Me Normally Watching A YouTube Video: :)

Me normally watching a YouTube video: :)

The video being about someone with my deadname: what the fuckk??? ○_○

I want to text him. I want to ask him how he is. I want to know how his day was. I want to just know that he is still alive.

I am trying so hard not to text him. So fucking hard. I don't want to be annoying. But i want to text with him.

Would I see a shooting star right now I would wish for him to text me. Even if it's just good night.

That sounds so desperate. Am I really that pathetic? I could just not care, I can do that on command, but that just leaves nothingness.

It would make things easier tho. I could just not care about him anymore. Indifferent to whatever he does or does not do.

Tw: sh

Sudden urge to cut myself open...

Blade beside me I'm just side eying it...

I want to feel anything else than this...

Ahhhhhhhhh!!!

Tw: sh

Was just thinking about cutting open my chest and stomach and seeing the blood run out of me.

Really wanted to do it but I know taht I shouldn't so I tried finding reasons not to.

I couldn't find anything and cried into my hoodie and then BAM!

I remembered that I was wearing his t-shirt and it still smells like him and I just cuddled into it and cried and tried to calm myself.

It kinda worked, I didn't relapse yet

I hate being a boy on his period.

I hate the hormones and the pain and the cravings and the dysphoria. It's all shit.

Why am I craving cheese? Why does it feel like my guts are tangled up in knots? Why do I even have to get a period? I don't want to birth children.

Fuckkkkkk

posting on tumblr cause i don’t have anyone to talk to, tired of burdening my fp with my feelings, it just pushes them further away, im so lonely.