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Every Step Of The Way | Regulus Black x Reader

ᶻ 𝗓 𐰁 ࣪˖⤷ .𖥔 ݁ ˖ ࣪ ᶻ 𝗓 𐰁 ˖ ⤷

Pairing: Regulus Black x GN!Reader WC: 1,213 CW: heavy talks of depression, depressive episode, depressed reader, self invalidation, no use of Y/N. Author's Note: I've been having a hard time lately and I just needed a comfort fic, this is purely based off my own experience with depression and how I feel when I'm in a depressive episode. If you don't feel like me that's okay, mental health is different for everyone! Just remember you're so valid and so loved <3. Summary: You're just having a hard time but Regulus is always there for you.

⨯ . ⁺ ✦ ⊹ ꙳ ⁺ ‧ ⨯. ⁺ ✦ ⊹ . * ꙳ ✦ ⊹

At some point your mind wasn't supposed to be your enemy anymore right? At some point the ‘teen angst’ was supposed to go away and you were supposed to be an adult with relatively healthy mental health right?

The crippling depression and anxiety was supposed to go away with puberty. At least that's what you'd been told, that things would get better and your mind wouldn't mess with you as much.That was what was supposed to happen, but when do things ever go as planned?

The only difference between now and your teen years was that you recognized the symptoms faster, you understood what was coming before it was fully there. Now every so often you can catch it, do things to make the bad thoughts go away or lessen, then other times… you would feel paralyzed.

The numbness would consume you, invite you in like an old friend, along with the loss of appeal to do anything. You didn't want to eat, drink, read, or listen to music. 

You didn't want to do anything and sometimes without even realizing you would spent the whole day looking into nothingness. 

Regulus would notice the mood change almost immediately. He would pick up on the sign and the overall change in your personality.

Not only would he notice because he was hyper aware of the behavioral changes around him (thank you Walburga. Sarcasm) but also because he dealt with the same feelings. 

The emptiness and numbness of it all, it wasn't until Pandora explained it to him that he learned that those feelings were not exactly ‘normal’. 

It was normal to be sad, to have a depressive episode here and there especially following a tragedy but it was the consistency that wasn't normal.

The feeling of emptiness that always felt like a shadow following you, the feeling of being the happiest you've ever been but still feeling that emptiness in the back of your head.

It was one of the things you both shared. Sometimes it wasn't a good thing. When both of you were in that state of mind it was hard to help each other, to be there for each other.

How could you stop someone from drowning if you're drowning yourself? 

But other times it was a good thing. You knew each other's signs, you two could pick up on the signs before the other person even realized that they were slipping, sometimes. It gave you time to either try and stop it before it went too far or just get prepared. 

This was one of those times Regulus knew he needed to prepare. 

He had seen you starting to detach for about a day now. Regulus knew this was going to be one of those episodes he couldn't stop, the kind where you were there physically but not mentally.

You just were floating through your days, you were on auto pilot almost the whole day; you weren't really listening, hardly responded and if you did it was short.

Regulus preparing for this meant doing a few things, taking a few days off work, letting Sirius, Pandora and Barty know that he wouldn't be really available so that he could focus solely on you. Making sure your favorite foods were home and ready to encourage you to eat, having some of your favorite movies, books, everything and anything accessible in case you were in the mood to do anything or if you just wanted to try and distract yourself for a while.

It also meant mentally preparing himself to be understanding and patient since it wasn't exactly his strong suit but he'd do anything for you. 

When an episode fully hits it isn't always you wake up and start to feel depressed. Sometimes you would be fine most of the day and then suddenly you were hit with a wave of nothingness.

Most of the time nothing would trigger it, nothing would happen, your brain would just decide that it was time to be sad, to be numb, you guessed.

“Mon Amore, would you like to eat something? You can have anything you want.” Regulus touched the side of your face and brought you out of your head. You just shook your head not really looking at him. “No, thank you.” You whisper.

He just nodded and sat next to you. He knew when to pick his battles and since you ate that morning he knew this shouldn't be the hill he dies on. 

The rest of the night was spent mostly silence with a few words exchanged here and there, Regulus was there ready and willing to do whatever you needed him to do to make you feel better.

He got you to eat a little eventually and you shared a shower with him. He had helped you wash yourself since you didn't have any motivation or energy to do so. 

By the end of the night you were both cuddled up in bed while Regulus ran his hand up and down your back just to let you know he was there.

He liked when you knew he was there, he felt like it helped even just a little, especially to make you feel a little less alone.

Eventually you broke the silence with a sight. “I'm sorry.” You felt regulus's hand stop moving, he stayed silent for a moment.

“Why are you apologizing? You haven't done anything.” By the sound of his voice you knew he was frowning, he knew exactly why you were apologizing but a part of him was hoping, praying, that he was wrong.

“For being this way. You shouldn't have to deal with this. We're not kids anymore, I should be over these feelings by now.”

Regulus sat up, making you sit up in the process, reaching over to the lamp on the bedside table turning the light on. “Do you choose to feel this way? Do you make the conscious decision to feel like this?” Regulus was looking you in the eyes with raised eyebrows waiting for a response.

“Not necessarily, but-”

“Exactly, you don't. You can't control your emotions. You didn't ask to feel this way nor do you choose to. There's no point in apologizing for something that you have no control over. Your brain is amazing and beautiful but sometimes it isn't the nicest to you and that's okay. Do you know why? Because even if your brain is mean sometimes it still makes you who you are and you're so amazing, mon cœur. We’ll take care of this together like we always do. It's going to be hard sometimes but it is not impossible, and I'll always be here with you every step of the way, because I love you more than anything, tu es ma raison de vivre, mon amour.”

Regulus cupped your cheek and whipped a few tears you didn't know you had shedded. All you could do was whisper a ‘thank you’ as you threw yourself in his arms. 

You fell asleep that night in Regulus’s arms while he whispered sweet nothing to you.

You weren't better by any means but you felt loved, you felt understood. You knew that no matter how hard things got, Regulus would be there for you, every step of the way.

⨯ . ⁺ ✦ ⊹ ꙳ ⁺ ‧ ⨯. ⁺ ✦ ⊹ . * ꙳ ✦ ⊹

help me I am dying of cuteness ❤

Teeny tiny🤲

oh oh incoming regulus edit (someone stop me this is going to be sad)

sometimes i decide to actually pay attention and listen to some lyrics for the hundredth time and realize how PERFECT they are (i’ll go back to therapy soon i promise)

black brothers angst edits will be the death of me

Oneshot Jegulus. | Sirius (and the other marauders) walk in on Regulus and James

1995 words I it's cute i think

Sirius, Remus, and Peter were walking up from the common room.

"I'm telling you Moony, he's been fooling around with someone and he's hiding them from us, but we are about to catch them." Sirius stated, with a determined look in his eyes.

"I don't know Pads, maybe we should just wait?" Peter said, looking nervous. "I don't want to be traumatized AGAIN." He scratched his neck apologetically.

"Pete, how many time do we have to apologize? We really didn't think you would come back!" Remus claimed, looking rather annoyed.

"You were shagging ON MY BED! And whatever you were doing seemed as far from pleasure as I can think of" Peter responded, emphasizing his disapproval with his hands.

Sirius dismissed Peter with a hand motion. "Oh come on Wormy, my bed is always a mess, and Moony refused to put his books somewhere they weren't treated with the special care they CLEARLY needed."

Remus rolled his eyes and faced Sirius. "At least books aren't annoying" he said. "Anyways, we are SORRY you had to see that. But yeah, I do agree with Pete. If James hasn't told us, there must be a reason why."

"See? Even Moony agrees with me." Peter pleaded Sirius and pulled his arm to go back downstairs. "Can we please just leave and wait? Maybe we can catch them on their way out."

Sirius eyed Peter, suspiciously. "Wormy do you know something? Because you really seem determined to leave them to their business."

"What???? NO I- " He responded, scandalized. "No, I just have a bit of respect for my best friends' privacy, that's all." Peter quickly said, the words leaving his mouth so fast he could barely understand himself.

Sirius tsked and continued heading towards their room. "Yeah, yeah. Now tell that to someone who will believe you." They followed, walking up the stairs and standing right outside their dorm door. Sirius reached for the handle when Remus put a hand on his shoulder, pulling him back momentarily.

"Okay, but if James gets mad at us this is entirely your idea and you just dragged us with you, okay?" Remus warned him, putting his other hand in front of Sirius' face, using his finger in the same way he's seen Professor McGonagall do when she's telling them to stop with the pranks.

"Well that's exactly what he did so..." Peter mumbled, hoping they wouldn't hear him.

"Shut it Wormy." Sirius interrupted, raising his palm to stop Pete from complainig. "Yes Moons, this is ALL my fault. But I know you're secretly as intrigued as I am." He smiled at Remus, and then turned back to the door, rubbing his hands as if his criminal masterplan was about to start. "Now, gentlemen and Moonies, prepare yourselves for..." He reached for the door again and this time he actually opened it. He went to turn on the light and his eyes went back to James' bed. "Aha-AAAAAAAAH" Sirius jumped back and brought both of his hands to his face, covering his eyes. Remus and Peter stood behind him, equally surprised.

"Oh shit." Remus said, followed by Peter's "Indeed."

"MY EYES. I'M BLIND, OH MY GOD THIS IS TORTURE." Sirius said rather dramatically, falling to his knees with his hands still on his face.

James was laying on his bed, with Regulus sitting on top of him. James tried his best (and failed) to cover Regulus with his body, but Reg was using the sheets as a shield for both of their pelvic areas, so at least they weren't completely exposed.

"What the fuck?" Sirius screamed, hesitating to open his eyes. Remus was behind him. He mouthed You guys are dead at James and Regulus, bringing his hand across his neck, simulating a knife slitting someones' throat. Pete chuckled under his breath while he covered his face in an embarrased manner, still looking worriedly at Sirius.

James looked at Remus, then at Pete, pleading for help with his eyes, but both marauders were just standing there trying to hide their grinning faces. Regulus was just looking at the ceiling with a clear Please kill me now thought going through his mind, and both of them were blushing as much as humanly possible. James finally looked at Sirius, and passed a hand through his hair in an attempt to fix it, something he does when he's anxious.

"Hey Pads... Best friend, soulmate, love of my life. How are y-" James started with a small voice. "Prongs, shut it" Sirius quickly intervened. "Actually, no. Start talking, now." Sirius looked at James and then at Regulus, who was still pretending none of this was happening. Sirius was quick to notice the marks on his neck.

"Reg, want to help me over here?" James said nervously, looking at Regulus with a hopeful and awkward smile. Regulus finally looked back, startled by James' question.

"Me?" Regulus asked. "How is this my fault? You are the ones with zero sense of personal space and privacy! If I wasn't as quick, you'd all have VERY different expressions on your faces right now." James was even blushing harder, to a point that shouldn't even be possible. He let out a nervous laughter and just kept his head down, too embarrassed to look at Sirius and his other friends.

"In our defense, we did try to tell Sirius not to walk in while you were doing... stuff". Remus said proudly, as if he didn't just completely intrude his best friend's intimate moment.

"Oh, so you knew James was..." Regulus trailed off, looking for an appropriate word. "...busy" he narrowed his eyes, "and still decided to barge in. Unbelievable!"

"It wouldn't be the first time..." Peter said, ashamed of their group with evident codependency and lack of boundaries.

"Prongs and I's sense of privacy is none of your business! And that REALLY is not the main concern here." Sirius said, looking angry and tapping his foot anxiously, his arms crossed, clearly waiting for an explanation.

"Well, it is my business when you walk in on me having sex with my boyfr-". Regulus shut his mouth as soon as he felt the word leaving his lips, but it was too late.

James finally looked up, surprised at Regulus' words. He looked at him with eyes full of love that Reg couldn't help but smile at him. They were just staring at each other, completely forgetting what was happening around them. After a few seconds, Remus brought them out of their daze with a poorly faked cough.

"Your WHAT?! Your BOYFRIEND?" Sirius threw his arms in the air in pure disbelief and shock. "James, do you care to explain what is going on? Because my baby brother here seems to have hit his head and just called you his boyfriend."

"Well..." James said, looking down at his knees. "I am his boyfriend. And he is mine." James looked back at Sirius, trying to seem confident in his words. Then he grabbed Regulus hand and smiled at him, his smile immediately filling his boyfriend's chest with warmth.

"Oh Jamie, Jamie, Jamie. Please tell me this is a joke, or I will have to kill you for fucking my little brother." Sirius said in what could only be described as a maniac's tone. This seemed to make Regulus and James understand that they were far from done explaining.

"Look, Pads. I really wanted to tell you. It just happened, I promise I wasn't planning on it. But it did, and I'm glad it did. Trust me, this isn't how I wanted you to find out". James sighed.

"And how did you want me to know then? With an invitation to your wedding?" Sirius replied, but he was less agitated.

Both of them were quiet, and SIrius only sighed and pinched the bridge of his nose.

"Look. I'm not anyone to tell you what to do in your free time. But my brother? Really? You had to shag him?" Sirius asked. The other two marauders were unusually quiet during the whole thing.

"Sirius, I'm sorry I didn't tell you. But I will not apologize for loving Reg. He makes me incredibly happy, and I truly hope I make him feel at least half of what he makes me feel." James only had eyes for the younger Black brother, who was nodding at him as in response to his last statement. He was looking at him with the most endearing gaze.

"I asked him not to tell you. I didn't know how you'd react, but I know how incredibly possessive you are. You're a borderline psychopath". Regulus said, trying to take some of the tension off the air.

James just closed his eyes and smiled at the poor attempt of a joke. "I'm not possessive". Sirius exclaimed. This got him a questioning look from literally everyone in the room. Remus raised his eyebrow. "Fine! I may be a bit overprotective. But that doesn't mean you needed to hide it from me for... how long has this been going on?" He asked, pointing at both of them.

"Uhmmm, since September? A few weeks after coming back." James answered shyly.

"September?! That was 5 months ago!" Sirius replied.

"Well yeah, and by the looks of it we made the right choice in not telling you". Regulus said, rolling his eyes.

"What?" Sirius asked confused. "Oh, sorry Mr. MY EYES, I'M BLIND!, didn't know that was your idea of a good reaction". Regulus answered annoyed. "Now, if you don't mind, I want to get dressed since you ruined the moment and I clearly won't get to finish what I was doing". He glanced at the door, suggesting the three intruders to give them some privacy.

"Fine, but Reggie, you're talking to me as soon as you are dressed. I'm not kidding, you have three minutes. I'll wait in the common room". Sirius said, already walking towards the door.

"Three minutes huh? I can make it work." James joked, raising his eyebrow suggestively at Regulus. "NOW, Regulus." Sirius said from the stairwell. Peter moved and headed towards the common room too.

"Hmm, the Black brothers huh? There is something about their I'm borderline insane and have no sense of communication and processing feelings vibe that just does it, am I right?" Remus told James, smiling from ear to ear. James laughed innocently and Regulus just looked at the tall boy with a piercing gaze.

"Okay okay, I'm leaving!" Remus said, bringing his hands up in defeat. He walked towards the door, and as he was exiting and closing the door, he said "Next time lock the door, please." And he shut the door behind him.

Regulus and James were quiet for a few seconds before Reg got up to grab his clothes from the floor. James went back and rested on his elbows, looking at Regulus get changed.

"What?" Regulus asked while he was buttoning up his white shirt.

"Secret's out. Isn't that great?" James said.

"No, why would it be great? I'm about to have the most mortifying and awkward talk with my brother. What about that sounds great to you?" Regulus asked while he finished with his emerald tie.

James just sat up and motioned Regulus to come close to him. Regulus quickly understood and put his knees on the side of each of James' legs, straddling him. James only had the bed sheets to cover his hips.

"At least I will be able to do this" and he kissed him, cupping his face with one hand, pulling his head down towards him with the other one around his neck. "Without feeling guilty about it". He said as they broke apart.

"Oh yeah, because the guilt was really stopping you when you were sucki-" Regulus chuckled.

"Okay yes I get it." James interrupted in between laughs. "Now go talk to your sweet sweet brother and tell him I've done nothing but respect you."

"Oh but I don't want to lie to him" Regulus pouted, teasing James. "I'll see you later, love. We better finish what we started".

James bit his lip as he watched Regulus leave the room. "Oh, we will. I'll make up for it, I promise."

soooo…. some black brothers angst 🥰🥰

shot myself in the foot right there LMAO

look at the brothers bonding 🥰

regulus: “i’m just a sad boy”

sirius: “no, regulus. you’re depressed. being a sad boy isn’t a thing.”

sometimes i make myself sad with my own edits :(

Remus can also tell the apart for the same reason but flipped

Okay but hear me out everyone thinks Regulus and Sirius look alike right like even the teachers mix them up etc etc but James never mixes them up - he’s the only one who can tell them apart no matter what and he’s just like wdym you can’t tell them apart they’re so different???

Whyyyy 😭😭😭

what if reg wasn't closed off and quietly depressed until sirius left

The Black brothers 👑

orion talking about a family reunion: and that kids is how i met your mother

i’d feel selfish if i asked you to stay but i’d regret it forever if i just watched you leave

trans Regulus Black

who’s dead name is Adara, a star in canis major like Sirius, but not as bright

he chose the name Regulus because it was one level brighter than the star Adara

he didn’t want to share a constellation with Sirius, always outshined

trans Regulus Black

can we talk about how Regulus means king and it’s from the constellation Leo so Regulus is

The Lion King

DNA Guarantee by Kodi Rhianna is Black Family coded

- more under the cut -

The first stanza gives me the vibes of Alphard, Andie, and Sirius deciding to leave and begging for their siblings to follow. The Black family drains everything unique about it's children and makes soilders, and those three didn't want to be. They tried for so long to change (beating a long dead horse) but being apart of the Black family is a life sentence.

The chorus is everyone. All of them are trapped in a cycle until they break it. "Never your baby, just a maybe," they never had kids to have kids. It was always for heirs. The Blood purity, so forth eeee

The middle stanza is Sirius and Regulus and Walburga.

It's between them and Walburga in the first part. Sirius and Regulus reminding Walburga of Alphard and herself - one trapped and lashing out and one desperately fleeing. Its also difficult because of how similar all three are - forced into positions, unhappy, lashing out. I would image that if they interacted as older, Sirius and Walburga still would have issues due to this. Even if she doesn't or didn't hit them with her hand, spells and words do it best.

It's between Regulus and Sirius in the second part. The dogs biting the bone is Sirius messing everything up with Remus and the others. "Daughter bites her words," Regulus not coming out as FmT for years due to fear. "Fight like wolves, then flee like birds," Whenever the brothers fight it's always vicious, pulling at old wounds and cruel - like their family. Then they both realize, fleeing before the other says something. "From the save pack but rivaling herds," the brothers come from the same family, but in the end have vastly different friends.

I also just imagine that when it doesn't get physical, the family does have screaming matches often. Cops would be called, the whole thing. Very early the kids learned they could use their words effectively against each other even if they couldn't against their parents. I imagine that while close, the boys and girls had a battle of shouts at least once a day (then sneak each other treats to make up for it.)

I could also imagine Sirius and Regulus trying to settle into the Potters and realizing how intertwined their family is in them. And also Reg and Sirius have to stomp to the back of the garden to have their arguments - they cannot not have them, because then they get waaaay worse.

"why did you leave me there? in that house — with them. why did you do it, sirius? why?"

"i-" sirius began

"i was a child. i-" he chewed at his lip, tasting a horrible mix of salty tears and blood, "i thought you hated me. i thought i did something wrong. maybe i deserved it?"

"no! no- of course you didn't deserve it, you-" he reached abruptly to touch his younger brother who cowered away.

regulus' face was tear-stained and hot to the touch, his fingers gripping hopelessly at his sweater's sleeves that were soaked from drying his tears and snot.

"i hated you."

"you don't anymore?"

"i didn't say that."

they were silent. for the first time in twenty minutes, they didn't speak anymore. the only sound being regulus' rapid breathing and sniffles.

"i'm sorry, reg."

"don't call me that. you don't get to call me that."

"i'm sorry."

"stop bloody saying you're sorry! you're not! you're not sorry! if you were sorry you never would have abandoned me! if you loved me-"

"i do love you! of course i love you, reg."

"what have you ever done to prove that?"

sirius fell silent once more. he didn't like confrontation. it made him feel small and helpless, just like when his mother used to-

"please, regulus. can't we just be brothers again?"

"you were never my brother. you never helped when mother would-" regulus let out a shaky breath, closing his eyes for a moment, "i don't think i'll ever forgive you for what you did. actually, i know i wont. you had every opportunity to bring me with you to the potter's, but you didn't, did you? and that's why we're here. that's why i still hate you. that's why i always will."

regulus saw the tear that slipped down his brother's face, but he had no intent to take pity on him.

god, regulus is just like their mother now.

They are not wrong cuz

Sirius and regulus both don't like their mum but one of them just got rescued from their really bad family life be the Potter's and one had to act like a deatheater and then got himself killed while trying to destroy slytherin's locket but you know

Sirius & Regulus arguing: