Incorrect Hp - Tumblr Posts
Lily: What are you doing?
James, hanging upside down from monkey bars: Trying to kiss you?
Lily: You’re gonna fall.
James: Shut up and kiss me, asshole, I’m getting lightheaded.
Harry, angrily: Fuck me.
Draco: *mumbles* If you really want me to.
Harry: What?
Draco: I SAID ‘AS IF ANYONE WOULD EVEN WANT TO.’
Random Person: Who was that woman and why was she yelling at you?
James: Oh, that was my wife apprehending me for buying a $60 jar of honey.
I don’t dress to impress. I dress to depress. I look so good I make people hate themselves.
— Sirius Black
Seamus: Relax. Just act mature.
Neville: Mature, got it.
[later, on a date]
Luna: So what do you do for fun?
Neville, in a serious voice: Taxes.
Young Tom: The moon controls the tides and the human psyche. Wolves know that, which is why they howl at it. It’s a tribute.
Therapist: Let’s talk about your father.
Tom: No.
Slytherin: I’m 80% exhaustion, 10% sarcasm, and 20% don’t care.
Ravenclaw: That’s 110%.
Slytherin: 20% don’t care.
Ravenclaw: I should’ve seen that coming.
[something blows up]
Dean: Seamus, what did you do?
Seamus: My best.
Hufflepuff: I thought I was meowing back to my cat for the past hour.
Hufflepuff: Turns out it was just Gryff and me meowing at each other from different rooms in the house.
Hermione: You know what strength is? It’s forgiving someone who wasn’t even sorry.
Harry: Not to be dramatic but I would literally rather die.
Draco: Were you dropped on your head as a kid?
Harry: Bold of you to assume I was even held.
[Marauders Group Chat]
Remus: Pads, come quick. James has nearly blown up the Transfiguration wing.
Sirius: Prongs, is this true?
James: Hell yeah!
Sirius: I must say, I’m extremely disappointed
Sirius: That you didn’t include me.
Hermione: I hope you two have a good explanation for this.
Ron: Actually, we have three.
Harry: Pick your favourite.
this is!! so cute!!
Draco: Were you dropped on your head as a kid?
Harry: Bold of you to assume I was even held.
Sirius, running in: Okay I have a plan, but I need some help.
Remus: *spins a wheel with all their names*
Remus: Looks like it’s your turn, Peter.
Peter: Dammit.
Ravenclaw: Why are you covered in glitter?
Hufflepuff: Cause every day I’m sparklin’.
Hufflepuff: *badly winks*
Sirius: Waffles are just pancakes with abs.
Remus: Sometimes I wonder how your mind works.
Ron, holding the door for Hermione: After you.
Hermione: No, after you.
Ron: I insist, after you.
Draco, walking past them: After me.
Sirius: James, why am I getting texts from your dad saying he wants to yeet me out of the solar system?
James: I told him I love you more than him.
Hermione: So what do we say when life disappoints us?
Harry: Called it.