Tw: Mention Of Ed

Tw: mention of ed

Getting told I am not the overweight one of the two of us makes me want to cry.

Yeah, I am overweight, but I am trying so hard to not starve myself. At times I still puke up all I ate that day and try to make myself feel smaller. Prettier.

I am trying so hard not to fall back into old habits and eat nothing but an apple for weeks and faint in the middle of the street again.

I am trying so hard to stabilize my eating and get to a healthy amount.

I didn't need my best friend to remind me that I am overweight, fat and gross.

I already know and I am trying so hard to accept that. To try and loose weight the normal, healthy way.

Not to pick apart ever food, count calories, starve and puke.

I am trying so hard, but I don't think I can after this.

I am still waiting for something..?

For him to text me and tell me something. For him to tell me anything. For him to just say random incoherent words.

I just wish I wouldn't still state at our chat waiting for him to massage me. My beautiful boyfriend, to say anything at all to me.

Did you know that you can hold someone like your life depends on it to make sure they don’t leave and you can say sorry a million times for nothing and some people will just let you do it?? And some people will even pretend like it didn’t happen for your sake until you need to do it again??

Tw: mention of sa

The cousin that sexually assaulted me between the ages of 6 and 10 is back in the country. I am so scared and I probably have to see him next weekend...

I don't want to see him. I don't think I can. I have to act normal and like nothing ever happend while I get flashbacks of him doing all of it.

I can't stand the nightmares and flashbacks anymore, I just want to forget and be safe.

I don't want to relive him forcing himself onto me. I don't want to feel this helpless and weak again.

I need to get stronger. I need to be able to defend myself...

Being fetishized is making me feel terrible.

Texting with another dude, he is 27 and got my snap from my former roommate

1. He doesn't respect that I am a man. Like, a dude. A guy. Yes I am trans, and? I am a trans man.

But he said he always wanted to fuck a *insert slur for trans people in german*

And

2. He was like so gross and wanted me and my former roommate to make out and fuck because he is into 2 girls fucking.

I am literally not a girl and I do not wanna fuck her, thank you very much.

Ufff. Why???

Tw: tiny mention of drugs

"The chicken can wait"

I love my boyfriend, getting me to go to sleep and not cook myself chicken at 1 am.

He's so funny and cute. I like him, hihi :)

Also, I'm high and that's why I need chicken now.