Delicatedarknight - Brrtrouper - Tumblr Blog
Bruce: my arm fell asleep babe
Clark: *angry grumbles while turning away*
Clark: it would have been better if you would have told me that you don't love me anymore
Bruce: you know what my chest is still available if you wanna grab the opportunity
Clark: *amused* How many others have you told that cheesy line?
Bruce: well actually none..except for a grumpy kryptonite who is running away from me
Clark: Oh my a kryptonite? Wow, who might be that unlucky Kryptonian, successful enough to run away from Mr. Bad Bat?
Bruce: well well who might it be except for good ol’ Kansas farm boy
Clark: my my now he is good after you just called him grumpy huh?
Bruce: well he is grumpy but of course, he is my grumpy kryptonite good ol’ Kansas farm boy *smirking*
Clark: I must say Mr. Wayne has a way with his words
Bruce: of course my cute grumpy boyfriend deserves all of it maybe even more *winks*
Clark: *rolls his eyes* why did I even say that
Bruce: So shall we go for round 2?*all excited*
Clark: I’m sorry Mr. Wayne. But I can only do it with my husband
Bruce: but I’m your husband.
Clark: I don’t remember marrying a weak guy whose arm fell asleep *bombastic side eye*
Bruce: heyyy
Bruce: what makes you good for my son?
Kon: what is there that I lack? I'm perfect for your son
Jason: I would say he lacks common sense
Dick[sighing]: describe why you love Tim?
Kon: he is a huge coffee addict, the Robin costume looks ugly but I guess those are the things that make him look hella attractive not to mention he has a great as-
Bruce, Damian, Jason & Dick [ready with their weapons on Kon's neck]: be careful how you finish that sentence
Kon[flying out of the window]: HE GOT A GREAT ASS
[An hour later]
Metropolis reporter: today's breaking news Batman and the Robins are chasing after Superboy while throwing profanities. Oh wait we see Red Hood let's ask him about the situation
Reporter: Red Hood what brings you all to the metropolis today?
Red Hood: oh it's just a family outing to promote tourism to Gotham not like we are trying to make Superboy disappear from the face of the earth and bury him somewhere. Now now where did our Superboy kid run off to now?
Reporter:
[In Kent house hold]
Kon: Dad...you know I love you soo much right?
Clark[sighing]: what did you do this time?
Kon: Dad you gotta protect me they are coming for me
Clark: they who?
Kon: the bat fa-
[Window breaking and batfam entering]
Kon[already using Clark as human shield]: they are here dad
Bruce: Clark stay out of this
Clark[confused]: what did he do for the whole bat family to chase after him
Damian: ask him yourself
Clark: so what did you do?
Kon[shyly grinning]: I complimented Tim's ass..
Clark: I mean I see where you are coming from..I mean Bruce also has a great ass..but that's not the point now.
Dick: guess it's time to end the whole Superman bloodline
Jason: deviation in the plan now it's both dad-son duo
Clark: Can I say something before I die?
Bruce[with kryptonite]: you may speak
Clark: Bruce I always wanted to tell you something, you look really beautiful, and last Thursday, you looked amazing in those black undies.
[Collective batfam screaming and fighting]
"If Superman took design cues from Wonder Woman" by Theobromic on Twitter
Bruce: ok kids I'm going out on a date with Clark. behave yourself
[few seconds after Bruce left]
Jason: from today on I'm the king of this city. Bow down to me peasants
Tim: bow down huh? Come here let me bow down your head backwards
Jason: you dare to talk back to me, you imbecile. Our fight shall be worthy
Tim: let's meet in the ring, peasant
Damian: On one side we have our penny worth king and on the other hand we have a dime worth peasant. The fight shall begin
Jason: here you go peasant have this +2
Tim[smirking]: bow down to me. *Throws a +4*
Jason[grinning]: huh bow? To you huh? Now suffer
*throws 2 +4*
Tim[pulls out Jason's order history]: checkmate
Jason[laughing maniacally]: any last words? *Pulls out Tim/kon cute pics together*
[loud gasps audio]
Dick[in batman's cape]: order order silence in the court
Jason: your honor this villain has stolen my rightful place as the king.
Tim: objection you honor. It's all a lie. I'm the rightful king. I even have witness with me
Dick: present the witness
Damian[in specs]: your honor I'm Detective Wayne I would say they both are liars. *Removes the specs* it's I, I am the actual king, my lord
Bruce: no your honor, it's me. I'm the real king.
[loud gasps]
Dick[sweating]: haha the court declares Bruce as the king and is now adjourned.
Jason[silently walking away]: yea yea he is the kin-
Bruce[catching Jason]: now as the king, I shall hand over the decree
[collective tsks from kids]
Bruce: my dear subjects, from today on each Friday shall be 'Who dressed up as the best meme' war. The winner shall be awarded adequately.
Damian: it's not like we lack anything father
Bruce: the winner shall be awarded with Batman's affection
[collective screaming]
Jason: this time I shall win
Damian: dream on
Clark[outside window]: can I also participate?
[collective boos]
Dick: uhh..why is Clark umm..sitting on Bruce's lap
Jason: he came as Santa Claus
Tim: not this year too..
Jason: he asked what's his wish
Dick: don't tell me Bruce again asked for a kiss on his stick for good luck
Jason:[snorting] yeah
Dick: [snickering] When will Clark realize Bruce means his golf stick and not that stick
Tim:[unfazed] Not until Bruce pulls out a ring and asks Clark to wear it as some future Christmas punishment.
Jason: But Bruce is slick for asking Clark to sit on his lap as a punishment this year
Dick: I hope from next year they will stop playing gay chicken
Jason: nah I wanna see how far they gonna go before one of them actually confesses
Tim: easy for you to say, I don't think me going temporarily blind on mission excuse is gonna work next time if I again accidentally walk on them
Dick: Lucky you, I had to pretend I had amnesia for a month. It was hell. Imagine pretending life doesn't suck. Lol can't be me
Jason: not like I didn't walk on them and said 'Good boys go to heaven, bad boys go to Bangkok' and boom he grounded me.
Secret Santa at Wayne Manor ft.Superfam
Jason:[fuming] Who thought giving a toy gun in an Xbox pack was a good idea. whoever it is you better start praying. Kon:[ugly sweater but with bad kon pics] HA!? which one of you did this? Jason:[snorting] lmao..you totally deserve it 10/10 to whoever did it. Dick: WOAH!! NO WAY! Thanks to which one of you who gifted me these beautiful customized escrima sticks. I love you. Tim: Aww thanks for this beautiful bracelet and chocolates Jon:[amazed] It's the superhero-themed blanket that I wanted. thank you so much. Damian:[touched] Whoever thought of giving me this precious matte black finish grappling hook bad boy. thank you from the bottom o my heart
Alfred:[wiping away his tears] I want to extend my heartfelt gratitude for this 20-inch pie mould with these complimentary unicorn cookie cutter Martha: thanks to my Secret Santa for these beautiful spice-scented candles. Bruce:[wrapped in new handwoven superman themed scarf] Thank you Martha: what about you Clark? what did you get? Clark:[hiding away the sexy batman body pillow] just some socks, ma.
Chapters: 1/? Fandom: Superman - All Media Types, Batman - All Media Types Rating: General Audiences Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings Relationships: Clark Kent/Bruce Wayne, Clark Kent & Bruce Wayne, Diana (Wonder Woman) & Clark Kent Characters: Clark Kent, Superman, Bruce Wayne, Batman, Diana (Wonder Woman), Hal Jordan (Green Lantern), Barry Allen, Flash, Martha Kent Additional Tags: Slow Burn, Soulmates, Alternate Universe - Soulmates, Misunderstandings, Angst with a Happy Ending, Mutual Pining, Emotional Hurt/Comfort, Alternate Universe - Canon Divergence, Protective Clark Kent, Clark Kent Needs a Hug, Hurt Clark Kent, Jealous Bruce Wayne, Angry Bruce Wayne, Protective Diana (Wonder Woman), Kryptonian Culture & Customs (DCU), Emotional Hurt, Sad Bruce Wayne Summary:
“ The moment Clark realized who his soulmate was, he knew they couldn't be together. Guess even Superman can't have everything. ”
Me: can't wait for jealous, chasing after Clark, Bruce You: JLA squared up on Bruce? No chance, more like Bruce squared them all up. And Clark? he has already died inside
Personally, I absolutely loved your Bruce description and your take on this. ^^
Give me fic where Bruce realised that he misses the little pre JL greet up back pats or the momentarily blissful hugs from superman after life and death fights. But everytime superman does that he would always be met by fake disapproving bat grunting. Add to the mix Lois and Diana dating and Lois shares Clark rambling about how batman hates him. And to spice things up hal Jordan who no one knows how overhears the convo and goes like it would be funny if supes stops being handsy with spooky and him actually missing it. There was moment of silence before Diana and Lois looked at eachother with wide eyes and then at Hal and all hell broke loose. Starting the mission "make spooky ask his supes for hugs".
Tim: so why should we select you?
Guy A: I'm rich and handsome
Dick: Bruce is literally a billionaire. are you saying you are more rich than him?
Jason: and handsome? Don't make me laugh you look worse than our family dog.
Guy A: ex-xcuse me??
Damian: you are excused. Now get out
Tim: and what about you?
Guy b: I can protect him
Damian: protect?? dad??
Dick: [scoffs] It's like saying you can protect Batman.
Guy b: but he ain't Batman though
Jason: bitch he might be
Damian: where did you even find these people Tim?
Jason: seriously? imagine saying u can protect Batman
Dick: nah bruh imagine flexing money and looks on Bruce
Tim: ok guys this is the last candidate for the day
Tim: so what makes you special?
Clark: I can cook for him
Jason:[snorts] What if you can cook for him? How can it help our Bruce?
Clark: I'm sorry I'm not as rich as him but I can cook, clean, and care for him
Dick: have you brought anything to claim your statement.
Clark:[places the pie] I brought this Kansas special apple pie-
Damian:[already on his second slice] ae-ets gsoo ghuuud
Jason, Tim, and Dick fighting for the last piece
Clark: uh..soo
Damian:[clears his throat] You are selected.
Dick: Definitely
Jason: prepare your vows
Tim: btw who recommended you? Because you have a really ordinary background
Clark: oh it was Bruce
[collective HUH from batkids]
Clark: [snickering] It was to get approved by you guys
[collective even louder HA]
Clark: [laughing] That's because we are already dating
[collectively yelling WHAT]
Clark: [changing into Superman] hate to leave like this on our first meet but Metropolis needs me
[collective screaming]
Hal: spooky, what does supes mean?
Bruce: [gripping on batarang] You have known more than enough, Hal. Start counting.
Hal: counting? For what?
Bruce: 10..
Hal: 10 what?
Bruce: 9..[skips to 1]..0
Hal: HEY, that's cheating [already running for his life]
Hal Jordan: so spooky, are you a little spoon or big spoon?
Bruce: I'm a menace, a threat, a shadow vigilante who would beat you up so discreetly that they won't even know it's me. What makes you think I will care about cutlery?
Clark: he is the little spoon
I know anything I post with them will immediately be derailed by Superman’s fat tits so here they are all in one so everyone can get it out of their system
Batman/Superman: World’s Finest #6 - “The Flying Grayson” (2022) written by Mark Waid art by Travis Moore & Tamra Bonvillain
Damian: So, when are you planning to ask him out?
Clark: Ask him out for what?
Dick: Oh, come on now.
Jason: Seriously, man? Really, man? Ask him out for what?
Tim: Okay, to break it down in simple words, we want you to ask Bruce on a date... with the future prospect of proposing to him.
Clark: Um... what makes you guys think this is a good idea?
Dick: No way, you don't know why?
Damian: Look, alien, if it weren't for my dad's eyes lighting up whenever he sees you like his life depends on you, your bones would have been broken—at least once.
Jason: Add kryptonite bullets too.
Dick: And mean memes about Superman.
Tim: Plus maxing out your credit score.
Clark: How did you guys go from suggesting ' I ask him out ' to plotting the downfall of my life?
Jason: See, your handmade pies and cakes are to die for, but our Bruce only wants your built-in cakes and pies.
Tim: Jason, no!
Dick: Jason, slay.
Damian: Clark 0, us 100
Clark: Built-in what?? Never mind, I don't wanna know.
There are two types of couples
Flash: hey everyone! Me and Hal are officially dating
Wonder woman: congratulations!!
Clark: I knew it! See I wasn't lying when I told you guys that I saw them holding hands.
Diana: that's cute
Arthur: I also saw Barry trying to kiss Hal with hot Cheetos crumbs
Diana: ok now that's not cute
Bruce: me and Clark are going to get married tomorrow. You all are invited.
Diana: wow..straight up marriage? Still congratulations!!
Hal Jordan: wait, you guys were even dating?
Diana: what makes you question that?
Hal: I saw him punching supes with a Kryptonite ring
Arthur: even I saw them.
Diana: you also saw him punching?
Arthur: Yeah, I saw them punching each other with...their lips
Hal: ew..