Malfoy X Potter - Tumblr Posts
Harry: There's a snake outside
Draco, banging on the door: LET ME IN
Draco: I'll buy myself one of those black bath bombs so I can dramatically emerge from the water like I'm rising from hell
Harry:
Harry: What are you doing?
Draco: Eating chicken legs, I told you it was leg day
Harry: When people say leg day, they mean doing exercises that involve their legs
Draco: Bold of you to assume I work out
Draco: Harry, I'm just gonna go pour myself a bowl of cereal
Draco: I'm going to be in that room next door, ok?
Harry: Okay
Draco: Don't do anything stupid
Harry: Alright
Harry, immediately after Draco leaves: Now seems like a good time to see how long can I dangle from windowsill with one hand
Draco: You're on a speakerphone, behave
Harry: Or what? You'll spank me?
Draco, on a meeting with half of the ministry:
Draco, reading Harry's diary: Dear diary, today was the first time I kissed Shelly
Draco: Aww, how adorable
Harry: Shelly was my turtle
Harry: Nobody ever liked me before Hogwarts, I had no friends, I was always alone
Draco: ...
Draco: Ha! You kissed a turtle
Draco, looking wishfully at Harry: Our kids will be smart and beautiful
Pansy: Not to mention imaginary
Draco: I have high standards
Harry, drunk af: Do you think pigs would get offended if we called them human?
Draco, pointing at Harry: And he meets all of them
Draco: *insults Harry*
Harry: Why do I even hang around you?
Draco: Because you're gay
Harry: And what does that make you?
Draco: Attractive
Draco, eating noodles: The whole chili pack, we die like men
Harry, knowing he'll be the one holding his hair when he's throwing up later:
Harry: Could you at least try to see it from my perspective?
Draco: *bends down*
Harry: Why is it called a cold if we're getting warm?
Draco: Get out.
Harry: Bed-
Draco: Fuck you, you go to bed
Harry, who was going to say that the bedsheets need to be changed:
Harry: Something traumatic has happened today
Harry: A butterfly violated me
Draco: Don't ask
Harry: Why do dolphins have wings if they can't fly?
Draco: What?
Harry: You know, they're not gonna use it so why do they have it?
Draco: YOU MEAN THE FUCKING FINS?
Draco: You're not gonna use your brain so why do you have it?
Draco, looking at Harry: Is it gay if I want to pin him against a wall and make out with him?
Pansy: As long as you say "no homo" it's not
Pansy: I'm speaking from my experience
Draco: Alright, be right back
Draco: Nice thighs Harry
Harry: Thanks?
Draco: I bet they'd look nicer wrapped around my h-
Ron: HE WHO CREATED LIFE, THE LORD JESUS CAN I GET AN AMEN?
Harry: Who the fuck-
Draco: Language!
Harry: Whomst thee fuck?
Draco: What the fuck
Draco: We should buy some laundry detergent
Harry: Laundry sauce
Draco: Wh-
Harry: Clothes marinade
Harry: Outfit soup
Harry: Fabric juice
Draco:
Ron: I wish Hermione would quit work so we could spend more time together
Draco: You must wish I quit work too
Harry: God no, stop giving him ideas Ron