Drifting Apart - Tumblr Posts
Vent
my body hurts and everything hurts, I feel like I'm back to square one. I had a friend group of 4(including me), it grew gradually over the years but it was always us four in the center of it, we were inseperable until we weren't. my first friend (who i created the friend group with) dropped me, then a year later I was slowly drifting apart from another, (reminder these friends are/were pratically my brothers) and then I made a really nice friend, i trusted him with my life, then he js ghosted me, and so I was so everything about that, and then on the last day of school sumn happened between me n my friend group (im also the only female in it, they make sexist and racist jokes wow im remembering how toxic they were jesus) me sobbing, them teasing me, etc, and it was so like, idk, because I was sobbing and he did nothing. I had noone else to trust (Except 1 online friend) at the time and he did nothing. that was the last day of school and none of them ever reached out to contact me and apologize, i bet a few of them would if they had my info but none of them did, I ended on good terms with one because we talked at the end of the day, he was always better than most of them tbf. anyway, the one i trusted, my best friend, basically my brother, just like left me. after all we went through, years and years and years, didn't care. I hate him so much but I hate myself for hating him. I don't know who I am without any of them, and it's hard to say who I'll hang out with in the next school year. I feel like im noone at this point, just everything about me, gone and wasted, I don't know, it's all so js fucked. the 4 of us said we would grow up and live together, the 4 of us, happy, or atleast live across/next to eachother. i hate it all, i feel like this is my fault but i know its not. but it could be. maybe i just like unattract people, this always happens to me. every time, i dont think i'll ever know why because each time i do something different. I could be your comfort friend, the friend who trauma dumps, the person who fucking follows you around like a dog. and i'll still get dropped, kicked out on the street left for rats to eat. (hey that rhymes). its so fucked, idk who i am or what i am or what i'll do. I wanna go back to them, I wanna, I shouldn't but I know if I have the option I will. I'm scared. for me. for me and him. for everything and everyone. I'm tired. and it all just hit me. if you've read this far I appreciate you, thank you. (guys ignore the tags please im not edgy bart simpson wallpaper kid please I beg of u)
A different type of hurt.
it's a different type of hurt watching someone you knew online who you said you were gonna meet up with one day drift apart from you, checking back on their profile every now and then and then seeing how they're discovering new parts of themselves, sexuality, gender, identity etc, and it's weird having them never tell you about it, because you know back then they would've told you. You can't even ask about it because you haven't talked to them in months and you're not apart of their life anymore. You can't do anything except sit back and watch the person you once knew change and grow through merely pixels now, not even their voice itself telling you about it. You guys used to be inseperable, playing games together, planning to meet up, just for it to all be ruined by time zones and getting grounded, you don't feel the desire to meet up with them anymore, you hardly feel the need to talk to them. despite all that, you'll always feel the need to think about them. to think back. what do i mean I've been through multiple hyperfixations, grounded multiple times, sobbed multiple times, been ghosted multiple times, broke up with someone, had crushes multiple times, got new pets multiple times and never told you about it?
Bitch I'm always nice if you feel us drifting apart that's on you hun