Tw Self H@rm - Tumblr Posts

I was watching kdrama "Good Doctor" with my mum and there was a scalpel on the screen...my mum looked at me and said:

- I hope you don't use things like this on yourself

And I was like:

- Mum, I don't even have one.

But there was also me thinking about the scalpel and knife I just ordered....

Always whenever you need it...

REBLOG IF ITS OKAY TO TALK TO YOU.

Please.

⚠️Tw/sh mention/talk

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So my scalpel came and I was so happy....so I tried it out

I was scared ....Idk why...I was shaking and stuff

But I broke and cut myself

This motherfucker is not that sharp as I thought !

But it hurts after a bit....

But that's good

⚠️ Tw/sh talk

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That moment when you cut and feel nothing....you just cut to see the blood ...

I missed that and I'm happy that I came back to this state....no pain just blood

⚠️ tw/sh

⚠️ tw blood/sh talk

So yesterday I was at the doctor and I had my blood taken three times (due to the test )

And I gave the nurse my right arm, the 'better' one (if you know you know ) but the blood wasn't dripping so she told me to give her second arm. My heart was racing ( I was scared that she might tell my dad ) but I rolled up my sleeve and gave her my barcode arm. She said nothing and put the needle in my vein.

Everything would be fine despite the fact that she stabbed me with those needles 5 times !

But good thing was that she didn't tell my dad about my cuts

It's another level of pretending....

Cutting then pretending everything's fine is another kind of pain..

⚠️tw sh

First smoke then cut

When you had cut yesterday evening and next day in the morning you had volleyball match.....

Very clever move ngl

My mum finding my cuts on my arm: oh no....you can't hide it whole summer.... people will see...why can't you stop ?

My mum finding cuts on my thighs: oh no...people will see....you can't hide it whole summer....people will see ...why can't you stop ? If you really have to do something like that them go running or yell at me....

Me thinking: I hate running and I don't yell at people...even at those I hate....

Also me thinking: what about my mental health ? Guess it's not important

My "dad" is so weak....

He can't handle conversation about my self harm. He had left in the middle and now is mad at everyone.... My "mum" is sad about that....

And I'm the younger there but the strongest....

Funny

Again....too tired to cut

⚠️Tw/sh talk ⚠️

I want to cut so bad but also I don't want to move

I don't want to undress to find perfect place

I don't have energy to look for razors

I don't have energy to wait for cuts to stop bleeding

I don't have energy to hide those cuts

I don't have energy to cut

I just don't

⚠️tw sh

I had a dream where I hit beans !

But like my leg was almost torn open in two

So it was more than beans

And I found nurse who agreed to stitch it and I btw met my classmates...and a handsome doctor

But I don't know how this ended because I was in short coma and then I woke up