It's Silly.

It's silly.

But it feels like we only wake up so we won't break the hearts of the ones we love.

Katie, 18:00

I stare at your eyes, deeper...

deeper...

deeper...

Seek for the warmth that is no longer there.

For the warmth,

Katie, 05:00

My heart died that day. I didn't know hearts could actually die until I started feeling mine slip away into another dimension; somewhere cold, somewhere dark, somewhere there's no you. All our memories tumbled down like tears rolling themselves into oblivion. Those long conversations finally reached a dead end; turned themselves around and started marching back to the lips that breathed life to them.

I felt it all. How our eyes stopped exchanging warm gazes. How we suddenly shunned each other's call. How love departed from my system like a soul leaving its earthly form. Not that all of these matter now that I have turned dark and cold. But there are certain points in time and space, some worthy coordinates that remind me of everything. Sometimes it all comes back to me. The love, the you, the time we left behind.

I am sorry I have to die that way. That I have to choose freedom over you. That I have to choose power over you. They say "Love is never real. There's no such thing in nature. Humans invented it, a spell for their females to indulge themselves with when they can't have power." Everything is a concept. The euphoria, the maddening twists of emotions- all of these are concepts. None of which are lasting. So I let my heart wither away like a plant. You held it tight before it died, squeezed it so hard that all your claw marks were etched on it, a beautiful proof that in spite of yourself, you never really wanted to let go.

I am looking at these marks now as I ponder on the daunting serenity of this new dimension where I loiter like a lost soul. They say love doesn't exist. I've been told so many times that there's no such thing in nature. But while I create new memories with myself, waves of emotions so strong come back to me. Like ropes, they bind me to the you I try so hard to forget. I am always trapped between the pangs of forgetting and remembering. My mind, no matter how I confine it within my control, it always wander back to where I came from. To the place where I left all the memories of you.

Sometimes I want to come back. However my love, I cannot. For the heart that gave life to my universe died that day. That day when you were too proud to look me in the eye and say it's over. Well, you didn't really have to. I felt it when you leaned to kiss me for the last time. Your lips, oh love your lips was nothing but a cold and dead and numb flesh touching my slowly desolating soul.

-Back to where I came from,

Katie, 23:15

Image:Pinterest

I was a moon and a star gazer before you came. Now that you're here, your face is all I want to see as everything else is eclipsed by the beauty of your soul.

Katie, 22:00

My re-awakening wasn't easy. For I was required to see again things I already unsaw, learn knowledge I already unlearned, know people I already unknew. But when my eyes caught a glimpse of you, a silhoutte moving against the darkness, faith came rushing into my nerves. The gust of wind echoed songs I've already forgotten. But the tone, the lyrics, your eyes, your voice exude such familiarity I could not simply ignore.

//

You look like the muse I spent my life trying to immortalize. You smell like sea breeze. Your laugh sounds like crashing waves that rhyme perfectly with my morning rambles. Above all, you feel like the home my heart would always run to for warmth and a drizzle of love when everything around me is bereft of it.

-Feels like home,

Katie, 17:30

The wind sings my name

Though the tone is not the same

The rain hums along

An echo of our song

Begging me to come home!

(Please, come home!)

Katie, 19:00