Please By The Gods Take My Bones From Me They All Suck

Please by the gods take my bones from me they all suck

Danny always spends his Christmases alone since he left Amity Park. His friends are busy with their own celebrations and now he has an excuse to ditch the family ones?

Excellent

The decorations are everywhere and the damn songs won’t stop playing, so he gets a hot cocoa and wanders to a graveyard where no one will bother him

Joke’s on him though, cuz it turns out there is someone sitting behind the headstone he pauses at to drink

Danny, who is having A Day and can’t be mugged anyway, asks whose headstone this giant fuck is chilling behind

Jason, also Going Through It, decides this is the perfect time to go full creep mode and say “mine”

He is not expecting some scraggly ass bastard to nod sagely and go “mood” solely because Jason cannot work modern tech and does not have social media

They hang out in the graveyard for the rest of the night, not talking about the holiday and why they hate it, just Danny telling Jason about the stars and Jason telling Danny his favourite books

It’s not until he sees Jason in the line for coffee three weeks later that Danny realizes he wasn’t a ghost

Oh this is great. Danny fully thinks that he just hallucinated Jason or he was a lost spirit until he sees Jason with a iced caramel latte a local coffee shop.

Jason is less confused that the kid was real but more shocked they met again. Gotham is a very very big city. You really dont just happen to meet a complete stranger twice within the same month. Jason vented to the kid because he thought that he never was gonna see him again.

But lo and behold, its the exact same kid he talked to in the Graveyard who’s ordering the ungodly concoction of espresso and far too many pumps of pumpkin flavor at the front counter.

They were made for this prompt

Fake Cryptids, Real Ghosts

Ok, so dp x dc/batfam because this AU has me by the throat but what if it's the fake cryptid batfamily AU who never joined the JL.

Just...imagine it. The Batfamily has been protecting Gotham quietly but fiercely by scaring the daylights out of criminals as creatures that go bump in the night. A bit of stage magic, frightening method acting, contortion, a whole language comprised of chirps, growls, and body language, and the best tech possible and you've got a recipe for striking fear into the hearts of everyone.

They've got shrines on the rooftops, vaguely on the JL radar (Cause really, who's gonna believe that Gotham, one of the worst cities has a demon problem? Constantine? Homeboy took one look at Gotham and went Nope.) and they're protected cause any self respecting Gothamite wouldn't go spilling the beans to Outsiders. The Bats keep them safe. Who would believe them anyways?

Enter half dead, half alive Danny Fenton.

Danny Fenton who has a best friend's named Tucker and Sam who find out about the Gotham Cryptids, and go absolutely ham on research because here lies something,a bunch of someone's who are Other. Maybe they're creepy but they're cool and they're Heroes and they help people.

Sure, at first it was an attempt from Sam and Tucker to help their best friend feel less alone in the face of other, more 'normal' heroes and people out there in the world. Maybe they try to further bury the Bats online cause if anyone understands keeping on the down low, it would be Amity Parker's. For awhile, Danny Fenton, sometimes Phantom is simply happy to know he's not alone.

Then he's outed and his sister who's long since been ecto-contaiminated is put at risk there's nowhere that seems safer. Gotham is a chaotic city, even without the Bats factoring in. After all Gotham has (Demons-Spirits-Creatures?) The Bats already. Who would care if a halfa and his sister hide out there? As long as they're respectful of their territory, it'll be fine right? Besides, they've got to warn the Bats anyways about the GIW and government. They're coming after ghosts, who knows if they'll be next? Spooky things have to look out for each other after all.

Cue shenanigans as Phantom who stops hiding all of his creepier traits as a ghost walks up to the Totally Human but Faking it Batman with really thoughtful gifts for all of their shrines (And one fruitcake), no heartbeat and an earnest plea for a safe haven in their Haunt because the Ancients taught him manners and the importance of respecting another entities territory.

Fuck it Prompt Idea 2 free to the public: Batkid of choice is kidnapped, the kidnappers call to place ransom but dial the wrong number and reach RetiredHero!Danny who is either living in Gotham or passing through.

Can be you adult or actually old enough to be the batkid’s dad

Kidnappers: We have your kid.

Danny: which one? (100% responding on meme reflex)

The kidnappers respond and let the kid say whatever and Danny realizes this is an actual problem.

Cue Danny using the help of Gotham’s network of shades and spirits to track down the location they’re being held at and kicking ass.

Batkid: you’re not B…?

Danny: no but I am the one they called. Let’s get you home.

I think it works best if its little Dick, freshly adopted Jason, or newly Robin!Tim. If Damian, having a handful of Bats show up just as Danny is untying him could be hilarious.

Batman: who are you?

Damian who is throughly impressed by how this man not only located his whereabouts but took out six armed men as easy as breathing in a fighting style akin to an angered raccoon: Batman this is my other Father. He came to my rescue as soon as he was informed of my capture.

Danny shrugging: as you do.

Everyone in this family has a secret identity now smh

This is the banger new Lore™️. I was joking about secret agent Cujo once but felt very enabled by the gwe people so it’s now canon in the shared cujostody au. I will never mention it again, but just know it’s canon. It happens. It’s true I swear. This is what he does whenever he’s not with Val or Danny. Nods.

u may think this is a joke (which it is) but also jon has managed to literally forgive damian for everything hes done in every single universe hes been in and no one else