My Heart Died That Day. I Didn't Know Hearts Could Actually Die Until I Started Feeling Mine Slip Away

My heart died that day. I didn't know hearts could actually die until I started feeling mine slip away into another dimension; somewhere cold, somewhere dark, somewhere there's no you. All our memories tumbled down like tears rolling themselves into oblivion. Those long conversations finally reached a dead end; turned themselves around and started marching back to the lips that breathed life to them.

I felt it all. How our eyes stopped exchanging warm gazes. How we suddenly shunned each other's call. How love departed from my system like a soul leaving its earthly form. Not that all of these matter now that I have turned dark and cold. But there are certain points in time and space, some worthy coordinates that remind me of everything. Sometimes it all comes back to me. The love, the you, the time we left behind.

I am sorry I have to die that way. That I have to choose freedom over you. That I have to choose power over you. They say "Love is never real. There's no such thing in nature. Humans invented it, a spell for their females to indulge themselves with when they can't have power." Everything is a concept. The euphoria, the maddening twists of emotions- all of these are concepts. None of which are lasting. So I let my heart wither away like a plant. You held it tight before it died, squeezed it so hard that all your claw marks were etched on it, a beautiful proof that in spite of yourself, you never really wanted to let go.

I am looking at these marks now as I ponder on the daunting serenity of this new dimension where I loiter like a lost soul. They say love doesn't exist. I've been told so many times that there's no such thing in nature. But while I create new memories with myself, waves of emotions so strong come back to me. Like ropes, they bind me to the you I try so hard to forget. I am always trapped between the pangs of forgetting and remembering. My mind, no matter how I confine it within my control, it always wander back to where I came from. To the place where I left all the memories of you.

Sometimes I want to come back. However my love, I cannot. For the heart that gave life to my universe died that day. That day when you were too proud to look me in the eye and say it's over. Well, you didn't really have to. I felt it when you leaned to kiss me for the last time. Your lips, oh love your lips was nothing but a cold and dead and numb flesh touching my slowly desolating soul.

-Back to where I came from,

Katie, 23:15

Image:Pinterest

And then she rose from the ashes. Maybe she's meant to, afterall.

Katie, 11:45

My re-awakening wasn't easy. For I was required to see again things I already unsaw, learn knowledge I already unlearned, know people I already unknew. But when my eyes caught a glimpse of you, a silhoutte moving against the darkness, faith came rushing into my nerves. The gust of wind echoed songs I've already forgotten. But the tone, the lyrics, your eyes, your voice exude such familiarity I could not simply ignore.

//

You look like the muse I spent my life trying to immortalize. You smell like sea breeze. Your laugh sounds like crashing waves that rhyme perfectly with my morning rambles. Above all, you feel like the home my heart would always run to for warmth and a drizzle of love when everything around me is bereft of it.

-Feels like home,

Katie, 17:30

All the love in the world, I will give my life to catch and store it in a box, wrap it with my austere yearnings and offer it to you so you can have something to hold and to keep after I am gone. I pray that the overwhelming warmth in my chest will engulf you, so you won't feel cold during the winter. I want you to be protected from the chilled wind. I want you to be safe from the night.

The mirth you exuded that magical moment when we drank our fill of wine like the world's going to end right there, the sound of our laughter roaring over the noise of the dazed crowd, your smile that outshined the Milky Way, the "you" who captured my soul in a glance, encompass all the memories I want to remember for the rest of my days. You. Baby, just you. I want to carry you like a sacred creed. I want to kiss you hard, cling to your lips like they're the only ones that could keep my pieces intact. I want to bury you in my skin, hide you in my bones so we won't be separated. But I can't get close enough it seems. So I just hold your stare as best as I can to assure myself that you're real. That we're real. Though the beauty of your soul makes everything appear surreal. Like everything is a dream and I don't want to wake up, scared to watch you disappear into thin air right in front of me. I can't lose you just like that. Not now when I finally decided to stop running from love.

All the memories,

(Cheers to the "you" that I got)

Katie, 23: 35

What crime was committed when I stared at your eyes; pondered on the depth concealed within their blackness? Was me locking gazes with you appeared felonious? Have you been offended by the manner I looked? Like I was probing, searching for something. Perhaps a soul I've been wanting to catch. A treasure buried beneath your retinas. Even behind bushy brows, the truth of my guilt can easily be proved. The intent to gain can suffice through my overt acts. Beyond reasonable doubt.

And I will willingly take the stand so I can spill my truth to the world. How I actually stole glances of you for a long time. Near or far, I always managed to look; has always found a way despite unfavorable circumstances. For I seem to gravitate towards you like you're a tenacious force drawing me closer.

No, I won't pay a counsel to turn the table in my favor. I will talk, willingly. Take the chance and tell my truth to the aloof jury. I won't prepare any defense nor hold my silence. I will raise my hand in total surrender and confess the truth, nothing but the truth to the hushed court.

I did steal glances of you in several instances. Deliberately. And in one occassion, I managed to stare at you deeply while holding my breath. As though it's a matter of life and death. Now that you have caught me, what crime was committed, if any? Don't worry, I won't try to contest whatever it is that you charge me. But should you allege theft against me, I will try to raise this rebuttal as lovingly as possible: Is it still stealing when it's already stolen?

I stated it outrightly. I stole glances of you baby before I finally managed to get closer and aimed for your heart. And the best part is that you just sat there and let me.

-Stole your heart but you sat there and let me

Katie, 19:00

How can you cry

When all your tears

Solidified

Into rocks

Cold

Immovable

Numb

Like his heart

That was never meant

To be yours

From the start

Katie, 13:0