Dissatisfaction - Tumblr Posts

are we even that hopeless? or are we just tired of watching the news everyday and get saturated of how many people die everyday? of how many people suffer in uncountable ways and we are helpless in the face of it all? in the face of the corrupt? of the consequences of human made disasters?

are we even that delusional? or are we just tired that our dreams might never come true because the arts, as beautiful as they are, are meaningless to capitalism and paints and pretty words dont make money

am i even that bitter? or am i just so alone and in need of a hug and just want to lie in the middle of a forest and let the world just swallow me and to never have to think again? do i just want to lie here with you waiting for the world to end for it to be only ours when everyone else is gone?

am i even who i present myself to be? or am i the persona that created the least problems for those around me and have nailed that skin so hard into my bones i cannot move without feeling it constraints against my soul?

Here’s a question I’ve been wrestling with for the past few weeks:

I do a lot of daydreaming. At any given point in time, I’m deep in my thoughts playing out some scenario or another. Most of the time, they’re not ridiculous or anything - it’s just me organizing my music, making levels, going out and being social, or playing video games. Remember this post? It’s still an issue.

Why, then, can’t I turn those thoughts into reality?

I wouldn’t say any of this is unreasonable. I mean, what’s any of that take out of me? Thirty minutes of my time at worst? That’s nothing in the grand scheme of things, I can just go right back to whatever I was doing afterward. And then I have the satisfaction of getting the thing done to go with it.

The real problem is that in the meantime, I’m doing nothing. Sitting around listening to music, or watching a video on Youtube, or reading my dashboard here on Tumblr, not even taking time out of my day to get dressed sometimes. I know this is the life for some people. No, really, I get that. First-world problems and all. I get it. But that is not me. I don’t like to sit around and twiddle my thumbs - I like to get stuff done. I enjoy being creative and funny and productive; moving and breathing and doing.

So I don’t understand where this whole “sit around and be a blob of consumption” thing came from. Especially since, the whole time, I’m imagining how awesome it would be to get up and get dressed, when it takes no more energy to flail my arms and legs to put socks on my head and pants on my feet. Great, now I’m imagining me being all happy and doing stuff - why can’t I just do this in reality?

I am a freaking potato and I don’t know what to do about it.