I Won't See Them?

I won't see them?

I won't get to meet them?

This was the only thing I've been living towards to, and now it will never happen?

I don't know what to do now.

I need them.

I need to hold and hug them, I need to see and feel them.

How can I keep going now?

He had a wild night and slept with someone. I shouldn't feel bad, because we are in an open relationship, and I'm not angry or jealous, but...

But like, I want to be enough for him.

Am I still in love with him or do I just love him now?

I don't know...

It still hurts to think of what we had and how it all ended.

But I still for sure love him, as a person, as a friend, as someone who I trust.

But am I still in love with him??

I don't know, I don't think so. Not like I was.

I am a little bit in love with everyone who I ever was in love with.

They stay a part of me, but I think that's all. I think I'm not in love with him anymore.

I want things to be normal between us again. To be friends, joke around, tell secrets, drink and laugh and cry and cuddle.

Just that.

I really really want him back, as a friend.

Honestly, even when if he leaves me I'm still so grateful to have met him.

Like, he showed me new music, motivated me to start being creative again, helped me accept my scars, went to concerts with me and showed me what I can have.

I was so down when I met him, and I'm really doing better now. Thanks to his influence.

So even if he leaves me, I'll still have a friend and a life.

I actually didn't think about him today.

Which is funny and good I think.

But now that I do think about him again, I still miss him.

But it hurts less.

And I am less angry too.

The only thing I was looking forward to is seeing him. But I don't know when that will even be.

Maybe never again.

Maybe I'm just dramatic.

But it feels like we'll never be together again...

I want to be back in his arms. I want to be with him.