Lambert Witcher - Tumblr Posts
Can we talk about how Lambert and Triss totally fucked at some point in Witcher games and that was that one time Lambert had to flee through the window from his lover's room?
Whoever can put up with Lambert deserves an award. Aiden of the school of the cat did not only put up with Lambert but loved him and earned his trust. Aiden deserves to be king of the world and more but it's suspected that he'll just have Lambert's love.
"Come here, I don't bite -- OW! She bit me!"
-Lambert meeting Ciri for the first time
"Come here, I don't bite -- OW! She bit me!"
-Lambert meeting Ciri for the first time
Geralt: How did you convince my friends to work against me?
Lambert: I told them it was payback for the paint-water balloon thing.
Aiden survived Aiden survived Aiden survived Lambert deserves HAPPINESSSSSS
Prompt 71
The other witchers at Kaer Morhen have always grown tired of Geralt's random moodswings and bouts of gloom and grumpiness during the winter. He'd be happy and carefree, safe in his home, and then some dark thought would crest in his mind, and for a few days straight, he'd be in a horrible mood. When one year he brings his bard with him, they realize the moodswings have disappeared completely. That is, until Jaskier starts trying to "bond" with them all and spends less time with Geralt. Then all of a sudden the snarls and snaps from Geralt are back. One day, Lambert gets tired of Geralt's sass, and shoves Jaskier at him, and they're all amazed when Geralt loses his bad mood and instead chooses to carry his bard off to cuddle in front of the fireplace. Nuzzling him and purring the whole time. Thus commences a new rule of Kaer Morhen. If you spot Geralt being pissy, you chuck the bard at him. Jaskier has been taken away from a meal, a game of gwent, his chores, his bed while asleep, and one especially embarrassing time he was taken from a bath. Jaskier is quite alright with the new rule, as it always ends in deligthtful Geralt cuddles, but sometimes he wishes Geralt would just find Jaskier instead of moping when he misses him.
Prompt 106
Geralt has a hobby he only allows himself to partake in during the winter, alone in his room. Everyone knows Geralt sketches and scribbles monsters, beasts, and relics alike in his journal, but his secret is he also sketches down Jaskier. Jaskier's best poses, and outfits, and the best scenery he stood in front of. When winter comes, Geralt goes through and picks the very best one to turn into a full-fledged painting, of which he'll hang in his room with the others from all the years before. When he's lonely and sad, he simply turns to the evidence that the world is worth it all. Happy, sunny, sweet Jaskier. Stupid, reckless, loud, noisy, annoying, slutty Jaskier. He wouldn't have him any other way. He always paints him smiling, surrounded by flowers and lush foliage. Scenic views and beautiful lighting, all the better to compliment the bard's beauties. All is well until Lambert comes in one day and laughs. "Whoa. When you said you doodled, I didn't know it was to make a shrine for your bard!" "Lambert, he's not my bard." "You have like a dozen paintings of him smiling at you with half-lidded eyes! Is this how you get off at night?" "LAMBERT" "Sorry, you're right, don't tell me, I don't wanna know. Even though I can guess pretty easily-" "Just fuck off!" "Fine! Jeez.. So twitchy." This small event means nothing to Geralt. It's meaningless. Or at least it was. Until he and Jaskier bump into Lambert in the summer, and Lambert playfully elbows Jaskier in the side, and says to "Ask loverboy about his art collection!" Jaskier cocks an eyebrow and turns to Geralt with confusion, and if Geralt wasn't currently thinking about how to put his brother's head on a pike, he might've been tempted to draw the bard's lovely expression.
Possibly some more???
- after Jaskier says that Geralt is his very best friend one night while drunk, Eskel and Lambert joke by acting like drunk Jaskier and call Geralt their very best friend.
- during training, when ‘slow motion’ is yelled, they will do super slow training, can be running or sword training. They had to change it because before it was randomly going slow, but the boys got hurt too many times.
- Jaskier came up with a game of staring back at people when playing, since sometimes the boys would just sit and watch him play, so if he catches one of them, he stares back while continuing to sing. The longest gaze he’s held is with Geralt, Eskel and Lambert kinda stopped trying.
- when Vesemir is talking, repeat what he says in an encouraging way, so if he wants chores done, Lambert or Jaskier will repeat him very enthusiastically. Goal is to either get Vesemir mad, or to get him pumped up too.
- Jaskier will baby voice some of the boys, when they’re talking randomly one afternoon, he starts to talk to Eskel like a mother would a babe, and all the boys love it.
- all of them like to grab a random inanimate object and carry it around, calling it names. They once found Lambert in the kitchen with an old battle axe he found, its name for that evening was Jamie.
- when Vesemir gets into one of the boys, they find stuff to disguise with. Very often does one at Kaer Morhen see Vesemir getting onto the lads and Lambert and Eskel using Geralt’s hair as a moustache.
- scavenger hunt, Jaskier and Vesemir made this together because somedays the boys are just so bored. One of them will hide things either inside the Keep because it’s snowing, or outside right before it gets bad. They also make riddles together. Eskel is fantastic at the riddles, Geralt is in the lead with finding things first, and Lambert is the fastest to turn in saying he’s found stuff.
Geralt is worried about bringing Jaskier to Kaer Morhen, cause Geralt acts like an entirely different person when he's around his brothers.
Geralt thinks that Jaskier sees him a serious man, with a secret soft side. But when Geralt's around his brothers... All hell break loose. Here's what Jaskier sees when he stays at the Witchers' keep for the winter:
- Geralt and his brothers get drunk. A lot. It usually results with one of them running around the keep, naked.
- They have ridiculous games like telling about the most brutal contract you've ever had, but replace the words "my sword" with "my dick".
- Playing strip gwent. Outside. In the middle of the coldest night of the winter.
- Planking while the others pile things up on you. Whoever manages to hold the least of things, does the others' laundry for a week.
- "Put as much stuff as you can on Vesemir, without him noticing".
- "Who can make the bard blush first without being rude" (this game is new and Geralt HATES it).
- Randomly yelling "BRUXA" in the middle of the day and all of them need to do a handstand as fast as they can. Whoever loses, does the dishes. Jaskier is still surprised how Geralt never loses at this.
- "Reply to Vesemir only in questions".
- Tell Vesemir that you fell in love with someone. And then describe your horse, without making him realize that you're talking about a horse. When Geralt attempts this, Vesemir gives him a small smile and looks at Jaskier. "Geralt sure thinks fondly of you". Eskel and Lambert spit out their soup, bursting in laughter.
- Wear one of Vesemir's shirts for as long as you can, without him noticing. Lambert always wins this one.
- Replace the lyrics to one of Jaskier's songs with the most ridiculous ones you can. Jaskier hates this game at first, but eventually he starts suggesting lines himself. One time Jaskier sings a wrong line from their game during a performance a Geralt almost chokes on his ale.
- "How many times a day Geralt smiles at Jaskier while the bard's looking away?" (Eskel and Lambert LOVE this one).
- "Who can embarrass Geralt more with a ridiculous childhood story".
- Answer "Lambert" to every one of Vesemir's questions.
- Ask Vesemir with a serious face why didn't he tell you that you were adopted.
- Teach your brother's horse to respond to a different name. Lambert is furious when Geralt teaches his horse to respond to "Aiden". "Now you can surely say that you're riding Aide-" Geralt doesn't get to finish as Lambert tackles him to the ground.
- And of course, succeed in tackling you brother randomly to the ground. They keep score.
Not only does Jaskier love these games and this new, goofy side of Geralt. He also participates in a lot of them.
And to Geralt's horror and his brothers sheer amusement, the bard's winning.
Did he who made the Lamb make thee?
Courtesy of The Continent Cake Shop (again). This one is for @airy-awry , who drew a beautiful (enormous!) Aiden, and for @lookoutrogue, who said please.
—————-
They’d spent years teasing Lambert about being the smallest wolf. They called him little, baby, and on his drunkest night Eskel even managed to wrap him in a blanket to rock him.
It had been funny to them. Lambert argued and would spit and fight, but without much heat. The lines were clearly drawn, however. Aside from typical sparring maneuvers you could not pick Lambert up.
All in all he was only barely smaller than Geralt- and Eskel’s big barrel chest was enormous by any standards.
But they watched as Lambert and Ciri grew close, two gremlins intent on mayhem and mischief. They were the best of friends, and more than once as Ciri grew, Lambert taught her grappling moves that had her easily using her father’s and Eskel’s size and momentum against them, crashing to the floor beneath the slip of a girl with a feral grin.
It was Vesemir who finally figured out that Lambert had learned from a Cat. It only seemed sensible that the little wolf would have a little cat.
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