Self Work - Tumblr Posts

And this is ALSO needed to read at the butt crack of dawn on a Monday morning! Now I have the much needed motivation to just do what I know needs to be done without anymore delay. Enough is Enough already with ALWAYS seeking "love" and "validation" etc etc in others. I've gone majority of my young adult life ALWAYS putting the people i wanted love from....on a flicking pedestal. Bending myself into a damn pretzel trying to get them to see I'm worthy....worthy of their time, love, energy, respect etc etc. Spending countless amounts of money on them ("spare no expense"-as John from jurassic park always said) to see how much of a down ass woman I am, and all they ever did was take without so much as a heartfelt thank you. When I needed things for myself, I put it off just to please the other person's wants and needs. Well this post was precisely what I needed this morning. 👏

Fuck them typos. I said wtf I said.

& that’s on that!

I remember the itch to grow up,

To be strong and tall 

like everyone else in their lives.

Shift to the portal of future

that held only bright light and nothing else.

At that time, I didn't believe in tragedy, 

The galaxy in my eyes blinded it away.

For I was just a child aiming at the moon,

With no worry of the past and present 

I only know the moon and it's dreams.

The school days were a breeze,

My childhood, a well lit summer.

I didn't see the hurt in the olders

or the treachery in their shadows.

I just spoke, spoke my heart out.

But the path to the light was so endless,

So long and exhausting with experiences,

With no shade and no arm to lean on.

It hurt, with the realisation of nothingness 

And the dejection of reality.

I, now itch to go back in time,

Steal the deluded, innocent memories 

And orbit them in my mind, until the reel 

is torn and the reality fades,

But my conscious wants to at least let 

the happiness linger with younger me.

If not her, then who else?

Deserving more to keep high the expectations,

to cling onto a deserving future.

Deserving more to feel the warmth in cold tiles

Because I see her and can't help but think I was her.

~ Umme Ayman.

The rain depicts every human emotion. It cries along with you in sadness, it roars and bursts out when you're angry, and it smiles upon you through little droplets of happiness, tickling you with mischievous drizzle.

for if you do look backwards, you risk falling apart.

I'm trying my hardest not to use ableist slurs or pejoratives anymore.

It's hard. Insults attached to intellect seemed to be the most effective to use against my abusive, fascist father, growing up. The one thing I could call him that would make him and his enablers pause a moment and actually think.

Yet, there's no denying that there are plenty of "dumb", "stupid", "idiotic", "delusional" people who have excellent and kind hearts, and who don't let their insecurities and fears control them in the way that most bigots do.

There are people who suffer from "delusions", yet they DO understand that they are having them…people who nonetheless still care about what the truth is, and who therefore do their absolute best to deal with life and with others with reason and compassion… people who are "delusional", yet wind up doing even better at logic and accepting reality than those who are considered "normal" or "sane".

People who are purposefully ignorant, proudly bigoted, or wilfully cruel?

Those types of folk deserve far, FAR less regard than people who are simply disabled or clinically mad.

Hocus Pocus

There was a brief moment when the sun was only a spark.

Before that, it was only dust gathering upon shivering dust tramping through the long, concentric paths of dirt and silence

I do not have words for how lonely those eons must have been: adrift, seeing in the distances great gatherings of beautiful light; admiring, but knowing itself to be only dust, only dirt

Yet

when all the fragments were found

when all that it was was at last drawn together and fused, becoming as fire itself--

What was that joy like? To become Light, Warmth, and Passion

To all at once Burst

like a flower in a hurry

What was it like to change in an instant from "nothing" into Something; Something tangible and beautiful and alive?

But I think the sun had to believe, at least, for one second just before that moment--

despite the great cold and lonely dark--

That it could be Something…

It's a hell of a trick

Girl. When you start to actually KEEP THINGS PRIVATE, it comes to you. I'm not even kidding it comes like a magnet trust me.

Shadow Work Prompts

What emotion do you try to avoid? What triggers this emotion within you?

Who has hurt you in this past and what would you say to them now?

What do you think your worst trait is and why? In what ways does this trait bring positivity into your life?

Are you holding any grudges against someone? Why haven't you been able to let go of that resentment?

What do you need to forgive yourself for?

Are there any privileges in your life that you've taken for granted?

What promise have you made to yourself that you've broken? How does that make you feel?

What words would hurt you the most if someone used them to describe you? Why does that hurt you so much?

What are some ways you could be more forgiving?

What's the biggest lie you've ever told?

Are there times when you could have been kinder to yourself?

What is your saddest memory? Why does it make you feel this way?

I can’t be your peace if I am not at peace with myself.