Jurgen Leitner - Tumblr Posts
POV: the weird nerd interrogating you just left to smoke a cigarette:
A sassy mean girl, that’s who Elias is 💅
my thoughts on certain characters being the 'minister'
Peter Lukas - I think it's unlikely bc no jonah to make a wager with to get him off the boat so he's probably still at sea buutt if it was him think it would funny bc he'd definitely have 'disappeared' Collin just to not deal with him
Simon Fairchild - he wouldn't give a shit like we saw him with the extinction stuff he'd just not care about what the OIAR is doing at all and I think that would be funny
Annabelle Cane - that would be verryy plot relevant and also probably the same annabelle Cane from tma bc she said she'd either go with the fears or die and so far as I can remember they said there was no sign of her I would love a return of annabel mainly just bc I love her
Sasha James - more likely to be the new IT person but also I desperately just want sasha to be alive and well I also think she'd be very good at her job we knew she would have made a good archivist but an actual one rather than eldritch horror one so maybe she's a librarian somewhere completely separate
Tim Stoker - I strongly believe he wouldn't take it seriously and would flirt with every one and make jokes about the computers looking worse for wears until he hears about collin and just makes jokes about collin
Danny Stoker - would be funny but would also mean Tim is not linked to the supernatural at all bc he only got involved after Danny's death so if Danny's fine so is Tim and I need Tim to be ok also I think it would be a fun link without them just having the same cast as tma
Elias Buchard (the real one) - would imply gwen is a nepo baby which would be really funny to see them interact also wonder how jonah would feel about it also he was a stoner so I don't think he'd be good at his job and this would be very funny
Jurgen leitner - he's probably dead but I think this would be fun and we don't know if he even had his library in this world but if he did and then became the minister of the oiar that's a bad way to hide and I think he'd die pretty quickly
Daisy Tonner - she would penalise them for everything she'd be so strict on them and probably aggressive I also think its unlikely to be her she'd hate the bureaucracy and would probably empathise with collins solution to their problems
someone new - the fandom reaction would be funny as fuck like we've spent all this time theorising and guessing and then it's no one we've ever heard of before I just think it would be a funny way to throw off everyone
sorry this so long lmao
I forgot to mention maxwell rayner which would be fun because there's been no dark cases yet also also since he was very very old he might have known isaac Newton who we know was involved and that could be a very interesting development
my thoughts on certain characters being the 'minister'
Peter Lukas - I think it's unlikely bc no jonah to make a wager with to get him off the boat so he's probably still at sea buutt if it was him think it would funny bc he'd definitely have 'disappeared' Collin just to not deal with him
Simon Fairchild - he wouldn't give a shit like we saw him with the extinction stuff he'd just not care about what the OIAR is doing at all and I think that would be funny
Annabelle Cane - that would be verryy plot relevant and also probably the same annabelle Cane from tma bc she said she'd either go with the fears or die and so far as I can remember they said there was no sign of her I would love a return of annabel mainly just bc I love her
Sasha James - more likely to be the new IT person but also I desperately just want sasha to be alive and well I also think she'd be very good at her job we knew she would have made a good archivist but an actual one rather than eldritch horror one so maybe she's a librarian somewhere completely separate
Tim Stoker - I strongly believe he wouldn't take it seriously and would flirt with every one and make jokes about the computers looking worse for wears until he hears about collin and just makes jokes about collin
Danny Stoker - would be funny but would also mean Tim is not linked to the supernatural at all bc he only got involved after Danny's death so if Danny's fine so is Tim and I need Tim to be ok also I think it would be a fun link without them just having the same cast as tma
Elias Buchard (the real one) - would imply gwen is a nepo baby which would be really funny to see them interact also wonder how jonah would feel about it also he was a stoner so I don't think he'd be good at his job and this would be very funny
Jurgen leitner - he's probably dead but I think this would be fun and we don't know if he even had his library in this world but if he did and then became the minister of the oiar that's a bad way to hide and I think he'd die pretty quickly
Daisy Tonner - she would penalise them for everything she'd be so strict on them and probably aggressive I also think its unlikely to be her she'd hate the bureaucracy and would probably empathise with collins solution to their problems
someone new - the fandom reaction would be funny as fuck like we've spent all this time theorising and guessing and then it's no one we've ever heard of before I just think it would be a funny way to throw off everyone
sorry this so long lmao
i always have this image at the ready
Reblog to hit Jurgen Leitner with a pipe
Random Thoughts About the Magnus Archives
I feel like something's being said about your personality depending on which avatars you like and which ones you want to drop dead, I just don't know what. Like, anytime Peter showed up, I'd be like "You're a bitch ass, go away." But anytime distortion Michael made an appearance, I'd be like "That's my baby boy!" And there are a few that are kind of in between. Like with Nikola, I was like "You freak me the fuck out, but you're funny, so I guess that evens it out."
I think it's so interesting how despite a lot of the characters not getting any physical descriptions, a lot of artists in the fandom draw them the same way. Like, Melanie almost always has colorful hair, usually blue. Jon's hair gets longer with every season. Helen is almost always wearing purple. I just wonder how everyone unanimously agreed on some of this stuff.
I thought the Leitner rant was a canon thing, so I avoided anything about it 'cause I wanted to be surprised. I think near the end of the series though I finally looked it up and I was like "What!? This was a fan thing?" Totally hilarious though, I kind of felt the same way about Leitner.
The inside jokes are fucking hilarious, like the "homophobic vase." Or we have classics like "I just listened to the episode where the guy has sex with a bug." "Oh, which one?" and "Peter and Elias are definitely divorced."
Seeing what episodes scared people and which ones had people going "Actually, that sounds kind of nice" was very interesting. Like, episode 57 where the guy was stuck all alone in space? Emotionally destroyed me. But then others would be like "Yo, being able to be all alone in space with no one to bother me? Sign me up."
Also interesting to see which Fears scared people the most and which ones they think they would end up serving. I think the Buried scared me the most. Episodes 15, 132, and 195 freaking terrified me. I'd probably end up serving the Lonely, I remember thinking "Oh, that's me," with a lot of episodes, particularly episodes 159, 170, 186. It was a weird combination of "I'm in this statement and I don't like it" and "I actually feel seen." Like a weird mix of being called out and also kind of validated because I felt like my thoughts and feelings were finally being put into words and that meant somebody else had gone through the same thing.
What were some popular fan theories that ended up not coming true? I think I saw somewhere that a lot of people were theorizing that Martin would join the Web before he ended up serving the Lonely instead. People often say Gravity Falls fans grew up to be Magnus Archives fans and I remember Gravity Falls fans going crazy with some of the theories. And even if some of them ended up not happening, they're still really interesting.
I love how a lot of the characters do shitty things, but you completely understand why. Like, Melanie's wrong for blaming Jon for a lot of things that go wrong, but you understand that she feels trapped like an animal in a cage, so she's just lashing out. Or Tim is kind of an asshole in season 3, but you understand because he went through a lot of the same trauma that Jon did, he's just reacting with anger instead of paranoia.
I've been watching a lot of fan animations for this show and a lot of the comments are like "I checked out the Magnus Archives because of this video!" And the same thing happened to me too. Did you guys see any fan animations that made you decide to give this show a go?
When people draw Jon with long hair, they draw him like he’s the prettiest man alive and I love it. That or ends up looking like Jesus or Bruno Madrigal
I see every day things like a spiral shaped object or a spider and I jokingly think “Is that a Magnus Archives reference?” Or I’ll be listening to a song and think “Hmm, that could go in a Lonely playlist” or “Ooo, that so fits with the Vast.”
Being jurgen leitner the day that gerry almost killed him was probably really surreal. Imagine you’re minding your business, collecting fucked up books, and out of nowhere this goth guy covered in eye tattoos shows up and beats you half to death, then stops, goes, “no you’re too pathetic to be jurgen leitner” and leaves without further elaboration. And you dont correct him, you like being alive after all, and after that you just… continue with your life. And then several years later you tell this to some random guy in the tunnels you’ve been hiding in, and he not only knows who the goth was, but seems somewhat fond of the goth. And then you get brutal pipe murdered by the random guy’s boss. Oops
Can you fucking IMAGINE being Jurgen Leitner
Can you fucking imagine getting pipe murdered by Elias Motherfucking Bouchard? Can you imagine just looking up at this petty man in his 3-piece suit, 3000-dollar hair gel, and professionally fluffed Cravat and knowing that THIS is the way you are going to go down???
You have been lurking in the walls of this man’s basement like a toothless basilisk with a library science masters for literal YEARS and he’s done NOTHING but squint. But Today? TODAY?? The first time you’ve had contact with ANYONE who didn’t curbstomp you on SIGHT and Elias Fucking Bouchard and his babysoft, perfectly moisturized hands are going to find your neck faster than your student loan creditor. THIS manicured monster man. THIS smug knifecat incarnate. THIS Victorian trust fund baby is about to test out $10,000,000 worth of golf lessons on your fucking cranium and there is absolutely nothing you can do about it.
I know we like to come for Jurgen with Gerry shaped pitchforks sometimes, but can you fucking imagine admitting that THIS 10 shot, dairy free, 7 pump caramel, 5 pump vanilla, free range coffee bean, Frappuccino fucker taking you out faster than you can say harder daddy?? And you can’t even hide from god because that’s his whole shtick.
And you fucking KNOW hes going to feed your brutal pipe execution to his precious archivist on a silver spoon like lovingly regurgitated murder mush. He might even include airplane side effects.
It’s a good thing Elias worships the horrible giant googly eye in the clouds because the only way Jurgen can ever admit this happened would be if almighty Mike Wazowski himself struts down from the sky and compulses the whole humiliating affair out of him like Jurgen is a roughly human shaped tube of go-GERT.
Disclaimer: my hatred of librarians is purely theatrical, but if I did have to kill one for some reason, it would be very easy.
I’d brandish my paranormal book at them and they’d be compelled to approach. “That’s very cool,” they’d say, confident in their superior wit and brainpower from all the books they carry around at all times. They’d shower me with very interesting facts about the Fears and hover just out of range of the book’s influence, waiting for me to exhaust myself. “But as it affects only the reader who opens it, it’s very ineffective, you see, and isn’t well-suited for use as a weap—” and then I’d hit them with the metal pipe in my other hand, which they would not have noticed because librarians can only see books and magazines.
His death will be immortalised in pin form and worn as a *literal* badge of honour.
Jurgen Leitner ahh post
I can behave normally around books
The Magnus Archives doodles in polaroids
I wrote a short story about a person who was victim of a Jurgen Leitner book that was aligned with The Spiral.
Here is the link.
I’ve just finished season 2, and… well… those who know, will understand👌 Those who don’t, go and listen to The Magnus Archives👍
Happy [EXTENDED SOUNDS OF BRUTAL PIPE MURDER] day and “FUCK YOU, AND FUCK YOUR TRAIN” Friday to all those who celebrate.
![Happy [EXTENDED SOUNDS OF BRUTAL PIPE MURDER] Day And FUCK YOU, AND FUCK YOUR TRAIN Friday To All Those](https://64.media.tumblr.com/9322abea4352492dca10f05b085a0843/cc4abe8c32bfa15e-f4/s500x750/61db9bbe57d7bb682c5862a31fe29daebbc69f87.png)
Have a morsel
spiral leitners
Has anyone else read this author's tma fics? https://archiveofourown.org/users/yellow_caballero/pseuds/yellow_caballero/works?fandom_id=11812534
I am convinced that these are spiral leitners.
-The ones I've read feel like they should be funny, but aren't (NOT like the author tried and failed, but I look at a line and go "ah yes hilarious joke" but it's not comedic)
-Bizarre storylines, lots of angst and people going insane, everything is an AU
-Quite long (usually 15k+ words) but only has one chapter
-For some reason I always forget all about them after I finish reading, and I only find them again if I'm sleep deprived
In conclusion, go read these. I especially recommend the daemon AU.
His death will be immortalised in pin form and worn as a *literal* badge of honour.
So I finished TMA a couple of days ago and this is how I’m coping: by making this
yeah
Enjoy this while I go [EXTENDED SOUNDS OF BRUTAL PIPE MURDER] myself
@artful-peculiarities here you go!
Buen provecho
*ahem*
¿Jurgen Leitner?
ESTÚPIDO IDIOTA HIJO DE PERRA JURGEN LEITNER, MALDITO TONTO COLECCIONISTA DE LIBROS RATA COMEPOLVO VIEJO BASTARDO GILIPOLLAS IDIOTA AVATAR DE LA PUTA EL PAYASO MÁS GRANDE DEL CIRCO DEL QUE TODA LA CIUDAD SE RÍE VAQUERO DE SU PUTA MADRE JURGEN LEITNER. DEJEN DE SEÑALARME CUANDO HABLO DE JURGEN LEITNER LO ODIO TANTO POR QUÉ TIENE TANTOS LIBROS JODIDOS POR QUÉ MIERDA DECIDIÓ JODER POR AHÍ Y AVERIGUAR QUE MIERDA CON ELLOS Y DEJAR QUE SE PERDIERAN. ¿ACASO ESTÁ MUERTO? ¿ACASO ES UN BASTARDO? EL TIPO ME PROVOCA UNA REACCIÓN VISCERAL, NI SIQUIERA HE ESTANDO EN LA HABITACIÓN CON ÉL, NUNCA HE VISTO LA CARA DE ESTE HOMBRE Y SÉ QUE TIENE LA BARBA MÁS DE MIERDA DEL MUNDO, ALÉJATE DE MÍ.
Si quisiera ir al cielo y Dios dijera “Jurgen Leitner está esperando adentro”, mearía en los pies de Dios con el único propósito de que me mande de vuelta. Si tengo que lidiar con Jurgen Leitner hablando una palabra en persona por voz en un podcast, no solo cerraré la pestaña, eliminaré mi marcador por despecho y tendré que volver a escuchar la serie completa solamente para tener la experiencia de poder saltarme todos los momentos en que se le menciona o está vivo. Ni siquiera sé por qué lo odio tanto. Él colecciona libros, pero yo estoy molesto porque toy nojao. Será mejor que tenga una historia de fondo jodida para explicar esto si es solo un imbécil rico que es un creepypasta fan y quiere la versión en vida real me voy a emputecer. MAS LE VALE haber tenido un libro que le hiciera matar a un hombre porque si no lo hizo, yo lo obligaré.
paypal.com/OdioalputodeJurgenLeitner
El episodio ni siquiera trata sobre él. Menciona vagamente lo que se supone que tal vez sea su biblioteca y la perdí. ¿Dónde diablos está Jurgen Leitner? Si todavía está vivo, voy a desear profundamente que no lo esté.
Viejo cascarrabias. Le golpearé a Leitner y sus tristes y frágiles huesos de ramita de anciano simplemente se desmenuzarán bajo mi enorme puño de carne épico y se desintegrará hasta que todo lo que quede sea un último libro que mantuvo consigo en todo momento titulado simplemente “Ahora la cagaste” en yídish antiguo. No estoy respirando, estoy hiperventilándome a este punto. Espero que haya una fecha dada de cuando Jurgen murió o morirá para poder recordarlo en mi teléfono, y todos los días, una vez al año, lo veré y haré cualquier cosa menos dar mis condolencias al hombre que tuvo tantos -si es que son ciertos- jodidos libros.
So I finished TMA a couple of days ago and this is how I’m coping: by making this
yeah
Enjoy this while I go [EXTENDED SOUNDS OF BRUTAL PIPE MURDER] myself