Su1cide - Tumblr Posts

i wish i was dead so badly...

like if i could take a pill and just die i would gulp that shit down in half a nanosecond

but i don't have access to poison...

god why does living have to be this hard

PLEASE JUST LET ME FUCKING DIE

WHY DOES IT HAVE TO BE THIS DIFFICULT???

i just. wish i wasn't useless. i want to die. i want to kill myself. i would be better as a corpse. but i fucking can't. i wish i could- but i can't! god im so fucking pathetic. why am i like this? why am i like this? why am i like this? i just wanna die. i wish i was never born. i would be better if i was never born. but i was. and now im here being a fucking burden on everyone i love. i hate myself so so much.

mmm nothing like graphically fantasising about suicide

ugh i wish i wasn't such a fucking pussy :(

"im actually gonna kill myself" proceeds to not kill myself

i genuinely hate myself so much- why the fuck am i like this???

i should really carve out this worthless taint upon the world

whats the fucking point anymore?

I saw this sideshow on TikTok and I want to share it here, these slides are not mine credit to the original creator ♡

For anyone thinking of falling asleep and never waking up again.

What if I d1ed in your arms? Bl00dy and cold?

Im sorry that I currwntly dont post a lot but rn im just in a really dificult space.

TW: VENT

In February I relapsed with my sh I had at that point been clean for 4 months.

I felt at that point that I could never forgive myself for how the way that I had betrayed myself.

That's probably the point in my life where I have the most physical scars from.

I was also this 🤏 close to doing another attempt but I thankfully worked through it, because I don't want to die.

I'm just tired.

I'm so tierd.

Almost a month ago I got asked out by the girl I have been in love with for 4 years now, yesterday I visited her house for the first time and I slept at her place.

Her parents are angels and they seem to thankfully really like me :)

Me and My (then) gf went upstairs to sleep and we cuddled AND we also made out.

I thought that the evening went amazing and according to my sleep tracker I have never slept that good in my life basically.

But earlier today I got a message from her telling me that she's not ready for a relationship and all that stuff (look at my post from earlier today to read the message) so I'm absolutely heart broken.

When I got home I went straight to my room so that I could ignore life and when I went downstairs for dinner this is what happened:

My ugly ass stinking annoying brother did not have the brain capacity to understand the word STOP and my other brother called me fat, which to some people would not be that big of a deal but that is my biggest complex and even though through my ed I have lost almost 25kgs in the last 8 months and it's obvious when you look at me he still calls me fat...

I just realized how little I have lost... it's been 8 fucking months...

Also, my parents were shouting at each other and it was the last week of year 8...

I dont want summer break just yet.

Not because I like school because I really don't.

I just feel like making it to summer is an accomplishment and something I look forward to.

I forget that if you keep walking, no matter how slowly, what's in the horizon will come closer and someday you will be at your destination...

I wish

I wish

I wish

I wish!

I wish I was a normal teen

Whos parents would not have to worry about me fucking killing myself

I wish I didnt have to call my mom because after 8.45 i cant use my phone.

I wish the real! Friend, I have that don't judge me for beaing upset, a nerd, my past whatever!

I wish she was in my class

I wish I could move out.

Move out and live on my own.

I won't have to worry about my family saying things that hurt my very fragile feelings every day.

I wish I could move out so I would not have to eat.

I wish I could live a normal teenage life filled whith friends, parties, family, the internet, decent grades,beaing liked...

Yk all that stuff.

I can not imagine a life without depression.

At this point I don't have any reason to keep going.

Why

Why me?

Please God I beg and plead take this pain away PLEASE i can't do this anymore!

I suicide the only way out now?

Okay okay I know im fucking sick okay I know I need fucking help BUT WHY DO I HAVE TO BLEAD SO FUCKING MUTXH.

Like okay blood is fun, I like blood and crimson is my favorite color but WHY I BEARLEY CVT MYSELF THE WOUNDS ARENT DEEP AT ALL WHY ARE YOU BLEADING!

Like bruh I can't see what I'm trying to fucking do.

I'm also such a pussy that I don't really cvt I car ve so they look like scratches and my friend always cvts more and deeper.

Her scares are way more pronounced than my little pussy scares.

I need to man up and cvt like a man and not just a little pussy bitch.

spent the day looking at suicide methods ✌️

So we just had the housing guy come round bc of something, and then the staff basically asked him to ask me to go into my room because I haven’t let them in today —which, okay, my bad but also, I’m AUTISTIC?! I need a fucking warning, and they didn’t give me one and they said oh we didn’t think you needed one and then I proceeded to cry in front of the guy because I got overwhelmed and I just. GAH.

Like yes my room is a mess. I know that. I can fucking see that! But I am working on it for fucks sake. I am currently in one of my lows and it’s making me want to fucking die and he doesn’t understand that and neither do they and I just. I am crying as I type and I hate it. I want to die or get drunk to the point of being hospitalised because at least then they’d see how bad I’ve gotten because if they have seen they sure as shit haven’t SAID ANYTHING.

And I just. I’m 23 and I hate being alive. I have hated being alive since I was a child. I literally spent most of my life wanting to be dead. I thought I’d be dead by now. And so here I am, no fucking clue on how to live, and unfortunately still alive. And I don’t need bullshit people told me about ‘oh it gets better’ IVE BEEN LIKE THIS SINCE I WAS FUCKING FIVE. I WANTED TO DIE AT FIVE.

And I’m 23 now. That’s 18 years of wanting to die. Nearly two decades and yet people go ‘oh it’ll get better’. Fuck that bullshit. It hasn’t in nearly two decades. It hasn’t since the day I felt like I died when I was a child and it probably never fucking will. So don’t give me some bullshit platitude that doesn’t mean shit.

"Sometimes I wish I was never born at all" suicidal [passive suicidality], not "bye, going to jump off a cliff" suicidal [active suicidality], is a difference I wish therapists understood and respected lol

Read translated part of full manual how to kill yourself by Wataru Tsurumi

I liked it

If you have some materials like this pls send me, i'm collecting such information

Alone you can't committ a double suicide...

Open world, wonds closed...

Well, maybe it's time to make an introductory post¿

My name is Ann, and I'm posting aesthetic pics from 📌 and moodboards, mostly on the thematic of 2014, grunge, alternative and rock, liminal spaces and some depressive stuff

Actually, I'm just girlblogging lmao)))

DM and questions are always open (but i block or delete spam)

And, I'm interested in everything about su1s1des and drvgs (tired of reading wataru tsurumi and watching vice), soooo, if u have anything interesting, please write it to me, or recommend any sourse

Also, eng is not my native, so i can make some mistakes, sorry

Nice to meet you all here!

The constant battle in my head

between

wanting to die so I could stop bothering everyone

and

not wanting to die because then why did i put them through all of my sh*t

I'm so pathetic I wanna throw up

I want all of these thoughts to end