Yeonjun Angst - Tumblr Posts
traitor - a choi yeonjun smau
synopsis: you and yeonjun were best friends for most of your life’s but he’d recently gotten into a toxic relationship with someone you’ve never liked, he knew that and still decided to be with her. though you’d never thought he’d go to the extent of cutting you off because of her. much less expect that years later he’d make his way back into your life.
- featuring: txt, yunjin (lesserafim), liz (ive), keeho (p1harmony), jay & heeseung (+ the rest of enhypen occasionally)
- genre: social media smau, college smau, non idol smau, crack, angst, fluff
- warnings: angst (first ep), swearing, toxic gf, lots of kys jokes, grammar mistakes, time stamps r sometimes wrong 😔
- updates: whenever i feel up to it since this isn’t my top priority atm
- status: on going
- started: 9/23/23 (in the drafts LMFAOO)
taglist: ALWAYS OPEN! bold couldn’t be taged 💔(@bbinwrld @soobsfairy444 @stqrgr7 @nishik1 @skittlez-area512 @odisdad @zonked-times @vocaloshin @vixensss @mackjestic @matcha-binz @txtmetonight @novvogily @ckline35 @jaeneohee @staryuyu @binluvsu @kyujism @doumachi @beomkgyu @cherriesbloss0m @cur-sedd @ye0nvibezzn @reallyspaghetti @304files @haechansbbg @purriodsblog @alemi-i @ioanawlw @soobadooba @jayhoonvroom @harufluff @minjiji-03 @geminidas @nnana2 )
inspired by request !!
- edit: im really glad yall are enjoying this smau but please remember to not spam like !!
PROFILES: the gang bang ‼️ | (NOT) FURRYS 😣😣
ONE: traitor !!
TWO: gc debrief 🫡
THREE: tyuns plans?
FOUR: tyuns plans? pt 2 (written + smau)
FIVE: #lovelife🫰‼️
SIX: COOLNESS 😊
SEVEN: win her back
EIGHT: insane.
NINE: really pretty (written)
TEN: cupcakes man
ELEVEN: the ferris wheel (written + smau)
TWELVE: worried
THIRTEEN: say hi
..tba!
traitor -PROFILES!! the gang bang 💥
traitor -PROFILES!! (NOT) FURRYS 😣😣
traitor- ONE: traitor !!
synopsis: you and yeonjun were best friends for most of your life’s but he’d recently gotten into a toxic relationship with someone you’ve never liked, he knew that and still decided to be with her. though you’d never thought he’d go to the extent of cutting you off because of her. much less expect that years later he’d make his way back into your life.
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AN: FIRST SMAU SERIES ERAA lots of angst in this one!
tags: @bbinwrld @soobsfairy444
traitor- TWO: gc debrief 🫡
synopsis: you and yeonjun were best friends for most of your life’s but he’d recently gotten into a toxic relationship with someone you’ve never liked, he knew that and still decided to be with her. though you’d never thought he’d go to the extent of cutting you off because of her. much less expect that years later he’d make his way back into your life.
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tags: (@bbinwrld @soobsfairy444 @stqrgr7 @nishik1 @skittlez-area512)
traitor- THREE: tyuns plans?
synopsis: you and yeonjun were best friends for most of your life’s but he’d recently gotten into a toxic relationship with someone you’ve never liked, he knew that and still decided to be with her. though you’d never thought he’d go to the extent of cutting you off because of her. much less expect that years later he’d make his way back into your life.
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tags: (@bbinwrld @soobsfairy444 @stqrgr7 @nishik1 @skittlez-area512 @odisdad @zonked-times @vocaloshin)
traitor- FOUR: tyuns plans? pt 2
synopsis: you and yeonjun were best friends for most of your life’s but he’d recently gotten into a toxic relationship with someone you’ve never liked, he knew that and still decided to be with her. though you’d never thought he’d go to the extent of cutting you off because of her. much less expect that years later he’d make his way back into your life.
| prev | masterlist | next | • (word count: 455)
you were dying of boredom and thirst. you and jay had been in this cafe for what felt like hours, which it probably was.
getting up from your seat to stretch you suggest to jay. “im kinda thirsty how about we get some refreshers? plus i am in desperate need of a break.”
jay gets up sighing in relief “thank god my brain hurts”
you laugh at his response, “i thought you were supposed to be my tutor?” he looks back at you with squinted eyes and furrowed eyebrows “hey i only offered because we both need it”
you chuckle, getting in line with jay when you suddenly hear a familiar voice ordering in front of you. it sounded like.. soobin?
you scanned the cafe nervously to see if yeonjun was around and sure enough there he was with taehyun and kai. sitting at a table near the door, luckily away from where you were sitting.
you felt a bit of relief for a moment, that was until taehyun spotted you. you immediately broke eye contact hoping he somehow didn’t see you. you thought, surely he wouldn’t come up to you or something? you thought wrong.
“y/n its been a while!” taehyun spoke. feeling a pit in your stomach all you could muster up to say was “haha! yeah it has!” your voice slightly breaking from nervousness between a fake chuckle. by this point you could feel yeonjun’s and his entire friend group’s eyes on you.
thankfully jay was there to break the tension, “oh, you must be one of y/n’s old friends?”
taehyun immediately responded with a small smile “yeah, we haven’t spoken in a while but i was hoping on changing that. y/n do you think we can speak outside?”
you quickly look at jay for confirmation to which he simply nods slightly giving you the “okay”.
-
you followed taehyun and as soon as you were both outside he started speaking. “i know this might seem weird considering everything but yeonjun is going through a really hard time right now. i assume he’s texted you about it?”
your heart heavy as you nodded “yeah he did text me about it.”
taehyun sighs, “well, i guess im not surprised. he acts like he’s fine with us but i know hes not. i mean who could? being in a 3 year toxic relationship…”
you felt terrible, guilty that you didn’t respond to yeonjun’s text.
there was a moment of silence before taehyun started talking again. “but thats not what i wanted to talk to you about. i don’t want to say it now though, would you mind if i texted you?”
you knew you shouldn’t but- “yeah go ahead my number is still the same”
-
(a few days later)
YALL BETTER BE FEDDDD WITH THIS EP BC IT TOOK ME SAUR LONG FOR WHAT??? I USED TO BE HORRENDOUS AT WRITING WHEN I STARTED THIS BLOG OMG i literally hate writing ‼️ one of the reasons why i make texts but lmk if this is acceptable ☝️
tags: (@bbinwrld @soobsfairy444 @stqrgr7 @nishik1 @skittlez-area512 @odisdad @zonked-times @vocaloshin @vixensss)
traitor- NINE: really pretty
synopsis: you and yeonjun were best friends for most of your life’s but he’d recently gotten into a toxic relationship with someone you’ve never liked, he knew that and still decided to be with her. though you’d never thought he’d go to the extent of cutting you off because of her. much less expect that years later he’d make his way back into your life.
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fuck. thats what you thought, choi yeonjun hasn’t been in your apartment in what? 4 years? hes drunk and heavy, i mean seriously it took at least more than 40 minutes to drag him here. well there’s certainly nothing you can do now, so here he sits in your living room completely wasted. blabbering about something you can’t interpret. “yeonjun are you hungry?”
he shakes his head slowly, “m-m no” sighing you walk over from the kitchen to sit next to him. “yeonjun you have two options” you say putting your index finger in the air. “one, being to eat or-” putting your middle finger up, “two, go throw up all that alcohol in you.” you get up, clapping your hands together, “so what it’d be?”
he lifts his head to look at you, “y/nnnn i really don’t wanna do that”
downturned eyes glistening with the dim living room light and an apparent pout on his lips thats making you giggle. he smiles and rubs his eyes to look at you a bit more clearly. “hey~ why are you laughing?”
he looks really pretty.
“nothing, you have to eat. come on” you help him get up from the couch, leading him to your kitchen and sitting him down on one of the island stools. “now me, a master chef will make you anything you want.” you take a bow but cant stop yourself from laughing, “at your service”
he laughs, “you know, you’re really cool y/n. i messed up a-and i’ve missed you… i-m sorry..” mid apology his voice started shaking and you could see tears forming in his eyes.
you rushed to comfort him, “hey, hey, no don’t cry. i was hurt before yes but im better and im glad we’re together again. i’ve missed you a whole lot too yeonjun”
he looks up with more tears though not of sadness this time. “r-really?”
“of course jun”
you spoke softly with a smile. if only you knew how pretty you looked right now. he always thought that, not only in looks but truly just pretty. if he had to explain this it would probably be it’s your manner and the way you talk so confidently. it’s nothing like four years ago.. you’ve changed, a good change.
“now, what do you want to eat?”
“mmm pizza” yeonjun said with a big cute smile like you could easily just wip up a pizza. letting out a laugh you say, “i know said i was a chef but thats not on the menu, i can order it?” he nods like an excited little kid, “yes please”
twenty minutes pass when the pizza delivery arrives, you tip the delivery man and bring the pizza over to the kitchen. “i know you’re not a fan of pineapple pizza but i got half of that for me” he looks up at you in disgust. ”thats gross” you click your tongue, opening the box to hand him one of his slices “just eat the pizza”
he smiles before taking a bite, “thank you, for taking care of me.”
-
you left to the bathroom for a moment and come back to see yeonjun’s upper body on the marble island and his head resting down on his arms. “you awake?” you ask but no response.
sighing you gently get him up and into your room, plopping him down onto your bed. “you’re lucky you have such a good friend like me” you whisper while fixing the sheets on top of him.
once you’re done tucking him in you smile and wish him goodnight, turning to leave the room- “y/n, stay for a bit please.” he mumbles. your eyes widen at his speech angrily whispering, “you scared me, i thought you were asleep”
he lowly chuckles, “please stay”
you walk back over to sit down on the floor, resting your head down on the bed. “okay, just for a while” yeonjun nods before slowly drifting of to sleep.
never you’d imagined something like this. him in your room and looking at him while he’s peaceful asleep. you’d be lying if you said you weren’t admiring him, looking at his features and reminiscing about old memories you have in this apartment. him helping you move in and hosting the best house warming party. the next day having to drop him off at his dorm because of how drunk he got. always such a lightweight. still, it saddens you to think about how your relationship ended. thinking how stupid it was. if it were to happen now instead of then you wouldn’t have given up on him that easily. you still blame yourself for that. “giving up” though you didn’t really, it feels like you did.
moments pass and you begin getting up from the floor wishing him a goodnight once again as you close the bedroom door, making your way to the couch for the night.
-
morning comes and hungover yeonjun is awakening and- shit he had a massive headache. where was he?
dark green sheets..?
he slowly sits up and begins to recall last nights events and where he currently was.
holy shit y/n. is she awake? do i check?
he gets up fully and slightly opens the bedroom door to see you asleep on the couch.
thank god she’s asleep, do i leave and not come back? fuck, no im not an complete asshole.
yeonjun sits back down on the bed contemplating what he should do in this situation, completely embarrassed of his actions from last night.
oh god… did i really cry? whatever, im starving. OH! i could make breakfast? no im not that great at cooking, ill just go buy something.
she has sticky notes on her desk.. that should work right?
yeonjun quickly gets his things, puts on his shoes and opens the apartment door to leave. shoot can’t forget this before sticking the note to the fridge.
note: i went out to get us breakfast! don’t think i left lol - junnie
-
waking up you go to knock on your bedroom door, “yeonjun you awake?” no reply.. why am i knocking? its my room..? “im going in okay?” you slowly open the door to see messy sheets and yeonjun no where to be found.
what the fuck??? did he leave??
you leave the room and start pacing the living room thinking of possible reasons as to why he left.
what if he thought it was weird and left? or maybe he doesn’t remember anything and thought we… oh my-
turning around you notice yellow square on your fridge, a sticky note? that definitely wasn’t there.. you read the note and you’re smiling, why are you smiling? so he left to get you breakfast..? cute
*ding*
you get your phone from the couch to look at its recent notification, smiling once again seeing it’s from yeonjun.
yeonjun: idk if you’re up but im bringing muffins, ik banana nut is your favorite :)
y/n: ahh you know me well! ill be waiting 🫶🏻
MWHAHAHAHAH finally a written ep!! i dont feel especially confident in my writing so my apologies if this is not great !
tags: @bbinwrld @soobsfairy444 @stqrgr7 @nishik1 @skittlez-area512 @odisdad @zonked-times @vocaloshin @vixensss @mackjestic @matcha-binz @txtmetonight @novvogily @ckline35 @jaeneohee @staryuyu @binluvsu @kyujism @doumachi @beomkgyu @cherriesbloss0m @cur-sedd @ye0nvibezzn @soobadooba
traitor- ELEVEN: the ferris wheel
synopsis: you and yeonjun were best friends for most of your life’s but he’d recently gotten into a toxic relationship with someone you’ve never liked, he knew that and still decided to be with her. though you’d never thought he’d go to the extent of cutting you off because of her. much less expect that years later he’d make his way back into your life.
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“what do you mean of course you did? it took you 5 tries” you say laughing, covering your mouth. “okay to be fair, the games here are rigged!” he smiles at your laughing face, taking into account jakes words. “do it already” but when is the perfect time to do so?
“okay so wanna go on the ferris wheel next?” you asked but jay paid no heed, too busy in his own thoughts and mindlessly responded, “yeah of course, lets go”
walking together side by side, jay cant help but eye your hand contemplating if he should hold it or not. wondering whether or not acting upon it would be too much since after all in your eyes you’re just friends.
-
after patiently waiting in line jay hands the tickets to go on the wheel giving you a light smile, “lets go” candidly, jay was a bit nervous to get on. he didn’t especially have a fear towards heights it was more of a fear of the ride suddenly stopping at the top. i guess it was perceptible on his face as the ride began since you suddenly asked, “are you okay jay?” he inclined his head, “yeah im fine” for a short time you looked at him with a worrisome expression before reaching your hand out to rest on top of his. “it’s fine if you don’t want to tell me.”
why do you act like this? you make his heart race but your face telling him that it wasn’t a big deal, that he shouldn’t think to much of this, that this is a normal thing for friends.
looking at your hands together he thinks, but isn’t this was he wanted all along?
the rest of the ride was awkward, he couldn’t get out of this thoughts. did you even like him back? what would be the point of sacrificing your friendship? just so he could get relief from his built up feelings?
this continued for the rest of the night, he tried to push it away but it was clear the mood had shifted.
in the end he just couldn’t do it, he was so determined to confess but realized if the possibility of loosing you was in the question then he can deal with his feelings on his own.
A/N: AHH IM SO SORRY FOR THIS GUYS but this is a yeonjun smau 😔😔💔 sorry if there’s any grammar mistakes im literally so sleepy making this 😭
tags: @bbinwrld @soobsfairy444 @stqrgr7 @nishik1 @skittlez-area512 @odisdad @zonked-times @vocaloshin @vixensss @mackjestic @matcha-binz @txtmetonight @novvogily @ckline35 @jaeneohee @staryuyu @binluvsu @kyujism @doumachi @beomkgyu @cherriesbloss0m @cur-sedd @ye0nvibezzn @reallyspaghetti @304files @soobadooba @jayhoonvroom
traitor- TWELVE: worried
synopsis: you and yeonjun were best friends for most of your life’s but he’d recently gotten into a toxic relationship with someone you’ve never liked, he knew that and still decided to be with her. though you’d never thought he’d go to the extent of cutting you off because of her. much less expect that years later he’d make his way back into your life.
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making this while listening to bags by clairo did NOT help 😂 why am i sad for them
tags: @bbinwrld @soobsfairy444 @stqrgr7 @nishik1 @skittlez-area512 @odisdad @zonked-times @vocaloshin @vixensss @mackjestic @matcha-binz @txtmetonight @novvogily @ckline35 @jaeneohee @staryuyu @binluvsu @kyujism @doumachi @vivicake @cherriesbloss0m @cur-sedd @ye0nvibezzn @reallyspaghetti @304files @haechansbbg @purriodsblog @alemi-i @ioanawlw @soobadooba @jayhoonvroom
Matters of the Heart Ep. 7
Pairing: Best friend! Yeonjun x gn. reader
Genre: Fluff; Angst; Maybe eventual smut
Content Warnings: University au!; lots pining; our main leads being stupid; I haven't planned smut for this one, but it might as well turn suggestive; breakup (a rather clean one though); confusion confusion and Yena being a sweetheart
Word Count: 1.84k words
Mellow speaks: Last leg of the story let's go! This is gonna be the last confusion of this story, I swear lol. Also, I couldn't stand the drama anymore either, so I decided to.....add a new drama!
Tagging: @sweethyuka @yedamology @enhacolor @axartia @hyunsuksmygod @yogurteume @duolingofanaccount @zurimochi @yogurteume @blahbluhblahbluh @yeonyeonyeonjun @yjs6x @silent--cry @delacyrose224 @rlajjunie @hotboyyeonjun @blue-last-page-514 @bluxjun @yutacchin @zen003xx @yawnzznlvr @magicalstudentwhispers @foryawnzzn @nyfwyeonjun @bluejin0812 @najaemin138 @laylasbunbunny @moaberryjjunie @robin-obsessed @calssunflower
(Taglist is open!! Send in an ask/dm to be added, or simply comment under this post!)
《Previous Next》
It suddenly feels as if nothing has changed, that you never left. But even though that should be what makes you happy, you can't help feel a little twinge of guilt break through that happiness. With Yeonjun following you around like a puppy, just as he used to do before your trip to Australia, you have to say your days feel brighter than they had been feeling, your phone always blowing up with notifications from him, even though he sits not two steps away from you. He cares so much, making sure you're eating and not letting you out of his sight for more than a couple minutes, and it takes everything in you to not melt at his sweetness.
It feels like you have him back, truly have your place in his life back at long last. And while it does warm your heart every time he puts his hands on your shoulders and matches his footsteps with yours, there's also this soft voice in the back of your mind. The voice that makes you look up from your place he shows you the trailer of your favorite actor's new movie on his phone, excitedly planning your movie night that's still months away. The voice that makes your eyes land on Yena, forcing herself to smile as she joins in on the conversation, nodding her head and laughing a little when she gets invited to the movie too.
Yeah, Yeonjun is trying harder this time, instead of making half-assed attempts at keeping the both of you in his life. No, this time he's trying his best to make peace with the both of you, and you can see that from the way he way he's been making time for the both of you. If it's a froyo-date with you, then a study date is what Yena gets. If watching him practice is Yena's job, then watching him play losers' basketball with the guys every evening is yours. If he falls asleep on your shoulder, he makes it up to her by kissing her on the nose, and if she brings him some lunch, then you're the one he feeds the last pizza slice to.
And when it's the three of you together in one room, you can finally say that your feelings are under control, that you don't feel as sad as you used to. Yet, it still unnerves you whenever you're left alone with him, the thoughts and memories from that night up in the infirmary rushing to your head and making you uneasy. You can't help but picture the way he had leaned in so close you could feel his hot breath on your lips, nor can you stop yourself from being drawn to the image of him saying that you're his priority.
His words had had an odd effect on you back then, making your chest tighten and your toes curl as you had felt like a teenager in love all over again. You had wanted to talk to him more that night, had wanted to get answers to the questions that were brewing in your head. But as he had held your hand, smiling at you while imploring you to go back to sleep, you just couldn't find it in yourself to break the tranquil atmosphere that had settled around the pair of you. So you had stayed quiet, choosing to simply smile and let things be forgotten as a slip-up while you gave yourself a rest.
But still, every time you end up being alone with him, those same thoughts waste not a second in overwhelming you, your mind playing tricks on you and making you see him staring at your lips when he most probably isn't. "No," you try to tell yourself, "I must be dreaming. It was all a mistake. Yeonjun has feelings for Yena, we just messed up in that moment. That's all." That's the reasoning you give yourself every single time, completely deaf to the whirlwind of emotions the man seated beside you feels when he's with you.
Yeah, he knows it was a mistake now. He knows he shouldn't have done that, and believe me when I say he's absolutely kicking himself for it. Not for leaning in to kiss you, though, that's the last thing he wants to be sorry for, because he knows that was the right thing to do. Of course, he feels guilty for almost having had cheated on his girlfriend, but he can't seem to bring himself to be sorry for admitting to his feelings at last, even if it's only to himself.
Ever since that night, all he's been doing is try. Try to make himself love Yena like he's supposed to, try to feel as happy when he's with her as he feels with you. And by try, I mean that this time, he really has been giving it his all into making his relationship work, he's really been trying to be a decent boyfriend. And that's something everyone can see, including you and even Yena. But the one thing that no one sees, or if they do, they don't say a word. It's that the harder he's trying, the clearer it's becoming to him that he can't be a decent boyfriend.
He's come to realize that having had said yes to Yena's confession had been nothing but a mistake, and he can tell that his efforts alone aren't going to work if he lacks a heart that beats for her. He's come to terms with the fact he needs to stop pretending things would end up any different, and he knows he needs to break up with Yena, and he needs to do it as soon as possible. He needs to give himself a chance at being happy with you, and he needs to stop leading that poor girl on for nothing.
That's what he has in mind as he shows up to the orientation ceremony for the new semester, his heart beating wildly in his chest as he contemplates his plan of action. He's going to be calm about it, and he's going to accept the entire blame because he's the one at fault anyway. His so-called "plan of action," though, is nothing more than mere words of apology, because he knows that nothing he says is going to make a difference now. He can't do anything other than apologize.
The thoughts swirling through his head, he only belatedly realizes that Yena has taken a seat next to him, a smile starting to play at his lips as he attempts, and fails, to make himself reach out for her hand one last time. But it's not like she seems hurt by that, and it's not like she even notices it, choosing instead to launch into a discussion about anything and everything. And he joins in too, finding himself at ease with the way things are going, laughing and treating her like a friend at least, if not a girlfriend.
But of course, that's the moment you decide to show up, the words dying inside Yeonjun's mouth as he finds himself struck speechless by your beauty. You're wearing a simple skirt, a crop top hugging your midriff and and a pair of sneakers completing your look. Nothing out of the ordinary, and yet, he can't bring himself to take his eyes off your form as you smile at him, taking a seat in the row behind his. That's his undoing, his mind wandering over to you and his heart aching to be closer to you as he finds his replies faltering, his attention getting diverted by you every few minutes as the ceremony begins.
And in the end, it's with you he sits, his claims of wanting to discuss your presentation about Shake 'Em Up and the radio in general flying out to the wind as he can't keep himself from smiling as he talks to you about every topic under the sky, as if he hasn't seen you in years when in reality, it's been nothing more than a couple of hours. Yena sees it all, the hard gaze of her eyes betraying the thoughts in her head. "What thoughts?," you might be wondering, but the answer should be right in front of your eyes by now.
Because what she's thinking about is not so different from what Yeonjun has been thinking all this time too. She's thinking about how hopeless things are, and how she needs her mental peace. It's these thoughts that are playing in her head even after the ceremony ends, and which make her call him out to the rooftop afterwards. "Won't take long," she says, eyeing your smiling faces with a......wistful? expression, you can't quite place.
And true to her word, five minutes is all it takes her to break up with Yeonjun, getting the upper hand for once as she beats him at it. "It's obvious you love Y/N," are her words, catching Yeonjun by surprise as she smiles at him. "You two should be together, I'm sorry I came between your feelings for each other." He tries to open his mouth to speak, but before he can so much as get an ounce of apology out, she stops him. "Don't apologize, Y/N's the one you loved first, I should have seen it. I don't hold it against you, but I feel like I deserve to stop running after someone who will never feel the same way about me."
That's the last thing she says before walking away, Yeonjun's "Sorry" and "I was a jerk to you, please don't ever forgive me," falling on her back.
He feels awful, he really does. He knows he needs to set things right, but he also knows she deserves time alone, away from him and his jerk self. So he decides to talk to you first, and tell you what he really feels about you. He's happy that at least, he didn't cheat on her or do anything he knew he'd regret. But now he needs to come clean to you, needs to get you to see him. Reject him if you will, but he can't keep his feelings to himself anymore. So, he runs, once more. Runs faster than the wind, runs as fast as his feet would take him. Until he reaches you at last, sitting by yourself at your favorite cafeteria seat, just like you'd said you would.
But just when he comes to a halt behind you, a smile on his face upon noticing that you haven't seen him yet, he hears your phone ring, and he watches you pick it up. He doesn't think much of it at first, but the longer you continue to talk, the deeper his heart sinks.
"Hey sweetie!"
"Aww I miss you too! Wish you were here to watch out for me like you used to do."
"I love you too."
And that's when he realizes he doesn't know what to think anymore.
Matters of the Heart Ep. 8
Pairing: Best friend! Yeonjun x gn. reader
Genre: Fluff; Angst; Maybe eventual smut
Content Warnings: University au!; lots pining; our main leads being stupid; I haven't planned smut for this one, but it might as well turn suggestive; this chapter is another angst filled load of drama but I promise it'll get better (real better) in the next one- please don't hate me!
Word Count: 2k words
Mellow speaks: Ookkkayyyyy, so this is long overdue and I'm super sorry for that. I've just been really busy the past week and it took a toll on my health too but I'm better now! Let's get on to it!
Tagging: @sweethyuka @yedamology @enhacolor @axartia @hyunsuksmygod @yogurteume @duolingofanaccount @zurimochi @blahbluhblahbluh @yeonyeonyeonjun @yjs6x @silent--cry @delacyrose224 @rlajjunie @hotboyyeonjun @blue-last-page-514 @bluxjun @yutacchin @zen003xx @yawnzznlvr @magicalstudentwhispers @foryawnzzn @nyfwyeonjun @bluejin0812 @najaemin138 @laylasbunbunny @moaberryjjunie @najaemin138 @laylasbunbunny @moaberryjjunie @robin-obsessed @calssunflower @swankynebula
(Taglist is open!! Send in an ask/dm to be added, or simply comment under this post!)
《Previous Next》
You can feel someone's gaze on you, burning holes into the back of your head as you continue your animated telephonic conversation. Who are you talking to? Well, that's a story for after you see who it is that's been staring you for two minutes straight. That's the thought you hold as while turning around towards the entrance of the cafeteria, almost certain it's going to be one of your friends, hoping despite yourself that it's Yeonjun.
But when your eyes land on the doorframe, all you see is a group of....second years? You can't say for sure, but you know pretty well that it couldn't possibly have been any of them. The presence that you were feeling is all but gone, and you can't help but feel confused about who it was who left without a word. Furrowed your brows, you try to find an answer to the question for a little longer, only to have the voice that filters through your phone pull you out of your thoughts. "Y/N? You there bub?," the voice calls out, making you roll your eyes even though not a soul is there to see it."
In hindsight, maybe someone should actually have been there to see just that, and also to hear what you say next.
"How many times do I have to tell you not to call me that? Only Yeonjun can call me bub, no one else," are you words, making the person on the other end raise his hands up even if you can't see him. "I'm sorry, love," he laughs, proceeding to tell you how much he misses you and how he wishes you could come back soon.
"I really miss you guys too, and I promise I'll be there one day soon, with my whole gang this time," you tell him, smiling a little as he says he might as well come to Seoul himself. "Need to see that Yeonjun of yours with my own eyes, after all. I wanna know what it is he has that I don't." That makes you let out a laugh, the sound a little happy and a little wistful while you tell him that your best friend has a girlfriend.
When it's time to hang up, your chest feels lighter and your head feels clearer, the thoughts and worries that you had been carrying around with you for weeks finally having found an outlet. You were trying to be okay, but it was hard not being able to tell anyone how you really were feeling, for fear of making things uncomfortable for your friends.
"Thanks for calling today, Leo. You know talking to you never fails to make me feel better," you say before ending the call, a happy spring in your step as you make your way out the cafeteria. It's then that you notice that Yeonjun is nowhere to be found, even though he had promised he'd be there as soon as he got done talking to Yena, in order to discuss the theme for the radio's upcoming week.
"Weird," is the only thing you can think to yourself, a confused expression on your face as you embark on your quest to find him again, something you seem to have been doing a lot recently. You call Soobin up, but Yeonjun isn't with him. "I'm with Taehyun right now, we were just buying some pet food. I haven't seen him since the ceremony," he says, hanging up after suggesting that you try calling the other two.
And you're just about to do that, when your eyes land on a familiar mop of hair not ten feet away. There you see Kai, a heavy book tucked under one arm while the other is casually thrown around a shorter mop-haired guy, the sight making you let out a fond chuckle. As your feet carry you over to them, you soon register the fact that the one you're looking for is not with them either.
The realization is somehow written all over your face, making Beomgyu let out a sigh as he rolls his eyes. "He's not with us. Maybe you should try asking his girlfriend," he says, his hand now resting on your head as he pats it gently, a sympathetic smile on his face. "Yeah Y/N," Kai pipes in, shifting the book from one hand to the other, '"Better ask Yena than us."
The looks they give you have you going into defensive mode once more, a forced laugh escaping you as you get ready to prove a point. "You're staring at me funny," you retort, shutting down any arguments they might have up their sleeves when you turn your back to them, your fingers dialing Yena's number before you can stop yourself. But she doesn't answer, a behavior that definitely strikes you as odd coming from her.
"Guess I'm on my own, huh?," you muse to yourself, beginning to walk away from the square and down the corridors in search of Yeonjun. The classrooms are turn you up nothing but dust, your annoyance growing with every call of yours that goes to voice-mail. "Doesn't take that long to answer and tell me you're busy," you mutter under your breath, the sound of your sneakers falling against the tiles as you jog down the halls, empty-handed till you reach that one door.
The door to the dance practice room, the place that's the closest to Yeonjun's heart after your beloved rooftop, and the place you still dread visiting because you're scared of seeing something you aren't all that keen on seeing. Even though it's never happened in the weeks that you've been back, you can't help being a little wary of finding Yena there with your best friend, not wanting to encroach on their time alone and making things unnecessarily uncomfortable.
Yet right now, as the loud bass of the music bleeding through the speakers makes its way to your ears, coupled with the loud banging of footsteps, you find yourself approaching the door slowly, pushing it open because you already know someone's in there. And what you see inside is something that fills you up with even more dread.
No, it's not Yena with her arms wrapped around Yeonjun's shoulders, kissing him like there's no tomorrow. Instead, it's Yeonjun, alone in the room, his body moving to the rhythm as if he's mad at something, the anger clear on his face. The grunts and groans that escape him as he goes about doing his thing tell you he's not in a good mood right now, and it becomes even more evident when he doesn't notice you standing by the door.
You're transfixed by his moves, his emotions laying bare for you to see with every step he takes. He's one with the music, the loud beats and the thumping of his feet gelling into one the longer you watch. Mesmerized by his performance, you don't even realize when the song comes to an end, Yeonjun's heavy breaths becoming the only thing to be heard as his feet stop moving, his body almost collapsing to the floor before his eyes land on you.
"What're you doing here?," his voice draws you out of your trance, more icy than it's ever been. It has an edge to it that catches you off-guard, causing you to blink your eyes, perplexed at his sudden hostility. "I came here to see you," you respond after a couple of beats have passed, confused to say the least. "You never showed up at the-"
"Didn't show up?," he asks, sounding incredulous of your words, his gaze accusatory as he turns to look at you fully. "Didn't show up? Try, 'I was a bit too busy to notice when you did show up,'" he all but spits, venom lacing his voice. "What're you on about?," you catch yourself asking in return, becoming defensive for the second time that evening, "I never saw you enter the cafeteria, but if you saw me, you could have approached me instead."
You know you're being reasonable, but as Yeonjun crosses his arms over his chest, dry laughter slipping past his lips, you feel more vulnerable than anything else. "Well, I couldn't exactly approach you when you were so busy being all sappy on the phone now, could I?" "Wait a second," you think to yourself, your eyes trained on the man in front of you as you feel things click inside your head.
"On the phone? I don't know what you heard Jjun, but I think you're getting the wrong picture," is what you say, taken aback by the way he's taking this, "I was just talking to Leo, my friend from Australia." The moment those words escape your lips, you see Yeonjun widen his eyes, the sight making you feel he's finally catching on to what you're saying. But of course, things don't go that easy for you, his anger only seeming to rise as he asks, "Leo? That idiot who asked you out back during your first month there? The one who totally had the hots for you?"
And that's when you know he's off on a tangent, all sorts of stupid stuff spewing out before he even thinks to stop. "So he's the one you're messing with now? Seriously? And you didn't even think to tell me? I mean, I deserve to know if you're being all 'I love you sweetie' with someone, don't I?" That's the last thing you hear before losing it, your own patience wearing thin as as you launch into a rant.
"Deserve to know? I really don't understand how you got yourself under that illusion, Choi Yeonjun. You don't deserve to know shit, not after you kept the fact that you have a girlfriend from me. You didn't think I was important enough to know, but did you ever see me getting angry at you over that without reason? No, because I'm not petty like that.
And despite that, you still have the audacity to call me out for not telling you if I'm messing with someone? Didn't it occur to you even once to actually try and talk to me about it, instead of lashing out from the get-go? If you remember the fact that that 'idiot' was the one who asked me out during my first month there, then shouldn't you also be aware of the fact that you had been the first person I had told about it. But no, it seems like it very conveniently slipped your mind, huh?"
Now he's the one at a loss for words, blinking like a deer caught in headlights. "T-that's besides the point," he tries to reason, his being overcome with guilt as he finds his accusations getting washed away. But you're not having his drama now, the feelings you've been holding back on coming to the fore at last. "You didn't feel bad even once keeping me in the dark, but you suddenly take it to heart if I don't tell you about a friend?"
"Well you seemed much more than friends with him to me, the way you were smiling and being all giggly on the phone." "Yeah right. A phone call was all it took for you to determine my relation to Leo, isn't it? You're so damn perceptive, I must say. Maybe that's why you thought not telling me would save me the pain, huh?" You're on a roll now, angry words bursting like fireworks as you feel your eyes grow watery. "Well just so you know, you not telling me hurt me more than anything else ever has."
"And so you decided to get back at me for that, didn't you?," he claps back, not a hint of remorse evident in his voice even though he can feel it inside. "You decided to go against my back and get yourself a boyfriend, right when I-" He stops short at that, the next lying dying at the tip of his tongue as the waterworks finally begin for you.
"You know what?," you seethe, eyes bloodshot and hands shaking as you manage to get one last thing out. "Yeah. Yeah I did get myself a boyfriend behind your back. Because you don't fucking deserve to know."
And with that, you're out the door.
— AWKWARD (c.yj)
summary. you let your best friend see your body, and now it's awkward.
wc. 1972 words
genre. angst. college!au.
warnings. mentions of sex and alcohol. suggestive. yeonjun x fem!reader
a/n. the end is rough; i might rewrite it. barely proofread.
one.
of all the friends you have at college, you’ve known yeonjun the longest. your mothers grew up together and were best friends that dreamed of raising their kids together. you saw each other through snotty nose and scraped knees in elementary school and through first heartbreaks and senior prom dates. he was even the one who convinced your parents to let you move from your small suburban town to the big city for college.
tonight, you sat on the couch of his friend’s apartment, nursing another red solo cup, watching him suck the face off of some random girl.
you felt a pit in your stomach.
anyone would think that because you had known each other for so long, seen each other at your absolute worst, there would be no way your relationship would ever cross that platonic-romantic line. but as you watched yeonjun become the confident man he is today, the image of that bratty little kid, who always tried to get you in trouble, faded away. and you couldn’t help but develop these weird feelings about your best friend.
there have been many times where you have actually brought up the idea of you guys getting together. jokingly, of course. because lord knows that you would never tell him how much you wanted his soft lips against yours. especially not after he laughs whenever you bring it up.
so now, you just watch him, as he leaves you in a corner of the house parties he drags you along to, flirt with other people.
you chug the remainder of the drink in your hand, wincing. you hate the taste of beer but it’s the only thing they have at these stupid parties. you get up a little too fast, and the wind almost knocks you back down. you didn’t think you were that drunk, but then again that was your third drink in the last hour.
you walked over to the kitchen and tapped the black haired boy on the shoulder. he moaned against her lips, not even acknowledging the fact that you were right next to him. your face turned red with embarrassment as you tapped him again. this time, the girl pulled away from him. “can i help you?” she asked.
you didn’t look at her, just at yeonjun. he looked annoyed at the fact that you just interrupted him. his arm was still wrapped around her waist.
“jun, i want to go home.” he looked between the two of you, hesitant in his response.
“right now?”
“yeah, i’m kind of tired. don’t really want to be here right now.” you looked at the rest of the party.
“do you want me to call you a car?” he ran his fingers through his hair. are you really trying to cockblock him right now?
“i think i’m going to throw up.” you lied.
“fuck.” he mumbled, “seriously?” you nodded in response.
“okay. shit,” he turned to the girl, his arm still around her waist. “i’ve gotta go.”
“you’re seriously leaving me right now?”
“i need to take her home.” his voice sounded sad. “but, uh… i’ll see you around?” it sounded more like he was trying to convince himself that he would ever speak to this girl again. she pushed him away from her and walked out of the kitchen.
his arm was supporting your back as he walked you to your apartment. his friend’s place was already small, but the fact that it was packed like a can of sardines made you feel a little claustrophobic. the night air sobered you up. nevertheless, when you entered your apartment, yeonjun walked you to your room and laid you on the bed.
“do you want to stay the night?” you asked him in a small voice.
“no,” he was already halfway to the bedroom door now. “i have to work in the morning.”
“i’m sorry.”
“for what?” he walked back to your bed.
“for making you leave early.”
“it’s all good. you should go to bed though.”
“can you please stay?” you asked again. a little more desperately this time.
“i’ll see you later, y/n.” he bent down to kiss your forehead. “good night.”
two.
it was the last day of finals and you and yeonjun were celebrating together in his apartment. “i can’t believe we’re finally done. this semester was rough.” he was double majoring in music business and dance and he had a lot of final projects to complete in those last few weeks of school. this was the first time you had seen each other since last month. “how should we celebrate?” he asked you with a smile on his face. you missed him.
“we should,” you began, an evil grin appearing on your face. “we should play truth or truth.”
“that’s not a real game.” he interjected.
“yes, it is. and we are going to play it, but every time you do a truth, you have to take a shot of this.” you pulled out a bottle of fireball from your bag.
“that sounds like a recipe for disaster.”
“true.” you shrugged. “but c’mon. it will be fun.”
and he agreed.
you were both six shots into the game and your throat was already starting to burn. the questions started out easy and light but now your head was starting to feel a little fuzzy and the air was starting to get a little tense. you sat cross-legged on the couch opposite yeonjun, the bottle of fireball between your two bodies. maybe it was the way he was looking at you or the fact that you had been drinking knowing that the last meal you ate was a nutella sandwich before your last exam five hours ago. whatever it was, it was making your stomach do flips.
“it’s your turn now.” you giggled.
“ok… when was the last time you made out with anyone?” he asked you.
fuck. why did he have to ask you that? you were a little embarrassed that it had been a minute since you had been remotely intimate with anyone. “i don’t know…” your voice trailed off sheepishly, you tried to hide your face with one of the cushions on the couch.
“what do you mean “you don’t know?” he was surprised. he always had friends asking him to set them up with you. “what about that guy from that party we went to?”
“what guy at what party?”
“the one guy who you were talking to all night. i thought you guys hooked up.”
“well, we didn’t.” you poured your shot and immediately drank it. “can we move on? please?”
“well, would you make out with me?”
“it’s my turn to ask the question, yeonjun.” you felt the blood rush up to your face.
“okay, but would you?” he moved the bottle to the coffee table, and inched closer to you. he was right; this game was a recipe for disaster.
three.
“i can’t believe you had sex with yeonjun.”
“yell it out for the whole world to know.” it was a week later and you were having lunch with one of your friends. you told her what happened with yeonjun and she cheered, gleefully, saying that she was happy it finally happened. it seemed like all you other friends had an ongoing bet about your relationship with you best friend, and she just made twenty dollars.
“so are you guys finally together now?” she leaned forward, her palms supporting her chin, invested in your love life.
“god, no.” you sighed. “i haven’t talked to him since then. i actually left when he went to the bathroom and he’s been texting me but i don’t know what to say.”
“you left when he was in the bathroom?” she exclaimed, causing you to groan.
“i made things so awkward now. i don’t even know what to do.”
“so, you’re ghosting him? and i thought he was the fuckboy.”
“i’m not ghosting him. i just don’t know what to say to him.”
“so you’re ignoring his texts. y/n, that is literally the textbook definition of ghosting.”
“what do you want me to say to him? “i’m sorry i’ve been ignoring you after i snuck out of your place after we fucked?” and through text? i sound like such a fucking asshole.” a woman passing with her child glared at you. you groaned again.
“you kind of are an asshole, y/n.” her phone vibrated on the table and she looked at it, a smile forming on her face. “looks like you don’t have to say that through text?”
“what?”
“yeonjun is throwing a party to mark the end of the school year. his friend just invited me and you’re my plus one.”
“he didn’t tell me about that.”
“well, how do you expect him to tell him that when you’re ghosting him?”
“i’m not ghosting him!” you tried to defend yourself. “and i don’t think i’m going to go. what if he doesn’t want to see me?
“if he didn’t want to see you, i would not have been invited. and besides, i don't want to go by myself.”
with one final groan, you put your head against the cold diner table.
four.
you and your friend arrived at the party and thank goodness, you hadn’t seen yeonjun yet. she promised that she would stay by your side all night and you’re very grateful that so far she has kept her promise. the two of you walked into the kitchen.
you’re making small talk with some mutual friends when someone comes in and asks if you know where yeonjun is. right then, he comes into the kitchen laughing with his friend. his smile drops when he sees you. you wave at him, with a small smile. he turns the other way to answer the person who asked if he wants to play beer pong.
“well, that was embarrassing.” you say to your friend, trying to push your tears back.
“y/n we can leave if you want to.” she told you, rubbing my arm.
“no it’s fine. i’m fine. besides, we just got here and you promised me we would have fun.”
“okay, but if you want to leave, let me know.”
you couldn’t even try to have fun that evening because you spent the entire party trying to avoid yeonjun. when he was in the living room, you were in the kitchen. when he was in the kitchen, you were on the balcony. when you were sure he was on the balcony, you escaped to the bathroom.
this is so ridiculous. you thought, staring at your face in the mirror. you sat on the toilet scrolling through your phone until you heard faint voices outside the door.
“did you know y/n was going to be here?” you could recognize that voice anywhere.
“no, but she’s always at these things. aren’t you guys best friends?”
“uh… yeah, i mean.” you can hear him groan. “something happened and she ghosted me and now she’s at my fucking party.”
why does everyone think i ghosted him?
“what is “something”?”
“if i tell you this, you have to promise not to tell anyone.”
“damn, did you guys fuck or something?” there is a pregnant pause on the other end of this conversation. “fuck!”
“and she fucking ghosts me. complete fucking radio silence for a whole fucking week and then she shows up at my place again.”
“maybe, she’s just scared. i mean, your relationship changed overnight.”
“then send an emoji or something. don’t just ghost your best friend.” he stops for a second, sighing. “and, our relationship wasn’t supposed to change. we know each other. we don’t judge each other.”
“do you regret it?”
“regret having sex with y/n? no. i just wish we were still friends now.
me too.
heartbreak haven — choi line
synopsis. what is it like to fall in love? what does it mean to love? were two questions—of many—that’d you’d wondered as you’d headed into your senior year of high school. it was supposed to be one of the best years of your life—the last year you’d be afforded youthful, drunken mistakes, before life would force you to sober up to its harsh realities. however, when you crossed paths with three particular boys, your questions were answered—intricately and deeply. yet, why did your heart hurt so, so much?
pairing(s). choi line x gender-neutral!reader ft. soobin x karina & (a hint of) soobin x yeonjun
genre(s). angst (!!!!! it’s literally all just angst), coming-of-age, drama, fluff (very very little), highschool au, romance.
warnings. alcohol consumption, allusions to cheating, cheating, mentions of blood & gore, partying, rebounding, underage drinking, and more warnings will be included in each individual part. rated PG 15.
total word count. 8k
taglist. @yeonyeonyeonjun if you’d like to be tagged in each part when i post them, feel free to send me an ask or dm me!!
notes. before reading any of these fics, i’d like to make it abundantly clear that i don’t condone nor support the actions of the characters in this series. i didn’t write this series originally to romanticise their actions (especially reader’s and soobin’s in the later part’s). all i wanted to do was write some love stories about confused, young teenagers. i feel like we can relate to, at least one of, these stories in some capacity & even reading these fics can provide a different perspective from the ones we’ve previously had. i’d just like for us to keep that in mind every time reader makes you want to scream LOL. besides that, i hope you guys enjoy this little series!! it means a lot to me ♡♡ also happy beom day! tee hee
▷ autumn breeze, choi yeonjun.
it was the fateful beginning to the last year of your high school life and you were starting off fresh. new town, new school, new you. after some messy love, choi yeonjun was looking for a fresh start too, leading you two to finding each other. however, as you would soon learn, nothing in high school lasts forever. not even your favourite autumn breeze.
▷ butterflies, choi soobin.
you’d never understood it before. the shy glances, whispered words of affection, traded glances that only you two were privy to understanding. then, a blue boy had waltzed into your life, drawing you in with his warm eyes, his wide smile, his sweet laugh, his cool gaze—his everything. butterflies had bloomed in your chest, and you’d let them, even though you’d known they’d eventually be ripped out. leaving you with a gaping hole where your heart used to be.
▷ blushed cheeks & burned hearts, choi beomgyu.
finally, you were starting to understand the mistakes of your drunken youth. drunk on love? lies? hope? you weren’t too sure what your vice was, but you were sure it’d left you with a burned heart. a burned heart, which a boy with blushed cheeks and sweaty hands was too eager to fix.
copyright 2022 sensitively-taken, all rights reserved. no translations or reposts of any form allowed.
i. autumn breeze — choi yeonjun
synopsis. it was the fateful beginning to the last year of your high school life and you were starting off fresh. new town, new school, new you. after some messy love, choi yeonjun was looking for a fresh start too, leading you two to finding each other. however, as you would soon learn, nothing in high school lasts forever. not even your favourite autumn breeze.
pairing(s). choi yeonjun x gender-neutral!reader ft. (mentions of) soobin x reader
genre(s). angst, coming-of-age, (minor) fluff, highschool au.
warnings. alcohol consumption, partying, underage drinking. rated PG 15.
word count. 1.1k (1143)
taglist. @yeonyeonyeonjun if you’d like to be tagged in each part when i post them, feel free to send me an ask or dm me!!
listen to! cellophane, fka twigs ⭑ friends, NIKI ⭑ night go slow, catey shaw
notes. ah, here it is! the first part of heartbreak haven. it’s going to be a wild part, so no matter how frustrated you get know you’re going to get even more frustrated in the later parts. trust. LOL besides that, i hope y’all enjoy this & stay tuned for the next two parts!! <33
Choi Yeonjun had been an autumn breeze.
He, gathering up summer’s glee and joy, had welcomed you with open arms right on the first day of school. There hadn’t been a smile on his face—you don’t remember there ever being one—but there’d been comfort in the way his eyes had shined. You hadn’t questioned his apathetic face or the deep sense of sorrow you had sensed from within him. Instead, you’d let his warm air wrap you up and hoped that his embrace would last.
Your relationship had never felt fleeting (though, you now realise, it was).
The long walks you two would take home from school, talking about anything and everything, weren’t fleeting. Study sessions held in local cafés, which consisted of more laughter and dry jokes—from Yeonjun; everything about him had been so dry and sombre—were anything, but fleeting. Even the brief smiles you’d send him in between classes, though short, felt longer than the classes you were heading into.
For the entirety of your relationship, everything had been fine. Sure, you two weren’t the most spontaneous of friends—loud and bright wherever you went—and you weren’t the type that could communicate with a single glance, but you had each other and that was all you needed.
So, why hadn’t things worked out?
That was the only thought that’d been plaguing you, since the moment you walked into the party and spotted Yeonjun smiling with some people surrounding him.
You thought you were over it. It was November now. The autumn breeze had left and the cold was trickling in, so it’d make sense for you to move on with it. But, his smile—so wide and so toothy (you’d never thought he would have a toothy smile)—dredged up unresolved feelings within you. And you couldn’t help but wonder, when did things start to go wrong?
Maybe it’d all started in October.
In September, Yeonjun had had you all to himself. In classes, you two had constantly paired up for projects. During lunch breaks, you two would save seats for each other—Yeonjun even declining to sit with other people for you. Your walks had been yours alone. Even if your parents had warned you not to stay out too late, with Yeonjun, those walks had felt like minutes whizzing by. Nothing could’ve separated you two, not that either of you had wanted that, for that first month.
Then, October had brought around some gradual changes.
First had been the schedule change. A couple of your periods had been flipped around, leaving you with only two shared classes and a lunch break. You two had told yourselves it was fine, and it truly had been. Any time lost had been made up in your walks, and nothing had felt out of place.
But then, there’d been another change. Your parents had encouraged—forced—you to get a job, which cut your walk time in half. Yeonjun had still reassured you that it wouldn’t change anything, that you would find a way around it. And, at first, nothing had changed. He would show up at the little diner you worked at, order a hearty meal, and tip extra. Sometimes, he’d even wait till the end of your shift to walk home with you, as you would rant about the countless times your annoying coworker tried to talk to you.
You had truly thought that, no matter what, your friendship was able to storm through whatever challenges were thrown at it.
(You’d been wrong.)
The end of October had brought around budding crushes, on both your ends. A blue boy, with a wide smile and a big heart, had made butterflies erupt from your chest, and the feeling—though painful—was wonderful. Meanwhile, Yeonjun’s cheeks would occasionally warm out of nowhere, and you’d spot him practising a confession multiple times.
Your feelings had left some distance between you two, as you’d spend some lunch breaks with your crush and switch out some walks for a ride in the blue boy’s car. But, it hadn’t been a canyon between you two. It’s been more like a valley, a barely steep one, that you two could slide into from your hills to rest in each other’s embrace once again.
So, if that wasn’t it, what was it?
Maybe it’d been that specific October day, you thought as you swirled around the drink in your hand and chugged it in one go. Eyes still set on Yeonjun, you didn’t flinch when his drifted towards yours. The surprise, then deep sorrow reflected in his eyes confirmed your thoughts.
It’d definitely been that day.
That day had seemed normal like any other (oh, if only you’d known how it would turn out).
Being mid-October, the temperatures had been rising, the days shortening, and you’d been able to see your breath in the cold, morning air. You’d loved the weather, and so had Yeonjun—you’d known because his eyes had been a little lighter than usual, something that’d brought a small smile to your face—but you’d spotted him fidgeting and nervous all day.
“_____,” he’d called out in AP Calc, one of the two subjects you two shared, “I need to tell you something later, ‘kay? Make sure you meet me by our spot after school.”
You hadn’t been nervous. (You hadn’t known there’d been reason to be nervous.) So, you had shrugged simply. “Sure.”
And, your day had gone on. By the time you’d been in your last period, and the smiley, blue boy had asked to drive you home, Yeonjun’s words had almost slipped your mind. Normally, you would’ve declined, put Yeonjun first. But, there’d been a certain curve in his smile, a certain sparkle in his eyes, that you’d found yourself saying yes.
You weren’t sure if you regretted your decision. (Something deep within you told you that you didn’t.)
So, instead of finding you at your shared spot that afternoon, Yeonjun had found a speedily written note. And, when he’d looked all over the parking lot for you, he’d found you in the backseat of the blue boy’s car, hand tangled in his hair and lips locked with his.
That day, Yeonjun had walked home—his secret intact in the depths of his heart.
And, you never knew.
Bailing on him, you thought certainly, was it.
Yeonjun’s eyes weren’t on yours anymore. Instead, they were on the arm wrapped around your waist. There were many bodies pressed against you two, and dizzying lights filled the house, but you could still spot the recognition in his eyes.
Wordlessly, you looked away from him, refocusing your eyes on the boy beside you.
A cruel smirk stretched your lips, as you asked, “Wanna go off somewhere quiet?”
He nodded, slightly confused and dazed, and followed you out into the cold. And, as you leaned in, kissing him softly, you realised that you missed the autumn breeze.
ii. butterflies | iii. blushed cheeks & burned hearts
copyright 2022 soobisms, all rights reserved. no translations or reposts of any form allowed.
My freaking HEART…this was so sweet, I loved it!
unfair II ; yeonjun
genre: angst, fluff
word count: 3.8K
warnings: alcohol, mentions of driving too fast
song rec: shiver by lucy rose
read part one here !
i apologize for any (grammatical) errors or typos!
you fumbled with the make up brushes on the table as you put all the products back in your make up bags.
you closed your eyes for a second when you heard his laughter again. and hers.
opening your eyes, you averted them to the mirror, looking at the two through it.
the rookie idol was twirling a strand of hair in between her fingers as she giggled at something yeonjun said. her eyes were glowing as they looked at him.
you understood that. you, too, used to look at yeonjun like he hung the moon. your eyes used to glow like that as well when you would look at him when he’d hold you close. yeonjun was simply magnificent.
and that was why you could never blame the rookie idol for practically throwing herself at yeonjun, even though it made your heart feel like it was being pulled out of your chest when you would see yeonjun react to it by only standing closer to her.
it had been two weeks since your encounter with yeonjun before the show, two weeks since you officially ended whatever was going on between the two of you. though, it didn't feel right to call it 'whatever.' it was love. pure love. you both knew it.
you swallowed as your eyes rested on yeonjun. his cheeks were still a little red from performing, the glitter below his eyes faded a little but nonetheless were still making his eyes pop. his gelled hair was slightly tousled, but that was your favorite look on him because it indicated that he had danced his heart out, something you loved seeing. there was nothing as enchanting as watching yeonjun do things he was passionate about.
it only took a second of looking at yeonjun to make you feel like you were flying. flying through a lilac sky while feeling as light as a feather.
yeonjun felt your eyes on him through the mirror and couldn't stop himself from looking back. as your eyes met, you almost felt your breath hitch in your throat. yeonjun quickly looked away.
it only took a second of facing reality to make you crash down from that lilac sky and hit the ground.
you cleared your throat as you quickly continued cleaning the surface of the make up table.
a text on your phone made the screen light up and you looked at it.
anne: we are ready to go
putting your phone in your back pocket, you grabbed the make up bags and started walking towards the door, past yeonjun and the idol you still didn't even know the name of.
you felt the stare of yeonjun on you. turning around, you forced yourself to look at the man.
"we're ready to go home," you spoke, your voice monotone, before glancing at the girl's slightly annoyed face.
you wanted to let out a scoff. don't worry, girl, you have a much bigger chance of being with him than i do, was what went through your mind as you turned around and started walking through the halls towards the exit of the venue.
a few seconds later you heard footsteps behind you, indicating the boy was following you.
you were glad he didn't catch up to you and continued to walk behind you because being close to him was suffocating.
you stepped inside the van and hoped yeonjun would take the second van. well, the rational part of you, your brain, hoped that.
your heart didn't.
just as you were about to close the car door, yeonjun stopped you by gripping the door handle.
your breath got caught in your throat and you quickly looked away as he entered the vehicle.
he sat down next to you and the close proximity between you and him made you shut your eyes for a second before looking straight ahead, not wanting to make anne, another stylist who was sitting beside you, notice anything.
the van drove off and if you didn't know better you'd say yeonjun only pressed himself against you more.
his thighs touched yours and even if you would have wanted to, you wouldn't be able to move your legs as you didn't have any more space.
in any other situation you'd get annoyed when a man was taking up all the space by sitting like this, but right now it was making your heart ache. because you knew he was doing it on purpose. he was taking any opportunity he could to be close to you, any opportunity to touch you. even now.
why was he making it so terribly hard for you? for the both of you?
arriving at the dorms, the boys got out of the van and even though you refused to look back, you felt the way yeonjun looked back at you for the last time before exiting the van, taking a piece of your heart with him as always.
you expected to be able to breathe again the moment yeonjun wasn't sitting beside you anymore, but as the van started driving again and the space beside you was empty, breathing only seemed to get harder. and this made you realize once again that even though you wished it wasn't true, you needed yeonjun more than anything.
it had been a weak since you had last seen yeonjun. you thought that during this week off work, you could start getting over him. but unfortunately for you not seeing him during the day, didn't mean you wouldn’t still see him in your dreams. it was really only to be expected you would see him even when you were unconscious as he was on your mind every second you were conscious.
tonight you decided you needed to have some distraction and that was why you went out with your best friend. you danced, drank and overall had a good time. but as you sat in the cab on your way back to your apartment, things went downhill.
"i didn't know yeonjun was dating anyone," your friend murmured as she nudged you while still looking at her phone.
you felt your heart drop and her sudden words almost sobered you up. "what?"
she turned the phone screen to you and as your eyes scanned the news article, you felt your heart start beating in your throat. it wasn't until you scrolled down and saw the blurry and dark pictures of yeonjun with a girl, that you felt your insides sink.
you blinked a few times as you sat back in your seat. you didn't deserve to be shocked, you didn't deserve to be sad: yeonjun wasn't yours and he never was. and still, it felt like your heart was being ripped out of your body and crumbled right in front of you.
your best friend frowned as she noticed the way your face got drained of its color. "are you okay? what's wrong?"
you quickly shook your head. "nothing is wrong, i'm fine." looking out of the window you noticed the cab arrived at your apartment complex. "i'll see you later alright? text me when you're home.” you gave her a forced smile before paying the cab driver for both yourself and your best friend who would be getting of five minutes later as she lived a little further away.
when you got out of the vehicle and started walking to your apartment, the smile on your face slowly started fading as tears started clouding your vision.
this was exactly what you deserved for falling in love with yeonjun, for having allowed him to hold and kiss you, for making him fall in love for you as well.
you sat onto your sofa and scrolled through the article again, now on your own phone and more tears started staining your cheeks. was he really dating someone now? was everything he once felt for you, now officially gone? you needed to know. you needed to hear him say it. maybe hearing him say he found someone else, could be the first step for you to get over him.
you looked at yeonjun's name in your contacts. you knew you shouldn't do it. even in your current state you knew how wrong this was and how bad it could end. but still you couldn't stop your finger from pressing the call button, dialing his number.
the phone rang a few times, and when it rang a third time you realized it was best to hang up, before more damage could be done.
but just as you were about to remove the phone from your ear, the ringing stopped, making your heart do the same.
"y/n?"
his voice was hoarse and a little confused. you couldn't blame him, you were calling him at two in the morning.
"hey," your voice cracked, making you shut your eyes immediately as you pressed your palm against them.
"y/n, is everything okay?"
you shook your head. nothing was okay.
"yeah." your voice was barely above a whisper and by the muffled sounds on the other side you could tell yeonjun sat up straight.
"y/n, what's wrong? are you okay?"
of course he would be able to tell by your voice that something was up. you let out a small laugh, "yeah, why wouldn't i be?"
you looked at yourself in the mirror and you felt more laughter bubble up in your chest at your pathetic state. "because you're probably dating someone now and i finally lost you completely?" you laughed again, tears now starting to spill from your eyes.
"because i'm calling you at two in the morning and i feel like i'm literally dying without you?" the laughing turned into full on sobbing now as you couldn't stop yourself from breaking down anymore.
"i'm completely fine," you cried as you put your phone down on the table in front of you and you placed your elbows on your knees, burying your face in your hands. your phone automatically went on speaker.
"y/n, calm down, please, take deep breaths."
his voice only made you cry more bitter tears. you wanted to listen to him and try steadying your breath, but it was impossible. you couldn't calm down anymore. your heart was being crushed to the point it felt like your lungs were starting to get affected too.
"please, come over," you managed to let out in between your sobs.
"i'm already in my car," yeonjun replied, his voice stern but thick, filled with worry and pain.
you closed your eyes, feeling a light spark flash in your broken heart.
"i'm on my way, baby," yeonjun murmured.
getting from txt's dorms to your apartment would normally take about ten minutes by car. but it had only been five minutes when you heard a knock on your door, indicating that yeonjun had been speeding through the city to get to you.
you had called yeonjun in an impulse, but now as you walked to the door, you were slowly starting to realize that you really asked him to come to you, after everything you'd done to him. nerves rushed through you and your hand was shaking as you reached for the door handle.
but all your nerves disappeared the moment you opened the door because only a second later yeonjun's arms were wrapped around you in a tight embrace. you started crying again, but this time it wasn't completely out of despair. this time, a part of it was out of relief you were finally in yeonjun's arms again, your safest place. his familiar scent entered your nose and it made your anxious heart slowly start beating at a normal pace again. yeonjun's fingers tangled in your hair as he held your head against his chest, softly whispering sweet nothings in your ear. "i'm here, baby, don't cry anymore."
your arms tightened around his torso, your fingers gripping at the soft material of his gray hoodie. the same hoodie you wore when the two of you had been at the beach at one in the morning and it had started getting chilly. you remembered the way he had put his hoodie over your head before pulling you closer to him on the soft blanket in the sand. you had laid on his chest and talked with him about everything and anything until the sun had started rising.
the memories and the way yeonjun was stroking your hair right now made your tears slowly stop pouring and your breathing start getting steady again. you pulled back from his embrace and immediately missed the warmth of it as you looked up at yeonjun.
"you drank," yeonjun noticed as he looked in your exhausted eyes, "and you look exhausted.. you haven't been taking care of yourself, have you?"
you looked at him with a saddened expression, your eyes almost closing out of exhaustion. "i'm sorry for calli-"
he quickly shook his head. "don't say that."
he slowly raised his hand to wipe your tears away, but just before it could touch your cheek he hesitated. you closed your eyes, indicating that you were waiting for his touch, and you softly smiled when you finally felt it. his fingers stroked your cheek and pushed the fallen strands of hair behind your ear. "you need to sleep, y/n."
you nodded, letting yourself enjoy the feeling of his warm hand against your cheek for a little longer. "i don't want this moment to end," you whispered making yeonjun feel heavy with emotions.
"you're drunk, y/n. i don't know how much of this you will still dare to say when you're sober. i'm scared to hold onto the things you're saying now," yeonjun admitted quietly.
you slowly nodded as you stepped away, a small stumble in your steps. "that's fair."
yeonjun was quiet for a second as he let his eyes glide over you. "come on," he whispered as he took your hand. without thinking twice you grabbed his hand.
yeonjun closed the door behind him as he entered your familiar apartment. as his eyes fell on the sofa, he couldn't help but immediately remember the night he had kissed you there. the rest of his members had gone home to their families that day, but yeonjun's family were overseas during that time. so after a long day of practice, he didn't want to go to the dorms. he didn't want to be alone. so you invited him to eat dinner at your place. it was supposed to be completely friendly, but the two of you should have known that such a thing as "friendly" did not exist for two people in love. maybe the two of you did know, but just decided to play dumb. and that worked, until it didn't.
yeonjun quickly snapped out of his thoughts as he led you to your bedroom. you sat down on your bed, your eyes barely open as exhaustion was getting the best of you. yeonjun opened your closet and went to grab an oversized shirt for you but froze when he realized the white shirt laying on the shelf was his. the familiar ache he had felt the past days whenever he thought about you returned and he bit his lip, trying to hold back the tears pressing against his eyes before taking the shirt out and grabbing some shorts. he gave you the clothes and told you to change as he went to get make up wipes from your bathroom.
when yeonjun came back, you were dressed in the shorts but only had a top on, the shirt still in your hands.
"this is yours," you mumbled, your voice small. you held the shirt out to yeonjun. "i'm sorry for not giving it back sooner. it just smelled like you and i needed to have it with me for a little longer."
yeonjun felt something in his heart crack when he heard your words. "y/n, please stop. don't say these things when you're drunk," yeonjun whispered, hurt lacing his voice.
you didn't reply to this, but you deep down knew you weren't drunk enough to not realize what you were saying.
he grabbed the shirt from you before kneeling in front of you and putting the material over your head.
the sweet scent of the shirt engulfed you and you couldn't help but weakly smile. the smile stayed on your lips when yeonjun held your face as he gently cleaned the make up off your face with the wipes.
after he was done, you got under the covers and yeonjun got up from the floor. he walked to the door and his hand was hovering over the light switch as he looked at you.
"sleep well, y/n." the smile on his face was soft but it didn't reach his eyes as he looked at you.
because tomorrow he wouldn't be allowed to hold you close anymore. tomorrow he wouldn’t be allowed to whisper sweet nothings in your ear and wipe your tears anymore. he wouldn't be allowed to stroke your hair and hold your face as he cleans your make up anymore. tomorrow everything would be different again. and that was why tonight was a blessing and a curse for him.
yeonjun turned off the lights and just as he was about to leave your room, he heard your small voice coming from your bed.
"please don't leave, jun."
he stood still for a second. he should be leaving. he shouldn't be making things harder for the both of you. but you were asking him to stay. and he could never say no to you. so after a while, he nodded and gave you a weak smile. "okay."
rays of sunlight peeked through the small openings of your curtains and made you slowly open your eyes as a yawn left your lips. you rubbed your eyes and sat up straight before your eyes fell on the medication and the glass of water on your nightstand. you frowned, you didn’t put that there.
suddenly realization hit you as you remembered everything that happened yesterday night. you looked down at the familiar shirt you were wearing and you got your confirmation that yesterday night was in fact not a dream.
your eyes widened when you remembered you asked yeonjun not to leave. you jumped out of bed, almost tripping over your own feet as you made your way out of your bedroom and to the living room.
your heart slowly sank when silence and emptiness greeted you there. so he didn’t stay. you blinked a few times and you felt stupid for the way your eyes were starting to water.
all of a sudden you heard a sound coming from your kitchen and you frowned before making your way to the said area of your apartment.
your eyes widened when they fell on the person standing in front of the stove with their back facing you.
"jun," you whispered making the boy almost jump.
"i didn't know you were up already," he breathed when he turned around. you didn't even notice the smile that was growing on your face at the sight of yeonjun making breakfast.
he stayed. he kept his word.
"you stayed," you quietly spoke. "i told you i would, didn't i?" he replied with a small smile. you nodded. "you did."
it was quiet for a few seconds as the two of you just looked each other in the eyes.
"yeonjun, we need to talk." "y/n, we need to talk." the fact that the two of you said the same thing at the same time made you let out a nervous laugh and yeonjun looked down, biting his lower lip to hold back a smile.
after placing the freshly made breakfast on the table, the two of you sat down and quietly ate the food but not without throwing secret glances at each other and getting rosy cheeks.
when you were done, yeonjun decided to be the first one to speak up. "the articles were edited, y/n. they still caused so much heisa but i want to make clear to you that i am not dating anyone. i need you to know that," he spoke sternly while looking you into your eyes.
the moment the words left his mouth, it felt like a weight fell off your shoulders but at the same time another weight got added; he wasn’t dating anyone which meant moving on would be harder again.
“i don’t want to move on from you, y/n. and as selfish as it sounds, i’d rather die than have you move on from me,” yeonjun made known as if he could read your mind. your heart sped up.
standing up from your chair you shook your head as you started walking towards the window while picking at the skin around your nails. it was a habit of yours whenever you were nervous. “but yeonjun, how could we ever work? if someone would find out we’d both be in so much trouble, especially you. i-i can’t let you risk your caree-“
yeonjun also stood up and followed you. “y/n, you are not the one to decide that for me. even if someone were to find out, we would still figure it out. my career wouldn’t get affected, i promise.” you felt his presence behind you.
was he right? could the two of you figure it out and make this work?
warmth spread through your body when you felt his arms slowly sneak around your waist and pull you against his chest. you closed your eyes as you leaned back against him, letting your head rest against his collarbone. “i just want what’s best for you,” you whispered earnestly. he lowered his head before burying his face in the crook of your neck.
“you are what’s best for me. you know that,” he replied quietly, making your heart grow a size as goosebumps sprang up over your bare arms.
you turned around in his arms and your eyes locked with his. they were sad but you could also see the hope in them. you raised your arm and softly brushed some strands of hair out of his face, making the boy close his eyes as a safe feeling washed over him.
“please, give us a chance again,” he whispered as he let you stroke his cheek.
your lives and the people in it might not have agreed, but yeonjun and you were meant for each other and you weren’t going to deny that anymore. you weren’t going to lie to yourself and to him anymore. both of you deserved better than that. the love between you two deserved to exist, you were sure of that now.
so after a while you finally nodded, a soft smile growing on your face.
“okay.”
thank you all so much (especially the people tagged below who asked for a part two) for loving and supporting part one! you guys really motivated me to write a part two. i hope you enjoyed reading it <3
@madirecs @softie00 @pupupukyoong @hwxngjins @wonywish @strawbrinkofdeath @mulligrubsss @duyukneeewowutimeeen-anjodi8 @dreamlidia @yaintpaint
masterlist
Sneaky Link - Series Masterlist (completed!)
[Pairing]: Fem! Reader x Choi Yeonjun ft. second male lead Juyeon.
[Synopsis]: The story picks up after having met Yeonjun through a mutual acquaintance. You quickly bonded over your similarities and basically fell for him on the spot. As your relationship progressed you found out that you weren’t the only woman in his life, but no matter how hard you tried or whoever else tried to love you, leaving him was harder than you thought it would be.
[Idol Cameos]: Tomorrow x Together, Aespa, The Boyz & Ateez.
[Genre]: Smut (skippable), Angst, Fluff, College!AU, Romance, Infidelity, Toxic!Jun.
[Word count]: 10-12K per chapter.
[Warning]: extreme toxicity, emotional manipulation, cheating, mention of a broken family, neglect, and moderate alcohol/drug use.
[Disclaimer]: If anyone ever treats you like this, run. I am in no shape or form trying to romanticize this behavior or imply that Yeonjun is like this nor am I shipping anyone in the series with other idols or assuming their sexuality. Please remember that it’s fiction.
LISTEN TO THE SNEAKY LINK PLAYLIST HERE ❗️
Chapter I
Chapter II
Chapter III
Chapter IV
Chapter V
Chapter VI: Finale
I MISS YOU.
summary. yeonjun isn't ready to let you go.
⇢ ex lover! yeonjun x gn! reader. tragic lovers. angst. mentions of car accidents, major character death, light description of car crash wounds. allusions to depression. bad coping mechanism. drunk driving and fights. grief (and everything you shouldn't do). NOT EDITED
a / n : welp, here it comes, the second angsty piece yay!
Yeonjun can only think of all the things you could have been and the things you already are.
Many words could be wrongfully used to describe you, from overly explosive to downright mean and aggressive, maybe a bit — too — daring and reckless, too brave for your own good, too irrational and impulsive. Too much of this, too much of that.
For Yeonjun it was way easier to list what he thought you were and what you especially weren’t. For example, he knew you were more scared than anyone about living and experiencing things, but you got bored easily, and the creeping feeling of barely existing sent chills down your spine. The world spun around you so fastly yet so painfully slow it drove you insane. When things were too difficult you just closed off and thought of quick solutions to be back on your feet in no time, and when things surprised you or made you happy you repeated them over and over.
He knew the little things got you hooked, like picking flowers from fields on a warm day and making breakfast early in the morning. You always smiled at the simplicity of things, at the tiniest of details. But he also knew that only happened when you were having a good day. At your worst, you craved nothing but to experience borderline deadly things, and the only person that could stop you from willingly driving yourself full-speed into a wall was Yeonjun.
He feels so stupid now because of that. Three years holding your hand and it only took him one night forgetting all those details to make you vanish just like that.
“You are staring again,” you tease, grinning. One of your hands raises up, index finger poking out to move swiftly a fallen stray hair from his face. You tug it behind his ear rapidly and retreat yourself to the same position you’ve been on for the past seven months. “Just take a picture already.”
Yeonjun gulps, feeling his heart beginning to pick up the pace just to catch up with your set of words. It is as if his mind enjoys hurting him, constantly playing tricks just to take the piss out of him. When you jokingly suggest the picture he can only sulk on the spot, lower lip protruding as tears well up to his eyes, shinning under the sunset.
“I’d take it if I could.” His aggressive tone comes up so unsurprisingly to you that you feel as if you’d laugh yet you don’t. To some extent, Yeonjun believes you feel bad for him so you try your best to tone down your usual act to comfort him. Sometimes you reach out and grace through his skin, waving some air into his lungs with your absent touch. It freezes him to death yet warms him up as if he was standing in the middle of a bonfire. Sometimes you try to say something witty or funny, poking fun at him, sending flying kisses or genuine smiles and he admires them all.
When the days turn grey you wait for him on the left side of the road, far away from your car with your regular attire. You extend your arms to him and wait for a hug with a broken smile and freshly tear-stained cheeks. His leather jacket protects you from the wind yet the white dress you wear does not stand a fight against the cold weather, still letting some breeze sip through your skin until your lips turn purple and Yeonjun feels bad for making you stay outside when you are clearly shivering.
On sunny days, like today, there’s no trace of a jacket. Your dress matches the small baby breath’s flowers splashed across your scalp, flowing down the path of your hair. You smile so brightly, competing with the sun, and even your touch gets to be felt somewhat real for Yeonjun.
He can almost believe that you are there with him and it pains him because he knows once he goes back into his parked vehicle, you’ll be gone with the wind.
“I miss you,” he expresses and you chuckle.
“...and here we go again with the sappy shit.”
“I mean it. I’m sorry.”
“We’ve talked about this, Junnie. You have nothing to apologize for. It wasn’t your fault.”
“I should have driven that night. I should have waited until we were home to talk about this...until we have sobered up.” A sudden wave of wind bends down the tall grass at the side of the road, hitting you full force and sending some petals of your flowers away. Yeonjun frowns, trying to extend a hand up to pick the ones that have fallen only for them to disappear right as he touches them.
“You were as drunk and angry as me, love. It wouldn’t have mattered who started the fight or who drove, even if we had taken the problem home it would have ended with us parting ways —.”
“Don’t talk like that,” Yeonjun interrupts sternly. It irks him how after all this time you still manage to doubt the stableness of your relationship. “I would have never left you.”
“But I would have, and you know that.”
He knows. The topic of breaking up had been a recurring one after you both hit your three-year mark. You loved him to bits and made sure he knew it every single day, even at your worst you put him first, but it was because of that that you have weighed down the possibility of leaving him behind. It had come to a point where all you did was depend on him; your mood drastically changed based on his current emotions and to some extent you couldn’t function without him. Your life was constantly on the line with recurring hurtful thoughts and the only person who could clear up the fog on your mind was Yeonjun leaving him with the uncomfortable job of looking up for you. More often than not he did not realize how incredibly bad it was for you and for him to be dependent on each other, but soon you had rationalized the situation. The numbness of your own problems had drowned all your love, and much to everybody’s demise, your suffering had brought something positive: you were the first one to realize — out of the two of you — that you needed a break.
The night you drove drunkenly through the slippery road with him, you had fought about this once again. This time, unlike the others, you had been determined to end things for good, having found a new level of courage over alcohol, but as you tried to leave Yeonjun followed quickly after you and got into the car. The fight you both shared as you struggled to see the path correctly resulted in you turning left too late with the car; the road that had been previously washed down by a heavy rain played against you, making the wheels spin harsher than normal, and thus you ended up in a car crash.
Yeonjun got a few scratches. One busted lip, a few bumps on his chest that left a purple mark, and a broken arm. You on the other hand had to be dragged out by the paramedics in a plastic bag. The force of the impact had fatally strung you and you only.
Yeonjun never forgave himself for letting the fight get so far. For a few months, he dwelled on his sadness, clinging to every memory of you with profound sorrow and guilt. Then he started driving himself to the spot you died and little by little his mind constructed a world in which you both connected, making him feel whole again.
It did not matter to him if your touch didn’t exist or if your complete image was produced by him to a tee, you were there and that was enough. Yeonjun felt less lonely, even if talking to the air was as rational as dancing with the ghosts.
Your death was non-existent, because how could you be gone when he still held onto you? He could feel your presence, hear your voice and see your figure. That should be enough, at least for now as he breathed, then he was sure he’ll meet you again on the same spot you died, to solve things properly and be together happily ever after, right?
“If we had broken up as soon as you realized we were going south, do you think it would have made any difference?” Yeonjun asks, letting the first tear fall down. “Would you still be alive?”
“I have no way of knowing, Junnie. At least I’m alive here, I guess” you point at his head, smiling, but the emptiness of your eyes blows up your weak act. He can see nothing on you, not even when you say you love him back. There’s no soul in the image he had built or real emotions expressed through your words. Everything is fabricated by him and you’ll do and say as he wants because you are a fraction of him now, nothing else. “Does that help?”
“No, I miss you.”
“I’m sorry I don’t exist anymore.”
“I love you.”
“I loved you too.”
⚝fic type: one shot as part of the weeknd series
⚝genre/contains: choi yeonjun x gn!reader, angst, fluff ending, heartbreak, yeonjun was a rebound
⚝word count: 4k
⚝synopsis: yeonjun was simply supposed to be a rebound to help you cope with the breakup you'd just gone through. when your relationship with him blossomed into more than that, you abruptly cut him off in a bid to protect yourself from any more possible hurt. you ended up hurting him instead, and as time went on you realized what a huge mistake you'd made by letting yeonjun go. perhaps you'll be able to salvage what you two had at the party tonight...
You chased after him in the sea of swaying bodies, weaving through the partygoers as deftly as you could manage while still keeping his raven coloured hair within your line of sight. It’s a good thing he was tall.
Your struggle in trailing after the sullen boy was eased considerably when you followed him onto a corridor with a thinner crowd. He didn’t look behind him or acknowledge your presence in any way before opening a door to his left and disappearing into its well-lit interior.
“Yeonjun, wait!” you pleaded, planting your palms on the bathroom’s door to keep him from shutting you– and the rest of the party– out. Your voice broke out from the confines of your chest all rushed and high-pitched, as if you feared you’d never be able to say what you needed to if you didn’t act right then. “We need to talk. I need to-”
“There’s nothing to talk about,” Yeonjun mumbled. His voice was gravelly, probably from lack of use. You’d noticed him falling quiet as the night wore on. His tone was firm, defensive, and it was a clear indicator that he wanted you to leave him alone.
“But there is, Yeonjun,” you insisted, just as firm. He sighed and held the door open for you, avoiding any eye contact as you walked past him into the small space. If you had to have this conversation in a bathroom then you would. The bright fluorescent lights left spots in your vision for a few seconds since everywhere else outside this bathroom was dimly lit. Yeonjun closed the door before leaning against it, black bangs falling over his eyes that were trained on the tiled floor as he waited for you to speak.
—
You and Yeonjun had broken up a few months ago. It really hadn’t been your intention to get into a relationship with him in the first place, heart still sore and mending from what your ex, Heesung, had put you through. But Yeonjun was like a treat that one stowed at the top shelf of their pantry for ‘emergencies’; vowing that they would take ‘just one more bite’ and they’d have had their fill... inevitably losing that war before they even realised it. You kept promising yourself that every date would be the last, and by the sixth one he had officially asked you to be his and you’d selfishly agreed. What you had meant to keep as a reliable contact for Saturday walks in the park had evolved into late night drives with a boy who held stars in his eyes.
You met Yeonjun at a dance studio a friend had been nagging you to check out. The place had a great reputation and you soon learned that Yeonjun spent a lot of his free time there. He was exemplary at dancing, much like anything else he really set his mind to. Like winning you over, for example. Something in his vibe was simply magnetic; he wormed his way into your heart quicker than you’d have thought possible. You knew what drew you to him… his infectious laughter that made his chest heave with the power of it, his attention to detail and how he expressed gratitude for even the tiniest of favours. Yeonjun never took anything for granted. He could also read you like an open book– always a step or two ahead of you in anticipating your needs and wants, and fulfilling them the best he could. Yeonjun was very convincing in his methods of winning you over, and before you knew it he’d reeled you in completely.
You’d let the affair get to far, both emotionally and physically, and when you eventually let him go you could see how heartbroken he was. It was insensitive of you, but the need to protect your recuperating heart had overpowered your empathy– at least at the time. The detachment was somewhat justified and easier to deal with when he’d seemingly moved on before you even had the chance to come to terms with everything. In any case, Yeonjun wasn’t one to dwell on things, especially outwardly. Once you’d ended things, he hadn’t stopped you to ask what had caused you to break him in the way that you did. He simply… moved on. You suppose it was selfish of you to want him to have lurked around for a while after the break-up, brooding over the broken pieces like you had with Heesung.
He didn’t even ask for his stuff back– the hoodies he’d left over at your place or the gifts he’d given you. Yeonjun wasn’t petty, and it sparked a newfound respect within you– because Heesung had been his polar opposite during your break up with the former. But without Yeonjun your days felt so long; without his cute texts to get you through your day the hours dragged on. It made you acutely aware of how Yeonjun had become your emotional support in so many ways. From his random check-ins to the silly memes he sent you… your life felt oddly empty in Yeonjun’s absence. It had taken some time to wean yourself off waiting for the chime of your phone every day at around lunch, which was when he usually spammed your line and reminded you to get something to eat.
The last time you’d seen Yeonjun was weeks ago. You’d ended up in the same restaurant late on a Thursday evening and you tried your best to ignore the forlorn gazes he not-so-subtly shot you every now and then as you directed your attention to the guy sitting across from you. He was a co-worker who’d been courting you for months and although you had no real interest in him, you decided to accept his dinner invitation with the hopes of getting Yeonjun off your mind. However, even while you weathered through the ups and downs of your own life, your nonchalance and indifference towards your breakup with Yeonjun was starting to wear off. Your true feelings within had inexorably begun to show themselves.
The nagging of your ever-persistent subconscious had caused that dam of emotions to break tonight.
He looked well, laughing with his friends and moving to the music as the party kicked up. He’d grown his hair out a little, black strands now brushing low on his neck. He was dressed as casually as everyone else, yet something about Yeonjun’s frame and stance made clothes sit on him elegantly.
When you’d first arrived, you caught sight of him as you and your friends milled through the throng of dancing bodies, stopping every now and then to greet someone you knew. Yeonjun’s smile had dropped once he turned around and saw you, the pain in his eyes evident as he tried to muster a smile back onto his face for the benefit of his own cheerful clique.
Nevertheless, he hadn’t spared you a glance as he breezed past your group of friends with his own gang. You knew this was all your doing, so why did it hurt you so much? Yeonjun was just supposed to be a rebound. A rebound that got out of hand, and you had ended things while you were at his place– in his bed, wearing his t-shirt. You still remember that Saturday as if it was yesterday. You’d had a fight the previous night, but he still convinced you to stay over and bargained that you two would solve your problems in the morning. In any case, it was late, and getting a taxi at that hour would be difficult. When you woke up your fight or flight instinct had kicked in when Yeonjun raised his voice a little as the two of you tried making amends. You were so scared that things would escalate the way they had with your ex, who would get so mad and say things he didn’t mean. He would then shut you out completely and for days it would feel like you weren’t in a relationship at all. That’s why you’d ended things with Yeonjun then and there; running away had always been your defence mechanism– albeit a shitty one.
After everything that happened with Heesung you had shied away from love, running away any time it knocked at your door. Your walls were high but Yeonjun had swooped in and made a hole in your defence, planting a seed of genuine care and affection that– through your haze of mistrust– you could only view as a weed in the carefully cultivated garden of your heart.
You’d uprooted him, and only then in his absence did you realise what you’d just given away.
What you didn’t know was how much Yeonjun was suffering without you; how much he’d cried after your fall-out. He’d taken your break up as a sign that you didn’t find your relationship with him valuable– that there was nothing to fight for between you two. That thought had spiked bitterness in Yeonjun, although it was largely clouded by the love he was starting to have for you that only grew bigger in your time apart. Perhaps absence did make the heart grow fonder. Yeonjun stopped frequenting the places you two would go together, trying to exterminate the sick hope in his heart that you would somehow bump into each other. He hated how cold his nights were without you. When you would come over you’d always offer to make dinner for the both of you as long as he was on dish duty. His apartment felt draughty without the calm and warmth your soft, sleepy laughter brought. The colours of his walls seemed washed out and Yeonjun’s general outlook on life had turned bleak. It had taken him forever to snap out of that mentally and find joy in what he liked to do once more.
His friends chastised him that it was foolish to have been so trusting so quickly, but something about you had drawn him in and taken a hold of him. You were diligent and quick witted, always eager to learn and open-minded in your ways of solving problems. Yeonjun had taken note of how weary you were heading into your relationship with him, how tentative you were in reaching out to him. He’d slowly unravelled the story of what had happened to you in your last relationship and did everything he could to make you more comfortable around him. A few weeks in and he had you smiling more, laughing more and sleeping better. He didn’t want any repayment for it, other than your time and affection… and when you had taken that away he’d been distraught. He’d never expected the excuse you had given him in the flurry of your departure from his life– that all Yeonjun had been to you was a rebound. All that time, all those kisses, all you two had shared was intended to be nothing but a temporary fix to your broken heart.
But he wasn’t going to give up on love as a concept just because of one bad relationship. Yeonjun patched himself up and spent all that love on his friends, his family, and most importantly himself. Seeing you tonight stung, sure, but he wouldn’t give anyone the satisfaction of knowing that.
—
The booming music had felt invigorating at first, considering this was the first party you’d attended in a long while. But now, in the cramped bathroom face-to-face with the boy whose heart you’d broken, the thumping of the bass was steadily giving you a headache. It was turning into the kind of evening where you’d usually crave Yeonjun’s company; his patient care soothed every headache and his attentive ears listened to every rant. If you wanted any hope of having another evening cuddled up on the couch with him then you’d need to right your wrongs in the here and now.
But the expression on Yeonjun’s face foreshadowed a difficult task on your part.
“I know there’s absolutely nothing I could say to ease the pain I caused…” you started off, chancing that his features would morph into a look less judgemental. “And I can’t fix the mistake I made but-”
“Mistake?” Yeonjun asked incredulously. He fought back the hope that was blooming within him; had you really changed your mind? Yeonjun internally scolded himself for being so ready to forgive you. He wouldn’t give into you so easily in case you broke him once more.
His gaze turned icier, emotions frozen beneath the dark gloom of his irises. “C’mon, think of something more original.”
“Well, I just want to tell you that I’m so sorry,” you said, taken aback by his cold retort. You fought the tears springing in your eyes. “I didn’t deserve you from the start, and yet you overlooked that and loved me anyways.”
You were shaking with how much you were restraining yourself from crying. “Yeonjun– I was terrified. And because of that I ruined it.”
Yeonjun just watched you, eyes thawing and softening a fraction with a new emotion you couldn’t quite place. He said your name quietly, patiently– as he always did, drawing out the syllables in a manner you’d always loved.
“What were you so terrified of?” His eyes bore into your own imploringly.
“Of the way you loved me,” you explained, frustrated by your situation and the tears that had started running down your face. “Yeonjun, you– you showed me what love could really feel like. After what I went through with my ex I couldn’t seem to let anyone in and you somehow fought your way through all my inhibitions.”
“You should’ve just communicated from the start.” He huffed exasperatedly, taking his hands out of his pockets to cross them over his torso.
“I know, I’m so sorry,” you mumbled, wiping your watery eyes on the back of your sleeve. “I’m trying to learn… how to not run away.”
He didn’t say anything for a long while, and you resigned yourself to the fact that all this was too little, too late. The silence grew heavy– loud, almost– as you stared at each other. The short distance between you two felt broader when Yeonjun’s eyes became distant for a while in thought. He spoke just as you were looking for something else to say.
“So what are you trying to get at with all this? Do you want me to take you back?” His tone was steady, unlike your shaky one as you stuttered and looked down at the floor. “You caused me so much pain.”
“I know, Yeonjun,” you said, missing the way a few teardrops slipped past Yeonjun’s eyes as you weren’t looking at him anymore. “And I promise I won’t hurt you again.”
Yeonjun let out a mirthless laugh and leaned down slightly so you were at eye level. He still kept his distance. “You’re right, you won’t.”
Your heart sank at his words. The harsh, assertive tone was so uncharacteristic of him. Had he perhaps found someone else? He did deserve someone better, but knowing Yeonjun you didn’t think he’d get into another relationship this quickly.
“Are you… seeing someone?” You choked out, a lump forming in your throat. Yeonjun considered your question for a moment before shifting from his position against the door and lessening the space between you two.
“Nope. I’m not ready for that yet. Wouldn’t want to repeat the cycle of heartbreak just to feel something,” he said quietly. Your mouth fell agape at the dig. His words cut deeper than a knife, tearing right through you and leaving you breathless with how heartless he sounded. Had you really turned him into this?
“I– yes, of course. I understand,” you said as steadily as you could manage, before nodding and excusing yourself. Yeonjun slid down against the door once you had disappeared back into the party, hiding his head in his hands as he sat with his knees pressed to his chest on the floor.
Unbeknownst to you, Yeonjun was simply putting up a front to prevent you from hurting him again. In the time you’d been apart he’d begun to put up his own defences… somehow knowing that a time would come when he’d have to face you again. You couldn’t avoid each other forever. A part of him had been waiting for this moment, replaying its possible pathways in his head while he cooked or showered or took a walk. He wanted you to feel that he’d totally let go of everything you two had, just like you did.
Now that this confrontation had happened, Yeonjun wondered if proving a point had been worth it. Your sorrowful face just now was a stark contrast to your controlled calm on that fateful Saturday. Sometimes hurt, and the fear of it, turned people into who they weren’t– and Yeonjun had just made the same mistake you had months ago. His heart ached with remorse; he’d been too harsh. The way you had followed him and apologized had caught him off guard. He hadn’t been prepared to have that conversation and he’d reacted badly.
Yeonjun cursed at himself and got up on his feet, determined to find you and put an end to this back and forth.
—
You didn’t bother looking for your friends again after you talked to Yeonjun. Neither did you try find a way to get home on your own. You just moved around the party people watching, more or less on autopilot. Yeonjun’s cold words and expressionless face burned behind your eyelids, haunting you every time you closed your eyes.
A merry group of people were trying to rope you into a game of beer pong when someone suddenly hurtled into you. You weren’t really paying attention to your surroundings, and for that reason you barely had time to react when a boy came crashing into you from your side. You were knocked into the beer pong table before hitting the ground. Your reflexes saved you from landing square on your face, because your arms flew out to catch your fall. The guy who’d crashed into you apologized profusely as he tried helping you up to your feet. His friends who’d been chasing him around watched on guiltily when you winced, quickly adjusting your stance so your left foot was carrying more weight than your right. The stares from everyone around you was starting to get on your nerves, and coupled with the events of the night you were on the verge of crying again.
The boys tried leading you to a nearby couch but you declined their help and limped away from the scene as quickly as you could; you really just wanted to go home now. You had almost made it out when you nearly tripped on a rug near the landing. You’d have tumbled to the floor for the second time that night if someone hadn’t steadied you from behind.
You were going to turn around and thank your good Samaritan, if the close proximity hadn’t let you get a whiff of Yeonjun’s distinctive cologne. You froze in place, the comfort you instinctively drew from that scent had you finally breaking down completely.
Yeonjun wrapped his arms around your middle and drew you close, shushing you. “It’s okay, we’re okay, I’m here…”
“My ankle,” you managed to spit out through your tears. He hummed in acknowledgement before picking you up bridal style and walked outside, towards his car.
“Geez, what happened?” His voice was laced with so much concern as he fumbled with his pockets for his car keys.
“Someone barrelled into me by accident,” you muttered, calming yourself down by tucking your face into the crook of his neck.
“You’ll need some ice on that foot,” Yeonjun said, more to himself than to you. “I could stop somewhere and get some.”
“But Yeonjun,” you started, trying to deflect the attention. Was he actually planning on ditching the people he’d arrived with to take you home? “Your friends…”
“They’ll find their way home, it’s cool.” He set you down in the passenger’s seat before circling round to the driver’s seat. Once he got in fetched you some tissues from the back seat as you explained what happened.
“Do you want to get something to eat?” he asked quietly, reaching over to brush a few hairs away from your face. Your skin warmed up slightly at the places his fingertips brushed against.
You shook your head and laid back against the headrest, exhausted. “I just want to go home, Jjunie.”
“Hey, that’s okay,” he whispered, trying to ignore the flip his stomach did at your use of the nickname. “We’ll get you home and we can order some takeout if you’re still hungry. But first, let me check out that ankle.”
He helped you hoist your leg onto his lap, mindful not to bump it against the gear lever. The delicate way he cradled your foot as he reached for the glove compartment had any animosity you had left in you towards him dissipate. He quietly hummed a tune you didn’t recognise as he grabbed the first aid kit and took out some brand of muscle relief spray, painting your ankle in the cold liquid before temporarily wrapping it with a bandage.
Yeonjun worked in silence as you watched him patch you up. In the quiet peace of his car it felt like nothing between you two had changed– like this was just any other day when you’d have to give each other first aid after over-exerting yourselves during dance practice.
“You’re staring,” he sighed after some time, and you were about to apologise before you caught the soft smirk playing on his lips. “Am I that gorgeous, hmm?”
You laughed at him, groaning at his playful banter. “Please, spare me, Choi Yeonjun.”
He laughed with you, and you could feel the tension leaving your body. Yeonjun looked happier now than he had all night, that light he carried within shining in his eyes once more.
“I missed you,” you admitted.
“Missed you, too, runaway,” he said back with a pout. His eyes turned serious for a moment, regarding you with such profound affection, before he winked and returned his attention to his task.
“Oh no, is that my name now?” you giggled.
“Might be…” he said, earnestly. “If you stick around.”
Yeonjun’s eyes adopted a shimmering quality when he let his vulnerability seep through. It was one of your weaknesses, one of the ways he’d unknowingly won you over. His eyes sparkled with a glittering hope as he waited for your answer.
“I will.” You held out your pinkie finger and he chuckled as he linked it with his own. “This time, I will.”
“No more running away…” he whispered. The two of you had somehow gotten so close mid-conversation and you could now make out the shadow of his eyelashes against his cheeks from the party’s lights seeping through the car windows.
“No more running away, I promise,” you confirmed in a hushed tone. “I want to stay.”
“Good,” he said happily, swooping in to nuzzle his nose into your cheek. You were giggling like little kids at the action, big smiles plastered on both of your faces.
“You know… you have to seal that promise,” he chanced.
“How will I do that?” you asked, laughing at the bashful pink tint on his cheeks. “We already pinkie swore, what’s left?”
Yeonjun didn’t answer you verbally, he merely pouted his lips in your direction, stifling back a laugh as you burst out with one of your own. Nevertheless, you happily obliged once your short fit of giggles had subsided, cupping his face in your palms.
You softly pressed your lips to his, both of you sighing at the feeling you had missed so dearly. Yeonjun’s plush lips pillowed yours oh-so lovingly, his hands sneaking up your sides to wrap across your back. The kiss was slow, neither of you in much of a hurry since you had the rest of the night ahead of you to keep at this deliriously sweet pace. The two of you kept going for what felt like forever, the precious give and take of such a delicate exchange too glorious to give up. You only pulled away because the position you two were in was getting uncomfortable. You both chuckled at how you’d ignored that fact for so long, too caught up in your kiss.
“No more tears, for the both of us.” you said breathlessly.
“Agreed,” Yeonjun whispered against your lips, stealing a final kiss before he pulled away with a grin and started the car.
⚝A/N: this had so much ANGST gdhjvjfkg. still, i found this oddly theraputic and really enjoyed breaking the song down. thank you for reading! hope you enjoyed these two being dumb haha. if so, i'd love to hear your thoughts, so don't be shy to send an ask or rant in the tags :D
⚝TAGLIST: @mental-hollows @forever-in-the-sky2 @yizki @bangchansbae @woncheecks
I Was Wrong. (M)
Pairing: Fem!Reader x Choi Yeonjun
Genre: smut, fluff, angst, hurt/comfort, oneshot.
Warnings: porn with an angsty yet cute plot, soft dom yeonjun, oral giving/receiving, squirting lmao, cumplay, degration, (with love). just nasty shit.
Wordcount: 3,1k
“I saw the way she looked at you!”
“Y/n you’re being fucking ridiculous, how can I control the way another woman looks at me.” Yeonjun huffs taking off his coat, lazily putting it over a chair at your dinner table. He was done with the argument that erupted on the drive home already and wasn’t trying to feed your anger with more anger.
What was supposed to be a great dinner with Yeonjun’s old college friends, turned to shit once you spotted his ex-girlfriend at the same table.
“Why didn’t you tell me she’d be there?” you turn to face him with sad eyes and angrily furrowed eyebrows.
“I didn’t know.”
“Bullshit.” Your voice cracked when you felt yourself choke up, which made him look at you with pity.
“…Baby don’t look at me like that. Fuck.” Yeonjun walked over to you and softly lifted his hand to caress your cheek but you flinched, avoiding his touch altogether as you took a step back to walk into your shared bedroom.
You left him glued to the floor of your kitchen for a few seconds. He was utterly confused at the fact that you just rejected his loving gesture, and by now anger was slowly starting to boil in the pit of his stomach at your ridiculous behavior.
He scoffed, stepping inside your shared bedroom to see you with your back facing him. You were calmly taking off your jewelry until you spot him in the full body mirror you were looking into.
“Don’t walk away from me like that.” Yeonjun hisses blocking your vision from the mirror by standing in front of you. “Why are you so upset? I left your side to talk to her for two seconds. That’s it! We parted ways as friends so there are no hard feelings. It was a friendly conversation y/n, I promise.”
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