Funny Posts - Tumblr Posts

spooning it out, spatualing is the next big trend. slide up behind your partner and then launch them out of bed

SKELETONS AREN'T SCARY

WE'RE FILLED WITH THIS PULSING, OOZING MEAT

AND Y'ALL THINK THAT SKELETONS ARE SCARY

THE MEAT'S SCARY

THE MEAT

when having difficult conversations over text i believe in a method called "the sandwich approach" it's where you send one meme, then six emotionally vulnerable texts, then another meme and "lmao" as a garnish

just tried to say “you’re welcome” and “no problem” at the same time and it came out as “your problem”

*does a gay little experiment that challenges god*

i gonna be blunt with you mr. car salesman, i don’t care how fast this car goes, or how many horse souls you trapped in the engine, i only care about the horn. now please stop talking so i can hear this bad boy beep.

no, sir, i will not elaborate

because i have no idea what i just said

who needs therapy when you can gaslight yourself into thinking everything is fine

“i could fix him“ “i could make him worse“ but why????? why all this diy???? stop interfering, he’s my psychology case study for my thesis and i just wanna stand over his shoulder and see what he can fuck up

if you put a cake under a box propped up by a stick tied to a string i will still go for the cake without hesitation. i’m aware i’m going to get trapped it’s just nice to feel wanted sometimes.

i’m thrilled to announce that i am giving up!

so excited to see where this new decision is going to take me!!!

wearing big shirts is amazing cuz if someone wanted to stab me they wouldn’t even know where i am in here

isn’t taking a break from work and napping just the human version of rebooting

like if you can’t get it done, have you tried turning yourself on and off?

it’s always “i kin this” and “i kin that” have you ever kinsidered therapy

you’re in his dms i’m on his nerves

i’m pissing him off i’m ruining his day

we are not the same

hell yeah i wanna get laid

into my fucking GRAVE

me, arriving at chernobyl: hmmmm don’t like the vibes here