Im So Tired Of Playing The Back And Forth Game With My Mental Health. Every Time I Relapse And Think,

I’m so tired of playing the back and forth game with my mental health. Every time I relapse and think, “okay, yeah, maybe THIS time, I’ll finally get it.” And that lasts for maybe 2 weeks if I’m lucky and then I watch myself just…stop. Stop getting up in the morning, forgot to eat for 3 days, oh shit I haven’t taken a shower either, stopped taking my meds at the right times and then just stopped all together, next thing I know I’m another suicide attempt back in the hospital. The worst part of it all is being SO self aware of it. I know I’m self destructing and I know that I don’t want to, except for some fucking reason I have to. This is going to kill me one day.

man i love venting on tumblr.

I could say some of the most out of pocket and horrendous shit about myself and other people and i'd still get praise if it's relatable enough.

nvm fuck it, I'll just go with "femcel" cause it fits me better, and I'll orient between incel and femcel as needed.

does anyone know what to call a nonbinary incel? I think I might be an incel but I don't identify as a girl or boy (well, i do identify as a boy, but i'm still nonbinary regardless)

I was thinking about calling them "excels" or "encels", but idk :p

"Just as I thought it was goin' alright, I found out I'm wrong, when I thought I was right, It's always the same, it's just a shame, that's all. I could say day, and you'd say night, Tell me it's black, when I know that it's white, Always the same, it's just a shame and that's all." ~ "That's all" by Genesis

(I know this song's about relationship issues, but I relate to the whole song and in particular, these lyrics, mainly given the repetitive cycle and how nobody understands where I'm coming from when it comes down to online controversy.)

Me ending up on mentally ill girlblogging tumblr as a trans guy because I use BPD related tags and I'm just staring at everyone like

am I still welcome?

i’m ready to kill myself i was kinda just hoping i could maybe have sex before i die tho