Trying To Breathe - Tumblr Posts

Darkness Engulfs Me...

I am drowning. I seem to be drowning in everything from work, to school, to bills, to my home life and I can’t seem to be able to break through the surface. These past few weeks I have been feeling this way more and more and I just don’t know what to do. I spent the day de-cluttering my digital life and still have a ways to go and right now my personal can not be any more spare than it is. I feel like I am either in constant pain, can’t breathe, or am just a ball of mess. My mom says that it is probably some sort of depression but every time I mention possibly seeking outside help because this has been happening off and on the last few years she basically tells me to suck it up and that I am being over dramatic. I think that I am going to try and ride it out for now because I know that I have some money coming in and that is going  to help with my bills and that a part of this is really just me having issues with my self-confidence, but if it persists I am going to have to take the leap and talk to someone because it is getting really bad. I am losing control of everything and it really isn’t good.

Interrupted

Sister comes over and I cry and I howl and I moan and I blow snot into a rag; and she is there, my rock while the hurricane surges around her.

I am calm when she leaves, still bruised still hollow but human again.

I wake to the gift she has left me, my shoes lined neatly and crisp against the wall, organization from the tumble in which I had left them.

And I laugh.