Brucie Wayne - Tumblr Posts - Page 3

the concept of ‘brucie wayne’ is so funny to me because like. this guy is a grungy vigilante who takes down major villains and fights people daily. but he also likes to get a little silly sometimes

hey if anyone tells you art goal is something serious remember i learned how to draw like actual western comics art style just to shove batman into high heels and titty window

Young Dick Grayson breaking both his legs on patrol attempting a complicated flip on ice bravely fighting bad guys but still being forced to attend galas in a wheelchair so just showing up in increasingly elaborate ways of mobility

Random Socialite trying to have a normal conversation: So, I heard your ward was in an accident. How is he?

Brucie Wayne: Oh you know, not happy being stuck inside all the time but we’re finding ways to get through it :)

*Cue Dick wheeling up in some sort of vaguely elephant shaped monstrosity, cast legs strapped to the sides with no clear means of steering or propulsion*

12 year old Dick: hi :)

Brucie: :)

Random Socialite:

From that point on it just gets completely out of control. Every weekend Dick is spotted in some new contraption: a race car, a hobby horse, a rocket - he’s driving around stealing the show. Bruce is just happy he’s actually easy to keep track of now, and the kidnapping rates have gone down dramatically since he’s strapped to at least 50 pounds of metal at all times.

Years later when Jason is in a similar situation he thanks whatever higher power is out there Bruce donated the chairs to charity so he doesn’t have to be wheeled about in a glorified trundle truck.

Dick gets doxxed when he offers one to Babs ‘as a joke’ (completely seriously)

Okay so you know the drill,, there's a gala! Wow Bruce Wayne is so dreamy 😍 he's a whore 🥵 he's a dad 🥰 he's a- oh shit he's a hostage 😳

Everyone looks around frantic and scared but also... not really... cause ya know... this happens like every Wayne gala? Like they had to sign a slip saying that Wayne Inc isn't liable for any injuries during a possible takeover cause the Board was tired of people sneaking in just to sue after being shot by Ozzie's umbrella gun (it was just a graze 🙄) (Bruce pays for them all anyway)

But! This time Damian was in his arms when he was taken hostage! Extra collateral! How tragic! He's just a poor boy ;(

The corners have shadows of course and next thing you know- through a series of odd instances that are totally irrelevant to the story (oh his other children must be so scared! Must have hid under the tables since no one saw them,, how terribly sad) -a few of Gotham's vigilantes show up to save the day! (Is it 9 already?)

Alas! a goon (he's new, he's blue, he'll shoot himself in the shoe 🎶) gets startled and almost shoots poor defenseless Damian Wayne and oh Bruce becomes a real papa bear and slams his fist into the goons face-

"No." He practically growls- which uh Brucie can growl? A spattering of confusion goes around the room before a laughing Red Hood can be heard after checking on the goon-

"Damn! Good job papi!"

Everyone in the room pauses.

Did the Red Hood... just call Brucie Wayne Papi? The Red Hood, the anti-hero of unknown age who just recently obtained the praise of the city for taking down the recent baddie with the Gotham sirens when all the other bats seemed to be out of town?

A million ideas pass through the thoughts of the elite in attendance.

A million thoughts pass through Jason who just realized what he said after seeing that Goon Lagoon lost his front teeth.

He looks to Nightwing and in state of panic they speak to each other in a way that only panicking siblings who can't speak can share-

'You done fucked up,' Dick seems to say with a twitch of his eyebrow.

'Obviously, you stupid idiot, but how do I fix it,' Jason responds practically psychically with a tilt of his head.

Dick just looks at him in pity, and with a shake of his head, he stares into his little brother's soul with the plan

-of course nobody else hears this conversation,, everyone in the room just watches the two vigilantes stare at each other weirdly for a few seconds (theyre on complete opposite sides of the room? There is not a single shred of subtle about them having a mental conversation even if nobody knows what it's about) before a look a pure absolute disgust reveals itself across Red Hood's masked face (he threw his helmet for fun earlier in the battle not important) before settling into a neutral stiffness.

Solemnly devastated, like he's about to go off to war and his Beau will be left behind to be cared for by his evil brother who will no doubt try to take advantage of his estate,,

or like a teenager being told by an acquaintance that they found their old elementary school YouTube account with videos of them role-playing with their Littlest Pet Shop animals,,

or like when a mother writes a 12k story for her fandom during her toddlers nap time only for the child not only to wake up before expected but also somehow spill applejuice all over her laptop (the one she's had since she was a teen) shorting it and deleting the story because she didn't press save on top of being morbidly tired from lack of sleep-

He looks up and says with clarity in his voice even if it's also filled with the verbal equivalent of eating 4 lemons raw and slow- peel and all,

"That's what I call him in bed."

Everyone in The Know takes psychic damage.

The elite in the crowd do little more than nod before moving on.

Bruce just smiles big and fake and pretends like he doesn't want to die.

Red Hood looks at his gun with wistfullness, while Nightwing does an unnecessary amount of acrobatics along the chandeliers above them just to land next to him and pat him on the shoulder.

Later, an anonymous commenter spoke about hearing Damian Wayne whisper to himself, "I hate this fucking family," as Timothy Drake-Wayne (who appeared miraculously safe and sound) gave him a nod of agreement.

idk why everyone keeps thinking that Bruce Wayne guy could be The Batman. Dude looks like he collects puffles on club penguin.

hc that outside Gotham Bruce Wayne is a stony businessman that has a tough and scary exterior while in gotham #whatwillbruciedonext? is a real and constantly trending tag. if he gets interviewed by people from outside gotham he's Mr. Wayne, a CEO with an iron fist and a unshakable façade while in Gotham he's Brucie Wayne who once fought a revolving door and lost.

If your sibling is a rogue then make the best of it

I would like to think that Jason is very Hondo Onakha about kidnapping, very dramatic, fairly polite/chill to the one he kidnapped, minimal trauma, very professional overall but also very theatrical. Out of anyone in Gotham to have as your kidnapper, Jason aka the Red Hood is by far the very best person.

ALL of Jason's family whether they be legal, biological, emotional, or honorary, will absolutely try to convince Jason to kidnap them to get them out of some stupid civilian event. Whether or not Jason will go along with it will depend on several factors such as:

Does this benefit Bruce and get him out of a boring civilian event too? Then so sorry, you're just going to have to suffer!

How busy is Jason at the moment? Because being a drug lord and vigilante is actually pretty time consuming and kidnapping can be a lot of work for potentially very little gain.

What does Jason get out of it? Yes money is all well and good but Jason is rich by his own merits and can just steal from Bruce whenever, there's got to be more to it!

When is the last time Jason has kidnapped this sibling? He can't do it too often or it gets less effective. He has a reputation to maintain after all!

It may also depend on which sib is asking and what they need to be "saved" from.

Dick asks to be kidnapped from a bachelor auction charity? Ha! No chance, sorry Dickie! He will be there though and take pictures and laugh. (And also join all the other siblings who are stalking Dick and the winner of the auction in the event the winner wasn't one of the Bats or an invited member of the JL or Titans using Bruce's money) Dick asking to be kidnapped from a gala or some opening night of trendy place he's at to maintain civilian status? Maybe but the bribe has to be considerable. And it cannot benefit Bruce. Dick's normal bribes consist of taking some tedious part of an investigation over for Jason or getting intel from JL databases for Jason and the Outlaws.

Cass? Anytime and always, favorite sister who can beat him up has special kidnapping privileges, though they did stop for a very long time when some weirdos put out the theory that the Red Hood was in love with Gotham's Princess. (idk if Cass is considered Gotham's Princess in any version of canon but she is to me) Cass does still repay Jason in the form of Black Bat keeping an eye on Jason's territory when he's out of Gotham for any significant length of time.

Tim? He does owe the kid for several incidents and Tim normally doesn't abusive the privilege so he'd probably do it but there does have to be some sort of bribe for appearances sake. Tim usually gets Jason to agree in exchange for pictures of Batman tripping over his cape or in some other ridiculous position. Bonus in Jason's mind if Tim requests a kidnapping when Bruce is off world or otherwise occupied, therefore giving Brucie Wayne's reputation a hit. However if Tim wants to be kidnapped from something where Bruce is also suffering as Brucie, Tim is SOL (Tim might get revenge by getting Kon to wear Red Hood gear and "kidnap" Tim from the event if Jason refused. Kon will do it because Tim asked and also I would like to think that Kon isn't too fond of the guy who beat his best friend/boyfriend nearly to death and will mess with him if given the chance) Since kidnapping normally interferes with things that Tim wants to do however, he may instead bribe Jason to not kidnap a sibling that has asked to be kidnapped. Jason usually obliges this no kidnapping request.

Barbara? Sorry, no, he doesn't want to stress the Commissioner like that. He will, however, kidnap other people for her if she asks.

Stephanie? No Stephanie, he doesn't care what you offer, he's not kidnapping you so you can avoid your finals! Stephanie has, however, worn various wigs and been various hostages who died at the hands of the Hood in order to maintain his reputation. She gets paid in baked goods for her service.

Damian? Damian considered the idea ridiculous and proclaimed he'd never stoop so low and he would carry out his duties no matter how onerous! Damian then had to go to a Gotham gala. Damian is trying very hard to figure out a suitable bribe to get the Red Hood to kidnap him often enough that Bruce will be forced to keep Damian away from galas because of the ongoing security threat. So far it hasn't worked because Damian is very bad at bribing Jason, Jason thinks Damian forced to interact with normal people is funny, and Tim is successfully bribing Jason to ignore Damian's bribery attempts. The Red Hood has "kidnapped" Damian once, as a treat, when he thought the kid was looking particularly down about something.

Duke? Duke has yet to be made to attend any society gatherings as the solo Wayne (normally that falls to Bruce, Dick, or Tim) and can usually be spotted hanging out with Cass by the snack table at any gala or trendy event. He's not at Cass's level of reading body language but he's pretty darn good and he and Cass have reached a new level of being able to avoid annoying rich people while at parties. Duke is Cass's favorite gala buddy. Duke hasn't felt the need to ask Jason to kidnap him yet but Jason will allow the first one to be free of charge, no questions asked. After that Duke hasn't figured out suitable bribes for Jason but has realized that all of his siblings are hyper competitive and that Jason would absolutely wager a kidnapping in a competition or for a bet.

Alfred? If Alfred asked then Jason would without any caveat. Alfred will not ask however but might ask on behalf of someone else and Jason will comply.

Bruce? Jason just laughs. And if someone else is planning on kidnapping Brucie Wayne from a particularly boring business meeting or gala? Jason will actively thwart the kidnapping to force Bruce to continue to deal with social activity.

Jason usually splits a portion of the ransom money into bonuses for his goons since their original job outline is drug dealer/enforcer/mobster and not kidnapper. If they're going to get major felonies on their records, better make it financially worth it. All of Jason's goons are masked during any kidnapping event. The rest of the ransom money goes towards a charity of Jason's choosing.

Jason has also kidnapped people who are not his family or family adjacent. Barbara thought her dad could use a vacation at one point but he didn't have the PTO for it so Barbara had the Red Hood kidnap him. James Gordon experienced the weirdest kidnapping of his life that included some of the best food he'd ever eaten, an extremely soft bed, his pile of books that were on his reading list, and access to the sports games he'd meant to watch. The ransom was successfully paid after he had a week to relax. Gordon was then, as per protocol, allowed time to relax after his "harrowing" event. Barbara forced him to take the time. Strangely enough, some politicians who had been giving the Commissioner a hard time were suddenly very quiet when James Gordon came back, well rested, well fed, and ready to get back to the grind. It, of course, had nothing to do with the very polite emails with pictures attached that they all received while the Commissioner was very publicly out of the way.

Oliver Queen, when he was visiting Gotham, was kidnapped by the Red Hood. He was released after the ransom was paid and specifically he was released back in Star City. Mr. Queen was unavailable for comment after the incident but some sources say that he was cursing bats for some reason.

Lois Lane found herself kidnapped by Red Hood and ransomed by the Daily Planet while Superman was off world. Lois Lane returned safely to Metropolis and published a shocking expose on Luthor's latest scheme. Her sources for the article remain a secret.

Bruce is very grumpy about the whole thing, not just because Jason won't help his poor father get out of the stupid social event, but also because Jason being technically a rogue like this makes it very hard for him to successfully argue that Jason should let himself regain legal living status.

batman AU where everything is the same, exept that the Al Ghuls are the official royal family of the soverain city state of Nanda Parbat.

Like, its a very small country, but a powerful one and absolutely fuckall is known about their royal family, or the nation itself bc it's impossible to send spies inside without never hearing from them again. Nobody, exept for immidiate family even realizes that Damian is an actual crown prince of an actual country.

Like, just, him, on twitter. and then someone makes a joke about him and the way he is so overly formal in public. And Damian is like, 'yeah, I'm representing my whole country here, I'm the crown prince of my nation', and the person on twitter is like...

'Wat?'

And then Dick comes in the comments like. 'Look up the royal liniage of Nanda Parbat before you embarras yourself, I am begging you.' que a small twitter freakout bc holy shit, the youngest Wayne kid is actual fucking royalty, also, apparently Brucie Wayne fucked a princess, what's up with that?

the consequences this would have. Imagine this. They're at a gala, and IDK Black Mask shows up to rob/kidnap/kill them. The hired security never stood a chance. Bruce is there and is already making plans to slip out, and appear as batman.

interestingly enough, Damian is not making similar plans.

Damian just waits.

No more then two seconds later, at least 12 shadows crash trough the roof and absolutely massacre everyone there. No mercy, just murder, before making a protective ring around Damian, who is still completely cool and composed.

The cops try and make a stink about the 2 dozen dead henchmen and the dead Black Mask, but Crown Prince Damian just calmly walks over and tells commissioner Gordon that these were his body guards, and are therefore allowed to do these things if they judge it to be in favor of the crown prince's safety.

Nobody can really argue with that.

Two days later, at school, there are some upperclassmen who are being bitches, and are like. 'Where are your bodyguards now?'

'Just because you can't see them, doesn't mean they're not here.'

And a red dot appears on the boys forehead.

I just think it would be really funny if Damian Al Ghul was a genuine prince, in an official, international way. PS.

Even better if the Al Ghul's adopt Jason along the way, and Jason just, straight up also becomes a prince. He's not blood related tho, so he's still in line behind Damian, even though he is the oldest.

That would be insanity. After the Black mask fiasco, Jason just orders the shadows around like. 'okay, after we're done here, escort the crown prince to the secure location.' or whatever.

Someone films it. It goes viral.

People are like; 'what the fuck, why can you order them around like that.'

And Jason is like; 'I am the second prince, therefore, by tradition, the General. The Nanda Parbat fighting forces are under my command.'

and all of twitter is like; ????????

Do you see my vision here???

Alright new Brucie Wayne headcanon time.

We all know the classic “airheaded Brucie Wayne doesn’t understand the prices of everyday objects because of his wealth” take. We also generally know that even as Bruce Wayne he probably still has a fairly skewed understanding of what counts as affordable due to being in the rich part of the city. Realistically even as Batman he probably objectively knows what the economy of Gotham looks like for the most part but is still a little out of touch due to basically never going into a supermarket.

Now for the twist, what if during those years away training and basically becoming Ryu from Streets, he did end up learning the price of commodities like food and clothes, BUT he only knows it for other countries currency.

Imagine if that knowledge casually translated to Brucie, where he’s giving an interview or he’s on a tv show like jeopardy or family feud, and they ask him some question like “How much do you think it costs to buy 8 apples?” And Brucie Wayne just pulls out some random currency to approximate it. Almost nobody knows what the current exchange rate is between these different currencies off the top of their head and Brucie doesn’t seem to be able to convert it either.

It becomes a whole thing, where anytime someone asks Brucie how much something cheap costs he’ll answer in any other currency besides the U.S. Dollar.

Now imagine if someone decided to specify that his answer needs to be in USD, he just takes a moment stares off into the distance and when they decide to finally ask if he’s alright he just goes “oh no sorry, I just needed to convert it. It’d be about x amount of money USD.” Just completely blowing the concept that yes, Brucie Wayne is capable of converting between these random currency exchange rates off the top of his head, yes he can do math mentally, and yes he knows what the price of these everyday goods are, but only in other countries, thereby proving previous claims, that he was just getting lucky pulling random numbers off the top of his head, were false.

Even more remarkable is sometimes when it’s looked into, the only places with prices as low as Brucie suggests in that particular currency are basically slums which brings up a whole new slew of questions, like “WHY DOES BRUCIE WAYNE SEEM INTIMATELY FAMILIAR WITH THE SLUM PRICES OF THIS TINY TOWN IN ANOTHER COUNTRY”

Just adds a whole new dimension of lore to Brucie Wayne that Gothamites could go nuts over.

What if Bruce gets caught in scandals on purpose to get the press’ attention off his kids

He screams look at me! So those vultures won’t try to pick pieces off his kids to monetize

Like they did when he was a kid, grieving his parents, and reporters only saw him as a ticket to profit with their yellow journalism

They asked him if he saw the light go out of his parents’ eyes, how much blood there was, if he wanted to kill the person who killed them

And he had no protection, none. Alfred tried his best but he didn’t have the resources to go against the press

But as an adult Bruce can and he won’t let them put his kids what they put him through

What if everyone in Gotham knows who Batman is? They all know, they just don’t say anything. It’s not something that is spoken of or acknowledged in any way, other than the occasional glance or shared look of understanding. But they all know. Except for Brucie Wayne. Lord bless their himbo sunshine child, but he seems to be the only person in Gotham that doesn’t know who Batman is. He must be protected at all costs.

Everyone in Gotham knows who Batman is. (They’re wrong)

I love Bruce I do but he just goes on and on about “morals” and “criminality”. And it’s like Brucie, babe, you’re harshing the vibe, we had a good thing going here.

When did Bruce Wayne become brucie?

I know there’s already been some hcs about Bruce Wayne going on a DC universe version of SNL but I just need to play it out for y’all

The whole bit is that this is the first time Brucie has ever taken anything so serious in his life, like the promo clip where he’s awkwardly standing with the music guest and a cast mate is basically like “I went to this thing called a meeting yesterday, have you guys ever heard of those before?? Wild!!” And Alfred makes a cameo in his opening monologue where he hands him his script on a silver platter.

But the thing that drives his family crazy is that he actually does a skit where he IS Batman. And they’re all freaking out because like holy shit Bruce there’s walking the line and using it as a jump rope. And he won’t elaborate on any of the specifics just that he actually pitched the idea himself.

The skit is basically just “what if Bruce Wayne was Batman” and it’s him trying to stop a mugging, but he immediately takes a tumble (his Instagram story hinted at stunt training and everyone had their theories, but it all being so that he could do a Buster Keaton-esque stunt is so much better). He freaks out at the sound of some warning fire and immediately surrenders despite the mugger really being equally afraid of him, and then a Villain of the Week captures him with ease, and he flirts the entire time he’s being dragged away.

He fucking kills it for someone without an acting background (to most people’s knowledge) and from that point on it’s a running joke/meme for gothamites to post or talk about what Bruce Wayne Batman would do in place of regular Batman

I was focussing more on the Brucie / Batman identity crisis, not the power rings

I see (and love) plenty of fics where Batman reveals his identity to the Justice League by Batman taking off the cowl in various situations

But why isn't there more of Bruce Wayne having to go 'fuck it' and Go Batman In Civvies?

Like Brucie Wayne is your civilian hostage doing his best big, dumb and useless impression.

Members of the Justice League come in but keep getting incapacitated/captured.

Finally a hero is about to die and Bruce Wayne just sighs heavily because apparently he has to fucking do this himself.

Several members of the Justice League just like-

"Holy shit, Bruce Wayne just bit a guy he's gonna get himself killed. Oh shit, actually he just kicked that guy's kneecap in- oh what the fuck, did he just dislocate his thumb to get out of his zipties?"

"Am I insane or are you guys also seeing Bruce Wayne wipe the floor with armed criminals? Where the fuck did he- did he just pull that batarang out of his sock???"

He rounds on them with Hal's Lantern Ring that he just pulled out of an unconscious guys pocket and brandishes it like an angry mom who just found contraband in their kids room.

Bruce, so pissed he reverts to lingo he's heard his children use: I cannot BELIEVE you barged in here and let these amateurs just...just...YOINK your ring!!

GL, sputtering: Wh- I didn't- they didn't yoink it-

Bruce: they yoinked it, Hal! Straight up yoinked it!!!

GL: How do you know my name?!

Bruce: Of course I know your name!! IM BATMAN

DPXDC Scandal Family

We all know about Brucie Wayne and his endless supply of poorly adjusted children, but a new billionaire family is taking the tabloids by storm- The Masters Brood.

Entrepreneurial billionaire and super fan of the Green Bay Packers, Vlad Masters recently adopted the children of his late college classmates, Madelyn and Jack Fenton in the wake of their tragic deaths. Two daughters and two sons, the oldest named Jasmine and the other three oddly named Dan, Danny and Danielle- the children have caused multiple scenes in public, from brawling with each other to harassing their adoptive father in public.

Masters himself only seems all too amused with the antics and often participates in the more harmless acts of tomfoolery like sneaking stickers onto the back of guests' heads and making light work of refreshment tables.

In the face of this new found family, will Brucie Wayne and his children be able to maintain their title as America's weirdest billionaires, or will that status be swept out from beneath them?

-

Looking grimly at the screen of his laptop, Dick Grayson considers his options. "Looks like we're really going to have to step up our game- hey Jason! How do you feel about coming back to legal life?"

desperately hoping they give us bimbo bruce in the next movie

the only question is if he’ll be a twink or him i bc mr pattinson doesn’t want to work out for the role

desperately hoping they give us bimbo bruce in the next movie

i mean like in the public eye b/himbo bruce wayne not batman, they gave us emo bruce which makes sense but he can’t stay emo in the public eye and be batman he’d be found out too like immediately

desperately hoping they give us bimbo bruce in the next movie

Funniest possible stance for Brucie Wayne to publically take is a firmly-rooted belief that Batman doesn't exist.

"I've never once been rescued by this so-called hero and I've been kidnapped 14 times already this year."

"Why would the police summon him with a giant lantern? Wouldn't that make more sense for Mothman?"

"I know what you can do with Photoshop, these doctored pictures can't fool me! Tim's a whiz with photos, have you seen his latest exhibit..?"

"Vigilantism is illegal, you can't do that."