My Heart Died That Day. I Didn't Know Hearts Could Actually Die Until I Started Feeling Mine Slip Away

My heart died that day. I didn't know hearts could actually die until I started feeling mine slip away into another dimension; somewhere cold, somewhere dark, somewhere there's no you. All our memories tumbled down like tears rolling themselves into oblivion. Those long conversations finally reached a dead end; turned themselves around and started marching back to the lips that breathed life to them.

I felt it all. How our eyes stopped exchanging warm gazes. How we suddenly shunned each other's call. How love departed from my system like a soul leaving its earthly form. Not that all of these matter now that I have turned dark and cold. But there are certain points in time and space, some worthy coordinates that remind me of everything. Sometimes it all comes back to me. The love, the you, the time we left behind.

I am sorry I have to die that way. That I have to choose freedom over you. That I have to choose power over you. They say "Love is never real. There's no such thing in nature. Humans invented it, a spell for their females to indulge themselves with when they can't have power." Everything is a concept. The euphoria, the maddening twists of emotions- all of these are concepts. None of which are lasting. So I let my heart wither away like a plant. You held it tight before it died, squeezed it so hard that all your claw marks were etched on it, a beautiful proof that in spite of yourself, you never really wanted to let go.

I am looking at these marks now as I ponder on the daunting serenity of this new dimension where I loiter like a lost soul. They say love doesn't exist. I've been told so many times that there's no such thing in nature. But while I create new memories with myself, waves of emotions so strong come back to me. Like ropes, they bind me to the you I try so hard to forget. I am always trapped between the pangs of forgetting and remembering. My mind, no matter how I confine it within my control, it always wander back to where I came from. To the place where I left all the memories of you.

Sometimes I want to come back. However my love, I cannot. For the heart that gave life to my universe died that day. That day when you were too proud to look me in the eye and say it's over. Well, you didn't really have to. I felt it when you leaned to kiss me for the last time. Your lips, oh love your lips was nothing but a cold and dead and numb flesh touching my slowly desolating soul.

-Back to where I came from,

Katie, 23:15

Image:Pinterest

"I love you!"

All the words we could have said,

but chose not to.

-The words,

Katie, 20:00

Pain demands

To be felt

But I dare not

To scream

Like it's a sin

To even acknowledge

From within

That I'm merely

A fragment

Of a woman

A heart with

Broken wings

Living in quagmire

Of excruciating

Loss I'll spend

Centuries trying to fill

With every scattered

Pieces of you

That I'd meet

Along my walk

With endless grief!

-Pieces of you,

Katie, 19:35

It's silly.

But it feels like we only wake up so we won't break the hearts of the ones we love.

Katie, 18:00

Trapped between

The devil

And the deep blue sea

Hear me

Your name

Is all I can utter

Save me from the dumps

As though I am worthy

Of the touch of your hands

Of the glimmer of your eyes

Of the beauty of your smile

Of the shower of your love

Everything you can offer

The whole of October

If you may,

Stay with me

By my side

As though I am worthy

To play with destiny

-By my side,

Katie, 11:00

I wish I could close my eyes tonight without seeing your face behind my lids.

Katie, 20:45