D)

d)

“I’m glad you haven’t completely lost your head.”

Stated after I mentioned I spent NYE watching HP with my mother, and far away from the types of things most people partake in - drinks, food, dancing, singing, midnight kisses, etc.

Test one. D+

So I saw him yesterday. He had a piece of mail for me. The dread and anxiety was heavy.

I was worried he was going to be charming or his sadness was going to melt the walls I have sweat blood to build.

That didnt happen.

I was just reminded how bad he makes me feel; that feeling in my chest that I hadn't felt it in weeks returned in full force. The feeling where I can't exhale or drop my shoulders from a defensive position.

I don't ever want to feel like that again. But I'm glad I felt it yesterday.

I do not want to be lured back in.

Next time I won't stay, as planned.

“A feminist would never do what you have done.  You have turned your back on that which you claim is so important to you.  How would other feminists react if they heard how you degraded yourself?  How would they feel if they knew that you make shitty money at a shitty job?  Aren’t you supposed to be an independent woman?   Then why are you in a position where you couldn’t make it on your own?  Why are you such a fuck up?"

Step 1 in Isolation

Never trust a man who pressures you to drop your hobbies.  While he should have been encouraging me to pursue my passions, he made it difficult to take part in anything that took me away from him and the duties he deemed mine.

e)

“I keep hearing about those towels from my mom.”

“…you got…. everything.”

“I know.”

The xmas immediately before we separated his mother bought us towels ($100.00).  We had grey and white - he used the white, I used the grey.  So I took the grey ones with me when I left  he kicked me out.  He is stating that she’s lamenting the $40 of her xmas gift that I took with me. 

When I say that he got everything, I mean he got everything:  I walked away from the house that I contributed 50% to financially,  all of our furniture, dishes, kitchen utensils, soap dishes, bed sheets, groceries and our joint account.  He got all of it. 

And he’s saying this as though I should be writing a cheque to keep the peace between he and his mother - as if I owe him that.

Can you take a hit to your person without calling out? How about to your heart?