Puns - Tumblr Posts
ME: *Drinks tea* well! I better go tea-pee~
Papyrus: HUMAN! THAT IS NO WAY TO TALK AT THE DINNER TABLE.
Me: Okay. Can I go tea-kle?
Papyrus: Yes yo-SANS YOU'RE INFLUENCING THE HUMAN AGAIN!
Sans: oh sorry bro. my jokes are so conteaious, I should be tea-tain.
Me: Ya, like a SteaP.
Papyrus: THAT'S IT! IM THROWING ALL THE TEA OUT IF THIS NONSENSE CONTINUES!
Sans: geez, paps. no need to tea bag all the pun we're having.
Papyrus: *starts for the tea stash*
ME: STOP HE DIDN'T MEAN IT!
Papyrus: THEN CHAI TO STOP--
*slaps hand over mouth, mortified*
Sans: hehe, good one bro.
Four people are working together to fix a small table. While the two more savvy ones are fitting pieces together, people A and B are off to the side.
A looks at B, holding up a small L-shaped bit of metal,
“Is it called an Allen Wrench or an Allen Key?”
After a moment of thought, B takes the tool with a smile,
“Al-envestigate!”
Then they turn to the other two, who are currently struggling to attach pieces. B waves for their attention, then holds out the tool,
“Here! I don’t mean to throw a wrench in your plans— key-p going!”
They both laugh. Unsatisfied, A jumps in,
“I don’t get it. What’s the joke?”
The answers are simultaneous:
“Get it? Wrench?”
“Get it? Key?”
The two (C and D respectively) pause and look at one another in confusion.
“Key?” “Wrench?”
“This is thoroughly unhelpful!”
A buries their face in their hands and groans in frustration. B pats their shoulder.
“Don’t worry. Allend this. Guys, which is it, Wrench or Key?”
“Well it doesn’t look like a key!”
“Well it doesn’t look like a wrench!”
A stands, knocks over the table in frustration, and leaves the room with a final shout,
“I can’t stand you people!”
C and D shrug.
“Well, sure looks like they can stand.”
“I don’t under-stand the problem.”
B laughs with them,
“Eh, they were always a little uns-table.”
This is pure gold.
In a world where puns are illegal, one man rises up in opposition.
I'm surprised I've never seen a post about kotal Kahn in his cat form and not calling him "katal Kahn"
I’m disappointed. They completely failed this pun.
You know how the word "feline" refers to cats, and "canine" refers to dogs? There are a whole bunch more animal adjectives, and here are some of them:
equine -> horses
bovine -> cows
murine -> mice/rats
porcupine -> porcupines
wolverine -> wolves
marine -> marmosets
saline -> salmonella
cosine -> cosmonauts
citrine -> citrus
combine -> combs
famine -> your fam
bromine -> your bros
palpatine -> your pals
alpine -> alps
christine -> christ
asinine -> asses
machine -> the speed of sound
landmine -> explosions
migraine -> migrants
trampoline -> tramps
dopamine -> dopes
medicine -> the Medici family
praline -> prey
masculine -> mascara
feminine -> femurs
latrine -> latissimus dorsi
fettuccine -> fetuses
poutine -> sadness
turbine -> turbans
engine -> england
supine -> soup
valentine -> valence electrons
Follow for more nature facts!
He still upsets me
Wait, no
He completely and totally
Rex me
I wake from nightmares
Screaming
Before dawn
There is no glory in war
Why?
Because I kidnapped him
And now we live on a farm
I JUST LOVE THE PHANTOM TOLLBOOTH SO MUCH!
the humour! the wit! the puns! the wordplay! it's all so beautiful! I'd completely forgotten this book untill i saw some post about it online, And i just finished re-reading it and I'm so in love with this book, it's such an absolute gem and i feel YOU (yes you) should go read it rn!
Here's some of my fave parts
A watch-Dog named Tock that ticks.
The best reason to do anything is a placard hanging around your neck that reads "WHY NOT"
Twin princesss named Rhyme and Reason whose absence has caused the world to fall apart.
A half-bakery that bakes half-baked ideas that go down easy but always disagree with you. ("The moon is made of green cheese" and "The world is flat" are my favourite flavours.)
A noisy djinn named Dynne, who produces the most awful din.
The Island of Conclusions, you get there by jumping (duh)
"Infinity is a dreadful poor place. They can never manage to make ends meet."
UNWELCOMING COMMITTEE.
The dog can fly because quite often...time flies.
And so, much more!
This was actually pretty entertaining, I ended up reading the whole thing and just got funnier as it went on. The reveal of the library sticker at the end is my favorite part.
follow forthefuns for more funny stuff
What do birds do when they don’t have a plan?
They just wing it
Just when you’ve started to think that Jonas has no game… #bitch you thought
The one and only reason I need.
Well maybe, if you spin it that way
You know the drill.
