Biphobia - Tumblr Posts

Lani Kaʻahumanu being interviewed by Mason Funk (The OUTWORDS Archive) in Cazadero, CA, USA (July 25, 2016)

I read Bi: The Hidden Culture, History, and Science of Bisexuality by Julia Shaw and I was shocked at how much more severe the issue of biphobia and bimisogyny is than most people, even within the bisexual community, even realize. I’ve posted links to the relevant quotes from this book and organized them under these broad points:

bi men are targeted by both homophobia and biphobia; biphobia bi men experience is a materially distinct oppression than homophobia;

bi women are targeted by both lesbophobia and biphobia; bimisogyny, the intersection of misogyny and biphobia, is a materially distinct oppression from lesbophobia;

bisexuals of color, disabled bisexuals, and trans/nb bisexuals experience profound erasure from bi representation and scholarship, and access to necessary resources;

bi people experience "double discrimination"/biphobia from the straight and gay communities; bi ppl are at risk of discrimination for bisexuality specifically;

This biphobic discrimination in the gay community goes back decades;

the terminology used to describe gay rights is often exclusive of us to a damaging degree. this means in addition to specific biphobic struggles, bisexuals often must face generalized homophobia without the "buffer" of acceptance in the larger LGBT+ community and with some enhanced difficulties acquiring LGBT+ resources; and finally,

positive aspects of bisexuality and bi identity/nuance corner.

The most important information I found is that bi+ people have a higher rate of mental health issues, suicidal and self-harm issues, addiction, isolation, rape, IPV, stalking, abuse, and are less likely to be out as bisexual or to have strong connections to the larger LGBT+ community to act as a buffer against discrimination, as opposed to lesbians and gay men. They are also erased and denied access to LGBT+ spaces, resources, and legal protections. As opposed to gay men and lesbians, the particularities of the bisexual experience includes 1) experiencing double discrimination, 2) less likely to be out, resulting in mental health issues 3) bisexuals are more isolated on average than LG people, and 4) bisexuals struggle with internalized biphobia. I've broken down these arguments and sourced further information on the material affects of biphobia here on my Wordpress blog, since Tumblr won't let me post the full quote all at once, but you can find the quotes with the specific research and studies I'm basing these claims on in my tag for this book or under my general book quotes link, #education multiplies power

some of you lot will say ANYTHING to avoid admitting that youre just bisexual fr huh

Butch is a term for lesbians only. Please let lesbians have just one thing. Just one

no

I do think it’s odd to create an environment that’s very hostile at best to bisexual women and then be surprised when there turns out to be a large amount of bisexual women who would do anything before admitting they’re bisexual there

Yes. The thing besides bad grammar that will get me to click out of a fic really quickly is when the female characters who express attraction to or interest in the male main love interest are <i>super annoying</i> or <i>simpering and fawning</i> and don’t know the <i>real guy</i>. Whereas the male main character’s attraction is Soulful and Profound and Respectful. Fuck that shit.

I absolutely hate it when slash fics feel like they gotta tear down the character’s previous relationship with a girl in some way. Like it doesn’t matter if they were canonically having some truly fantastic sex just a few episodes ago, dude’s gonna hook up in the fic with another dude and it’ll be all “it was never this good with HER” or some shit about how it feels more ~right~ somehow.

It’s vaguely biphobic, misogynistic, and invalidates what were often perfectly healthy relationships with women while subconsciously perpetuating the idea that you can’t love more than one person in your lifetime. That girl you were absolutely in love with a few months ago? Yeah that was nice but THIS love with your new boyfriend is obviously SO MUCH MORE REAL.

Why is this necessary? Why can’t you just respect these relationships and the female characters who were an important part of this male character’s life? As a writer, you’re in control of the world you’re building, so they literally pose no threat to you. Grow up.

“… Sorry for saying BJ at the Oxfam Gala.” – Mae Martin on biphobia

All of my very bisexual yes

‘bi people can pass as straight!’

anyone can pass as straight, if they silence themselves enough.

Today I'm thinking about biphobia.

It started with an interviewer assuming a character's sexuality to be straight, which is not the first nor last time this will happen.

But it reminded me of how I have been seeing bisexuality in media over the years. It reminded me of watching Queer as Folk (the old US one) when I was young, how it impacted me, how it was important to have that on television. I mean, I was too young at the time it was airing (2000-2005), but even watching it years later at 2010/2011, it was still something I had never seen.

And do you know how they treated bisexuality in it? Bad. It was bad.

For the most part, bi just wasn't a thing. Five seasons and everyone was either gay or straight. A character started showing signs they was into a different gender? Oh my god they were straight all along!

But there were two moments where bi was a thing, and it was even worse. Once, a very quick scene where a major character finds out he slept with a bi man and feels disgusted. He says it out loud, he's disgusted. Yeah.

Then very later on in the series, a woman cheats on her wife with a man, and it's terrible, because it's cheating, but can you guess what the wife focused on? Yeah. How could she do it with a man? And the woman cried and desperately didn't know how to explain why she felt the attraction and it broke my heart. I'm not even saying she was bi, but the whole way it was treated was terrible.

Now, for the most part, that show was still very important and it discussed so many big topics. I still hold it very dearly in my heart. But you see, a major queer show, and it treated bi people like that. It was a long time ago, at least, so things are definitely better.

But I still need more bisexuality to be nicely represented on screen. I still crave it, even while I love the gay stories we're getting, and I do love them so so much. I'll just love it more when bi folks are also a big part of this, and explicitly so. We're getting there, for sure, but we still have to keep it running, we still have to be annoying about it.

Because people will assume a character is either straight or gay and we need to shut them up more.

The way the actors' and showrunner's faces fell and froze when the interviewer called Edwin and Charles a gay/straight friendship continues to bolster my trust.

But also, that was just an accurate bisexual experience.

one thing i think a lot of about is the bi women vs lesbian discourse. mostly i bc it just screams I NEED THERAPY from everyone involved

fandoms stop erasing canon bisexual women challenge (impossible)

If your reaction to bisexual women being frustrated about the way we are talked about and treated by some lesbians in the community is to bring up the rates at which bi women face IPV/DV and then blame us for it and say that "Bi women put themselves in those situations", you're legit a victim blaming piece of shit and I think you should get hit by a bus

them: would you like chicken or fish, ma’am?

me: hmm let’s see. i like them both, but i’ll have chicken today, please!

them: so… you don’t really like them both then, do you? you’re not having fish now, so you clearly don’t swing towards pescatarian. why would you even say you like both if you’re going to order the chicken anyway? you’re just a chicken-lover trying to be quirky aren’t you? aren’t you?

if biphobic logic applied to everyday scenarios (a compilation)

them: so are you a cat or a dog person?

me: well actually i think both are cute

them: oh you’re confused. that’s totally fine! one day you’ll decide which pet you really want. confusion is totally normal don’t worry about it -

libfem website article suggestions:

Why You Should Get Over Your Discomfort With Being Called Demeaning Slurs If It’s, Like, A Sex Thing

Here, Have A Tentative Endorsement Of Actual Intercourse In Public Spaces

A Bisexual Talked To Me???? Am I Qu**r Now??? (Blog Post)

Why Trans-Fetishism Is Progressive

Why Racial Preferences Are Natural (According To A White Free-Lance Psychologist)

How To Push Your Sexual Boundaries And Warp Your Perception Of Your Own Sexuality In A Way That Is Palatable To Straight Men

Are Lesbians Actually Holding Back Qu**r Rights?

Why It’s Okay To Be Homophobic To Gay Men, But Only When They’re, Like, Obnoxious About Being Gay. Real Homophobia Ended A Long Time Ago, Right?

How Feminism Was Actually Always About Helping Men, Too

a reminder bc i havent mentioned this in a lil bit: bi men report facing domestic violence at higher rates than both gay n straight men. bi men report facing domestic violence at similar rates 2 straight women (in fact slightly more). out of any group (including women of all orientations), bisexual men most report being victims of domestic violence from more than 1 perpetrator.(source)

the idea that the erasure of bisexual men n our needs in the lgbt community is justified bc “biphobia only targets bi women” is refusing 2 support abuse victims n denying their abuse n its gross, ignorant, n harmful.

note that a large majority of the aforementioned domestic abuse is perpetrated by women, n that gender dynamics cannot alone conceal the role of biphobia n hatred of bi men in this. remember that bi men r the most hated sexual orientation by heterosexuals, n that straight women specifically report having much more negative opinions of bisexual men than they do of gay men, lesbians, n bi women. if ur only opinion on bisexual men is “theyre men so i hate them n dont have 2 have solidarity w em” ur failing 2 think on more than 1 axis n ur not trustworthy 2 male victims of abuse, violence, n sexual assault.

“Biphobia isn’t real, any discrimination bi people face is just watered down homophobia which is why bi women with men don’t face any discrimination” most bi women I’ve met who have dated men have had a male partner either coerce them or try to coerce them into a three way with another woman because so many men target bi women to date or sleep with purely for fetishistic purposes in hopes of getting a three way. Many bi women I know who tried to resist being coerced into a three way got assaulted for it as punishment for not being willing to fulfill his fantasy.

There’s also the fact that the rate of lesbian and straight women who will be raped by a man in their lifetime is around 15% for both, but around half of bi women will be raped by a man in their lifetime. Also probably because of how rampantly fetishized bi women are, and stereotypes about bi women all being sexually promiscuous and constantly DTF, a man can justify raping a bi woman because you can’t rape the willing, and if she’s bi she must be a slut who always wants sex with anyone, right? And just out of desperation to fulfill a fantasy, I’ve known bi women who have been raped by straight couples because the man just really wanted a three way, they probably assumed if she was a bi woman she must automatically be down for it.

There’s also the fact that bi women dating men have much much higher rates of facing abuse and domestic violence (as well as stalking) from male partners than straight women, in general bi women are much more likely to be abused or stalked than straight or lesbian women. there’s a lot of reasons for this such as how many creepy predatory men seek out bi women as partners for fetishistic purposes and a lot of men who already have a violently possessive and jealous streak are more likely to suspect a bi woman of cheating on him so more likely to lash out at her in jealousy.

Not to mention that while I was still in college I ended up keeping my bisexuality a secret from most men I met because of how often it happened that if a man found out I was bi I’d get creepy fetishistic comments like “oh that’s pretty hot, have you ever had a three way?” or “you shouldn’t be single if you’re bi, any man would love to date you because you being bi means they could get a three way out of you” From MEN I HAD JUST MET. Had guys harass me at work after finding out I was bi because they thought it was hot so they wouldn’t leave me alone after that so I felt unsafe going into work for a while. I’ve been harassed and followed outside of work too by men who thought it was hot that I’m bi so they wouldn’t fucking leave me alone. So I kept my sexuality a secret from men for a while for my own safety.

Biphobia is real and this shit just doesn’t magically disappear once you date or marry a man, it doesn’t make the creepy fetishizing stop, it doesn’t protect you from your male partner abusing you on the basis of your bisexuality, it doesn’t protect you from creepy fetishistic men stalking and/or assaulting you. There is privilege in being able to walk down the street with your partner or spouse and not have homophobic slurs yelled at you, but there is NOT privilege in the staggering rates of violence against bi women compared to other sexual orientations.

"oh please everyone has gay thoughts sometimes" so what i'm hearing is that heteronormativity is so ingrained that a significant percentage of the population regularly experiences bisexual attraction? but dismisses it as something that all straight people experience? this is so concerning are you guys okay

To Ace, Trans, Bi, & Nonbinary Sapphics

- You are not less sapphic than anyone else. - You are valid. - You are worthy. - You are the only one who can decide your identity. - You deserve all the joy and love in the world. - You’re not alone.

You have allies, and we will always, always fight for you. 💜