nine years, though he was not told this. No, Apollo was certain that he had lost his chance to join his family in the heavens. His father had spared his life, and as penance he now had to stay on the mortal realm for all eternity, alone.

The young god made due with what he had. He wandered through the fields of Greece, tending to the animals he found along the way. He would sing, as light and clear as the birds, and mortals would flock to the sound. Apollo was never allowed to linger long, but he fell in love with that feeling of warm comfort mortals seemed to carry with them, that joy that he could never quite reach. When he could, he worked, often for little reward. He wanted another taste, another glimpse of a less lonely existence. So he became a shepherd, a soothsayer, a musician, always a few steps away, watching but never being.

One day, in the middle of the coldest months, Apollo was hired by a farmer in the Vale of Tempe. He had a large herd of cattle and was in desperate need of a someone to care for them. Apollo traveled through the backroads and forests, making his way to the valley. When he arrived, however, he found no farmer, and no cattle. Instead, a lone man sat at the base of the river that flowed through the vale. The water was near frozen over, but the man did not shake. Instead, he turned, and smiled wide.

“Apollon,” Zeus said, “Olympus has missed you.”

Apollo was shocked. Had his father truly come for him? He dropped into a low bow, too nervous for words.

Zeus chuckled, low and warm, “Rise, son. There is no more need for humility. It has been decided you have done enough.”

“Truly?” Apollo asked, “May I truly join you on Olympus?”

“You may join me at home, Apollo.” Zeus responded, “Your home. Come, we shall perform a rite of purification in these waters, and then you will ascend to your throne.”

And so the rite was performed, and Apollo was cleansed. As far as the rest of the world knows, the two immediately ascended to Olympus, to the glorious applause of the other members of the divine court. Apollo took his throne, next to his dear sister, and began his immortal duties.

But there was a moment, one moment, which was kept away in that sheltered vale. Once Apollo had been cleansed, he stood at the bank, waiting for the next step. Any demand his father asked of him, he would have agreed too. But Zeus held nothing over his head. Instead, he summoned a cloak of sheep’s wool, and placed it over Apollo’s shoulders.

“A gift,” he murmured, “The golden treasures you were born with will bring you glory, but this my son… I hope this will keep you warm.”

And Apollo believed, with all his heart, that he would never be lonely again.

Time is a cruel master. As years bled into centuries that bled into millennia upon millennia, Apollo realized that loneliness would be his most constant companion. He realized that the source of this loneliness, this suffering, would often be the very man that promised to keep him warm. The fire of his father’s hearth burned everything it touched, leaving Apollo with blistered hands and a scorched heart.

But he still wore the sheepskin. When the loneliness crept into his bones. When the lightning crackled across his limbs with a burning pain, as warm as his father promised with an agony he’d never mentioned. When all seemed lost to the ground and the dust. Apollo found that wool cloak and cast it over his shoulders. Even broken promises can bring some sort of comfort. Even old sheep’s wool can bring an illusion of warmth.

I was his child once. He used to love me.

If only the bite of a king’s cruelty could be chased away as easily as the chill of a winter’s day. The wool does nothing, and the loneliness remains. Apollo shivers, and goes to rest.

‼️336 SPOILERS‼️

Last week, learning who the traitor is: Huh... okay, I'm kind of surprised, but not really bc it felt obvious.

My brain a few days ago: But like, imagine if it was Aoyama, we have some type of emotional attachment to him, it would hurt more but nah, he's friends with Izuku, they became friends.. BUT IMAGINE!

Today's leaks: oh...

So, um... who's cutting the onions?

‼️SPOILERS CHAPTER 337‼️

My heart broke with this chapter. All for One saying Aoyama is disposable, the chapter itself being called A Disposable Life, Aoyama triggering Danger Sense, Izuku knowing but still not moving out of the way, Hagakure is still pretty (I said so yesterday 😂).

Everyone's reactions, All Might looking heartbroken for the child and then, you have the kids themselves, like Mina crying, Jirou holding her, they really stuck out to me. Izuku looking drained, Iida's face when Aoyama was talking.

And then comes Izuku’s outburst, his frustration, his pain yelled out, bringing examples that Aoyama isn't rotten to the core as he claims and then... extending his hand for him "You can... still... BECOME A HERO!"

And of course, dear Bakugou understanding what Izuku wants to do, finally understanding Deku, the person he grew up with but could never fully understand, it simply hits him.

I will now disappear until the next chapter or probably leaks drop.🚶🏻‍♀️

I told y'all not to do anything world ending while I was away this week.

That wasn't permission to kill Maggie Smith!!

I'm gonna go cry now, thanks

Hmmm. Imagine a scene. The heart pirates and the strawhat pirates are celebrating something - a fight won, a treasure discovered, whatever - it's a party. Some people are drunk, some people are tipsy, and some people don't drink. Most people are playing games. Brook decides to play a game too - he'll play a melody and someone has to sing along except he won't tell them the name of the song, they have to guess and sing along based on the melody. A good part (but not all of them, obviously) of the crews calm down, if only because they want to win the game and guess the song first.

Brook plays. And someone sings. It is the right song, but no one recognizes the voice. They look around, trying to see who guessed the song, but they don't find the singer until they turn to Law, who's leaning against the ship's rails. Only it's not Law who's singing. There's someone besides him, much closer to Law than anyone except Bepo is allowed to be. The singer is hunched, body swallowed by a coat of black feathers, halfway blending into the night. And then the person inhales for the next part of the song, and straightens up, and suddenly they have golden hair and makeup and they're really, really tall, and they're a stranger. They're not part of the crews. They could be a threat? Some look ready to pounce until they realize that Law would never allow anyone with bad intentions in his personal space, much less around his crew. Suspicion becomes curiosity. The stranger, unphased, keep singing. Brook keeps playing. He's a good singer, actually. Law stares too, with laser focus, frozen in fear of making this ghost of the past disappear if he moved. Said ghost looks at Law, too, never taking his eyes off him.

The song ends. The stranger stops singing. In the silence, he leans down, silently mouths something at Law I love you, remember ? And gently kisses his forehead. Between a blink and the next, he's gone.

(basically It's Brook accidentally using his powers to bring Cora's soul back for the length of a song, and Cora just really, really loves his son)

Steven Universe

Steven universe has me crying right now, like it's too much.

This is how that episode got me, lying face first on the ground.

DPXDC: I wanna be like most girls ghosts.

or Danny: What should I do to make my mom happy?

or ~Danny deserves a little teenage rebellion as a treat~

Maddie: I just want this damned Phantom to stop pretending to be a hero! All ghosts are pure evil, who is he trying to deceive? Danny: Oh, really? And Danny took it personally.

It’s not Danny’s fault that he’s a good kid and wants to make his parents happy. But why would he have to be a monster to make them happy? Why must they hate him to be happy?

Danny’s obsession was going crazy.

Well, when your own parents call you a monster in the face, it hurts. Why do they always believe that only their opinion is the absolute truth? They have no idea how much worse things would be if at least some of the ghosts really behaved the way Maddie and Jack think they’re supposed to. If he really is evil by nature, is there any point in fighting his own fate? They want to see him as a villain, he will become one. He will. He just needs a little help and practice. And not bring it to the level when Clockwork has to clean up his mess. Poor guy is without a vacation for how long? Couple of millennia?

Johnny 13: Sup. Danny: F*ck off, Johnny, I’m not in the mood. Busy thinking about world domination. Get out of here or I’ll call Kitty. Johnny 13: What’s wrong? You’re usually so grouchy only towards the end of the week. Danny: Nothing. Just parents. Again. They are wonderful but I can’t help but feel sometimes that they, em… Johnny 13: Suck? Danny: Right…Damn. I’m a terrible son. Maybe something is wrong with me. Johnny 13: What? No, no, dude. You’re just growing up. And you’re a little late, usually teenagers go through that stage before they graduate. Well, you’ve probably been busy with other issues, so just missed it. Danny: I wonder whose fault it is. Aren’t there ghosts who enjoyed to ruin my life in the middle of school day?

Johnny 13: Oh, bother. Anyway, you’re entering a beautiful time of emancipation, where you’re going to shape your own view of life and, along the way, to get drunk on cheap alcohol at parties, maybe to go to jail and to become the greatest disappointment to your family..And then you will be ashamed to remember it for about the next ten years. Danny: Well, it looks like I’ve already done two out of three additional things. Great success. Johnny 13: When did you get drunk? Danny: I didn’t. Johnny 13: Oh. Want to fix that? Danny: What? No. What an idiot wants to add a headache to his problems? Johnny 13: Well, your loss, then I’ll go terrorize the bars of Gotham alone and no one can stop me. Let’s see what your boyfriend will say about it. ~~~~~ Danny: Bartender, another shot of Dead Man’s Fingers, please. Red Hood: Babe, haven’t you had enough? Danny: Have you ever felt that no matter how hard you try, no matter how many sacrifices you make, in their eyes you’ll always be nothing more than a monster? Nothing more than a mistake? Oh, Death doesn’t give people like me a break. Red Hood: …I’ll have what he’s having. *gives the bartender a sign to switch the rum shots to a batburger milkshake for them, and starts talking to Danny so that he doesn’t understand Hood's scams*

~~~~~

Johnny 13: Other people’s kids are growing up so fast. It seems like yesterday he didn’t know how to shoot ectoblast, and now.. Kitty: Stop trying to make me feel bad, we’re leaving. Johnny 13: But the boy needs our support, honey boo!

~~~~~

Danny: I'm fine. Really, I am. This isn’t the first time mom’s called me a monster. She often called me that when she was upset with my behavior in my childhood. Huh, it's even funny. Jason: There’s nothing funny about that. Danny: No, you don’t understand. Looking back, I was really a very active child and didn’t know when to stop. Not surprisingly that I often annoyed my parents. They’re very busy people, and Jazz couldn’t always keep an eye on me. And I was often afraid to go to sleep alone because there were shadows in the darkness of my room. Well, I used to think they were. But I pretended everything was okay to not distract parents from work. Jason: Hey, it’s not your fault. You were a child. Obviously, kiddo requires a lot of attention, they must have understood that. You are the second child in the family, right? Danny: Well, Jazz was different. I don’t know. Anyway, I thought if the monsters behind the curtain and under the bed were just like me, well, according to my mom, you know, then they wouldn’t want to hurt me. And since they look after me, they are friends. So I kinda greeted all the suspicious noises and howls. Huh, I was a strange kid. Jason: If you smile at someone in the dark alley right now that someone is more likely to wet themselves or faint. Danny: Rude! I’m not that scary. Admit that I’m adorable. Do it right now. Jason: Stunning, darling. But still carry a gun and a knife, please. My childhood taught me that what's hiding in the dark is worth beating up. Danny: Come on, what should I be afraid of? Death? Anyway, I want to try this shit. Like, the inevitable one. Being a bad boy, you know? Hood *raises eyebrows*. Danny: Oh damn it man, I'm talking about ghostliness. I want to try to be like most of dead ones. I want to unleash my side of the trickster and the villain. But only a little bit. I have to be supervised so that things don't go too far. Would you help me, honey?

~~~~~2 hours later~~~~

~~~~~

Goons used to expect a lot of weirdness from working with the boss.

Sometimes Bruce Wayne would go into their base and yell at the Red Hood like he's one of his kids. Of course Wayne's well-known as 'Gotta adopt them all' but the guy must really suffer from insomnia to count the Red Hood into his brood of chicks several times. Sometimes the boss would fight Robin or Nightwing over differences in morals…or for biscuits. It varied from moment to moment. Sometimes the boss caught the local street children, fed them and taught them to steal correctly. And most of the foundlings stayed with them under their protection.

To make a long story short, Red Hood is not the typical crime lord that some of them had to deal with before. Which is a blessing. Thanks Lord for the health insurance. But still the crime lord. Which means he's still scary, and sometimes deadly.

Anyway, when the boss brought in a guy who looked more civilian than any civilian in the whole Gotham and said he was going to be their intern, they thought it was a joke at first. Despite the fact that Hood was not in the habit of joking while working.

The teenager was too well-mannered and sweet to come from Crime Alley. Phil thought the guy was gonna run when he saw the first murder, Jessica didn’t think the domestic boy wouldn’t chicken out at the sight of a fight. But arguing with a boss’s orders in their profession is like asking for a bullet in the head, so these conversations were taking place outside of their boss's sight. God, how can they teach him anything? What do you take from a boy who’s only good to do the coffee run? Fenton will fall if they’ll give him something heavier than 10 pounds. And then boss will yell at them because he treats the new guy like a princess on a pea. Well, at least that’s what they thought until the boss decided to give the new guy his own assignments:

~~~~~

Red Hood: So, what have you learned during your internship, my young Padawan? Danny: Well, it looks like I’m gonna suck at being a criminal mastermind. I think I may have to find myself some other profession. Red Hood: Come on, you just need a little more practice. Danny: Thank you but I don’t think that’s fit my obsession that good. Don't misunderstand me, I wanna be like most ghosts. But I was wrong to go to hit that goal only base on human stereotypes about my nature. Red Hood: What a pity. The newbies just learned not to flinch when you walk in. But, to be honest, I'm not gonna miss the adrenaline-boosting roller coaster of you at work. Danny: Oh, and I guess to hold on to the concept of humanity was really stupid too. I clearly no longer fit in and I’m finally ready to accept that. So, hopefully, if you get into trouble, you can rely on my ghostliness and call for help. I am the spirit of many talents and of my word. I can haunt your enemies or walk through the walls of Arkham Asylum. Whatever you need, I’ll be here. Red Hood: I’ll bear that in mind.

This boy’s too young to be singing the blues | Idia Shroud animatic 💀|

———

I don't think I really like drawing Idia, but he came out pretty okay so I'm not complaining!

Idia's backstory flashback made me cry when I first read it. Genuine props to the voice actor of kid Idia, because he tore out my heart and beat it with a club. It must've been so horrifying for a child, and the way he begged for his brother back was absolutely devastating! The way everything went from happy and normal to he shattering of Idia's world so fast, the way he lost everything he truly cared about that day, the way he truly felt alone when Ortho was gone, and the way that now Idia is completely stuck. He was so young…

Book 6 was horrible to get through (towers when I get you towers when I get you-) but the payoff was worth it, because the dynamics, the conversations, and the character development fed me amazingly, and learning more about Idia was a delight! He truly is tragic. I really wonder about the deeper psychology behind him making the Ortho robot. On a deeper level, why did he do that? What effects does it have on him now? Really interesting stuff to think about!