I'm Hilarious - Tumblr Posts
Yeah I'm a pacifist but I'll use your mouth to PACI my FIST if you start talking shit again
Yknow what? I'm bullying Wilbur soot now
I'm stalking mine own account
Mom: So my first date is in {town ten minutes away} at a Denny’s.
Me: Ma Denny’s isn’t a place you just go to for a date, it’s a place you end up at three in the morning either questioning your life choices, hungover, or having no idea how you ended up there.
My brother: Well she’s not wrong
There's this assignment in our animation class where we have to make a children's hospital mascot but since I'm so funny I decided I'm gonna name my mascot Norton because he was Norton hospital mascot but he would everyone uncomfortable by having long yelling matches over the phone with his ex wife in front of everyone in the lobby on top of him being terrible with kids and terrible at comforting people so he was fired and now works after this children's hospital
“Alpha, betas and omega‘s”
“Girls gays and theys” <- uninclusive while trying to be inclusive. Bad. Makes me uncomfortable.
“Ladies, gentlemen, and other distinguished guests” <- inclusive but far, far too formal
“Alrighty gamers” <- Incisive of everyone, informal, and fun to say.
Me, peeling the tinfoil off of my burrito: can I have your coat lol
My sister: do you have an off switch?
gonna thrift a black shirt tomorrow so i can paint "im kenough" on it in metal font and give it to my cousin <3
I do this all the time
After a long day of work, sometimes you need to put your hair up, hop in your boyfriend’s hoodie, and snuggle your kirishima plush.
i’m no longer allowed to play tour guide because apparently trying to convince everyone that the gigantic pineapple field is actually marijuana is not an appropriate joke for politically-conservative company.
I guess....
Stacys mom
Gayest Supernatural Character, Final
I keep getting, like, frustrating amounts of dog-horny, if that makes sense. Like I just wanna be used like a pet, is that too much? I want to be a very good puppy and serve someone. Also maybe hump her leg but that’s another matter entirely. Like please let me knot you ma’am I promise I will be so incredibly very good all the time always
I’m literally so dramatic it’s not even funny at this point
God may forgive you for being gay but nobody will forgive you for that haircut.😧
