I Wanna Kms - Tumblr Posts
Tw: suicidal idealation, sh, sui
Nobody noticed when I stopped including myself in the photos. When I stopped trying to stand out in the group. They didn't notice that I started to fade into the background more and more. It was like I wasn't even there.
Every time I've cried it's been alone. Not once has someone helped me through a panic attack. There is no one here who will help me. I am alone. Why won't anybody help me? I've done everything that I can to save them.
I can't seem to let them go though. Especially the one who hurts me the most. Because even though he makes me feel like I don't matter and am just annoying, he's the only one who really makes me happy. So when he is nice to me my heart is so happy even though I know it won't last and that he'll be back to acting too good for me soon.
But he just doesn't get it. When I message you something random, that's my desperate cry for a distraction. I need help, but he pops in and out of the conversation and then I know that I mean nothing to the person who is my world. And then I cry. I cry until I can't breath because I need him but he doesn't even want me.
Nobody wants me.
I'm so tired. I can't keep going like this. I need someone to love. Someone to give me something to live for. But I don't have that.
So I live only because I have failed to die. I don't take the pills because I can't move my body. I just stare at the wall and feel the tears fall. I give myself drawings made of scars because I don't deserve to have something pretty without pain.
Maybe someday soon I'll finally get the courage.
what the fuck is wrong is boys.
Craving the validation of men, then realizing you’re on your period and it was making u a freak😔
Since 2023, I have been keeping something know as my Chaos Calender. Everytime an event I deem noteworthy happens, I add it to the calender. I feel like now it a good time to share it.
{2023}
January
-Beyoncé Dubai concert video
-Doja Cat bedazzled with Schiaparelli
-Noah Schnapp came out
February
-Chinese spy balloon burst
March
-Eras tour
-TikTok ban panic
-Trump crime thingy
April
-AI started popping up
May
-Prince Charles crowned
June
-🎶Toxic Gossip Train🎶
August
-The Battle Of Montgomery (Dinner cruise Vs. Pontoon)
- new shape discovered
- Zepotha chaos
- The Joe Hawley document
- Hawaii wildfires
- Ancient underworld passage in Mexico
- Telescopes are time machines
- Trump got arrested
- LIL TAY IS DEAD!?
September
-TIMOTHEE AND KYLIE!?
-Danelo Cavalcante is caught.
-Libya is under water
-Brooklyn is under water
October
-LIL TAY ISN'T DEAD!?
-Israel starts a genocide
-The great Minecraft revolution
-jacksfilm and ssniperwolf drama
November
-New island pops up in Japan.
-Nicholas Cantu punches Dream
December
-Gypsy Rose Blanchard released from jail.
{2024}
January
-Man sneaks into and videos the Bohemian Grove
-Japan earthquakes
-Epstein list
-A LOT of bodies found behind a police station
-guy attacks judge
-Matpat is quitting
-Stanley cup craze
-Why are babies at Sephora
-YanDev apology video
-Golden Globes laugh track
-ThatVeganTeacher starts a cult
-LUBERTO IS CANON
-RIP Lynja :(
-Verbalase 50k vid
-Stallion V. Minaj
February
-The great TikTok muting
-LAUFEY WINS BEST TRADITIONAL POP VOCAL ALBUM GRAMMY AWARD 2024 FUCK YEAH!!!🔥 🔥 🔥
-MOANA 2 IS APPARENTLY A THING AND COMING OUT THIS YEAR!? LET'S FUCKING GOOOO!
- Stanley Cups have lead in them.
- OpenAi Sora
- Wendy Williams has Frontotemporal Dementia :(
- Rest In Power Aaron Bushnell.
- The downfall of Wilbur Soot (fuck that asshole for abusing Shubble).
March
-JANICE BURGESS IS DEAD WHAT THE FUCK.
- The government is trying to ban TikTok (Again).
- MatPat's final theory
- Quiet On Set documentary
April
-JoJo Siwa drama (Brit Smith 🔛🔝)
-EKT HAS BEEN FOUND
-Man or bear? (Bear)
May
-NYC blanket couple
-Drake V. Kendrick
-Blockout 2024
-JUSTICE FOR JOOST KLEIN
-The northern white rhino has gone extinct.
June
-TRUMP WAS FOUND GUILTY ON 34 COUNTS!
-Chappel Roan as the statue of liberty (yes this is important).
-French people shitting in the Seine.
-Oklahoma board of education mandates a bible in every classroom (It is so much worse than this but I am so fucking tired).
-Chevron Deference has been oveturned.
Read translated part of full manual how to kill yourself by Wataru Tsurumi
I liked it
If you have some materials like this pls send me, i'm collecting such information
I have just eaten a full pack of thin lavash with cheese
Sh1t
ME WITH CHAMPANGE COAST
IVE BEEN LISTWNING TO THAT LIKE SINCE IT CAME OUT AND MY FRIENDS SAID IT SUCKED UNTIL IT BECAME POPULAR
Just went through old photos of me and my ex, I am not okay
I'm going to kill myselfI'm going to kill myselfI'm going to kill myselfI'm going to kill myselfI'm going to kill myselfI'm going to kill myselfI'm going to kill myselfI'm going to kill myselfI'm going to kill myselfI'm going to kill myselfI'm going to kill myselfI'm going to kill myselfI'm going to kill myselfI'm going to kill myselfI'm going to kill myselfI'm going to kill myselfI'm going to kill myselfI'm going to kill myselfI'm going to kill myselfI'm going to kill myselfI'm going to kill myselfI'm going to kill myselfI'm going to kill myselfI'm going to kill myselfI'm going to kill myselfI'm going to kill myselfI'm going to kill myselfI'm going to kill myselfI'm going to kill myselfI'm going to kill myselfI'm going to kill myselfI'm going to kill myselfI'm going to kill myselfI'm going to kill myselfI'm going to kill myselfI'm going to kill myself
I can't fucking do it anymore I hate my friends I hate my school I fucking hatw everything I literally want to kill myself so bad. I'd be so much better if I were just fertilizer. I hear flowers grow better in blood.
having a crush on someone who doesn’t like you back is crazy. definitely me though, gotta stay safe.
I've got to survive the week
I've got to survive the week
I've got to survive the week
I've got to survive the week
I've got to survive the week
I've got to survive the week
I've got to survive the week
I've got to survive the week
I've got to survive the week
I've got to survive the week
I've got to survive the week
I've got to survive the week
i kinda wish i was pretty but fuck it we ball
I hate my cousin. I swear, she's a bitch to me, and really fuckin spoiled, once we got in an argument because of the fact she was scared of the Teletubbies, (it really wasn't that deep she was just tired) and we ended up not talking for a year, then about maybe two months i decided to forgive her (one of the biggest mistakes ive ever made) and she comes over to my house, i decide because im a people pleaser, that of course she can take my bed and sleep in that, and ill sleep on a mattress on the floor, and then the next day i have to go home to my mom, and she comes with, there she sleeps on a mattress on the floor though, now im at her house and of course i dont want her to give up her bed or anything (even though its a double, so we could easily share it), but she makes me sleep on the floor, with no mattress, just a blanket and a pillow, and then she says "dont move too much you'll wake my mom" and i think, the reason she didn't want her mother to wake up, was because she knew i wasn't okay making me sleep on the floor like that. I've been texting my dad all night because i really dont wanna be here anymore, but he can't pick me up until later because my brothers are sleeping, and i dont know where the bus stop is here so its not because i can exactly do anything to get out of here. The rest of the family's sweet, she just isn't. But luckily my dad's picking me up in an hour, so it isn't gonna be that bad. And im watching the lion king 2 with her mom and little brother now.
WHY CAN'T I JUST BE SKINNY
i am skinny fat. i'm not fat, but i am not skinny either. I don't want to be able to pull the skin of my stomach. I don't want to sit down and all of my stomach just pools over my pant and just sits on my legs. I hate that no matter what position I am in, I look fat. I hate how much my thighs move when I walk. I hate the fact that I actually have to work to lose weight and I can't just st@rve and all the weight be gone.
the novel I'm writing in my creative writing class is going to be so bomb
UPDATES
got a watch so I can start tracking my steps + calories (thank god)
Went to the bookstore with my mother over the weekend and got 4 books + 2 vinyls (RIP my bank account)
I picked up an extra shift at work and with that money bought 4 more vinyls (RIP my bank account even more 😭)
Fall break starts Wednesday so I might try to make plans with a couple of friend except I live in a literal shit hole so there is nothing to do without driving 30+ minutes (I also don't really have the money to go to the mall)
Will be going to my friend's football game tomorrow with them.
Will be going to another football game with my friends up in the stands on Thursday.
Will be working Friday + Saturday
I am going to a festival with my family on Sunday.
Have officially started making my Christmas list
I will be getting a new phone soon!
My friend's first visit to the psychiatrist is on next Wednesday. I say her about it bc I have huge experience.