Wanna Die - Tumblr Posts
the worst feeling is when you feel like shit but you have no one to talk to to express how shitty you feel so you just have to suffer in silence.
me at the beginning: 💓🌸✨🌷🍥
me right now wanna DIE. i was so immersed in the whole cuteness that i totally forgot abt the title, the warnings :))))) i forgot the possible pain this would caused me 😭
omg, i’m devastated.
RED | JJK (2/3)
Summary: You drunkenly sleep with your ex-boyfriend, Jungkook. Can’t be that bad right? Unless he gets you pregnant.
Pairing: Jungkook x Female reader
Genre: FLUFF, smut, angst:(( pregnancy au
Word Count: 10k (twc:44k)
Warnings: swearing, alcohol consumption, mentions of oral (fem and male rec.), mention of drunk sex, tatted!Jk, pierced!Jk, pregnant oc, self conscious oc, oral (fem rec.) vaginal fingering, multiple orgasms, pregnancy sex, slow sex, lots of kissing, character death, loss, mentions of blood.
Notes: Here’s a little something:) pls don’t hate me lol.
© taestefully-in-luv
Previous --- Next
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
Week 14
Thankfully, the queasiness has subsided, you finally feel like a functioning human being again. You are getting ready for work when you realize your pants barely fit, they won’t fucking button. You’re definitely showing now. This means people are going to know for sure you are pregnant, and you guess you have to have no shame.
Jungkook 7:42am
Hello you are officially in your second trimester:)))
Jungkook 7:44am
Our baby can squint her little eyes now…she can also frown. Not saying I want her to frown because I don’t want my baby to be sad but imagine? How cute? She would be? With a little? Frown on her face?
Jungkook 7:45am
She’s also the size of a lemon:)
You can’t help but giggle at Jungkook’s texts. You have to admit, he has been very great the last few weeks. He’s always attentive, always communicating and even said no to a night of partying with your friends to stay in with you since you were feeling tired. But your friends miss you and you promised tonight you guys could all chill at your apartment.
Jungkook 7:50am
Also tonight, I am making lemon squares to celebrate our baby being the size of a lemon.
y/n 7:50am
Ew, pls don’t do that.
Jungkook 7:52am
Listen I don’t like it either but we must. For her.
You laugh as you walk out to your car, your phone in your hands as you read his message. Jungkook’s cute. Really cute. His messages always make you heart flutter, and your hands pool with sweat. But you have to remember his kindness isn’t because he has like, feelings for you but because you are quite literally carrying his baby.
You wonder if he is still seeing Liza…you aren’t sure what they are but he says it’s nothing serious. You guess you’ll have to believe him. It makes sense though, doesn’t it? He wouldn’t do serious with you either.
Work goes by slowly, probably because you are so excited for tonight. All 7 boys will be in your apartment and you cannot wait.
~
“Hi baby, hi baby, hi baby.” Taehyung coos at your stomach, his hands wrapped around you.
“Okay, we get it.” Jungkook rolls his eyes, tugging Taehyung off of you.
“What?” Taehyung whines. “I’m just so excited. I bet you talk to her all the time, the baby, not y/n.”
“I…” In truth, Jungkook does not talk to your stomach, he finds it…kind of…embarrassing.
“Okay, no more touching or talking to my stomach.”
“Unless you’re me.” Jungkook raises his hand. “Right?” he looks over at you with doe eyes.
“Fine,” You roll your eyes with a smirk, “No more touching or talking to my stomach unless you’re..” you gesture towards Jungkook as he stands here proudly.
“You two sure haven’t gotten close.” Yoongi says quietly, sipping a whiskey water. You sit down next to him on the sofa and you bump shoulders with him.
“He may be my baby’s daddy, but you’ll always be my number one.” You half joke. You miss the way Yoongi’s cheeks turn rosy.
“Yeah, yeah. Whatever.” He bumps your shoulder back. “Have you guys decided on names?”
“We haven’t even discussed it.” You say honestly. “I think that can wait a little longer.”
“I know you guys are coparenting and stuff…but I’m still here for you.”
“I know, Yoongs.” You smile, “I feel very supported. Everything has been running so smoothly.”
“Doesn’t that scare you?” Yoongi all but whispers.
“What do you mean?”
“That everything is so perfect that something is going to happen.”
“W-Why would you say that!!” you punch his arm and he chuckles.
“I’m just messing with you.” He lies. “Everything is going to be perfect.”
You and Yoongi continue to chat on the sofa, Jungkook is chatting with Namjoon about parenting tips. Namjoon isn’t even a dad? Jin, Jimin, Taehyung and Hobi all play a video game, sitting criss crossed apple sauce on your living room floor.
You notice Jungkook’s eyes falling on you throughout the night, the same way he used to when you two were in the same place before he got you pregnant. It feels all too familiar. You rise from the couch and head towards your small kitchen, you reach for a glass and pour yourself some cold water. Not even 30 seconds pass before Jungkook is walking into the kitchen and leaning against the counter.
“How you feeling? Tired yet? I can tell everyone to go home…and we can watch a movie or something.”
“If I’m kicking them out you’re going with them.” You laugh, “And no, I feel fine.”
“So, what have you and Yoongi been talking about?” his eyes slide to the side, “You guys have really kept to yourselves all night.”
“Just chatting.” You say nonchalantly. “Why?”
“I just know the other boys want to spend time with you too, seems like Yoongi is kind of hogging you.” He bites his lips nervously.
“Hogging me? I am talking to the others as well! But you guys are playing games and I don’t really feel like it, and Yoongi doesn’t either so.”
“I wasn’t trying to say…ugh…” Jungkook continues to chew on his lips, “It’s fine.”
“Of course it’s fine?” you walk closer to him, you can smell his detergent.
Jungkook runs a frustrated hand through his hair as he finds the words to say to you.
“What’s going on Jungkook?” you inch closer and closer, “I know you’ve been watching me a lot tonight. Are you worried about the baby?” you ask, looking up into his dark eyes.
“It’s…” he tries to talk but his words get lost on his tongue…you reach for his hand and place it over your belly.
“See? She’s here. She’s alright.” You rub his hand over your clothed stomach and he slowly closes his eyes.
“Do you think she can feel me?” he whispers.
“Well, I don’t know about that.” You giggle. “but maybe she can hear you. Do you want to try talking to her?”
“No…” he says quietly. “That’s okay.”
“Come on, Jungkook. She wants to hear her daddy.”
Jungkook can’t help the deep blush that arrives on his face, he gulps as he nods his head. He's turned so red and you love it. He bends down until he’s face to face with your stomach and breathes in and out a few times trying to collect himself.
“Hi princess.” He decides to say. “It’s me. Ummm, your papa.” He keeps rubbing your stomach in soothing circles. “Mama is here too…well duh, but uh…I hope you look like her.” He looks up at you and smiles, you scoff playfully.
“She’s so pretty and I know you will be pretty just like her.” He says softly, “I promise I will love you so much…and take care of you and mama.” His eyes go back down to your stomach. “I’m going to be the best dad in the world. I promise you.” Then surprising you, he leans forward and kisses your stomach.
“Oh.” You hear Jimin’s voice interrupt this sweet moment, “you guys are doing cute shit. I will come back later.”
“No, no, no.” Jungkook is quick to stand straight again and turn a million shades of red. “We were just…we’re done.”
You chuckle as you step away from him and you gesture for Jimin to come into the kitchen.
“Beer?” you ask, already looking in your fridge for one for your friend.
“Please.” Jimin stands here awkwardly, “You guys really are cute.” He winks towards Jungkook and Jungkook turns even redder.
Week 15
You stand here in the mirror as you moisturize your stomach, you are trying your best to avoid stretch marks but you know they are natural and almost inevitable. Your phone starts buzzing and you already know who is texting you.
You would be dumb if you couldn’t admit that you are Jungkook are growing closer and closer thanks to your growing baby. But you won’t let yourself grow too hopeful.
Jungkook 9:18pm
Hows my little apple doing? The baby, not you. She’s the size of an apple, can you believe it!:)
Jungkook 9:20pm
She is forming…taste buds! How cool is that, so make sure you eat lots of foods she likes ;)
y/n 9:30pm
I’m going to be up for a while…horrible heartburn. Your little apple is killing me!
Jungkook 9:31pm
Should I come keep you company?
y/n 9:31pm
hmm texting me is enough.
Jungkook 9:32pm
But what If I want to keep you company..
y/n 9:33pm
I look ugly right now lol.
Jungkook 9:34pm
I refuse to believe that. You are the most beautiful girl.
Jungkook 9:34pm
Or woman? Should I call you a woman? You are carrying a child.
y/n 9:35pm
You can call me whatever you want
Jungkook 9:35pm
Oh?;)
y/n 9:36pm
I take that back you ruin everything
Jungkook 9:37pm
:( hey don’t be mean…so lemme come over.
y/n 9:45pm
fine
You rush to apply a little make up and change into some fresh PJ’s. Why are you trying so hard? You don’t know, he’s your ex, and also your baby daddy. You want to at least look presentable.
You sit and wait on your couch until finally there is knocking on your front door.
“Hi.” You say as you swing the door open, “Wait, what’s that?” you point at a bag he is holding. He lifts it up and jingles it around.
“Ice cream.”
“Ice cream?”
“Yeah. I’ve seen you eat a lot of ice cream lately, figured it was one of your cravings.” He shrugs. But you’re confused, you have not eaten ice cream lately and then it hits you.
“That’s gravy.” You say with a straight face. “I have been eating straight up white gravy.”
“W-What…” Jungkook walks through the front door, “Please tell me you are kidding. And that you aren’t feeding our baby gravy. Plain fucking gravy.”
“I wish I could lie to you, Jungkook.” You smile, “but you know I am as honest as they come.”
“You are so…” he shows you a disturbed expression, “…disgusting.”
“I can’t help what I want.” You pout, “Don’t judge me, I am also overly emotional so you will probably hurt my feelings quite easily.”
“Okay, well no hurting your feelings.” Jungkook sets the bag on your kitchen counter, “But you’ll still eat ice cream right?”
“Oh hell to the yeah.” You reach for a tub and head towards the drawers for a spoon. “I will eat anything at this point.”
“That’s good to hear.” He grins at you, “Want to watch a movie?”
“Yes.” You start heading towards your couch, plopping down on one end. Jungkook follows you and sits down on the other end.
“Actually…” Jungkook begins to speak up but he loses his words somewhere along the way.
“Actually what?”
“Can I sit….ah, nothing.”
“Jungkook just tell me.” You open the lid on the ice cream and start digging in.
“Maybe sometime during the movie I can….” He scoots a little closer to you, “I can…” his eyes slide to the side.
“Words, Jungkook.” You say as you eye him over, he looks nervous. But why?
“Maybe I can rub your belly.”
Your eyes widen at his words and you feel your heart start beating a little faster.
“I want to touch you.” He finally says in one breath.
“Me?” you point at yourself. “You want to feel my baby bump?”
“That’s what I mean, yes.” He clears his throat. “I want to feel closer to her.”
“Ah, I see.” Your heart continues thumping wildly in your chest, “Sure, come here.” You set the ice cream down and lean back on the couch.
“You can get comfortable…you can lay on me.” Jungkook offers you his lap.
“You sure?” you ask as you are already laying your head down on his thighs, you put your feet up and turn your head to look up at him. “This is okay?”
Jungkook swallows down his nerves as he nods his head yes. His right hand reaches for your stomach, he starts rubbing soothing circles. And his other hand plays with your hair.
“This is nice.” You breathe out, “Relaxing.”
“Yeah.” Jungkook agrees, “It feels nice feeling this close to you.” Then he is widening his eyes, “You know, the baby.”
“Both are nice.” You say, your eyes still closed. “Here, lift my shirt.” You begin lifting your shirt up and exposing your swollen belly to Jungkook. He exhales a deep breath and smiles at the sight.
“You can feel her better this way. She should be kicking soon.”
“How soon?”
“Any day now.”
“Then I need to spend every day with you because I am not missing my baby’s first kicks.” He half jokes, but you know he is half serious.
“Fine by me.” You admit softly, “If you want.”
Week 16
Jungkook has spent the last week with you, barely going to his own place purely because he wants to be with you when the baby kicks. But he hates that it might happen while you two are at work.
Jungkook 3:58pm
Hows my little avocado? Kicking yet? I swear I will leave work just to feel.
y/n 4:32pm
I will let you know Jungkook.
Jungkook 4:40pm
Maybe her dad needs to talk to her, get her to kick.
y/n 4:52pm
oh? I’ll be home in 30, you can talk to our stubborn lil avocado then:)
Jungkook 5:42pm
Be at your place in 5
You have changed out of your work clothes and begin drawing yourself a bubble bath, Jungkook can just let himself in. You send him a text letting him know to just walk through the front door when he gets here. You dip inside the tub, covering yourself with a million bubbles and soak in the warm water.
You hear Jungkook announce his arrival, the front door opening and closing quickly. You’re really hoping he brought food with him because you are starved. You continue to soak in your tub when you feel it. You feel like something is squirming inside you. Honestly, kind of freaks you out but then you see it. The kicking of your child.
“Jungkook!!!! Jungkook!!! Come here!” you yell for him over and over and he is quick to burst through your bathroom door, worry draped over his features.
“What?! Are you okay?! Did something happen???” he comes to you, his hands cupping your face gently but then he’s confused when he sees you smiling.
“Hurry! Hurry!” You take his hand and guide it towards your bubbly stomach, “She’s kicking!”
At this Jungkook lights up, his eyes traveling down to your belly, he cups you in his large hand and starts rubbing your belly softly.
“Come on princess, kick for papa.” He whispers. “Come on…” he waits with excited eyes. You look fondly at the scene in front of you, you go to cup his hand with your own and start talking to your daughter as well.
“Kick for mommy and daddy.” You say, “Come on my love.”
“Yeah, come on.” Jungkook smile begins to fade. “She must be being stubborn again, she obviously gets that from you.” He teases but you can tell he is actually sad.
“Just keep talking to her.” You urge, “She will kick, you will feel it I promise.” You squeeze his hand.
“Okay…” Jungkook looks back down at your bubbly tummy, he wipes some of the bubbles away and traces his fingers over your skin.
“Want to hear a funny story about your mom?” he talks to your stomach, “When we had our first anniversary, she totally and completely forgot!” he laughs, “I thought she was so mean for that, that she didn’t take our relationship seriously.”
You grow warm at the memory.
“She remembered when I brought out a cake at the restaurant that had a 1 on it. But even then she looked at me like what the heck is going on?” he starts chuckling harder. “I was honestly so hurt. But then she definitely made up for it that night.” He looks up at you and winks.
“Hey! That’s inappropriate!” you laugh.
“But I was so, so in love with her I didn’t even care that she forgot.” He says quietly, “I still—”
“She’s kicking!!!” you scream, “Do you feel it?!”
“Oh my god!” Jungkook jumps up excitedly, his hands never leaving your stomach. His entire face lights up and he looks so genuinely happy. That it melts your heart. He has been waiting and waiting for this moment and it’s finally here.
“Do you feel that?” he asks you, his voice high pitched and excited. “She’s really kicking!”
“That’s our little avocado.” You smile for him and he feels absolutely smitten by your smile.
Week 17
You read you are supposed to avoid sleeping on your back, but it’s so, so hard. You keep tossing and turning from side to side but you really want to sleep on your back.
You have plans with Yoongi in the morning so you really need to get some sleep but you’re so uncomfortable.
The morning comes by way faster than you wanted, you got almost no sleep. You get up though and get ready for the day, deciding on a nice, flowy dress that shows off your pregnant tummy. You drive to the café you’re meeting Yoongi at and wait inside for him, lucky for you he doesn’t make you wait long.
“Hi.” He says sliding in the booth across from you. “You’re looking more and more pregnant every time I see you.”
“Well, that’s how it works.” You deadpan.
“How is the pregnancy going? Smoothly?”
“She’s the size of a turnip…or so Jungkook says.” You laugh, “I don’t really look it up, I just believe him.”
“Jungkook…” Yoongi whispers out, “Do you think you guys are getting back together?”
“I…” you set your menu down and look Yoongi in the eyes, “The Jungkook I have gotten to know during all this is a Jungkook I don’t mind being with. But it really isn’t up to me, now is it?”
“What do you mean?”
“He’s the one who doesn’t want to be with me.” You state plainly, “It’s really that simple. I’ve come to accept it, you know? We’re just going to be coparents.”
“And you’ll be satisfied with that?” Yoongi quirks a brow at you and you scoff.
“Obviously not.” You laugh, “A part of me…feels sad every time we are together. But like I said, I’ve accepted it.”
“Maybe you should move on?” Yoongi waves over the server, “Someone new?”
“Who’s going to want a pregnant chick? A single mom?”
Yoongi frowns because he…
“I don’t know.” He answers, then the server is coming to your table. “Coffee. Black.” He tells her and you just order a water and a fruit tart.
“I’m happy right now, just focusing on my daughter.”
“I’m going to laugh if it’s a boy.”
“It’ll be a girl, Jungkook has mother’s intuition.” You say with a straight face and Yoongi chuckles.
“When do you find out?”
“Next week.” You say excitedly. “Me and Jungkook will think of names after.”
“I hope you're happy y/n. And that only good things come from this.” He says with a smile. “You know I love you?”
“Of course, Yoongs.”
~~~~~
Week 18
Your appointment where you find out the sex of the baby is today. You can’t hide your excitement or your jitters. Jungkook is supposed to come pick you up…10 minutes ago. But you know he is on the way. Your phone starts buzzing with a string of texts, it’s Jungkook letting you know his is here.
You make your way down and he’s waiting for you outside his car.
“Ready?” he says with a grin.
“Why are you late?” you ask, your curiosity getting the best of you. “With Liza?”
Jungkook pulls his brows together in confusion.
“Liza? y/n I ended things with Liza a while ago.” He admits, “I just want to focus on you.” Then he clears his throat, “And the baby.”
“Oh?” you ask, but you can’t help the growing smile. “Well, let’s go find out what we already know, shall we?”
~
“It’s a ….” Kathy has your tummy gelled up and about to tell you the sex of your baby.
Jungkook stands at your side, his hand in yours as you both squeeze them in anticipation.
“A girl!”
“I knew it!” Jungkook jumps up and down, “Mother’s intuition is my bitch!!”
You can’t help the laughter that erupts from your swollen body, you go to squeeze Jungkook’s hand again.
“Everything else look good? Nice and healthy?”
“Nice and healthy.” Kathy repeats, “Healthy baby girl. Why don’t I go print out these pictures for you two?” You and Jungkook nod your heads frantically.
“Can you believe it?”
“Yes, actually.” You say, “I never doubted you.”
“Awh thanks.” He pats your head with his free hand. “This is amazing. Let’s talk names tonight?”
“Already making plans with me?”
“Always.” He grins, “You know I like spending time with you.”
“Okay!” Kathy comes back in, “Here’s for you.” She hands you some photos, “And for you.” She hands Jungkook his own. “Lou misses you y/n. He’s talked about having dinner…maybe you and Jungkook can come by the ho—”
“Uh, yeah. I can.” You look at her awkwardly, “Jungkook obviously doesn’t need to come.”
“Is it because you don’t want me to?” he asks, his expression gone serious. “I mean, I would love to go. It’s been a while since I’ve seen Uncle Lou. Although he probably isn’t happy with me.” Jungkook scratches the back of his neck.
“Somehow he is more excited than anything.” You say. “But if you want to go…maybe dinner tonight? I can call him and ask.”
“Oh!” Kathy lights up, “That’s a wonderful idea! I’ll call him right now.” Then she is taking out her phone and dialing for said man. You and Jungkook gaze at one another, your eyes lingering on his.
“What?” you crack a small smile.
“What?” Jungkook reaches for your hand again, “I can’t look at you?” He squeezes your hand in his, “I really hope she looks like you.” He whispers.
“Why? So you can have a reminder of me every time you look at her?” you joke but Jungkook nods his head and smiles sheepishly.
“Yes.” He responds honestly.
Kathy hangs up the phone and walks toward you two, making you both turn your heads towards her.
“Lou says he can do dinner tonight.”
~
It’s a 45 minutes car ride to Uncle Lou’s place, he lives in the countryside, says he hates the city folk. Classic Uncle Lou.
“Are you sure he doesn’t hate me?” Jungkook turns his head to face you as you two are at a stop light. “He probably wants to kick my ass?”
“Nah, he was excited it’s you.”
“Excited?”
“Yeah, in his mind we are totally going to get back together.” You roll your eyes with a timid smile and Jungkook nods his head slowly.
“He blames me for the breakup,” you tell him, “Says I pushed you, didn’t give you much of a choice. That you’re young and needed more time.” You look out the window.
“Oh.”
“Is he right?” you turn to face Jungkook. “Yoongi also blames me apparently.”
“The only two who have opinions that matter are me and you. And I don’t blame you.” Jungkook grips the steering wheel a little tighter, “Yes, you did push me into it.” He admits under his breath, “But I am at fault too. I was a coward.”
“How were you a coward?”
“I should have told you I loved you and would make it work, that no matter what I can be on the same page as you.”
“But that would have been a lie.” You frown. “You would have just said that to make me happy.”
“Maybe, yeah.” He admits softly, “But at least I would still be with you.”
“Is that….” You pause, biting your lips as you think of what to say. “You want to be with me?”
“y/n…We’re pulling up to Uncle Lou’s maybe we can finish this conversation tomorrow or something.” Jungkook mumbles.
“Sure.”
You two pull up to Lou’s place and find a parking spot in front of his house. It’s big, got red and orange bricks and you know it will smell like vanilla. Jungkook helps you out of the car and you both walk to the front door, you knock a few times but let yourself in.
“We’re here!” you announce your arrival when the short, mustached man comes bulldozing through. His face absolutely lights up when he spots you, he eyes your stomach and laughs.
“Your belly is about as big as mine!”
“Yes, yes. Ha-ha.” You hug him quickly, pulling away so he can take a look at you, a proper look.
“You look beautiful, you look like a superstar.”
“Hi Uncle Lou.” Jungkook awkwardly waves, “Nice to see you again.”
“Ah, Jungkook. Come here you rascal.” Uncle Lou puts Jungkook into a headlock while Jungkook giggles like a school child. “You’re the one who did this to my y/n?” Lou asks playfully.
“Guilty.” Jungkook continues giggling, “But you are right, she looks beautiful.”
Lou let’s go of Jungkook and hugs him properly, “She is, isn’t she?”
“Guys stop.” You say, suddenly feeling super embarrassed. “I’m right here.”
“So it’s official huh? You’re having a girl.” Uncle Lou ushers you to come into the living room and take a seat. “Thought of any names?”
“That’s next on our list of things to do.” You say shyly, “We probably will discuss on the ride home or tomorrow.”
“Ride home? Don’t be silly. You two will be sleeping here tonight.” Lou motions towards his spare room, “I doubt you two mind sharing a room.”
“Lou.” You say sternly, seeing right through his agenda. “We can drive home tonight just fine.”
“Ah, we will see, we will see.”
“I don’t mind staying, or sharing a room. We can talk baby names all night.” Jungkook looks at you with his big, doe eyes and you feel yourself give into him.
“Maybe.” You decide to say. “When’s Kathy getting here?”
“Should be here any moment now.” Lou turns around to look out the window, “Don’t worry, we won’t start dinner without her.”
“Does she still come for dinner every week?” you ask.
“Of course.”
“Uncle…when will you two just—”
“Don’t start that. I’m old, I’ve had my time and fair share of love. It’s you kids I’m worried about.” He points at you and Jungkook and he grows red.
“Lou.”
“Oh alright, alright.” He chuckles, “Kathy and I…maybe our time will come.”
“It could if you just made it happen.” You groan, “She won’t know how you really feel unless you tell her, or ask her out or I don’t know, something.”
“Is it that easy though?” You hear Jungkook whisper. “Just ‘ask her out’ is it that easy?”
“It should be.” You decide to say.
“But what if she doesn’t feel the same anymore?” Jungkook looks up at you. “What if too much time has passed between them and he missed his opportunity?”
“It’s Lou and Kathy.” You deadpan. “Too much time has passed but the feelings are there and anyone can see it.”
“Yeah, Jungkook.” Lou looks at him with soft eyes, “anyone can see it.”
“Anyway,” you look over at Lou, “What on the menu for tonight?”
~
“We really don’t have to stay here, if you’re too tired to drive, I can drive.” You offer weakly, your tired body tattle telling on you.
“Let’s sleep here. I was serious about talking about baby names all night. Even though I’m pretty set on the one I want.” He grins.
“You’ve already thought about a name?”
“Yeah. Since you got pregnant.” He admits sheepishly. “I haven’t said anything though but I finally want to run it by you.
“Since-Since I got pregnant?!” you close the door behind you two as you walk into the spare room. “And you kept it to yourself?”
“I wanted to wait for the right moment.” He pouts. “And I finally found it.”
“Okay what is it?”
“Wait until we are in bed.” He says. “Which side do you want?”
“You’re not sleeping on the floor?” you peel back the covers on the left side, “Like a gentlemen?”
“Oh.” Jungkook frowns, “I can if you want.”
“I’m only kidding. It’s just sharing a bed.” You shrug.
You slip underneath the covers and pull them up to your nose, they smell like vanilla like the rest of the house.
“Turn off the light when you can.” You tell Jungkook. He nods his head but first he reaches for the bottom of his shirt and begins lifting upwards.
“Woah, woah, woah.” You find a breath, “What are you doing?”
“Getting comfortable?” He tilts his head then he smirks, “Why? Does it remind you of the past?”
“Maybe.” You gulp. “I haven’t seen a naked man in a while.” You admit shyly and Jungkook snorts.
“What the hell y/n. I’m not getting naked. Just shirtless.”
“K. Been a while for that too.”
Jungkook laughs as he continues taking his shirt off, he throws it on the chair in the corner of the room.
“Not so bad right?”
“How did you get hotter?” you groan. “You got even more fit and here I am looking like a beached whale.”
Jungkook switches the light off before he’s getting into bed, he slides underneath the covers and scoots closer to the middle of the bed, closer to you.
“I happen to think you look very sexy.” He whispers to you, “Very beautiful.”
“You better think that, you’re the one who did this to me!” you whisper shout and he chuckles.
“I did do this to you.” His hand goes to your swollen belly, “I put a baby in you.” He says lowly, his voice gone down an octave.
“Yeah, you did.” Your hand goes to cup his, “So tell me. What’s the name?”
“Nari.” He says, rubbing your tummy. “It means lily. Which are the first flowers I ever bought you.”
“Ah.” You lightly squeeze his hand. “I love it.”
“Really?” he asks, his tone excited. “You’re not just saying that?”
“Our little Nari, she upgraded from random food to Nari.” You giggle and Jungkook joins you.
“We’re going to be the best parents ever.” Jungkook states confidently, “She has two parents that love her so much.”
“More than anything.” You look down at your stomach, Jungkook’s hands touching you.
“You know she’s the size of bell pepper?” Jungkook asks, “She’s growing so much.”
“Jungkook…” your hands go to his hands, you pull them away from your body and he looks confused.
“Yes?”
“It’s my fault isn’t it?” you ask, your breaths becoming a little unsteady. “The break up.”
“What’s best for you obviously isn’t me.” Jungkook hangs his head low, “You want someone who can offer marriage and kids. And that’s what you want.”
“Yes.” You reply quickly. But then your eyes are wetting with tears as you reach out for him. “But I want that person to be you.” You cry out.
“But that person isn’t me!” he grits. “So yes. Let’s breakup.” He says softly now, “You deserve everything you want y/n. And I’m sorry that person can’t be me.”
“Wait, wait.” You sob, “hold on, just hold on.” You clutch onto his shirt but he rips your hand away.
“Sorry y/n. But I can’t do this…not anymore.”
You start getting teary eyed thinking of the past, Jungkook senses your mood shift and his hands go to cup your face.
“I was a coward y/n. I didn’t break up with you because I didn’t love you. I thought I broke up with you because I did love you.”
“I pushed you into it.” You begin to quietly cry, “If I would have just shut up.”
“Baby don’t think that way.” He scoots closer to you, “It’s in the past now, our present is much better don’t you think?”
“What being friends with you? Coparenting?” you sniffle, “It’s nice but—”
“No.” his hand slides down your arm, “Too much time has passed but the feelings are there aren’t they?” he repeats the words from earlier, “y/n I never stopped…I never stopped lov—ugh.” He takes a deep breath again, “I never stopped loving you.” He squeezes his eyes shut, “The breakup was hard on me too. I coped differently than you, I partied a lot, slept around, so on and so forth.” He admits between bated breaths, “But you are the only thing I have thought about…until you told me you are pregnant. Now I think of you and her.”
You know you feel shocked and confused. You know you want to ask him a million things…like why is he only now telling you this but instead you lay here wide eyed, staring at his face in the dark and wondering why the fuck you aren’t kissing him.
“Jungkook.”
“Hm?” he opens his eyes to look at you, “What is it?”
“You’re still attracted to me…even like this?” you gesture towards your swollen body. Jungkook chuckles darkly, his eyes finding yours as his hand slides back up your arm to cup your jaw.
“I said you’re sexy.” He breathes out roughly, “Most beautiful woman I have ever seen.”
“Then why aren’t you kissing—”
His lips push against yours, the feeling is so soft, so tender. He stays on your lips for several seconds before he leans back away from you and brushes his thumb over your jaw.
“You know how long I have been wanting to do that?” Jungkook breathes against your lips, “You know how long I’ve wanted you again?”
“Jungkook…” your fingers spread across his broad chest, “I miss you.”
“I’m right here.”
“Even still, I miss you.” You lean forward until your lips are on his again, you peck his lips several times. “I was so sad without you…” you admit, leaning away from him.
“I was sad too baby. Sorry I was so immature half the times we met.” He awkwardly laughs, “And made you mad so many times.”
“You think you were only immature half the time?” you tease, “Why did you make me so mad all the time?”
“I don’t know…felt a little fun…to rile you up.” He chuckles, “Sorry, sorry.”
“I’m sorry for everything, Jungkook.” You say more seriously, “I was wrong…I should have just let things be. We were so happy. And I ruined it by bringing up things we didn’t even need to worry about.”
“No, no. I think that conversation was going to happen soon enough anyway. It’s normal for couples to think of that stuff…I just wasn’t there yet. I wasn’t ready.”
“And now you’re forced to be ready. I’m so sorry.” You get choked up but Jungkook leans into you and kisses your lips.
“No…don’t think of it that way.” He tells you, “Yes, I would have liked to do this more traditionally and you know, a little further into the future but I couldn’t be happier.”
“You couldn’t be happier?” you ask in disbelief, “Jungkook we’re exes who drunkenly had sex and you got me pregnant.”
“And I couldn’t be happier.” He beams at you, “Aren’t you in love with her? With baby Nari? I know I am.” He says.
“O-Of course, I am. But—”
“No buts.” His hands find your waist, “Everything happens for a reason.” He tries explaining, “We were just meant to live this life, I guess.”
“What does this mean for us though? I mean,” you take a deep breath. “You just told me you still love me. What do I do with that information?”
“Oh.” Jungkook frowns. “I was hoping you would feel the same way.”
“I do.” You sigh out, “But—”
“No buts.” Jungkook rubs your waist with his thumb. “But I don’t want to just ‘get back together’” he tells you, “I want to start new. From the beginning.”
“What do you mean?”
“First I want to take you on a date. How does that sound?”
~~~~
Week 20
You and Jungkook spend almost every day together…ever since the trip to Lou’s you two have become even more inseparable. It’s been two weeks and he has taken you on several dates, dates that end in making out on the living couch at yours or his place. You have never felt happier.
“Our little Nari is a banana.”
“What?”
“She,” Jungkook points to your round belly, “is the size of a banana.” He leans over until his face is just an inch away from your stomach. “You’re growing so much princess.” He coos.
“Oh.” You laugh, “Yeah, she’s making me feel huge. Can you believe I’m 5 months?”
“You’re more than half way there babe. I can’t wait! Ugh, can she just come out already. I want to see her.” Jungkook pouts, “Want to hold her.”
“You can hold me in the meantime.” You scoot closer to Jungkook. You two are laying in his bed, just relaxing, chatting away. “I feel a bit uncomfortable…” you admit softly, “But I think I’m ready…”
“Ready?” Jungkook asks with wide eyes. “Oh…if you aren’t comfort—”
“It’s not that. I’m just a bit self-conscious.” You cut in, “But I’m so, so ….”
“So what?” Jungkook raises a brow with a smirk, “So horny? I read about it. Also read that sex while pregnant feels amazing.”
Trail of fire spreads across your skin at Jungkook’s words, you hate it but you nod your head.
“Yes.” You agree with him, “I get so ….excited just kissing you.”
“You can say wet, baby.” Jungkook moves his body closer to yours, his hands finding your waist. “I get excited too. I know you feel how hard I get.”
“Yeah. Feeling you…makes me even more excited.”
“I’m ready whenever you are, but I want you to feel comfortable babe. I know me telling you that you have nothing to feel self-conscious over won’t help but you really are beautiful.”
“It helps a little.” You breathe out lightly, “You’ve always been good at making me feel wanted.”
“Because I always want you.” Jungkook leans in to kiss your neck, “But I can wait.”
“I don’t want to wait.” You blurt out, “I’m going crazy.”
“Wait, even right now?”
“That kiss on my neck went straight to my vagina.” You say with a straight face and Jungkook starts laughing.
“How about we start with just making you feel good?”
“How so?”
“Let me go down on you.” Jungkook offers with a sweet smile, “I haven’t in months and it’s killing me. I miss tasting you.”
“I don’t know…” you begin to feel self-conscious again, “Are you sure?”
“More than sure.” He leans in to kiss your pouty lips, “Once I start making you come I don’t know if I can stop though.” He warns softly. “I want to make you feel good.”
You sigh out, your breaths are sharper than you intend. Jungkook has such an effect on you, it makes you dizzy.
“Jungkook…” your hands find his and you guide him over you, “I really want you.”
Jungkook places himself between your parted legs, he looks at you with eyes that long for you. His hands reach for the waist band of your leggings and he starts dragging them off you, sliding them off leg by leg, your panties coming down with them.
His fingers glide up and down your smooth legs and then he begins massaging your calves. He lays down between your legs and places them over his shoulders, you whine when you lift them but they settle nicely down his back.
“This okay?” he asks, his eyes on yours. “Are you comfortable?”
“It’s good.” You exhale deeply. “It’s good.”
Jungkook starts kissing the inside of your legs, he takes his time as he places his soft kisses on your skin. He scoots closer and closer to your center, where you are thrilled and aching.
“Jungkook.” You moan, “Please don’t tease me.”
“Okay gorgeous.” He listens to you, nodding his head as he licks his lips. “Going to taste you now.”
He dips his head between your legs, his tongue starting a slow lick up to your clit, you immediately tense your body at the feeling. You grip the sheets beneath you, your hands balled up. Jungkook’s tongue stays on your clit and he starts to flick his tongue over it nice and slow. You grip the sheets harder, your toes curling.
“Jungkook.” You moan again, this time as you exhaled one deep, long breath. “Fuck.”
Jungkook starts flicking his tongue faster, your bundle of nerves getting assaulted by his offensive tongue. You begin moaning more consistently, some low, some higher pitched. Jungkook holds on to your thighs as you begin crushing his head with them, his tongue lapping you up deliciously. His tongue does not quit, he licks you up, wraps his pretty lips around your swollen clit and sucks on it.
“F-Fingers.” You pant. “Please.”
Jungkook does not disappoint, not as you feel two of his fingers teasing your hole. Then as he licks you up faster and faster, you feel his fingers slide into you. He starts to pump them quickly, matching his pace on your clit and you cry out in pleasure. His fingers go deep, so deep, your fingers are no competition for his.
Your whole body is tense, feeling like you’re on the verge of breaking lose. Your hands finally leave the sheets and make their way into Jungkook’s dark hair. You tug and pull and listen to him groan into your pussy. You roll your eyes to the back of your head when he starts sucking on your clit again.
“Fuck, fuck, fuck.” You cry out, “I’m so close.”
Jungkook feels motivated to fuck you even harder with his fingers, they push In and out of you quickly as he continues to flick his tongue over your clit. You get hit with a sudden wave of warmth, with a sudden wave of electricity. You can’t control yourself as your orgasm washes over you, your body tense and tingling. You squeeze Jungkook’s head between your thighs as you ride out your high, moving your hips against his wet mouth.
“Oh my god, oh my god.” You yell out, your moans filling the room.
Jungkook lifts himself from your pussy, lowering your legs carefully and looking up at you with doe eyes.
“How was it?” he asks, looking for praise.
“You did amazing baby,” you lean back on the pillow, “So amazing.”
Jungkook chuckles, feeling satisfied. He wipes his face with his shirt before pulling it off his body.
“Do you want me y/n?”
You lift your head up to get a look at him, your eyes lingering on his. They’re filling with love and lust and you have a hard time saying no to him.
“Yes.” You reach for his hand and he gives it to you. “I want you.”
Jungkook is quick to stand and take his sweats and briefs off, leaving him completely naked in front of you. You can’t help but gulp at the sight, his beautiful skin is glowing under this light.
“Can I take your shirt off?” he asks, crawling over your body.
“Yes.” You agree shyly.
Jungkook helps you sit up, he carefully lifts your shirt off your body, revealing you in nothing but a bra. He leans forward and unclasps the bra, freeing your breasts.
“Holy shit, your boobs are huge.” He licks his lips, “Can I feel them?”
“They’re a bit tender but yes.”
Jungkook’s hands grope your breasts softly, he massages them and brushes his thumbs over your nipples, making you sigh out in satisfaction. Jungkook’s eyes go from your breasts to your lips, he leans forward and starts kissing you slowly, his tongue finding yours. You moan over and over, loving the skin to skin contact.
Jungkook places himself between your legs properly, his hard, leaking member teasing your pussy as it bounces against you with how he grinds into you as he kisses you. You start to feel more and more needy, you reach below and grab his length and start stroking it, making Jungkook groan.
“Please.” You quietly beg between erratic breaths, “I need you.”
Jungkook looks into your eyes, his gaze so deep and powerful as he grabs his cock and positions it to your hole, he slowly very slowly starts easing it inside you. He isn’t even half way in before he has to pause to catch his breath.
“Fuck, you’re tight.”
Jungkook breathes out heavily as he starts pushing inside you again, his cock hard and throbbing, He doesn’t stop until he has bottomed out, until his balls are snug against your ass.
“Holy shit…” your eyes roll around, you’re so needy and so dizzy at the feeling of him inside you.
“I need a moment.” Jungkook admits, “This feels too good.” He leans forward and starts kissing you again, his lips move against yours slowly. He savors the feeling of your lips before he is slowly starting to slide out of you, before he is pushing back in. He grunts when he bottoms back out, his cock desperate to fuck you.
“Going to fuck you now, okay?” He warns as he moves his hips back, you nod your head as you moan out and his hips are thrusting forward. He rolls his dangerous hips into you over and over, you both groaning out at how good it feels.
“Ah, Jungkook.” You whimper, “Faster, faster please.”
Jungkook bites down on his bottom lip as he concentrates his thrusts, his hips slapping into yours faster and harder now. He finds a good pace and keeps at it, he falls forward and kisses you roughly now. His hands in your hair, your hands in his hair, you both holding on to each other so tightly as he fucks you deeper and deeper.
Jungkook pulls his lips away from yours and begins attacking your neck, he kisses down your throat, he sucks into the side of your neck and you moan, loving the attention.
“I love you.” Jungkook starts grinding into you, hitting spots so fucking special, “Love you so much.” He breathes into your neck, his words muffled by your hair.
“I love you more Jungkook.” You whine out, “Need your fingers.”
Jungkook’s hand slips between your bodies, his fingers finding your clit. He starts rubbing tight circles over it, making you see star after star.
“Ah, fuck, keep going, I’ll come.” Your harsh breaths and moans reach his ears and he smirks.
“My girl going to come all over my cock?” Jungkook starts fucking into you faster, his balls slapping against your ass. You love the sound.
“Yes, yes, yes.” You pant. “Want to come.”
“Going to cream this cock?” he lifts himself up, fucking you with so much more precision now, his fingers never giving up on your clit,
“Fuck, yes!” you cry out, “Come with me, please, please.”
Jungkook lowers himself down again, his lips on yours, he sloppily makes out with you as he fucks into you harder now, his cock is throbbing and needing to find release.
You reach below you, fondling his balls and Jungkook whimpers into your mouth.
“Come.” He tells you between kisses, his fingers pressing down harder onto your clit as you come. Your body goes tense and your legs shake as you come on his cock, he kisses you through it. His hips slam into you until he’s stilling them, shooting his cum inside you. He pants into your mouth as his muscles clench as he comes.
“Fuuuuck.” He moans out, he starts to kiss you more slowly now as he slowly grinds into you, riding out his and your highs.
“Oh my god.” You breathe out roughly. “That was…that was.” You can’t even finish your sentence because you’re so out of breath.
“Yeah.” Jungkook smiles, pecking your lips. He slowly eases his cock out of you, and rolls to the side. He cuddles close to you, pulling you in.
“Amazing.” He says, kissing the top of your head.
“I needed that.” You laugh, “You made me feel so good, Jungkook.”
“Good.” He takes your hand in his and squeezes it, “You make me feel so good too. Incredible actually.”
“I really, really love you.”
~~~~~
Week 22
“You know our little Nari has hair now?” Jungkook tells the boys, “Her hair is literally sprouting as we speak!” he says excitedly.
“You told us already.” Yoongi says plainly but he has a small smile on his face.
“Well, did I tell you guys she is the size of a squash this week?” he shows them the size with his hands.
“Squashes are smaller than that.” Namjoon says with a smile, “But good try.”
“Whatever, point is, she is getting big!” Jungkook brings his water to his lips as he takes a sip, his eyes finding yours. “I mean, just look at my girl. She’s huge!”
“That’s not the compliment you think it is.” You deadpan.
“What?” Jungkook pouts, “It makes me happy.”
“I can’t wait to be an uncle!” Jin exclaims loudly, “I am going to spoil this little girl so much.”
“I bet she will love her Uncle Tae the most.” Taehyung stands up to grab a drink from the fridge then looks over his shoulder at you. “Right, y/n?”
“Yes, yes. Right.” You wave him off.
“And her Uncle Jimin.” Jimin frowns. “Can you grab me one too, Taehyung?”
“So guys,” Hobi looks between you and Jungkook. “You guys are together now…are you guys going to make it official and get married?” He wiggles his brows and you stare at him in surprise while Jungkook goes red. Absolutely red.
“W-What??” you stutter out, “We just got together. Plus…” your eyes slide to Jungkook.
“We haven’t talked about that yet.” Jungkook sighs out, but then a smile makes its way onto his lips despite how flustered he looks.
“Yet?” you ask, “Jung—”
“Anyway, what’s for dinner Jin?”
~
“Okay, we’re heading out.” Taehyung and Jimin stand at the front door, “But again next week?” Taehyung asks.
“Yeah, we have to meet again next week so Jungkook can tell us what food Nari is.” Jimin laughs, “And a new fun fact about her.”
“You guys love my fun facts.” Jungkook pouts.
“I know I do.” You say, bumping your shoulder with his. “But I think we should head out too, it’s getting late.”
“Ah, okay.” Jungkook smiles down at you, “My girls are tired?”
“Yes, we need some sleep.” You giggle. “Boys.” You nod at all the guys in Jin’s house. “Until next time.” You blow them all a kiss and they each pretend to faint from it making you laugh. “Bye.”
“See you guys later.” Jungkook’s hand wraps around your middle, guiding you through the front door.
“Let’s walk out together!” Taehyung smiles.
You four make your way to the driveway, Taehyung and Jimin walk you and Jungkook to Jungkook’s car and Taehyung immediately bends down to talk to your tummy.
“Uncle Tae loves you!” then he starts making innocent little kissy noises making you and Jungkook smile.
“Uncle Jimin too!” he rubs your bells tenderly, “See you guys later. Love you!”
“Love you too.” You smile at the boys as they head to Taehyung’s car. Jungkook helps you in the passenger side, making sure you’re all buckled up and closes the door for you.
Jungkook walks around the car, waves at Taehyung and Jimin as they drive away and gets in the car, buckles up and puts on the radio. He hums along to some old song as he rolls down the windows, letting the evening breeze sweep you two away.
“Did you have fun tonight?” Jungkook asks, his hand rubbing up and down your thigh.
“Of course, baby.” You turn your head to smile for him, “Did you?”
“Always.”
Jungkook reverses out of the drive way and drives off into the street, he continues to hum along to this song as he drives, his hand never leaving your thigh. You turn your head to get a look at him, his hair is starting to get a bit longer again. He’s concentrating so hard on the road, it almost makes you laugh. His big, doe eyes are so beautiful. Jungkook feels your eyes on him and he faces you with a dopey grin on his face.
“What?” he mumbles with a smile.
“I love you.”
You feel your heart glowing as he stares at you, his eyes filling with adoration. He squeezes your thigh and you see him get teary eyed.
“What’s wrong babe?” your hand goes to his hand.
“Nothing. I’m just so happy. You and Nari are everything to me.”
“You’re everything to us too.”
“Yet.” He quotes himself from earlier. “We haven’t talked about marriage yet…but maybe we should soon?” he smiles sheepishly. Red. His cheeks turn a wonderful shade of red as he blushes.
“We can talk about that after Nari is born…hmm?” You say, your heart bursting with love and joy. “Do we have a deal?” you ask, teasing.
Jungkook stops at a red light, he takes advantage to take your face in his hands and kiss you passionately.
“Deal.” He whispers against your lips. “I love you too, by the way.”
Then the light turns green, his bright smile imprinted in your mind. He accelerates through the light when Jungkook glances at you and you see how his face turns from relaxed to…something else. His eyes widening and his face losing all color.
You remember the loud, long sound that echoed in your ears, you remember the sound of the car rolling over. The crunch of metal and glass. You remember the sound of Jungkook’s cries. You remember blurry vision, but most of all you remember red.
You remember all the blood that pooled around your limp, helpless body. The red, red blood that stained your hands. The way the blood dripped onto the car floor, the way it dripped from your fingers. When you think of red you usually think of the blush on Jungkook’s cheeks but now you think of the blood that surrounds you. Then all you see is the world fading to black.
~
After a long while, you begin to slowly open your eyes. The bright lights in the room almost blinding you, making you squint. You notice the IV drip first, then the other things connecting you to a machine on your right. You feel your body ache as you try to sit up, but it feels impossible. You jerk your head around wondering what the hell happened when you see Jungkook asleep with his head on the edge of the hospital bed. You begin calling out for him but your voice is weak and hoarse. You finally are able to reach out for him, panicked, you shake him awake.
Jungkook immediately comes to, his swollen eyes finding yours and his face immediately twists into a look of devastation. He starts crying on the spot, his eyes bubbling over with unstoppable tears. Your hand cradles his jaw, wondering what happened. Your other hand goes to your stomach when it hits you—how empty you feel. You look down and start panicking. You look between Jungkook and your belly, with wide eyes that are full of terror.
Jungkook slams his eyes shut as he continues sobbing, his hands find your hand trying to relax you but you finally begin muttering words.
“W-W-What happened? Why are we here?”
Soon, the doctors are rushing in the room. Everything happens so quickly, they try to calm you, laying you back down on the hospital bed. But you feel how wrong this all is. You feel the dread building and building.
“The baby?” you scream out, “The baby???” your lip begins to quiver, your eyes find Jungkook again who is sobbing into your arm. “Jungkook!” you cry out. “How’s the baby?”
He doesn’t even look up at you as he continues to bawl into the side of your body.
“Mam, please calm down.” One of the doctors rests a hand on your shoulder but you shove him off.
“My baby?” You choke out, “How’s my baby?” your eyes fill with inevitable tears. You can just feel how wrong this all is, you can feel how empty you are but this doesn’t stop you from screaming and crying out for her.
“Nari???!!!!!” you scream at the doctor, “Where’s my baby?” you start sobbing as you hold your stomach. “Where’s my-my-my baby???”
Jungkook finally lifts his head pathetically, his eyes are swollen and puffy, his tears nonstop even as he stares at you.
“Jungkook?” you cry out. “Jungkook.” You sob, repeating his name over and over, “Where’s our baby?” Your hands finally find his hands again, and he squeezes yours so tightly as he just shakes his head. He is unable to say it out loud. He feels nothing but pure devastation.
“W-W-What does that mean? Why…why are you just shaking your head???” you continue to sob, knowing exactly what it means. “No.” you cry, “No.”
“y/n…” The doctor tries again, “I’m so sorry.” He tries to speak over your crying. “You…you lost the baby.”
You don’t believe you heard him right…because there is no way. She was just here, her little body inside you, growing every day. She went from being a kumquat to a squash. She is currently growing hair on her precious head. You shake your head furiously.
“Stop….S-Stop lying.” You force yourself to say. “Where is she, huh?”
“y/n.” Jungkook chokes out. You snap your head to face him and you see the absolute devastation in his big, doe eyes. “She’s…..” he starts breathing in and out quickly, his words broken and choked on.
“Don’t.” You shake your head. “Don’t say it too.” Fresh new tears begin sliding down your face. “What the hell is going on?”
Suddenly, Uncle Lou and Kathy are barging in the room. Uncle Lou makes his way to you quickly, his hands going to your bruised face.
“Oh darling…” he says, his eyes glossed over. “I’m so, so sorry.”
And that’s how you know this is reality. Your face scrunches up as you begin sobbing heart wrenching sobs. You can barely breathe, too choked up on your own tears. You hold your stomach and cry and cry and cry.
Jungkook holds your hands the entire time…his own tears creating an ocean in the room. An ocean you would love to drown in. An ocean with waves as high as buildings, crashing over your poor, weak body.
“I’m here my love.” Jungkook finally says something, “I’m here.” Then he is making his way onto your hospital bed and holding you. He holds you softly, as not to hurt you. You took a bad beating in the wreck.
A truck. A truck running a red light, hit your side of the car. It’s a miracle you’re alive. You’ve been unconscious for several days, Jungkook crying at your bedside. He is devastated to learn about Nari but if he loses you too…he doesn’t know if he could continue living. But you woke up and you’re okay.
Jungkook continues to hold on to you as you cry into his chest.
“Our-Our b-baby.” You wail. “Our baby…our baby…”
“I know babe.” Jungkook whispers, his own tears still falling onto his cheeks. “I’m here. I’m here.” He starts rubbing your back soothingly, “I’ll always be here.”
"im actually gonna kill myself" proceeds to not kill myself
i genuinely hate myself so much- why the fuck am i like this???
i should really carve out this worthless taint upon the world
whats the fucking point anymore?
I'm such a mess, why would anyone want to bring that into his life?
I aactually need to kill my self so much happened with the hurricane I binged SO FUCKING MUCH I WAS AT MY GOAL WEIGHT😭😭😭 I just fucked it up and have been in a bad mood and to make matters worse I'm stuck with these shitty kids while the adults are out if someone came and said they would help me kill my self I'm running into their arms😭 I fucking cut so now my mom's gonna be up my ass when she finds out I'll probably get my my phone taken among other stuff and I'll probably get my phone checked as well it's just shitty but it is what it is if I kill my self I definitely deserved it
Bye bye now☺💕
Is why
student loans and other government bullshit is the reason I wanna die
04.09.2019
· { 9 / 30 days of productivity } ·
Made some appointments to philosophy and organic.