The Black And White Thinking Does Not Stop At Not Seeing The Greys Of The World.

the black and white thinking does not stop at not seeing the greys of the world.

it s either pure euphoria or excruciating sadness and intolerable pain

it s either being repulsed by any social contact and physical affection or craving them with intense desperation

it s either numbing yourself with any destructive mechanism available or being a wreckage of emotions out of control

it s either knowing yourself slightly and thinking you re a decent person or feeling like you re the worst human in this entire world

it s either being consumed by any sensation or event and feeling on the edge of a spiritual awakening or drowning yourself in nihilism and seeing no point at all

it s the starvation or binging, the paralysing fear of driving or doing it so recklessly, it s either the absolute fear of sexual intimacy or engaging in hyper-sexuality so impulsively

it s a ton. it s barely tolerable and manageable, even to take it day by day

"Luca, your behavior is concerning, you need to delete your vent account!!!! "

Yap Yap Yap, you're acting as if I'm even REPARABLE at this point.

I'm working with a therapist, YandereDev has already addressed the allegations against him (AND IS GETTING HELP FOR IT), and just because I identify as an incel/femcel doesn't mean I'm gonna suddenly become this misogynistic pedo who has the most fucked up views about women you had ever seen in your life.

Let me educate you on something:

Incel literally just means "involuntary celebate", which basically means you are not able to engage in sexual activity due to ostracization and shunning (which is my case due to me being borderline and autistic and having to face the stigma surrounding my disabilities), and Femcel is the female/feminine counterpart.

it was a movement back in the 1990's - early 2000's as a way of uplifting those who became incels due to them being in a minority group, but sadly the original movement was abandoned due to how commonly associated it was with genuinely bad people.

Today, most of the self-identified incels/femcels are teenagers with ongoing mental health struggles who believe this label fits their experiences. These people (including myself) do NOT associate with anyone with intentions of doing harm to others.

As for the intrusive thoughts about killing my teacher: that was the result of constant dismissal and invalidation of my mental health struggles and due to the ongoing stress that has caused me. (I should mention that in therapy, I discovered that one of my biggest triggers is invalidation, and when I get triggered, I REALLY get triggered.), but I already did a threat assessment and I am speaking with my therapist as needed.

Also should mention: I have spoken with yandereDev directly a couple times (mainly to ask him questions), and out of all the times we spoke, he has not ONCE shown any interest or desire to be in a romantic/sexual relationship with me, in fact he's actually been keeping his distance (as a content creator should with their fans), so don't say he's trying to "gRoOm" me.

And do you REALLY think I'm gonna ask him out now??? At 17 years old????? FUCK NO, that's gonna hurt both me and yandereDev.

I'm waiting until I am 18 years old to attempt to be in a relationship with him, and by then I will the age of consent, therefore I would be able to consent to a relationship with him.

And as a final note: the people engaging with my content are not doing it to "enable" any genuinely bad behavior, I have stated myself that people can reblog my posts if they find it relatable. And people are engaging with my content because, well, they find it relatable. They share similar experiences as I do. Are those people in the wrong now because they had experiences in their lives and saw my posts and understand how I feel?

Honestly, idc if you're "concerned" or not, but you can't force me to delete my vent blog because you're upset that I happen to have a space where I am comfortable with talking about my mental health struggles. Why are you even looking at it anyway if you're THAT concerned about my posts? It feels a lot like you're just scrolling through my blog and cherry picking the posts that "concern" you.

Fucking weirdo....

If you're that bothered, just block it. I can assure you that I am okay and will get help if needed.

Don't like? Don't interact.

Thank you.

This but I'm not "sensitive" (I think), and most of the songs I relate to are because of my experiences with BPD lol

welp, I think everyone ruined pumpkinthegentleman for me.

Anytime I go into his comments all I see is "yall when I put on my dad fit", "shii I look good" "gooner" "pedo", and whenever someone tries to defend him, they are basically told they're "glazing" him, and I can't fucking handle it anymore.

I attempted suicide and was placed in the hospital for 5 days because assholes like them are so fucking insensitive and horrible that they caused someone who wasn't even REMOTELY involved in the situation to become so stressed to the point of an attempt. It was THAT bad.

"you're just overreacting" YEAH, BECAUSE I AM FUCKING UNSTABLE AND GET EMOTIONALLY DYSREGULATED EASILY, I CAN'T HANDLE THESE CONTROVERSIES AS WELL AS OTHERS, WHICH IS YET ANOTHER REASON WHY I HATE HOW PEOPLE ARE DEALING WITH THIS DRAMA.

And those people are still fucking dragging it IN MID SEPTEMBER. Everything happened in early-mid august. IT'S BEEN A MONTH, JUST SHIT THE FUCK UP..

I'm genuinely upset because before all this happened I actually liked his content, and especially his art stuff. It makes me upset how people had basically ruined this entire man's life over some stupid twitter posts that were made out of over-confidence.

For that matter, it upsets me how this shit is even normalized in the first place. People believe that bullying someone to the point it leads to some serious and permanent consequences and using fake/out of context shit as a way of justifying it.

I have decided to unsubscribe from his youtube, and I will be blocking him on tiktok as well. I can't handle it anymore.

To the people who are making fun of pumpkin: I hope you're happy with what you done, nit just to him, but to me as well.

nvm fuck it, I'll just go with "femcel" cause it fits me better, and I'll orient between incel and femcel as needed.

does anyone know what to call a nonbinary incel? I think I might be an incel but I don't identify as a girl or boy (well, i do identify as a boy, but i'm still nonbinary regardless)

I was thinking about calling them "excels" or "encels", but idk :p

I’m so tired of playing the back and forth game with my mental health. Every time I relapse and think, “okay, yeah, maybe THIS time, I’ll finally get it.” And that lasts for maybe 2 weeks if I’m lucky and then I watch myself just…stop. Stop getting up in the morning, forgot to eat for 3 days, oh shit I haven’t taken a shower either, stopped taking my meds at the right times and then just stopped all together, next thing I know I’m another suicide attempt back in the hospital. The worst part of it all is being SO self aware of it. I know I’m self destructing and I know that I don’t want to, except for some fucking reason I have to. This is going to kill me one day.