Tw: Mention Of Sa

Tw: mention of sa

The cousin that sexually assaulted me between the ages of 6 and 10 is back in the country. I am so scared and I probably have to see him next weekend...

I don't want to see him. I don't think I can. I have to act normal and like nothing ever happend while I get flashbacks of him doing all of it.

I can't stand the nightmares and flashbacks anymore, I just want to forget and be safe.

I don't want to relive him forcing himself onto me. I don't want to feel this helpless and weak again.

I need to get stronger. I need to be able to defend myself...

I am still waiting for something..?

For him to text me and tell me something. For him to tell me anything. For him to just say random incoherent words.

I just wish I wouldn't still state at our chat waiting for him to massage me. My beautiful boyfriend, to say anything at all to me.

Hi, I'm finn, I'm 18 years old, I am a queer trans boy (pre t) and trying to get better.

If you are racist, queerphobic, abalist or overall a bigot, DNI, I will block you if I have to

This blog is my vent blog, this means I will complain, rant and vent, or maybe just ramble sometimes.

Triggering topics that might come up sometimes:

• self harming behavior

• disordered eating

• suicidal ideation

• sexual assult

• rape

• abuse (mostly emotional)

• drug abuse

Like I said, I am trying to heal and get better, I do not want to encourage any of the behaviors that I used or still.use to cope.

If you are feeling bad, get help, you are a wonderful human being and deserve help and support.

Tw: slight mention of sa and sh

How often do I have to say no until you accept it?? How fucking often? Because I said it so many times, stop it. No. No. Nonononono. Why do you keep going? Why can't you just leave me alone? I am just trying to exist!

Why is it so terrible hard to just exist? Why is always everyone trying to make it so much worse? I just want to relapse. I just want to cut myself open. I want to see the blood. I want to feel the pain. I just want to stop thinking.

Is it so bad? Is it so bad that I am trying to survive? To shut my brain up? Is it so bad that I am not able to stop?

Tw: tiny mention of drugs

"The chicken can wait"

I love my boyfriend, getting me to go to sleep and not cook myself chicken at 1 am.

He's so funny and cute. I like him, hihi :)

Also, I'm high and that's why I need chicken now.

Being fetishized is making me feel terrible.

Texting with another dude, he is 27 and got my snap from my former roommate

1. He doesn't respect that I am a man. Like, a dude. A guy. Yes I am trans, and? I am a trans man.

But he said he always wanted to fuck a *insert slur for trans people in german*

And

2. He was like so gross and wanted me and my former roommate to make out and fuck because he is into 2 girls fucking.

I am literally not a girl and I do not wanna fuck her, thank you very much.

Ufff. Why???