I'm Falling In Love With The Way It Hurts Again.

I'm falling in love with the way it hurts again.

I don't know if I ever am going to get better again.

So much fucked up shit happend to me and I just

CAN'T.

STOP.

REMEMBERING.

I am trying to start living again and it just doesn't work.

Am I still in love with him or do I just love him now?

I don't know...

It still hurts to think of what we had and how it all ended.

But I still for sure love him, as a person, as a friend, as someone who I trust.

But am I still in love with him??

I don't know, I don't think so. Not like I was.

I am a little bit in love with everyone who I ever was in love with.

They stay a part of me, but I think that's all. I think I'm not in love with him anymore.

I want things to be normal between us again. To be friends, joke around, tell secrets, drink and laugh and cry and cuddle.

Just that.

I really really want him back, as a friend.

I try to fill the void he left with anything that could kill me.

I'll die before letting myself fall in love again.

I am always the second choice.

Always.

For ever everyone else will be chosen before me. Everyone else is better.

Why can't someone choose me?

Why doesn't anyone love me?

Someone please love me like I love them.

Please?

I won't see them?

I won't get to meet them?

This was the only thing I've been living towards to, and now it will never happen?

I don't know what to do now.

I need them.

I need to hold and hug them, I need to see and feel them.

How can I keep going now?

He had a wild night and slept with someone. I shouldn't feel bad, because we are in an open relationship, and I'm not angry or jealous, but...

But like, I want to be enough for him.