Slytherdor - Tumblr Posts

Draco, looking at Harry: Is it gay if I want to pin him against a wall and make out with him?

Pansy: As long as you say "no homo" it's not

Pansy: I'm speaking from my experience

Draco: Alright, be right back

Draco: Nice thighs Harry

Harry: Thanks?

Draco: I bet they'd look nicer wrapped around my h-

Ron: HE WHO CREATED LIFE, THE LORD JESUS CAN I GET AN AMEN?

Harry: Who the fuck-

Draco: Language!

Harry: Whomst thee fuck?

Draco: What the fuck

Draco: We should buy some laundry detergent

Harry: Laundry sauce

Draco: Wh-

Harry: Clothes marinade

Harry: Outfit soup

Harry: Fabric juice

Draco:

Ron: I wish Hermione would quit work so we could spend more time together

Draco: You must wish I quit work too

Harry: God no, stop giving him ideas Ron

Harry: What does remind you of me?

Draco: A Thursday I mistake for a Friday

Draco: I wake up thinking tomorrow's Saturday, but then I remember it's only Thursday

Draco: A huge disappointment

Waiter: What would you like sir?

Harry: I wish to devour the unborn

Waiter: Excuse me-

Draco: Eggs. He wants eggs

Draco: Say something freaky to me

Harry: I really want you-

Draco: REALLY?

Harry: To leave me the fuck alone

Harry: I would like some chicken nuggets

Draco, whispering: Harry, this is a fancy restaurant

Harry: Sorry, I meant the fine nuggets of chicken

Draco: Will you marry me?

Harry: I-

Harry: I don't even know how to make rice

Harry: But Draco, people said they like the way I light up the room when I walk in!

Draco: First off, Weasley doesn't count as "people", and second, arson is still arson

Draco: I'm dating Potter

Lucius: I always knew your standards were low, but not that low

Can we please for a moment talk about how real a Drarry endgame actually would be?

‘Cause I refuse to believe I would look at someone I hate the way Draco does when he sees Harry. You can literally see his face light up like the sun just came up. Just-

Not to mention the fact that Draco was also literally checking him out!

Also… seeking for attention? Like really the whole damn time? And one time Draco doesn’t try to get Harry‘s attention Harry is like: wtf is happening? Why doesn’t Draco try to get my attention by annoying me or whatever?

*sees Draco in the great hall turning around and walking away* oh nope- YOU BETTER COME BACK HERE AND AT LEAST LOOK AT MEH!

Yeah, that must be pure hatred. *cough*

Gryffindor: Those oversized pink sunglasses look like something a Barbie with a welding career would wear.

Slytherin: *using Barbie voice* Welder Barbie. Blowtorch sold separately.

Ravenclaw: *Barbie voice* Barbie pyromaniac edition.

Slytherin: *Barbie voice* Remember where your dad keeps his gasoline. Because you and Welder Barbie are going to burn it all.

Ravenclaw: *Barbie voice* Now remember kids if your parents don’t buy you the new set they don’t love you. And you can punish them with flames.

Hufflepuff: WHAT THE FUCK!

The Houses based on my friends

Gryffindor: • “Hey guys look what I can do” • dances and sings a lot unconsciously • has weird hairstyles • mood swings • leaves essays until the night before • mega ultra super nerd

Ravenclaw: • finds really stupid things funny • spends lots of time on social media • says please and thank you all the time • loves pillows • amazing eyebrows • uses a candy wrapper for bookmark

Hufflepuff: • wears bows in hair everyday • physically cannot be angry • tries to scare everyone and fails • very affectionate • walks on tip-toes • blushes uncontrollably 24/7

Slytherin: • salty af 100% of the time • swears every other word • killer fashion sense • carries dog around like a baby • really contagious laughter • will challenge anyone at anything

I’m quiet because...

Hufflepuff: strength doesn’t require being loud

Gryffindor: my actions speak 

Slytherin: I don’t owe you a response

Ravenclaw: I think too much to tell you everything

Hufflepuff: It’s a miracle. It’s been a full day since something bullshit has happened in the castle and someone’s been petrified, cursed, or killed. Ravenclaw: It’s because all the Gryffindors and Slytherins are on a field trip today. Hufflepuff: That explains so much.

Gryffindor: We need to talk about the kiss.

Slytherin: I pushed you away…

Gryffindor: With your lips?

Slytherin: Yes, with my lips!

I ship Wolfstar

&

Remadora

...

i did not deserve to be called out like that

I love this

Ravenclaw: Ok, one more time. You said you asked Gryff if they wanted some mac n’ cheese.

Slytherin: Yup.

Ravenclaw: They said no.

Slytherin: Also yup.

Ravenclaw: …so you made mac n’ cheese.

Slytherin: Go on.

Ravenclaw: And they came down and took a bowl of it, to which you-

Slytherin: Took my fucking mac n’ cheese back from that son of a bitch and told them to make their own damn cheesy noodles.

Ravenclaw: But when Huff asked for some…?

Slytherin: *throws hands in air* What did you expect me to do, let them STARVE????