Angercore - Tumblr Posts
I wasn’t always a Monster. But I don’t think I was ever quite Human, either.
Perhaps I was always Different by their standards. Fascinated by little knickknacks, collecting things. Always acting a little off, always seen as a little weird. Perhaps I was never meant to be Normal. And that’s fine.
But everything changed when He came into our lives.
Then there was loud, there was fear, and I had to grow claws and fangs and be loud too to protect myself from it.
They don’t want you to be loud and fierce at school. When that happened, they would trap me in the corner. Trap me like a beast in a cage and let me roar and attack uselessly until I had no fight left in me.
But they couldn’t remove the claws and fangs, no matter how hard they tried.
Treat me like an animal long enough and I will act like one, and like an animal I longed to escape my cage. So I would try to run, but they would always catch me.
And when I was “home” after they caught me, He would hear about it. He would come by my bedroom where I sat miserably and stare at me with this cold look. He never spoke a word but His expression told me everything. It was beyond disgust. I was less than human in His eyes. I was a beast in a cage to be gawked at.
When I did something the Humans did not like, She would always hesitate to beat me. She claimed it hurt her too. That was a lie. He did not hesitate. He did it with such vigor and malice one might think He enjoyed it.
As monstrous as I am now, I’m nothing compared to Him.
Many years later was when I realized this body wasn’t right for me. I told Her I needed change.
“You can’t go on testosterone. You’re too fat.”
I knew that wasn’t right but I knew I couldn’t get it without Her help, not yet.
I tried to eat less, I tried to become skin and bones to make Her happy but the Hunger only got worse and it became Ravenous. I had to eat more. I had to eat less. It was never enough- it was too much. I must waste away- I must rip Him limb from limb and devour His flesh so that He cannot hurt me anymore. Will the Hunger stop then? Will the Anger stop when he is dead?
I’ve lost weight. It never made a difference. She finds new excuses. That was never the reason.
“I can’t call you ‘it.’ I could never do that to you, it’s dehumanizing.”
She doesn’t realize it’s too late for that. I’m not Human anymore. I’m not Like Her.
And I don’t want to be.
I’m trapped in a cage. Pacing. Freedom is right there but I have nowhere to go.
I should be wild. I should be free. I can’t be wild, I never learned how to hunt. I can’t be tamed, I bite people who get too close. I am neither. I can’t live in the wild or in the home. Where does something like that go?
Maybe I was never Normal. But now I will never be.
i’m going to expand on this because i like mansplaining so i can show i’m not stupid :D
okay so obvi when you first meet someone with no pretense of them you should be respectful and what not, but if a bitch comes for me, imma come for that bitch ten fold
we (should) all know “treat others how you want to be treated”, i believe we should add “and treat others how they treat you.”
My family talk about drinking special punch so we all go together.
But they don't know I would prefer not too go out with them.
I'd rather go out alone or with strangers instead bcz fk my family they aren't worth ending crap with let a lone life.
The urge to bite people romantically or just straight up aggressively is so strong atm.
you left me inside this pit and after I gathered the few pieces of myself I could during what felt like a whole eternity, yet you'll never know any of this
you didn't knew me, you didn't even tried to know me, I was just a hobby for you
I hope you burn into the deepest hell just to feel a bit of what I felt during this whole time
You said you don't recognize me, maybe it's because YOU FUCKING KILLED ME
I wanna scream, break things and stop pretending I'm ok with dealing with all this
you still haunts me on my nightmares
"you had my heart inside your hands" yet you still chose to break it and still refuses to letting me free without triggering me during my nightmares
part of me was killed and the other half is on a eternal funeral due to not being able to do anything about it
I still think violence is the only right answer even if everything goes wrong
I'm tired of your violence, now it's the time to pray to your God 'cause IT'S MY TURN NOW
My bruises aren't getting any better
I'm still spitting blood but it's becoming less and less red than it was supposed to look
I'm almost unable to feel my whole body except for the pain that never leaves me
I don't know how much time I still have as a living being before my body fully rot
If anything gets worse earlier than I thought, I just wanna say I wasn't happy as I wished but I had great friends and family after all. I don't wanna be remembered with thoughts like "he's always on our hearts", my body was the closest thing you'd have from me (it's kinda weird to type it 'cause I'm way distant from being dead)
but above everything, try to make the world a bit better for people like me, even if it's just a bit. I realize we'll never be seen as equals but I still hope you fight them as much as you can and only rest when all of your spirits gets fully tired
there will never any justice for what they've done with us
like, do you realize how fucked up is it?
besides us, NOBODY is ever going to know any of the pain we felt or the blood that we bled
it's infuriating, but they'll never know any of it too.
I'd really like to make their lives hell just like they did the same with mine
I never got an opportunity to fail without risking the few things I had just by being myself
I'd make your life hell just like you did mine without any sliver of remorse
I'd be afraid of everything and everybody if I wasn't angry with everything and everybody