No Love - Tumblr Posts
Will I ever be happy again?
Or will this emptiness tear me apart?
Someone said something to me today and it really hit me hard. Someone told me that my mind understood what happened but my emotions are still trying to catch up to understand it too.
I understand that how people treat you isn't how they feel about it, it's how they feel about themselves. People can't give what they don't have. Eve though your actions have made it very clear to me the liar and coward that you are. It still doesn't take away the pain you have caused. In your quest to not hurt you, you hurted me instead. I was collateral damage for your lack of sympathy and kindness. I was collateral due to your traumas and lack of emotions.
In the end having understood that I still hope you deserve what you deserve. I have no sympathy and kindness for those that couldn't showed me the same. Not while I have given so much to you in the past. I have given my love, time, energy, intentions, my heart, my soul, my body and my money towards you. All to be played, lied to, disregarded, disrespected and ghosted by someone who can't give me the same in return.
I hope you have a mediocre life. I hope everything you do is mediocre. You're mediocre who deserves mediocre. I hope this guilt, shame and regret haunts you forever. Hope that bitch makes you miserable cause you'll never find someone like me ever again. I'm too high price for you.
Never Loved
I have never been in love I don’t even have someone in my mind that makes me wonder if. I don’t even really know what it means to love someone as more than a friend or family member. So it’s impossible to even begin to relate to the songs on the radio about being in love or getting their heart broken. Why can’t there be songs made for those who want to be in love and have their first heartbreak yet we aren’t worth the time it takes.
Love
In a rare mood where I want to know what it's like to be unapologetically in love like dumb texts that make me smile and hugs that feel like a whole lifetime I want that kind of love they write about, sing about, make movies about I want it epic and unforgettable. Until then I'll keep working on myself knowing that I'm not fully ready yet but when I am I won't let go easily.
Girl Without Love [k.th part 1]
Summary:
Taehyung. Just the sound of his name is enough to make you cringe. Jimin. The sound of his angelic name on the other hand is accompanied only by comforting and loving emotions. That is until you get your heart broken for a second time.
Note: Idk how some people on my AO3 actually liked this story but I mean I guess... lol
_
Trigger Warning: Contains Swearing
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[3rd Person POV - Friday 10:30 AM, Jeosang High School]
"Okay class, this upcoming project will be 30% of your overall grade. If you want to pass my class, I suggest that you and your partners work diligently and efficiently for the next few weeks. This project should be completed outside of class time for the most part, so make sure you communicate with the rest of your group and set aside some of your personal time to work on your presentations together," Ms. Lim, Y/n's English teacher, stated in an annoyingly high-pitched voice.
Y/n internally rolled her eyes as she hated group projects. I usually always end up doing all the work and being forced to share the credit with lazy bitches that didn't bother lifting a finger to help me at all -- she thought to herself.
After Ms. Lim posted the list of what groups everyone was in, Y/n got up to check who her two partners would be. Next to her name she saw a name she was hoping wouldn't be there.
Kim Taehyung.
She groaned and mentally face palmed herself. Great, there's no escaping this bastard is there?
Kim Taehyung. That horrible, atrocious, rat of a human being. If Y/n didn't know he was a Capricorn, she would've assumed he was a Gemini with how two-faced she's known him to be. How does she know he's a Capricorn if she hates him so much, you ask? Well, the answer to that would be because they grew up together. Not only were they neighbors, but their mothers were best friends who wanted their children to be just as inseparable as they were.
Y/n and Taehyung used to be best friends when they were little. Very cliché, right? Well one day out of nowhere back in middle school, when Y/n tried to go up to Taehyung to talk to him about how she felt that he was becoming very distant from her, he exploded on her.
[Y/n's POV - Flashback, Middle School Days]
Lately Tae had been avoiding me and glaring at me whenever I was in his sights. I don't know what I did to make him so upset with me, but I'm planned to ask him and clear everything up today for sure.
The bell rang signaling the end of class and start of lunch, so I quickly gathered my items and left to find my Tae Bear. I found him pretty fast since the school wasn't that big. I walked up to him and called his name, but before I could confront him about his issue with me, he rolled his eyes at me and started to yell at me.
"Oh my God Y/n, can't you just take a hint and leave me alone?! I don't want to be friends with an ugly whore like you anymore! I hate you and I hate the fact that you keep trying to get me to like you!"
What the fawk did he just say? :D
I was taken aback by his sudden outburst but before I could let the feeling of humiliation settle in my stomach, I found my voice and calmly stood up for myself.
"Well, you could've just communicated to me your actual views on our friendship like a normal person instead of creating a scene. I never tried to get you to like me Kim fucking Taehyung. It's whatever though, never talk to me again after today. Delete my number off your phone and I'll gladly get out of your miserable life. I didn't need a piece of trash like you bringing me down anyways."
With this I walked away and put on a brave face all the way until I got to a quiet space that nobody was occupying. That's when it happened. That's when my tears began to fall out, one right after another they spilled down my puffy cheeks. What did I do to make him hate me so much to the point where he had to embarrass me in front of the whole school like that? I thought long and hard, but I couldn't think of anything, so eventually I gave up on thinking about it and just accepted the fact that some people change into assholes for no reason at all.
Taehyung was always a kind and gentle person since he was little, and he continued to be this way to everyone. However, when it came to me, for some reason he just became harsh and rude out of nowhere. Nobody ever saw the way he glared at me, or how he would purposely make rude comments at me here and there. They only saw his good, fake personality.
-
[3rd Person POV - Back to the Present]
When she looked at the other person in the group, Y/n saw her best friend's name. Park Jimin. She thanked the Lord since she knew she wouldn't have to do all the work and then slowly made her way back to her seat. Jimin actually found Y/n crying back in middle school and ended up becoming her new best friend. His only flaw was that he was also friends with Tae because both boys joined the basketball team once they promoted to high school. Jimin was the only person who knew the tension between Tae and Y/n.
After class, Jimin made a group chat with Y/n and Taehyung in it.
- Text Msgs -
Group Project Bitches
Jimin: Hey guys. I know you two don't get along well but for my sake don't rip each other’s heads off during this project pls :)
Y/n: No promises Chim :)
Tae: That creature has a head? Wow I couldn't even tell because of how distorted and ugly it is.
Y/n: ...
Jimin: Wow. Just wow Tae. If she's your type just say that Tae. No need to be a dickhead.
-
Tae: Y/n? My type? In her dreams. Never in a million years would I like that foul beast.
Y/n: My dreams are for VIP only.
Y/n: Sry to say, but you couldn't get tickets to enter them no matter how hard you try, asshole.
Jimin: Pop off queen ig. . .
Taehyung left the chat
Jimin added 'Taehyung' to the chat
Jimin: Okay Okay enough you two. Play nice or else I'm gonna ask Ms. Lim to switch my group.
Y/n: Whatever, he started it.
Tae: I'm only staying in this group because Ms. Lim hates me for some reason and won't switch me even if I asked.
Y/n: Well, she's not the only one that hates you <3
Jimin: Istg you two are gonna be a pain to work with *insert eye roll emoji*
Jimin: Anyways you both know where I live. Meet at my house after school so we can get this project started.
Y/n liked a message.
Taehyung liked a message.
- End of Text Msgs -
[After school at Jimin's house]
The three of them had somehow managed to start off the project free of any scuffles between the two childhood best friends. Although this relieved Jimin, it didn't exactly make the atmosphere any less intense or uncomfortable for him.
After a few hours, they decided to take a snack break. Jimin successfully got everyone sandwiches and a cup of orange juice; however, their excitement for their snacks quickly got ruined as Y/n tripped over Tae's backpack and spilt her juice all over his laptop.
"Oh crap! Shit I'm so sorry-" she exclaimed as soon as she realized the situation at hand.
Tae saw everything go down in slow-motion. The spilling of the juice on his laptop, his laptop fizzing out and then ultimately dying before he had the chance to save the progress and research he had just spent hours working on to his google drive. His anger level rose and once again he exploded on Y/n like how he did that day in middle school. Jimin, on the other hand, was stuck in shock at how quickly the situation had escalated.
"Y/n, you half-wit, pea brained, cretin look at what you did! You are around me for barely 3 hours and successfully make me regret ever meeting you all over again! Your mere existence is nauseating I swear to- Ugh! I can't stand looking at your ugly ass right now. See? This type of shit is the reason why your dad left you and your mom. He knew you would grow up to be a useless, stupid, bitch..."
Taehyung kept spitting insults at Y/n, but she tuned him out after he said those things about her dad. Tae knew that her dad leaving their family left a big wound in Y/n's heart and it was a traumatic event for her because of the horrendous events that took place the day her dad left them.
At this point, Y/n couldn't keep her brave face up in front of him anymore. Her face became red and hot tears were pouring out. She had a hard time saying a full-on sentence due to how hard she was crying, but she still got out what she hoped would be her last words ever to Taehyung.
"You're a horrible person Taehyung. I hate you. I hate you. I hate you! I hate you with every fiber of my being. I did nothing wrong to you, yet you still treat me as if I'm less than a human being in your eyes. If you ever talk to me again, I will report you for harassment and bullying, so stay the fuck away from me from now on." Y/n then directed her attention to Jimin. "I've done some of my part for this project but I'm not working with you guys anymore after today. You don't have to give me any credit. I'll just take the L."
Y/n wiped her tears, grabbed her things, and swiftly exited the house before she could burst into another fit of tears in front of her best friend and that asshole.
Finally snapping out of his trance, Jimin registered what just happened and what Tae had just said to Y/n.
"Are you fucking serious right now dude? Bringing up her father? Low blow Taehyung, even for you. You're such a dick to her, and for what? It was an accident, and your backpack was in the way in the first place. Also, you should have saved your progress as soon as we decided to take a break like how me and Y/n. Why are you even being so harsh to Y/n? What the fuck did she do to deserve this type of treatment from someone she used to love so dearly?!" Jimin was infuriated at this point. After not receiving a response from Tae for a few minutes, Jimin left to go comfort Y/n and told Tae to grab his things and go.
-
"...used to love" --Jimin's words bothered Taehyung quite a bit. He then began to question his actions himself.
Why do I treat her so harshly? Why do I hate her so much? What did she do that made me so angry at her?
The simple answer to that was nothing. Y/n never did anything wrong; she was always perfect in his eyes. Taehyung had never actually sorted out his feelings and logically thought about why he acted a certain way towards Y/n. However, now that Jimin asked him, he realized that he didn't even know the answers to those simple questions himself.
Is it because my mom used to bring up the idea of us getting married one day, and I didn't want to marry Y/n? Is it because I didn't want Y/n to somehow ruin the reputation I was building for myself back then? Is it because I was slowly falling in love with Y/n over the years and was too scared to admit it to myself?
Taehyung finally realized that he had no good reason to ruin their friendship and become that way to Y/n. He remembered every single spiteful conversation that has happened over the years since he broke off your guys' friendship. It hurt him to remember your hateful remarks, but he felt worse upon recalling how much of a monster he was to you. Every hateful conversation was initiated by him. No matter how much he claimed to hate you, he would be the one to irritate you and make fun of you first because he couldn't stand going too long without you speaking to him.
-
Guilt. Guilt was eating at Tae for the next few weeks. He had stopped glaring at you and didn't slide in any more hateful commentary like how he used to. You didn't think too hard about his weird behavior as you believed he stayed away since he didn't want to be reported to the office for harassment/bullying.
Tae was miserable after the day you all worked on the project. You on the other hand, couldn't be happier. After Tae showed just how low he was willing to go to hurt your feelings, you completely erased any and all of the memories from your childhood that had to do with him.
Jimin made sure you felt extra loved and protected as he spoiled you with attention and gifts for the time being. He even ended his own friendship with Tae because he didn't want to be acquainted with such jerks.
You didn't realize when or how it happened but eventually you started to develop feelings for your best friend who was always there for you since the moment you guys met. He would cuddle you, buy you food, hold your hand, and do all the cutesy stuff with you that one would expect to do with their boyfriend/girlfriend. Y/n decided to write a confession letter to give to Jimin the next day at school.
-
[Next Day at School]
"Jiminie! Here! This is for you," Y/n finished her sentence shyly with her head down. All of a sudden feeling a bit self-conscious.
Jimin looked at the letter with a little smile and a raised brow. "What's this about, Y/nie? Couldn't you just use your words to tell me whatever is written in here?"
"Chim... Just read it already," Y/n said as she buried her face in his shoulder and wrapped her arms around his waist. This type of behavior was not strange to either of them seeing as they have been acting like a couple already for a while now. Jimin opened the letter with a curious smile, but his smile soon faded away as he read the contents of it.
ー
Dear Jimin,
First off, I wanted to let you know that you are the most important person outside of my family to me. Without you I would be so lost in the world right now. You are my best friend and I want to thank you for everything you do for me. You are literally the only light in my dim world. Does this sound too cheesy? It's okay if it does... as long as you get to understand just how much I love and appreciate you sticking by me as my best friend all these years. Speaking of you being my best friend all this time... I think it's definitely time we stop being just best friends. I didn't realize when it happened, but over time I found myself thinking more about how handsome and mature you have become these days. Your personality is really attractive and everything you do is perfect in my eyes. You treat me so well and you shower me with a lot of affection all the time, which kind of made me fall for you even harder. If you would do me the honors, will you please promote me from being just your best friend to being your official girlfriend?
ー
Slowly Jimin removed your hands from his waist and looked at you in the eyes. His expression was unreadable, and you didn't know what to expect.
"I'm sorry Y/n, but I don't feel the same. I didn't mean to lead you on with my actions. I was just trying to be a good friend to you because I know how much Taehyung hurt you back then."
"Oh. . . Sorry I guess I misinterpreted your actions and feelings," Y/n's voice came out shaky and small due to the shock of getting rejected so quickly.
"I- I need to go. I need time and space to clear my mind right now," Jimin said frantically as he walked away from Y/n. He dropped the letter and continued on his way. The bell rang to get to class and kids began crowding the hallways. Soon the love letter that Y/n carefully crafted the night before was torn and trampled on. Just like her heart.
What could she do? It wasn't Jimin's fault that he didn't love her back the way she loved him. You can't control someone's feelings. After almost everyone got to class, Y/n was still stuck in the same place embarrassed and heart broken. Just then, seemingly coming out of nowhere, someone bent down to pick up the paper and handed it to her. It was Taehyung.
"H-hey, Y/n. I kinda saw what happened earlier. Are you okay?" He asked with genuine concern in his voice. As much as he hated to admit it, he didn't like the fact that you had feelings for Jimin. He also didn't like the fact that Jimin lied and rejected you even though Jimin obviously liked you back, but what could Tae do? Neither of you wanted anything to do with him anymore so his feelings and opinions didn't matter anyhow.
"Stop pretending that you give a damn about me. You can just pretend you didn't see anything today. Anytime I like someone, I end up driving them away somehow. I guess to keep the people I care about close to me, I'll just have to start living as a girl without love," Y/n ripped up the letter and put the little pieces in Taehyung's hands. With that, Y/n walked to her next class as if everything was perfectly fine. She didn't cry, instead she laughed at herself for thinking that it was possible for someone as perfect as Jimin to love someone like Y/n who is far from perfect... What hurt even more was that she knew. She knew Jimin would leave her like how Tae left her. However, this time it was different. It hurt even more because she actually was the one who drove Jimin away, even though her actions were supposed to bring him and her closer together.
[The End?]
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Teehee this was trash... but just a reminder, everyone deserves love and is worthy of it :3 Also, I probably won't, but I MIGHT just make a part 2 to this if anyone wants :D
Estou indo para a casa da minha vó, estou levando o necessário? (Não reparem na minha cama bagunçada)
Day 534: No connection...
It's been awhile since I last posted something in this blog. I realized I only visit it whenever I am feeling bad. Unfortunately, it's one of those gloomy days again. *sigh*
So here it goes... I am upset! I am disappointed! I am selfish! I am hurt! There's no one to blame why I am feeling this way again but my self. I have been acting up again. I've been lazy. I haven't had a decent conversation with anyone for the past few days. It feels like I am back to being the cave woman that I used to be. No friends. No dreams. No goals.
Is there any way to make me feel better? The selfish me can only think of one way... that is to get everyone's attention. I want them to focus on me. I want them to ask me how I am feeling. I want them to talk to me. I want them to listen to what I have to say. I want them to care...
Ugh! It's happening again. I don't want to be like this again. I need to get out of this darkness. I am tired of being sad like this. I do not want to be alone forever...
I just found the most amazing band lol. They were one of the opening bands for the concert I went to. They're called No Love For The Middle Child. They're so good!!!!!! It's sad how little attention they have :((
when you fall across someone with the same obsession with Holmes as you, so you ask them what they think of Irene adler and they go "Depends which version I love her sm in general tho tbh especially in the Robert Downey Jr sherlock and I truly do believe sherlock was in love with her ik its argued that due to his lack of emotion he cant love someone but I truly feel like he loved irene there was definitely a deep connection between the pair "
Did you.... did you read the books????? DID YOU READ THE BOOKS??????!!!!!!
And now I have to pretend to be normal
