Pay Attention To Me - Tumblr Posts

Me: I post for fun! It doesn't matter if not everyone sees what I post.

Also me when my posts don't get a lot of attention:

I like and need attention, my friend group is mainly quite kids or extremely loud kids both need a lot of attention.

this user desperately needs attention and affection at all times

i’m attention starved

heart can’t lose [52.1]

FIFTY TWO (i). | prev / masterlist / next

PAIRING. lee haechan x fem!oc

WARNINGS. language

SUMMARY. fourth year pre-med student and neo university student council president, haechan lee does not have the time for relationships. instead, he focuses his attention on his studies and extracurriculars, so as not to disappoint his parents. that is until hera seo came along—and everyone starts to wonder if the university’s golden boy would finally let his heart lose.

TAGLIST. @neozonenet @radiorenjun @bluejaem @pink-but-rosie @renjun-pretty @holdinbacksecrets @rynshyuckies @jelllyjae @jenyongcas @whyisquill @beemarkie @morkxlee @hibuki-chan @moonwalkun @lyyhyuck @baekhyunstruly @lilacdreams-00 @ridinhyuck @archivedmkl @najaeminluvbot @jiye0n0 @rensiu @morkleetrash @neo444 @hrjchive @keemburley @soobin-chois @yiz-yo @hae06 @nctasdfghj @aerev @studywoo @jun5ui @smolpeyy @mahae66 @kkotjia

HCL TAGLIST. @aedreamzy @moonsclover @rrnhyuck @reinde3r @daegalfangirl @yixingtion @dandelionxgal @thesunsfullmoon @yangsbff @y3jiishot @purpleheejin @prdshobi @vantxx95 @googiewaterbottle @minavenue

feedme

under a desk in my head , is feeling like being a frantic ball of melodrama and complaning. but i'm to tried for that right now and medicated. a big ball of melodrama and over analayzing. but i am medicated and not a teenger with hormones, even if part of my brain might be stuck.

and i am sad I can only eat one 6 inch sandwich and not 2, because sometimes I think I replace food with the fact I canot seem to feel romantic love and go out collecting boyfriends like a normal woman.

pay attintion to me and not the melodramatic teenagers who are sad because their mother discoverd they are having sloppy tirades on their blogs

I feel powerless overwhelmed.I can’t calm down and grapple my state. It’s asleep in a frozen haze. Someone else smashing the panic button. Trauma,stress, it physically damages the brain. I do not understand .

To long. I lay down. My ears have a feeling. Like being boxed. Maybe 3 times. Maybe a minute in between. Before my heart feels startled. Then, maybe 5 min later, a limb twitch. Months ago before that would have a sensation like my head filled up and expelled something.

And now, after eating these cannibis gummies that are supposed to be trollie worms, every now and then make a chomping movement.

Sometimes all 3 at once.

Since maybe July. T has been going on. The chomp and worm thing was from a few weeks ago.

This goes on every night multiple times a night.I thought I would try not thinking .clearing my mind, and I injured myself. Or maybe it was going from .25 to .50 resperidone. Or maybe it was space candy damage. I do not know.

I am so tired. I wonder if I have paradoxal insomnia. I’m doing a medicine reboot, so after 20 years. Am f the lamotrigine. Thinking that is why I am akways jarred

Seeing all the AI is n Facebook and the whole Israel Hamas Palestine issue and thinking. Need to ruin everyone’s day with faces do not help an anxiety. A frustrating, twitchy, thing

I’m laying there with my arm by my head and I scrape the pillowcase with my nail. The sound sends me jumping with a big flinch. Like my whole body jumps.

Not having a list of ever user name I have had since the dawn of my Internet user makes me panic. From Alpha, Eao, Kuwaizair, kuroyami, libido wolf, faffy the faux fox, Anui, maybe karnajati. Shimmering wonder... Brand names, sonas. What will I do next?

I know I would change it a lot on mIRC. I wonder if anyone from them, the rooms I was in are looking for me

Alkaline Phosphatase

138

High

Liver Fraction:

48

Bone Fraction:

51

Intestinal Frac.:

1

RLS?

Various Myclonic jerks

Fatty liver

I don't know if this unsustainable antics of how I have been acting on line for years is now chipping away at me. I can't have a double life like this

Got a little worse after watching the documentary perfect world.

But people will know me, and not know this one who can hide. I do not know if this is or was the real me would always be the me

But without it I feel lost

And it is to late

The soul poison.

Twice this month, nausia headache chest pai

Then throw up. It happens at least once a month. Ate some tomato soup before

I should of kept a diary. I was like this pril 2. Nd

Looking at some test results from 2019 of a bone density scan. I guess the chest pain is "Degenerative type uptake in the region of the sternoclavicular joint"

NM bone scan whole body

You may be seeing a result before it has been reviewed by your care team. Expand to learn more.

Results

Impression

Impression:

No definite focal uptake in the region of the tibia. Degenerative type uptake as discussed above. Focal uptake in the region of the right 12th rib be related to trauma. Uptake in the frontoparietal bones of uncertain significance.

.

Narrative

Nuclear medicine bone scan.

CLINICAL HISTORY: Trauma. Pain.

FINDINGS:

Following the intravenous injection of 26.8 mCi of technetium 99m MDP, whole body bone scan was performed.

There is midthoracic dextroconvex scoliosis and mid lumbar levoconvex scoliosis with S-shaped scoliosis. There is no significant uptake in the region of the tibia. There is uptake in the region of the right probably 12th rib, correlate with history of trauma. Degenerative type uptake in the region of the cervical, thoracic and lumbar spine and sacroiliac joints. Degenerative type uptake in the region of the knee joints and ankle joints, shoulder, elbow and wrist joints. Uptake in the region of the skull of uncertain significance in the bilateral frontal parietal bones. Degenerative type uptake in the region of the sternoclavicular joint is noted.

Maybe I should be concerned. Waking up and flinching like a startle eith no sound and waving my arm like to move away a threat.

I feel so dumb I have like a panic attack I no longer ySve one of my old computers and the files for the Catz game

And that I think I thriout dogs 3 cd because I had to move. I should of not done that or any of my outdated tec but I had to be fast. Why do I have to be this way? It hurts souch

It's so stupid. It's been so long. And I want to reuse pet names from Catz for Xanje .

I'm also upset I lost a cool dog becayibwss greedy doin the glitch where you get your babies early by forwarding your computer clock

Now I'm panicking because I deleted old chats and emails from someone who has been dead for years. Keeping would make me to sad. But what did I delete? Was anything important? Was it just silly ness and complaining?

I feel like I am loosing myself.

hypocrite

i enjoyned altering midis with solmire, even though those people worked hard sequencing them. and i miss solmire. transponding and altering the midi, and not understanding that FL studio can do the same, but with a lot of work. to use midi for game making programs. maybe even ringtones. it's amazing how a song is changed, when you change all the places. of the notes.

but then i used to hunt and harass people who think they can paint over professional photographics and say "look what I did, hey buy my prints"

In the back of my mind I keep thinking I need to completely break, and then I will get bettter. Mental health Phoenix

But that is not a thing. Only struggling with IFS, CBT, DBT therapy and medication does. Maybe diet ….

And I almost feel like I a, going to break.

I am in between wanting to subconsciously trance and another part of me takes over, and also terrorfied of dissociation and if possession were real. Iguess on one hand I expect there is something that has all the answers,and my awake self lacks. That I want a magical experance. Maybe a true me is sleeping, or the fake me is awake. Even when ever virtualboy came out. Errrber I rerember I wanted that takeover, there was a demo at Sears r something, and there was a drawing game ? I wanted that takeover . Loss of me. Whoever that is.shattered, missing. I can’t make sense of it. It hurts so much .

I am running out of room on my phone storage

And freaking out that I deleted things I did not want. What we’re they ?