The Last Time.

The last time.

The last time he and I spoke I told him about the brother in law of one of my close friends.  He was in the hospital with sepsis and it was not looking good.  I told him how I felt terrible for my friend and her husband, and how I wish there was something I could do to comfort them.

He asked me why I was bothered. He said I never cared about his struggles or his burdens, so why was I taking this personally?  Furthermore, he told me that I was messed up enough myself that I didn’t have time or energy to worry about anyone else.

My friend’s brother in law subsequently died.

from girl of the earth by katy maxwell 

He called me every name you could think of and insulted me any way he thought would hurt me. Nothing was off limits.

I called him mean. He couldn't handle this insult.

One time he screamed in my face "I'm not fucking mean!!!" And then physically threw me out of the house.

Flashback

He tried to push me out of his car while driving 80 km an hour.

He was cruel and I was crying. I had put my face out the window into the night air to try to stop crying and feel better.

In one smooth motion he undid my seatbelt and grabbed my door handle.

Had I not shifted suddenly at his abrupt undoing of my seatbelt his hand may never have slipped off the door handle preventing it from opening properly.

My crime? Someone might have seen me.

I am speechless.

So I blog about being physically, emotionally, psychologically, financially and sexually abused by my ex, as well as a series of other traumas I’ve survived at the hands of violent, predatory, aggressive, and misogynist men.  There’s really no mistaking it; I tag the shit out of this thing.  

And THIS is the sponsored ad on my dash?  Really @staff ? WTF?!

This is far too positive for how I'm feeling today but I like it anyway.