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Where do midnight tears go?

After they cleanse the heart

Where do they run to?

Do they flow with the river

Or against the current

Of a raging sea

Fight their own sorrow

Bury themselves in the burrow

Clawed in the ocean floor

Where do they run to?

After taking all the bitterness

Where do they hide

Do they run to reveal

What lips screamed

In the depth of despair

A moment of helplessness

Lungs gasping for air

After they fall

Where do they go?

Somewhere dark

A forest of snow

Where do they rest

After calming hysteria

Do they linger beneath the pillows

And wait for tomorrow

As I wait for you

After your footsteps are gone

Their echo disappeared

Into the long corridor of time

I sit by my bed

Watching the candlestick

Consume itself with its fire

The chilled wind of dawn

Comes to greet me

I shiver against its gust

And remember your touch

And how warm it has felt

Against my skin

Too warm that it hid

The truth that you are leaving

So I wept like a child

Gone insane for a while

For a little while

Then my own tears

Flodded my world

Drowned me

But in the end, taught me

How to swim to the surface

And now my eyes are dry

Where do the tears go?

After cleansing me

For another sullen midnight

Where do they hide?

Do they roll on my pillow

Linger longer than I do?

Or are they somewhere tracing

The steps back to you?

-Tracing the steps back to you,

Katie, 13:00

There are no wrong persons

We're all passersby

Seeking a temporary home

Somewhere we can warm our hands,

Somewhere we can feel we belong,

For a while

For a short while...

However, we get attached

In the process

Even if we know from the start

That we will leave

One day

And when that moment comes,

Goodbye becomes

The most difficult pill to swallow

It buries us in the burrow

Of snow

So we die

For a while

For a short while...

Darling I may be wrong

But may I

May I stay

For a while

Fuse with your heart

Before I escape

With the sullen midnight

And darling may you

Be kind enough

To hold me like your own

For a while

For a short while...

Let me reside darling

In your heart

Even if I'm wrong

But our song

It keeps telling me

In our world...

There are no wrong persons

If there are, then we're all wrong

Wrong for stopping by,

Wrong for seeking shelter,

Wrong for warming our hands

Wrong for filling our hearts

With illusions of love

So it can breathe and survive

For a while

For a short while...

-Temporary home,

Katie, 12:30

Sometimes my heart is empty

Sometimes it's full of you

And all the moments in between

I cling into a string

With every gust of wind

Gently, I swing

In my mind I hear you sing

And I am lost

Between the lyrics

Oh you are

A song I can't forget

You're stuck

Deep inside my head

A persisting memory

Your voice resounds

I am lost

Between the emotions you evoke

When my heart is empty

You fill it up again

With feelings more profound

Than the last one it kept

The austerity

Of the lines you sing to me

Stops me from running

Mesmerized by the melody

I am not

The kind of person

Who admires

Singers

And all their poignant lines

But for you

I will make an exemption

For you always fill me

With waves of euphoria

That I forget

The chaos in my head

For you silence

The howlings from the dead

I buried beneath the sands of time

Oh you fill me

With your spilling pieces

And yet

I feel empty

Like I can't get enough

So I spread

Myself like a giant sponge

I'll absorb you

All of you

Until every song you sing

Becomes one

With my poetry

-One with my poetry,

Katie, 22:30

What if one day, we wake up and find out that everything we ever had, the laughter shared, the late night talks, even the times when we're too dazed to realize we're falling in love weren't real?That the hand I held in mine, the face that looked divine, the kiss that was more intoxicating than wine were just products of an illusion staged to make us believe there is love? What if there is no love in reality? That the web of magical emotions we think we feel is actually a concept conceived in another universe; a concept too complex to be derived in ours? Would you still be brave to look me in the eyes? And if I won't be able to utter a word would you still trust in promises? Or you would just fall asleep and dream with me. Because in dreams, it is easier to believe in anything. There's no need of a hologram projector to show us an illusion of love. I need to know baby. Love for me is just another theory. Like singularity, white holes and black holes. I would like to know if it's something you would give your time to prove. So we can decide right now whether or not our hearts have a place to call home.

-A theory to prove,

Katie, 20:15

If you can dance

With my pen

As gently

As you do

In my imagination

Be my muse

Stain my notes

For eternity

(if it's not asking too much)

-be my muse, katie, 27th of February 2020

But I loved you,

My darling

When I tied

Your shoelaces

In an effort

To hold

Your pieces intact

In my hands

While the world around you

Didn't seem to care

If you break

Or lose yourself

To the night

I was there

Oh I wish

Your heart

Can remember

Me and that moment

Before February ends...

-that moment before February,

katie, 19:35

I wish life

Would give me

Coffee beans

Instead of lemons...

-katie, 21:00

It's silly.

But it feels like we only wake up so we won't break the hearts of the ones we love.

Katie, 18:00

If we can go back in time, relive every moment we have lost, all the dreams trapped in a blurry yesterday, would you take my hand? If we can fall in love again, would you take the chance?

With me?

(Let's fall in love again)

-Katie, 6:15

We're liars.

//

Me, I lie to protect my heart

While you,

You lie so it won't break

Like a glass

That can never be put back

Together regardless

Of efforts

To assemble the pieces

It's not a puzzle

And the cracks will be there

A reminder

Of a painful history

We tried to prevent somehow

By lying...

//

I say I don't love you

Force the words out

Make myself believe

They are true

But the truth

It burns beneath

The ground where I stand

Broken hearted

Shaking in my own fury

Consumed by the gravity

Of the words I just set free

Well everything is noetic

The mind could be both

A blessing and a curse

Affecting all elements

And words...

Words have weight, all right

Once spoken

They drag you down

Like shackles

Attached to your feet

//

You say you love me

All lies, of course

There is no sign of mirth

In your eyes

As the words escape

Your trembling mouth

You think these could cloth me

In winters to come

Could hold me somehow

So I won't fall to the ground

Watch me swing like a pendulum

You don't know how tiring it is

To be suspended in mid air

Trying hard to believe

You told the whole truth

In my face

Well I hear it loud and clear

Baby you don't

No, you don't love me at all

'Cause...

//

We're liars

//

Both of us.

You,

When you say I love you

Me,

When I say goodbye

-Everything is noetic,

Katie, 12:31

8th ❤

I am not writing enough. I call myself a writer but don't stain my notes with words as much as I ought to. And tonight, I sit on my bed and stare blankly at the empty piece of paper lying cold on my coffee table. I write the word "He" and stop; unsure if I am now ready to pour out my thoughts. I let out a sigh. If I let my guards down, there are lots of things I can associate with the word "He".

//

"He"

Is what wakes me up every morning, an alarm clock screaming. The light that bathe me with euphoric thoughts that come rushing in a long queue the moment I stir from slumber.

//

"He"

Is the aroma of coffee that fills my head, reminding me of the last time we're in my favorite coffee shop, listening to songs, trying hard to ignore the rhythm of our hearts and the spark we created when our hands accidentally touched.

//

"He"

Is the good morning texts I get, those innocent messages I refuse to read because I am scared to uncover something beneath; say a gift I am not prepared to unwrap but dying to have.

//

"He"

Is the movies I watch, the songs I hum and listen to, the gentle chuckles that resound in my head, stirring emotions in me that are long dead.

//

"He"

Is what paints a smile on my lips, the reason why I beam in the midst of a curious crowd. It's insane sometimes, but I feel like floating on cloud nine.

//

"He"

Is the thread that ties me to sanity. The only thing that makes sense when all I can see is chaos and the cacophony is just too loud for me to contain.

//

"He"

Is the journey and the destination. The good night texts that pop on the screen of my cellphone the moment I get home.

//

"He"

Is the home and the love I run away from, thinking I may only be dreaming because reality could not possibly be this mirthful .

//

"He"

(In spite of myself) is the arms I wish would welcome me when I am done running at the end of the day.

//

-He,

Katie, 01:30

You are the blessing I didn't ask for but were given;

You are the miracle I didn't pray for but happened.

You happened. And my love, I've become my best version. Thank you for calming my storm. Now everything in me is pacific. Thank you for taming my demons. Now they kneel and wear golden halos.

Since you happened, the lips that refused to pray started uttering praises to God who made this blissful encounter possible.

Because you happened, I lift my hands up above, call out in the voice of a Seraphim as I feel my wings growing...

Wings that were severed when I-

I renounced my faith in love.

You happened, so I regained everything I ever lost from fear and doubt and wrath.

You are the gift I didn't ask for but were bestowed;

You are the guardian I didn't pray for but were sent to bring me home...

You were sent TO BE my HOME.

-god sent, katie

7th of March 2020 @23:30

Many won't agree with what I'm going to say but it's a truth that needs to be heard. Love doesn't really hurt, it heals. If you've known love as something that ruptures your soul so you ended up shredded, maybe what you had was a counterfeit and haven't really met love after all.

For...

Love doesn't judge. It understands. Love doesn't take offense. It forgives. Love doesn't ridicule. It appreciates. Love doesn't outcast. It takes you into its arms for comfort. Love doesn't abuse. It heals.

Love is love. And it's something that you can run to after a long day of fighting wars. It's something that can put you back together after you've been shattered. It's something you can trust with your life for it doesn't betray. It's love.

And it's not...

A train. You don't need a ticket to board it. You don't need to run on your toes to catch it because it's leaving. Love doesn't leave. It stays. Surprisingly, even when we don't need it, it's just there.

It's not...

A game. People would play it with their selfish rules. But it doesn't need to be played. No one wins or loses in love. We're all equal in its eyes.

It's not...

On material things. It can't be measured by the value of gifts given. It can't be monetized. It doesn't have a currency.

It's not...

Something that you have to deserve. There are no requirements. You don't need to be beautiful or intelligent or rich or famous. We're all worthy of love. No one is below or above us.

For...

Love is love, regardless of how society tries to stain its name in an effort to fit it into the norms. It's been disgraced. Used to manipulate. Screamed out to frighten those who don't have a slight clue about what it is.

So...

If the hands you hold push you to be a stone and don't seem to transform you at all, let go. If the lips you kiss spit venom into your tongue that you end up poisoned and left to die, let go. If the arms wrapped around your waist don't hold you like you're going to fall apart, let go. If the eyes you stare at pierce your flesh that you bleed and shriek out in pain, let go. It's not love. I said it earlier and I'll say it again: LOVE DOESN'T HURT, IT HEALS.

Think about that.

(my love, you aren't aware of this but you redefine love to me everyday.)

-love as redefined,

letters to Jeffry,

katie, 18:00, 9th of March2020

"When the road becomes lonely

And the songs you hum

Become the teardrops

That flow between

The lines of your palms

To your poems

And you don't feel

Like you belong

Anywhere anymore

Remember me

Remember the love

We have known

And come back

My heart is always waiting

For you to claim it

Come back to my arms

For I am your hiding place

Your refuge

Your home"

-your hiding place,

Katie, 23:00

Billions of stars scattered

None outshines

Your eyes

Baby they shine

Brightly tonight

As I-

Once again fall

In love

With the beautiful soul

I glimpse

From your retinas

-glimpse from your retinas,

-katie, 01:30

Be the friend you needed when you were lost and broken.

@treisyyy

-katie, 16:00

But darling will it be fine,

If all I can offer is a dream

Just a dream

I whispered

To the constellations?

(because I've nothing else to offer, seriously!)

-katie, 21:35

I want to escape my mind

Before it kills me

;

-sometimes it's the worst place to be in,

katie, 21:00

My heart is a place

Where pain has resided

A barren space

Where violence was incited

There have been

Broken fragments inside it

Scattered all around

So everyone

Who entered

Tripped and fell

And get bruised

Ran away

To seek shelter

Somewhere safe

And warmer

Than the winter

That engulfed me

For...

I was cursed

To make anyone

Who loves me suffer

For I'm not whole

Been in pieces for so long

Then you came

Like a silver lining

Who walked in

Exuding light

That sent worries

Out the door

You touched my skin

That has long been torn

As though you can heal

My still bleeding wounds

You did seal them

With your light caresses

Now they're closing

Oh the process

Is so breathtaking

You knocked on my heart

For oft, I hesitated

If I'll let you in

You'll get hurt

Or wounded

May trip against

My unpolished sides

May collide

With the unspeakable

Darkness I hide

You smiled

And took my hand

Severed the barricades

I've put to separate

Myself from you

You said you don't need it

Trusting your words

I unlocked my heart

So you could enter

And...

To my surprise

You started taming

My storm

Like you knew it by name

I was never a halcyon sea

But you calmed my waves

With songs

I've never heard before

Love, you enthralled me

By the way you closed

My wounds

Called every piece of me

Claimed them as yours

So they slowly gravitated

Like pieces of a puzzle

Finally falling into place

Now I'm whole

And will no longer hurt

For today...

Someone like you came

To meet me

At my worst

Made me better

As you continuously shower

Me with love

Made me believe

My pieces can't pierce

Anyone who gets near

For I am not broken

I am whole

And suddenly.....

I feel whole

For I am loved

And I am home

-a story to feed a starving heart, katie