Peter Parker Is A Little Shit - Tumblr Posts

Peter: Jokes on you Mr.Stark, Flour isn't even a spice!

Harley: So you're dumb AND boring!

Tony: I'M BORING!? I am genious billionare playboy philanthropist! I am NOT boring!

Harley: Then let us work on the iron man suit!

Tony: ABSOLUTELY NOT!

Peter: SEE!? BORING!

Tony: Oh please! If you were a spice you'd be flour!

Harley: I’m so fucking stressed right now.

Peter: Aww babe, I’ll draw you a bath :)

Harley: Aw you’re so sweet!!

*2 minutes later*

Peter: *hands a piece of paper* Here you go! :)

Harley, holding a drawing of a bathtub:

Peter: I drew you a bath....

Harley:

Peter: *laughs maniacally*

Tony, bursting through the door in panic: KID! KID ARE YOU OKAY?? WHAT’S WRONG??

Peter, sitting casually on the couch: Oh hey Mr. Stark! Why would you think something’s wrong?

Tony: Because you sent me a text saying “Please come over, I’m dying”

Peter: Of excitement! We finally got Disney +!

Tony, collapses in relief and pain:

Peter: *bursts into Tony’s lab with a plate while on three Monster Drinks*

Peter: You’re not a dish *smashes plate on the wall* you’re a mAN!

Tony, frightened: Th-Thank you??

Peter: You know, I wake up in the morning and I’m disappointed. I don’t choke on my food at lunch, I’m disappointed. I make it to dinner, I’m disappointed.

Tony, calling the therapist again: Hi, I’d like to schedule another appointment.

Peter: What if I were to hit my head really hard with a fire extinguisher and have all my braincells click into place?

Ned, grabbing fire extinguisher: We won’t know until we try!

Peter: If you do this, I will kill everyone you ever loved and burn you alive along side them. I will leave no evidence behind and no one will ever know what happened to you. Don’t test me.

Ned, throwing away the +4 card out of sheer terror:

Peter: Do you ever just...

Peter: *folds like a beach chair*

Harley: Yup *proceeds to fold like a beach chair*

Tony: Um.....pardon me??

Peter: Y’know, there is a more efficient way to answer someone on the phone when you really don’t wanna talk to them.

Peter: “Mario’s Pizzeria and Abortion Clinic, your loss is our sauce!”

Peter: And guess what, Nick Fury did stop calling after that!

Happy, having a stroke when Nick Fury appears on his phone afterwards:

Tony, introducing Peter to the Avengers: Peter is our newest avenger, Spider-Man.

Steve: That’s a CHILD.

Peter: And that’s an ugly, pimply bitch.

Peter: *drops his pencil*

Peter, exasperated: Well zoo wee mama and fuck me with a goddamn fidget spinner.

Tony: What? Do what?? With a wHAT???

Tony: On a scale from 1 to 10, how are you feeling?

Peter: Well you know when you’re sleeping and your body does that fake falling thing?

Tony: I don’t see how that describes anything...

Peter: I know but I spent most of my afternoon thinking about that.

Tony:

Tony: I’m just gonna put a 3 again...

Peter: I wish I could get the same amount of praise as a sham-WOW.

Tony:

Tony: I’m going to hug you now so shut up.

Peter: May just made seven layer bean dip, you want some?

Tony: Sorry kid, I don’t like beans.

Peter, eyes boring into Tony’s soul: ...Who the fuck doesn’t like beans.

Peter: Hey, doesn’t it smell like updog in here?

Bucky: Haha. Kid I’ve heard this too many ti—

*Dog barks being webbed to the ceiling*

Peter: I knew it smelled like updog in here. I guess it’s from the matter?

Bucky: What’s the matter?

Peter: Nothing much what’s the matter with you?

Steve: Bucky, put down my shield—BUCKY—

Tony: Kid, for the love of God, stop being reckless and getting yourself nearly killed.

Peter: Why’d you have to say that?? You saying that makes me want to do it even more!!

Tony, exasperated: What is wRONG WITH YOU—

Peter with his super hearing and his teenage hormones: OH MY GOD STOP BLINKING SO LOUDLY.

Tony, confused and frightened: I’m sORRY?????

Texting:

Peter: *sends a picture of a guy throwing a fidget spinner*

Peter: Consider this a warning

Peter: Oh wrong number, sorry.

Tony: Who was that for?

Tony: Peter who the fuck was that for??

Tony: So kid, anybody you like at school?

Peter: Well I sexually identify as a mistake so what does that say?

Tony: That says “another tharapy appointment.”

Peter: Technically, you can’t prove that I can die until I do die.

Peter: And after today’s Spanish test, I might just test that theory.

Tony, using Peter’s own webshooters to web him to his bed: NO—