Drarry Shitpost - Tumblr Posts
Harry: Why is it called a cold if we're getting warm?
Draco: Get out.
Harry: Bed-
Draco: Fuck you, you go to bed
Harry, who was going to say that the bedsheets need to be changed:
Harry: Something traumatic has happened today
Harry: A butterfly violated me
Draco: Don't ask
Harry: Why do dolphins have wings if they can't fly?
Draco: What?
Harry: You know, they're not gonna use it so why do they have it?
Draco: YOU MEAN THE FUCKING FINS?
Draco: You're not gonna use your brain so why do you have it?
Draco, looking at Harry: Is it gay if I want to pin him against a wall and make out with him?
Pansy: As long as you say "no homo" it's not
Pansy: I'm speaking from my experience
Draco: Alright, be right back
Draco: Nice thighs Harry
Harry: Thanks?
Draco: I bet they'd look nicer wrapped around my h-
Ron: HE WHO CREATED LIFE, THE LORD JESUS CAN I GET AN AMEN?
Harry: Who the fuck-
Draco: Language!
Harry: Whomst thee fuck?
Draco: What the fuck
Draco: We should buy some laundry detergent
Harry: Laundry sauce
Draco: Wh-
Harry: Clothes marinade
Harry: Outfit soup
Harry: Fabric juice
Draco:
Ron: I wish Hermione would quit work so we could spend more time together
Draco: You must wish I quit work too
Harry: God no, stop giving him ideas Ron
Harry: What does remind you of me?
Draco: A Thursday I mistake for a Friday
Draco: I wake up thinking tomorrow's Saturday, but then I remember it's only Thursday
Draco: A huge disappointment
Waiter: What would you like sir?
Harry: I wish to devour the unborn
Waiter: Excuse me-
Draco: Eggs. He wants eggs
Draco: Say something freaky to me
Harry: I really want you-
Draco: REALLY?
Harry: To leave me the fuck alone
Harry: I would like some chicken nuggets
Draco, whispering: Harry, this is a fancy restaurant
Harry: Sorry, I meant the fine nuggets of chicken
Draco: Will you marry me?
Harry: I-
Harry: I don't even know how to make rice
Harry: But Draco, people said they like the way I light up the room when I walk in!
Draco: First off, Weasley doesn't count as "people", and second, arson is still arson
Draco: I'm dating Potter
Lucius: I always knew your standards were low, but not that low
Harry : that's not how you do it bro
Draco : if you know it so well , then show me
Harry : see * does the thing*
Harry : it's so easy bro
Later
Harry : bro , you want something from the store ?
Draco : nah , I'm good
Sometime later
Harry : bro what's for lunch ?
Draco : beans
At night
Harry: dude I know the best movie to watch tonight , wanna see it bro ?
Draco : sure
Ron : they're dating right ?
Hermione : yep
Pansy : Harry just hung out with a muggle dude and now harry is all like " bro " , don't worry had me questioning too .
( might delete later )
Harry : what are you doing ?
Draco : writing a poem for you
Harry : show me
Draco : *hands over the page with one line *
Harry : thou is my soulmate
Harry : ...
Harry : who the fuck is thou !?
(What have happened to my posts )
Draco : I don't deserve you harry
Harry : Draco I'm pregnant
Draco : i- wait what ?
Harry : oh I thought we were talking about impossible bullshit
Harry : *whisper* the guy who's good at potions who's my soulmate says fuck
Harry : * deliberately gives Draco butterfly wings instead of dragon wings * * cauldron explodes*
Draco : FUCKKKK POTTER , WHAT DID YOU DO
Harry : oh I'm sorry I didn't realize
Harry : *internally* as if ,I always knew he was my soulmate 😈