One Of The Shittiest Things That Can Happen In Life Is Watch Someone You Loved Fulfill All The Dreams

One of the shittiest things that can happen in life is watch someone you loved fulfill all the dreams you talked about

With someone else.

-katie, 17:56

Ma, I am home

Finally, I have come

Here I am

Knocking on your door

Ma, I have wounds

I tripped and fell

Down the stairs

Now I bleed

Harder than I did

Ten years ago

Under your watch

Ma, I crawled

On my way here

My hands are frail

But I moved

In a snail pace

Hoping to reach

Before sundown

I should have called

Tell you I'm coming

But the sound of your voice

On the other line

It will never be enough

To soothe me

And you know that

Ma, I am cold

Where I came from

They get snow

All year round

The winter is long

And the people

Oh, they are cruel

You taught me how to love

Well, they turned me around

Now all I know is hatred

I turned into steel

And this strong urge to kill

Runs through my veins

Replacing traces of you

So I boarded the bus

Headed here

Before the human you raised

Completely disappear

Ma, I have a gun

I bought it downtown

Intended to shoot

A man named John

He ruined me

Taught me about the world

Took away my purity

Tossed my soul to the shredder

I was young and unwise

Barely had a voice

Even though I shrieked

Fought between the sheets

But to no avail

This man pinned me down

Took advantage of my naivete

They said men are lions

I didn't know what it meant

And it all dawned on me that day

He put shackles on my hands

Ma, I didn't talk

I fell as silent as the dead

Life has weaken my stead

And then I lost my head

Tried to make appointment

With the God of Death

My wrists show the imprints

Desolation has tattooed

My eyes burn in scarlet rage

My tongue speaks wars I want to wage

I am confused

I am hurt

Shattered in pieces

I crawl back to you

For the world can't heal me

My heart can't warm me

Not now that it became

Colder than Spooky Nebula

Ma, I am home

I hope you take me back

Fix my broken wings

Ma, I am here....

-Ma, I am here,

katie, 13:22

Image: Pinterest

(It was so hard to write this. What a relief that I did!)

You don't know

What it's like

To stare

At the walls

For hours

And hours

Figuring out

How the clock

Ticks so loud

Screaming

A hollow sound

Dead, hollow sound

Ringing all over

Your deafness

Making you shiver

Despite your numbness

You don't know

What it's like

To hold yourself

Together because

Breaking down

Is like a drug

Tempting,

A little consoling

But destructive

So you lie there

Trying hard not to feel

Shutting the faint sound

Of blood running

In your veins

Trying hard not

To go insane

You don't know

What it's like

So stop repeating

Words I've heard

Before

For a million times

"You're gonna be fine!"

Maybe I would be

But not today

Definitely not today

-katie, 20:15

Image: Pinterest

Many won't agree with what I'm going to say but it's a truth that needs to be heard. Love doesn't really hurt, it heals. If you've known love as something that ruptures your soul so you ended up shredded, maybe what you had was a counterfeit and haven't really met love after all.

For...

Love doesn't judge. It understands. Love doesn't take offense. It forgives. Love doesn't ridicule. It appreciates. Love doesn't outcast. It takes you into its arms for comfort. Love doesn't abuse. It heals.

Love is love. And it's something that you can run to after a long day of fighting wars. It's something that can put you back together after you've been shattered. It's something you can trust with your life for it doesn't betray. It's love.

And it's not...

A train. You don't need a ticket to board it. You don't need to run on your toes to catch it because it's leaving. Love doesn't leave. It stays. Surprisingly, even when we don't need it, it's just there.

It's not...

A game. People would play it with their selfish rules. But it doesn't need to be played. No one wins or loses in love. We're all equal in its eyes.

It's not...

On material things. It can't be measured by the value of gifts given. It can't be monetized. It doesn't have a currency.

It's not...

Something that you have to deserve. There are no requirements. You don't need to be beautiful or intelligent or rich or famous. We're all worthy of love. No one is below or above us.

For...

Love is love, regardless of how society tries to stain its name in an effort to fit it into the norms. It's been disgraced. Used to manipulate. Screamed out to frighten those who don't have a slight clue about what it is.

So...

If the hands you hold push you to be a stone and don't seem to transform you at all, let go. If the lips you kiss spit venom into your tongue that you end up poisoned and left to die, let go. If the arms wrapped around your waist don't hold you like you're going to fall apart, let go. If the eyes you stare at pierce your flesh that you bleed and shriek out in pain, let go. It's not love. I said it earlier and I'll say it again: LOVE DOESN'T HURT, IT HEALS.

Think about that.

(my love, you aren't aware of this but you redefine love to me everyday.)

-love as redefined,

letters to Jeffry,

katie, 18:00, 9th of March2020

How is it possible darling, for someone with a heart to be so heartless?

Katie, 20:00

She looks at him like he’s the lighthouse that brought her home.

Katie, May 22nd