Be Proud Of Me, I Set A Fucking Boundary!!!!

Be proud of me, I set a fucking boundary!!!!

im trying to be good for you. i swear i am. everything that i do to myself is to please you. i eat for you, i dress up for you, i try to feel pretty for you. im trying to get better for you because you deserve someone that is not self destructive and obsessive and paranoid. im sorry. im trying. im trying.

Am I on 5 different medications and sick?

Yes.

Am I on my way to my boyfriend to get black-out drunk?

Also yes.

My lifestyle is so healthy, yippee!!

I'm sorry. I'm sorry I'm sorry I'm so sorry.

I didn't mean to be like that. I don't want to act this way.

I'm sorry I can't communicate. I'm sorry that I try and push you away. I'm sorry. I just want you with me.

I'm sorry that I can't say that to you. I'M SORRY.

I'm so fucking sorry please don't leave me?

I know I'm hard to love. I KNOW.

I don't want to be like this.

I promise I am trying to change.

I promise I can act normal.

Please?

I texted him😭

I'm so weak, why can't I just not text him???

Fuck this.

I don't know what to say, it's just like, I need someone to talk to again. I want my best friend back.

I want to tell him everything again. I need him right now. Like, I told him everything and he told me everything, we were happy-ish.

But now I have to talk to fucking Tumblr to feel like anyone even listens.

I want someone to listen.

And like, honestly, I am close to just texting someone who hurt me so much, and that I broke contact with after he did that, but he at least listened.

He drove 4 hours to me. He texted me. He was there.

And yes, he hurt me so much, he gave me nightmares and I shaved my head because of him, but still.

I just want someone to love me and listen and stuff?

Is that to much?