Tw/sh Talk

⚠️Tw/sh talk ⚠️

I want to cut so bad but also I don't want to move

I don't want to undress to find perfect place

I don't have energy to look for razors

I don't have energy to wait for cuts to stop bleeding

I don't have energy to hide those cuts

I don't have energy to cut

I just don't

And I failed....

I'll have to do that again

I am about to have an theoretical driving exam

I am not so stressed what's weird

I hope I pass it easily

Cheer for me

Failing my exam is perfect reason to cut and punish myself for not being enough

Probably my "mum" will keep checking on me knowing that I take failures to my heart and it affects me deeply but I'll find opportunity to decorate my skin

My "parents" don't believe that I've lost almost 2kg a week

They're like "that's not possible"

It's fucking possible!

I've been restricting myself to eat only max 650 kcal a day and now it shows!

And they tell me to stop dieting

Oh no

I have a goal

I need to achieve that

Are we even friends ?

I don't expect you to text me everyday but once in a while will be enough

I don't want to be the only one to start the conversation

If I don't start there won't be any

"If I stop texting them first I'll never hear from them again"

And asking me questions to get to know me is so hard ?

Giving me this kind of hope for anything

I don't want that

When I catch myself smiling at your texts I want to bump my head on the wall, to kick something just to get rid of this feeling

I don't want to get too attached (I probably am already)

Take it from me

It's hard....

It's getting harder everyday

Knowing that you're not enough

Knowing that your mental illnesses aren't enough

Knowing that people at my university got it worse

They do

There are people who are half-blind

People with autism

People with worse sh history than mine

I can't

I can't do this anymore

I can't even be good at this

I suck