Seperation Anxiety - Tumblr Posts

A Deal

257  words

Fandom: Redacted Asmr

Couple: None, mentions of Darlin/Quinn and Darlin/Sam

TW/CW: Panic attacks, descriptions of panic like attacks, extream loneliness, very brief moments of self harm( clawing at ones skin)

A/N: this is self-indulgent, it's based on how my separation anxiety feels.

Let me know if I missed a trigger.

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Loneliness was always a part of their life 

It was like they sign a contract, loneliness for strength and reputation

They forgot to read the fine print

They didn't realize the loneliness would always be there

Even when they out with a group

Or when with Quinn

One minute they'd pray he'd leave 

The next, they are clawing at their chest to get the pain of being left alone out of their heart.

When Sam entered their life they thought it would be easier. 

But those nights when they wake, alone. Their heart squeezes like it's pushing all of the blood out, trying to cut itself off from what keeps it working

Just like Darlin’

They know he's at work, they know that

But their chest doesn't get the message as they heave. Words they'd never say to another escaping their lungs. 

Their so desperate to be held by someone

By him

There never thought of themselves as desperate

No one has

That's was the problem

No one thought about the effects they had on Darlin’

Because their strong

Built like a tank

A lone wolf

But they don't want that

They never did

No matter what teenage  Darlin’ did or said

It was an act

A rebellion

A test for the pack

Many failed

But more tired again

And again

And again

Eventually, they let the pack in

But the loneliness they feel in the dark of their room

In the dark of their heart. Is something no one can change

That no one can heal

new survey time. what Main Thing did you project onto your ocs. lay your heart out on the table in front of me i wanna see

Doom scrolling, social media and screen addiction got worse after getting rid of the Axel from my head. Even if I told myself every day he is not real , and not believe tulpas are living beings, and head mates are not from the same kind. I still did. A holdover from highschool thinking I was talking to spirits. Part of me thinks maybe I was better off. There is nobody there, there was never anyone there, there will never be anyone there. I even felt physically different that moment. And I still feel like something is missing

I want to follow you to the ends of the earth, but then I stop and think about how that sounds: like an unhealthy codependency which gives my soul the shutters. If I were you I would want some space and time to miss each other ….