Peter: If You Havent Seen Two Cats Riding An Elliptical Together While Looking Like Loafs Of Bread, Are

Peter: If you haven’t seen two cats riding an elliptical together while looking like loafs of bread, are you really considered alive?

Peter: Y’know, there is a more efficient way to answer someone on the phone when you really don’t wanna talk to them.

Peter: “Mario’s Pizzeria and Abortion Clinic, your loss is our sauce!”

Peter: And guess what, Nick Fury did stop calling after that!

Happy, having a stroke when Nick Fury appears on his phone afterwards:

Peter: Technically, you can’t prove that I can die until I do die.

Peter: And after today’s Spanish test, I might just test that theory.

Tony, using Peter’s own webshooters to web him to his bed: NO—

Peter: I wish I could get the same amount of praise as a sham-WOW.

Tony:

Tony: I’m going to hug you now so shut up.

There will be nO mercy—🏌🏻‍♀️

Texting:

Peter: *sends a picture of a guy throwing a fidget spinner*

Peter: Consider this a warning

Peter: Oh wrong number, sorry.

Tony: Who was that for?

Tony: Peter who the fuck was that for??

Peter: *drops his pencil*

Peter, exasperated: Well zoo wee mama and fuck me with a goddamn fidget spinner.

Tony: What? Do what?? With a wHAT???