Tw Dehumanization - Tumblr Posts

I wasn’t always a Monster. But I don’t think I was ever quite Human, either.

Perhaps I was always Different by their standards. Fascinated by little knickknacks, collecting things. Always acting a little off, always seen as a little weird. Perhaps I was never meant to be Normal. And that’s fine.

But everything changed when He came into our lives.

Then there was loud, there was fear, and I had to grow claws and fangs and be loud too to protect myself from it.

They don’t want you to be loud and fierce at school. When that happened, they would trap me in the corner. Trap me like a beast in a cage and let me roar and attack uselessly until I had no fight left in me.

But they couldn’t remove the claws and fangs, no matter how hard they tried.

Treat me like an animal long enough and I will act like one, and like an animal I longed to escape my cage. So I would try to run, but they would always catch me.

And when I was “home” after they caught me, He would hear about it. He would come by my bedroom where I sat miserably and stare at me with this cold look. He never spoke a word but His expression told me everything. It was beyond disgust. I was less than human in His eyes. I was a beast in a cage to be gawked at.

When I did something the Humans did not like, She would always hesitate to beat me. She claimed it hurt her too. That was a lie. He did not hesitate. He did it with such vigor and malice one might think He enjoyed it.

As monstrous as I am now, I’m nothing compared to Him.

Many years later was when I realized this body wasn’t right for me. I told Her I needed change.

“You can’t go on testosterone. You’re too fat.”

I knew that wasn’t right but I knew I couldn’t get it without Her help, not yet.

I tried to eat less, I tried to become skin and bones to make Her happy but the Hunger only got worse and it became Ravenous. I had to eat more. I had to eat less. It was never enough- it was too much. I must waste away- I must rip Him limb from limb and devour His flesh so that He cannot hurt me anymore. Will the Hunger stop then? Will the Anger stop when he is dead?

I’ve lost weight. It never made a difference. She finds new excuses. That was never the reason.

“I can’t call you ‘it.’ I could never do that to you, it’s dehumanizing.”

She doesn’t realize it’s too late for that. I’m not Human anymore. I’m not Like Her.

And I don’t want to be.

I’m trapped in a cage. Pacing. Freedom is right there but I have nowhere to go.

I should be wild. I should be free. I can’t be wild, I never learned how to hunt. I can’t be tamed, I bite people who get too close. I am neither. I can’t live in the wild or in the home. Where does something like that go?

Maybe I was never Normal. But now I will never be.

I want to add something else and it is the fact that Belos not only manipulated and abused but planned to kill Hunter and Collector from the beginning but even though he also manipulated and abused Luz he didn't plan to kill her and even wanted her to agree her side due to the fact that she is human. Hunter had coven sigil so regardless of whether he were loyal to Belos or not he would have died on Day of Unity from the draining spell anyway and Belos throws Collector off the bridge once he is no longer useful, giving to understand that he had planned to kill Collector by making his disk will be destroyed by the impact but with Luz it is a rather peculiar case because unlike what he does with Hunter and Collector, Belos didn't plan to kill Luz because he could kill her before but he didn't and only tries to kill her when he realizes that Luz does not agree with him, this contradiction can be seen after he tried to kill her in "Hollow Mind" for not supporting him but in "King's Tide" he tries to convince her that he wants to help her and offers to take her with him to the Human Realm.

Basically Belos has no qualms when it comes to manipulating, abusing and even killing children once they no longer serve him or rebel against him but he gives Luz several opportunities to join him by implying that he wants human contact so Belos wants to have Luz as if she were his prized possession while Hunter and Collector are disposable items for him, that means, Luz's feelings do not matter to him, nor those of Hunter or those of Collector, but only his own feelings matter to him.

TW Child abuse/manipulation general Belos shenanigans. No spoilers past 3x01, please don’t add spoilers for 3x02 to this post.

Sometimes I think about how Belos targets kids and why, because he knows that kids are still developing and don’t always understand right from wrong, and also it seems like he just likes being around kids more because he feels like he can control them. He’s very aware of what’ll upset Luz, what’ll make her mad, and what to say to her to get what he wants. He’s even more in tune with Hunter, he kind of trains Hunter on certain words like “replacement” that set him off. Hunter’s backstory that he gives in Hunting Palismen is probably almost word for word what Belos taught him to say (he always highlights how Belos gives him the staff which would be important to him as a half-witch but Belos also highlights that himself which feels… interesting, as well as the fact that it sounds rehearsed a bit, because Hunter trails off and then he remembers where to go next with “And then Belos found me”), and Belos definitely taught Hunter to respond to physical violence specifically from him with the freeze reaction which is fucking awful (ex. Eclipse Lake, Hunting Palismen- Belos makes a sudden movement and in both of these Hunter goes silent and still, and then in King’s Tide, Hunter freezes up and goes silent when Belos addresses him). Finally, the Collector he has less control over but it kind of seems like the Collector looks up to him and Belos uses that against him. The Collector gave Belos secret magic, and helped him create the Grimwalkers, in exchange in a lot of ways for Belos’ friendship. Belos and the Collector even pinky swore that Belos would let him out, and Belos abuses that and uses his position of having something the Collector wants to force him to help him. 

I don’t have anything to say about Darius because we haven’t seen them interact directly or alone and we don’t know much about their relationship other than their vague past when Darius was likely a minor so. Yeah. Probably won’t get elaboration on that at this point but this is a History.

I want to add something else and it is the fact that Belos not only manipulated and abused but planned to kill Hunter and Collector from the beginning but even though he also manipulated and abused Luz he didn't plan to kill her and even wanted her to agree her side due to the fact that she is human. Hunter had coven sigil so regardless of whether he were loyal to Belos or not he would have died on Day of Unity from the draining spell anyway and Belos throws Collector off the bridge once he is no longer useful, giving to understand that he had planned to kill Collector by making his disk will be destroyed by the impact but with Luz it is a rather peculiar case because unlike what he does with Hunter and Collector, Belos didn't plan to kill Luz because he could kill her before but he didn't and only tries to kill her when he realizes that Luz does not agree with him, this contradiction can be seen after he tried to kill her in "Hollow Mind" for not supporting him but in "King's Tide" he tries to convince her that he wants to help her and offers to take her with him to the Human Realm.

Basically Belos has no qualms when it comes to manipulating, abusing and even killing children once they no longer serve him or rebel against him but he gives Luz several opportunities to join him by implying that he wants human contact so Belos wants to have Luz as if she were his prized possession while Hunter and Collector are disposable items for him, that means, Luz's feelings do not matter to him, nor those of Hunter or those of Collector, but only his own feelings matter to him.

TW Child abuse/manipulation general Belos shenanigans. No spoilers past 3x01, please don’t add spoilers for 3x02 to this post.

Sometimes I think about how Belos targets kids and why, because he knows that kids are still developing and don’t always understand right from wrong, and also it seems like he just likes being around kids more because he feels like he can control them. He’s very aware of what’ll upset Luz, what’ll make her mad, and what to say to her to get what he wants. He’s even more in tune with Hunter, he kind of trains Hunter on certain words like “replacement” that set him off. Hunter’s backstory that he gives in Hunting Palismen is probably almost word for word what Belos taught him to say (he always highlights how Belos gives him the staff which would be important to him as a half-witch but Belos also highlights that himself which feels… interesting, as well as the fact that it sounds rehearsed a bit, because Hunter trails off and then he remembers where to go next with “And then Belos found me”), and Belos definitely taught Hunter to respond to physical violence specifically from him with the freeze reaction which is fucking awful (ex. Eclipse Lake, Hunting Palismen- Belos makes a sudden movement and in both of these Hunter goes silent and still, and then in King’s Tide, Hunter freezes up and goes silent when Belos addresses him). Finally, the Collector he has less control over but it kind of seems like the Collector looks up to him and Belos uses that against him. The Collector gave Belos secret magic, and helped him create the Grimwalkers, in exchange in a lot of ways for Belos’ friendship. Belos and the Collector even pinky swore that Belos would let him out, and Belos abuses that and uses his position of having something the Collector wants to force him to help him. 

I don’t have anything to say about Darius because we haven’t seen them interact directly or alone and we don’t know much about their relationship other than their vague past when Darius was likely a minor so. Yeah. Probably won’t get elaboration on that at this point but this is a History.

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